if you are a guy who has lots of female friends, does that essentially mean you are asexual?

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or sexless? or rather, does it mean that they see you as sexually unthreatening and a gamma male etc etc? or does it simply mean that you are a nice, cool guy who can talk to women? or from the women's POV, does this mean that they would never want to sleep with you as youre so nice and unthreatening (does this mean women regard male friends as simps or men they dont treat as 'real' men?). i wonder if most male-femme friendships begin cos they are failed or non-admitted mating experiments.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

It means you are Tuomas

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

Also we have 37 million threads along these lines.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

"mating experiments"

― Jordan (Jordan), Sunday, 5 June 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

it means you are a horndog

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:16 (twenty years ago)

it means you forgot to make a move

― sunny successor (katharine), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:17 (twenty years ago)

it means you are teh gay

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 5 June 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

It means you are Tuomas
I knew it! I knew he was my Finnish soul brother!

― Ian Riese-Moraine forever! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:21 (twenty years ago)

it means you forgot to make a move
OTM!

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:25 (twenty years ago)

"it means you forgot to make a move
OTM!"

what if you didnt wanna mess up the budding friendship though?

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

Life is full of chances that you take or you don't. Make it a CLASSY move and you won't have to worry about it messing up the friendship.

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:32 (twenty years ago)

xpost - then be happy w/ the decision you made and quit bitching. find your fuck buddies from places that are specifically designated for you to find sex, like aol chat rooms.

― Vichitravirya XI, Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:34 (twenty years ago)

Make it a CLASSY move
Mike Damone to thread!

― k/l (Ken L), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:35 (twenty years ago)

Who is Mike Damone? (and if he makes classy moves, give him my phone number kthx)

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:36 (twenty years ago)

I don't remember the other threads about this, I guess I missed them. This kind of applies to me, I get along well with women -- and men, too, but not quite as much. My friend Che, who I have made moves on, and who now is a good friend, and who I would never make a move on again because it would feel wrong and weird, told me that she's only friends with guys, because "women are fucked up."

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:37 (twenty years ago)

And I was like, "whoa see I think MEN are fucked up!" and then we were like "best friends forever!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:39 (twenty years ago)

vicht, NO one is bitching, just asking a question.

orbit - thnx.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:40 (twenty years ago)

(i mean bitching abt not being able to get with them all the time, etc - not that you cant bitch here. apparently thats one of ILE's primary functions...helping people vent abt the "problems" they feel most self-conscious about har har)

― Vichitravirya XI, Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

For the record, the first time I made moves on Che it was good and everything, and it all clicked, but after a week or two we looked at each other and were like, huh. And she was like "maybe we just needed to, like, get that out of our system!"

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)

well its great that you and che were grown up enough to still be friends.

― oneortheother, Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:46 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, well it wasn't perfectly smooth but we both liked each other far too much to just cut it off completely.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:53 (twenty years ago)

"it" meaning friendship, contact, late drunken nights. But the "frisson" is gone, which is actually great, because that's not floating in the air between us, and confusing things.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 5 June 2005 22:55 (twenty years ago)

As opposed to "it" meaning teh penis.

― Paul in Santa Cruz (Paul in Santa Cruz), Monday, 6 June 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

as opposed to "frisson" meaning penis.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 6 June 2005 08:12 (twenty years ago)

Well that's that difficult ethical question sorted out then.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 08:16 (twenty years ago)

it means when you break up with your gf you have a whole pool of girls to lust after you.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:17 (twenty years ago)

When I broke up with my last partner no girls lusted after me.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:18 (twenty years ago)

you are clearly not asexual.

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:19 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes I wonder.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:20 (twenty years ago)

i don't have any friends, except my g/f's friends, and most of them are female, well, the ones i get on with, anyway. and i'm not asexual.

― N_RQ, Monday, 6 June 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)

What Henry said, apart from everything from "except my g/f's friends" onwards.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 09:28 (twenty years ago)

Most of my friends are girls, but it's not like I intentionally choose to make friends with girls only. It's just that I lack a lot of the traditionally masculine characteristics and have feminine characteristics instead, which is why I find it more difficult to be with most guys, and get better along with girls (this is also why, I assume, girls find it easier to be friends with me than with some other guys). I've had an initial romantic interest, which has later on faded, to some of my female friends, but to the majority, no. And I'm not asexual.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:21 (twenty years ago)

I'd go along with pretty well all of that.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:28 (twenty years ago)

For me, it usually means they're having sex with someone else.

