Films that should never, ever, EVER be remade by anyone, EVER

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Surely this is a very long list. But someone has to make it, because apparently Hollywood will not. Inspired by the "Night of the Hunter" thread.

1) Anything starring Humphrey Bogart.
2) Double Indemnity.
3) Vertigo (there is a risk of this, I fear).
4) The Searchers (OMG what would PC Hollywood do to this? I shudder).
5) any other movie that was already great, really, but especially ones that cannot translate from the time in which they were made, but are tempting.

I'm afraid this will become a "list your favorite old movies" thread, but I trust you get the idea.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

all of them.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

That's not true. See the "remakes that are better than the originals" thread.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:32 (twenty years ago)

breakin'

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:36 (twenty years ago)

summer school

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

howard the duck

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

top gun

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

pulp fiction

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

on the waterfront

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

I think those are just "films you don't ever want to see again." Not the same thing.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

bmx bandits

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

tracy, we love you

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:38 (twenty years ago)

short circuit 2

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:39 (twenty years ago)

Go to bed, you.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:39 (twenty years ago)

river's edge

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

caddyshack

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

2001

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

muppets take manhattan

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

high society

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

I think, and I hope I implied, that these should be movies that someone shjould be tempted to remake. "Short Circuit 2" is not on the money.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

casablanca

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

cool hand luke

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

The Shining.

A Clockwork Orange.

Can you imagine?

― Huey (Huey), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

There should be an abbreviation for that.

Oops NOTM!

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

blood simple

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

trading places

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

fast times at ridgemont high

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:43 (twenty years ago)

east rider

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:43 (twenty years ago)

His mix of good and stupid answers leads me to believe that he thinks that my thread question is stupid. So, whatever. Eat shit, dude. And do please go to bed.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:43 (twenty years ago)

also, easy rider

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:44 (twenty years ago)

what is wrong with my answers?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:44 (twenty years ago)

i'm for real

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:44 (twenty years ago)

north by northwest

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:45 (twenty years ago)

blackboard jungle

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:45 (twenty years ago)

what is wrong with my answers?

They are obnoxious. You are being obnoxious. I will not defend my thread premise to the death or anything, but I will not thank you for shitting on it or anything.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:46 (twenty years ago)

tootsie

because i can think of a shitload of ones they are obnoxious?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:47 (twenty years ago)

Alright, fine, point made, delete thread. Sorry i fuckin' asked.

I think a fine remake could be squeezed out of Blackboard jungle, BTW.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:47 (twenty years ago)

tron

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:47 (twenty years ago)

giant

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:48 (twenty years ago)

well this is going well!

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:49 (twenty years ago)

because i can think of a shitload of ones they are obnoxious?

Oh, sorry, I forgot you're a moron and things have to be spelled out very carefully for you. If they were terrible, unmarketable failures of movies to begin with, it's a foregone conclusion that they will not ever be remade.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:49 (twenty years ago)

any cheech and chong

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:49 (twenty years ago)

the third man, definitely.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

these are all terrible, unremarkable failures??

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

airplane

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:51 (twenty years ago)

enter the dragon

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:51 (twenty years ago)

unmarketable too?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:52 (twenty years ago)

beetlejuice

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:52 (twenty years ago)

Ok, look, I was wrong, ok? I WAS WRONG. Please someone spray some lysol on this stinky bacteria nest of a thread.

― slightly more subdued (kenan), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:53 (twenty years ago)

ferris bueller's day off

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 06:54 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 86 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

i just watched WarGames and rofled myself to death at the part near the end where the military guys are all gathered around Broderick who is presented with a tic-tac-toe grid on his computer screen. and the guy shouts from the back:

"PUT X IN THE CENTRE SQUARE!"

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:11 (twenty years ago)

and I think I've just posted that to the wrong thread

sorry :(

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

best thread ever

Disney is remaking Tron btw

http://www.scifi.com/scifiwire2005/index.php?category=0&id=30173

― milton parker (Jon L), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:43 (twenty years ago)

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory....oh wait!

― You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (papa november), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:46 (twenty years ago)

You know, I saw the trailer for that last week and I didn't think it was possible for me to not be turned on by Johnny Depp.

I was wrong.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

gabbneb OTM

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:55 (twenty years ago)

also as long as people are up for grabs, I claim luna, and also Edward Norton.

― Allyzay flies casual (allyzay), Thursday, 9 June 2005 21:55 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

The Amy Fisher Story
Hollow Man
Gangs Of New York

― Kurt Russell in the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 October 2005 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

the kenan & oops story

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 21 October 2005 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

take me, dude

― Jams Murphy (ystrickler), Friday, 21 October 2005 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

i'd say you were slipping rjg but...

