Is Monogomy Healthy

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one partner for life ?

― anthony, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but monogamy isn't one partner for life is it? not the same thing at all. it is, as i see it, one partner at once.

as i suggested in the other thread monogamy may be unhealthy for some, and healthy for others. perhaps the only problem comes when one wants monogamy and the other 5 don't;)

― gareth, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I seem to recall someone enquiring, somewhat bizarrely in my opinion, whether monogamy was classic or dud. Surely living a lie is always a major dud, and rather bad for your health in the bargain. I'm yet to be convinced that it's possible to maintain an open and honest relationship with multiple partners.

― Trevor, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I love my mother with all my heart and would do anything for her.
I love my sisters with all my heart in a completely different way to my mother and would do anything for them.
I (would) love my girlfriend with all my heart in a completely different way to my mother & sisters...
If I had a daughter I would undoubtedly love her with all my heart yet in a completely different way from my mother, sisters, girlfriend...

If I can do that, why can I not go on adding successive women? Loving them all in different ways but certainly loving them?

When I get a new album I listen to it almost constantly. But after I feel accustomed to it I can approach it with a more "objective" view and determine my favourites. I think of getting more than one lover in this way. A new relationship might cause you to temporarily avoid an older one, but that doesn't mean yor fire for her has died out...

Did that make any sense to anyone?

― Kodanshi, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Drawing analogies comparing women to inanimate objects makes one sound like Swiss Tony. This should be avoided at all costs, unless intended for comic effect.

― Trevor, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

trevor, anyone with children maintains multiple emotional relationships (which occasionally require lying: eg "daddy do you wuv camilla more van meee!!" "no wittle one i wuv you all exactwy the same")

i know several committed polyamorists, who are honest, nice people (tho admittedly generally also busy and tired): cheating = another issue entirely

― mark s, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fucking multiple women is very much like making love to a beautiful woman...

I can come out with loads of this kind of stuff, but can never think of witty comparisons like he can.

― Kodanshi, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

In the sense that it leads to lower cholesterol? Depends on the fibre content of your one partner, I would imagine.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well as far as is it healthy is concerned, it probably carries less risk of STDs and that (polyamorists out there, BE CAREFUL with your love and bodies! :)). but it really is down to the individual, or individuals in some cases. i am monogamous because i like it that way, and have had quite a hard time explaining to a poly mate of mine that no, it doesn't have to be boring, riddled with control issues OR haunted by the constant feeling of always looking for something better.

the ironic thing is that now he is seriously thinking about "doing the M word" with someone, heheheh.

― katie, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Doubly ironic cos I have never met anyone with such a complicated set of control issues as he has.

― RickyT, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm one of the longest-termest-relationship posters on the board, I'd guess, so I don't really have many grounds on which to judge. It's a nightmare in some ways, at some times, but the idea of having it any other way just doesn't appeal. Committed monogamy means you get the worst of someone as well as the best of them (of course there's no reason a poly relationship wouldn't do this too - in the end that's a committment thing not a mono thing, hmm I have no argument it seems and will stop.)

― Tom, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

5ive is the best number, obviously. So that is me, a S.O and three Pokémon of my choice. I do not know how healthy that would be.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm sure I can make a Bulbasaur joke here.

― Pete, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I dare ya.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

vine whip... now!

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

5ive = not a number sarah

as noted before, pioneering polyamorist emmanuelle teaches us that the odd numbers are sexually revolutionary, the even numbers reactionary (in this specific regard) (seeing as 4 is preferable to 5 in absolute terms) (as all kno)

― mark s, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"trevor, anyone with children maintains multiple emotional relationships (which occasionally require lying: eg "daddy do you wuv camilla more van meee!!" "no wittle one i wuv you all exactwy the same")"

Bbbbut it twue!

― Trevor, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

CONTROL THY COXOR

― Mike Hanle y, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

AND THY COXIX. AND THY COXES (rowing meng, no)?

― Sarah, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Steerer of the rowing (wo)meng.

― RickyT, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pete was a cox in his younger thinner days and god knows he needs to be controlled.

― Emma, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Stroke - hold it up. Let's have a nice smooth rythmn....etc etc.

(Actually more usually to be heard saying "Don't look now but I think we're going down the weir").

― Pete, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think monogamy is a hell of a lot healthier than the lying, deception, mistrust and lack of respect that cheating entails. I don't necessarily see a problem with lack of monogamy, so long as all partners are consenting and fully informed. Sticking your dick in a person that isn't your partner is usually not the worst problem, the worst problem is the damage to the relationship that lack of honesty and lack of trust causes.

Human being don't generally practise true monogamy anyway, they tend to do that sort of serial monogamy thing. So the 50% failure rate or whatever doesn't really apply.

I'd like to aspire to monogamy. I barely have the emotional effort necessary to sustain *one* romantic relationship; I can't imagine being able to sustain several.

― kate, Wednesday, 12 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i admire people who are into the "true love waits" thing and refuse to have premarital sex because it'd be cheating on their future partner. sure its sad and stupid but its more honest than the much more prevalent serial monogamy.

― hamish, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*sigh* Why is it more honest, Hamish?

― Tom, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*sigh*

sheesh sorry to be a burden.

Why is it more honest, Hamish?

because its a life long exclusive commitment, instead of the alternatives in serial monogamy where you have to pretend that you never want to to "get with" anyone else ever again, or that your relationship is just temporary but you'll be "faithful" in the meantime so as not to "bruise" the other person's "ego", or that you'll remain "faithful" unless someone "better" comes along and none of the other people you've been with were ever as "good" at _anything_ as the current "squeeze". i can't believe i'm arguing for lifelong monogamy - this is even stupider than the vegan thread. as i'm sure i've mentioned enough times on ILE before i don't understand how monogamous relationships "work" and they seem bizare to me. does anyone want to explain them to me? All the serial monogamists i've gone out with have been paranoid insecure lying control freaks.

― hamish, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

sheesh sorry to be a burden.

Um, sorry to be an arsehole.

― Tom, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All The World Loves Lovers

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. Don't forget it.

As this song illustrates, the road to serial monogamy is paved with good intentions.

Love whatever the price

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. - LOVE

Love whatever the price

... LOVE

You and I won't lose our heads the way some lovers do

Saying "This will last forever" when it's just a year or two

You and I won't be the fools that other lovers are

Thinking every silver bottle top potentially a star still

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. - LOVE

Love whatever the price

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. - LOVE

Love whatever the price

We won't make the promises that every lover makes

Only to find that all we've made are similar mistakes

No you and I won't wish for things

Like other lovers do

But let's cross our hearts and hope to die

If none of them come true 'cause

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. - LOVE

Love whatever the price

All the world loves lovers.

All the world loves people in love

Don't forget it. - LOVE

Love whatever the price

All the world loves lovers. Love whatever the price.

All the world loves lovers

... LOVE.

― Trevor, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ewwwwwwwwww.

― Sarah, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anyway I can see where you're coming from. All I can offer in defence is that a working monogamous relationship salves more insecurities than it creates, and that the pretence as you put it is part of the fun. I also think that ego should be embraced not transcended, so dismissals of pain or heartbreak as "bruised ego" don't really bother me.

As for "control freak" - well, it's a no-win situation. If I was to announce to my girlfriend that I wanted a polyamorous relationship and she said no, then that would perhaps make her a "control freak". But if she said yes despite not wanting it, would that not make her a "doormat"?

― Tom, Thursday, 13 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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