― Negativa, True Believer (You know you love it when I'm dressed in drag) (Barima), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:50 (twenty years ago)

I'd go along with that as well.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:51 (twenty years ago)

I always figured I got along better with guys, but somehow now I only have a (few) female friends. Hmmm.

― nathalie's baby (stevie nixed), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:54 (twenty years ago)

HOW'D I GET SO UNLUCKY

― Negativa, True Believer (You know you love it when I'm dressed in drag) (Barima), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:54 (twenty years ago)

i wonder if all the guys who say they get along better with women would actually get along with each other? or would they all be trying to befriend more women and find their position threatened?

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:55 (twenty years ago)

(nath xpost)

It's what happens when you get married and have kids innit? ;-)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 10:55 (twenty years ago)

i wonder if all the guys who say they get along better with women would actually get along with each other? or would they all be trying to befriend more women and find their position threatened?

Nah, definitely not the latter. It'd probably be the former. Almost all of my acquaintances are female (for the exact same reasons that Tuomas wrote about), but the few males I know do seem to have a lot of female friends, too.

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Sweeter than a lorry load of white Toblerones. (Eastern Mantr, Monday, 6 June 2005 11:25 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, the same with me. I have a couple of good male friends, and they seem to have the same sorta qualities as myself.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 6 June 2005 11:29 (twenty years ago)

My friend Che, who I have made moves on, and who now is a good friend, and who I would never make a move on again because it would feel wrong and weird, told me that she's only friends with guys, because "women are fucked up."

This is interesting, because I have some female friends who say they get better along with guys, because they don't feel themselves very girlish - but they hang around mostly with guys like myself, who on the other hand aren't that manly. So maybe all the folks, both guys and girls, who fall between the cracks of gender lines can feel an affinity with each other. Maybe we can be friends just as - individuals?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 6 June 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

I think so, Tuomas.

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Sweeter than a lorry load of white Toblerones. (Eastern Mantr, Monday, 6 June 2005 11:56 (twenty years ago)

It's what happens when you get married and have kids innit? ;-)

Well, it helps that I'm very asocial. ;-))) I also seem to be less interested in music (and pop cult.), I blame it on the hormones. ;-))

― nathalie's baby (stevie nixed), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:02 (twenty years ago)

When L & I started family planning the thing we were most looking forward to was introducing our kid(s) to our lovely little aesthetic world of music/cult/lit etc. I envied them experiencing these things for the first time. Also I was looking forward to being a Proper Dad and not messing things up as my dad had done.

Not going to happen now, eh? :-(

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

not to sound platitudinous, but you might still get to be a dad in the future man..... :)

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:21 (twenty years ago)

It is not impossible, but at the moment it is highly unlikely.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 6 June 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

will and x graces

― charltonlido (gareth), Monday, 6 June 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

Hi Jack!

― Negativa, True Believer (You know you love it when I'm dressed in drag) (Barima), Monday, 6 June 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

"I fucked them all."
http://www.poster.net/beatty-warren/beatty-warren-photo-xl-warren-beatty-and-julie-christie-6207689.jpg

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Monday, 6 June 2005 14:04 (twenty years ago)

Date Disastrously Bypasses Physical Intimacy, Goes Straight To Emotional Intimacy

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 6 June 2005 15:25 (twenty years ago)

Two and a half hours later, the couple was firmly in the area that couples therapist Gus French described as "that awful horse latitude of male-female relations, the Sargasso Sea of non-sexual pair-bonding known to unhappy males the world over as 'the friend zone.'"

HAHAHAHA!

― Ian Riese-Moraine. Sweeter than a lorry load of white Toblerones. (Eastern Mantr, Monday, 6 June 2005 15:29 (twenty years ago)

I'm a guy, and I have a lot of close female friends; and I dated a lot of women who later became close female friends... though not quite as many as the former category, but close enough. I'm not asexual, nor am I afraid of dating.

So, to answer the question, no. It means you're either a) afraid to make a move but still increasing your chances of your, now, female friends liking you enough to want to help you in your chances of hooking up with another female friend of theirs, since they trust you on some level, b) you're a great person enough to have lots of friends, so you shouldn't be upset anyway, c) you want to be independent and happily be single but you don't realize it yet, or d) all of the above.

If you see any of the above as a problem, this is definitely a problem you want to have. Enjoy.

(I'm guessing titchyschneider is a guy, from the context, but he/she/it hasn't come right out and said it yet.)

― donut debonair (donut), Monday, 6 June 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

im a guy.....

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Monday, 6 June 2005 16:01 (twenty years ago)

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