― oops (Oops), Friday, 21 October 2005 20:00 (nineteen years ago)

i'd like to see the star wars OT remade - with current cgi that lucas would have used if it was a viable technology when he started the saga. the prequels more suit his vision and aesthetic for the saga.

lucas admits he would like to remake the OT. george lucas

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 21 October 2005 20:05 (nineteen years ago)

oh sorry. that last part should say "george lucas hearts cgi"

btw i don't know any of you people so no offense, but this thread is hilarious. reminds me of the days when i used to frequent inbred, volitile message boards. carry on!

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 21 October 2005 20:15 (nineteen years ago)

They're remaking TRON?!

― kingfish neopolitan sundae (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 21 October 2005 20:23 (nineteen years ago)

yes, this is exactly what the world needs

― Masked Gazza, Friday, 21 October 2005 21:09 (nineteen years ago)

it doesn't matter what the world needs, it's exactly what lucas wants. i'm intrigued.

he won't do it though, he's also stated that. instead he's moving on to star wars television cartoons.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:14 (nineteen years ago)

Night and Fog

― Frank Kogan (Frank Kogan), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

shadows and fog

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:56 (nineteen years ago)

shadows

― gear (gear), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:57 (nineteen years ago)

the fog (whoops)

― gear (gear), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:58 (nineteen years ago)

Dancer In The Dark

― Kurt Russell in the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:59 (nineteen years ago)

I am disappointed to find out that there is no movie called Og.
xpsot

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Friday, 21 October 2005 21:59 (nineteen years ago)

The amazing part is that some of these are in the process of being remade, which only ends up making oops look better in retrospect.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:03 (nineteen years ago)

Zulu

― Kurt Russell in the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

Rounders

― Kurt Russell in the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

Amelie

― Kurt Russell in the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:04 (nineteen years ago)

i can't believe they're remaking shoah

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:07 (nineteen years ago)

birth of a nation

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:13 (nineteen years ago)

Dolemite

― Keith C (lync0), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:22 (nineteen years ago)

Hell Comes to Frogtown.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:27 (nineteen years ago)

cabin boy

― dan (dan), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:40 (nineteen years ago)

There's an interesting article about Cabin Boy in the Onion

― jw (ex machina), Friday, 21 October 2005 22:42 (nineteen years ago)

Bladerunner

― recovering optimist (Royal Bed Bouncer), Friday, 21 October 2005 23:06 (nineteen years ago)

slipping?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 21 October 2005 23:55 (nineteen years ago)

Rocky II

― Jimmy Mod wants you to tighten the strings on your corset (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Saturday, 22 October 2005 03:12 (nineteen years ago)

I'm having a hard time imagining the size of the testicles on the person who decides to remake Blade Runner. It's like trying to think in five dimensions.

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Saturday, 22 October 2005 09:29 (nineteen years ago)

Classic animation remade in CG
Classic animation remade in live action

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Saturday, 22 October 2005 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

Citizen Kane, pretty much. I mean, it'd update really, really well for modern times (media mogul with political ambitions brought down into spiral of infidelity and seclusion!) but even if they changed the title and/or the character's name/persona somewhat it's a pretty ridiculously huge and beloved thing to try and replicate.

― disco violence (disco violence), Saturday, 22 October 2005 21:55 (nineteen years ago)

velvet goldmine's probably the closest we'll get to a CK remake.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 23 October 2005 07:59 (nineteen years ago)

a totally difft. adaptation of the "do androids" would be a great idea tho, in the right hands (cronenberg!)

meanwhile tho, they should abs. not remake "the longest yard (2005)"

speaking of which, has there ever been a remake of a remake? was it good?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Sunday, 23 October 2005 08:22 (nineteen years ago)

Well there's this King Kong movie coming out soon...

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Sunday, 23 October 2005 12:46 (nineteen years ago)

wouldn't it be great if it were a remake of the dino de laurentiis version?

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 23 October 2005 13:13 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think that's... um... really all that possible.

― disco violence (disco violence), Sunday, 23 October 2005 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

Kong gets to the lower part of the island, has this confused "Huh?" look on his face, and then sits down in the empty space and has a big cry.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

Alien. Though people have been unofficially remaking it since it came out!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:11 (nineteen years ago)

Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

oh snap!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:12 (nineteen years ago)

i'm seriously worried though that in the next ten-twenty years someone is going to remake Alien. "We're re-imagining it for a new generation!"

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:17 (nineteen years ago)

it'd be funny if people talked about peter jackson's lord of the rings as if it were a remake of ralph bakshi's lord of the rings.

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

eight years pass...

entertaining thread

― Evan, Monday, 4 August 2014 03:43 (ten years ago)

Forgot this is where take her, dude came from.

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Monday, 4 August 2014 03:48 (ten years ago)

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