old people who presume that any member of the opposite sex you mention or are seen with is your significant other, classic or dud?

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may include grandparents, random passers-by.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:09 (twenty years ago)

bonus points if they use the term "lady friend."

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

just old people?

― donut e-goon (donut), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

SO WHEN'S THE WEDDING

― metal assembly (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:12 (twenty years ago)

x-post

Yeah, this is not limited to old people in my experience.

― kickitcricket (kickitcricket), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:13 (twenty years ago)

i find this common among older people. perhaps in their youth it was uncommon to see young men and women out together, as good friends, without being in some way romantically connected. in a certain era and a certain milieu, platonic friendships between young men and young women were rare. at least, that's my theory.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:13 (twenty years ago)

When I was in high school, people always assumed my girlfriend was my sister.

― Ian John50n (orion), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

SO WHEN'S THE WEDDING

OTM

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

they just really wanna hear about people who are still bonin'.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

"hey, chuck, how ya doin'?"

"you know, still bonin'..."

"alright, catch you later."

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

You're all OTM

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

just old people?

I was about to say. The amount of times dear friend Stripey and I have been assumed to be going out etc. = countless.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

i find this common among older people. perhaps in their youth it was uncommon to see young men and women out together, as good friends, without being in some way romantically connected.

Today, say hello to Yesterday.

― donut e-goon (donut), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

Classic. Old people are wiser and less hung up than we are, and assume that even if we're platonic friends we're still totally gettingitonx0r. I mean, why aren't we? What's the big deal?

I'm totally going to do this as soon as hair starts growing out of my ears.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:18 (twenty years ago)

i think roger has just discovered the secret of the universe, or something

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

Ya, classic. I kinda liked being called a "suitor".

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:23 (twenty years ago)

even if we're platonic friends we're still totally gettingitonx0r. I mean, why aren't we? What's the big deal?

This ultimately blows up in your face somehow. Or at least becomes very cancerous to the "platonic" friendship. If there really ever was one.

― kickitcricket (kickitcricket), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

maybe this is just old jewish people?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

my grandparents assume all boys i refer to/hang out with are potential-suitors, and I think it's because they have this idea that things will really only be okay once i'm married and taken care of, which is fair enough i guess for people who survived the depression and WWII and who view life as a sort of survival, but perhaps they should be worried since both of their sons' first marriages ended in bitter divorce.

― carly (carly), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:30 (twenty years ago)

When my mom sees me with a member of the opposite sex, in whatever setting, she'll wait until she's gone and say, "Shes very nice. (pause) And pretty." And I have to moan, "Jeez, Mom..."

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:32 (twenty years ago)

I think my mom is just hoping I'm not gay, at this point.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:32 (twenty years ago)

As are we all, Gear...

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Thursday, 9 June 2005 23:33 (twenty years ago)

My mother to thread, ugh.

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Friday, 10 June 2005 00:47 (twenty years ago)

Just wait until the next family funeral you attend, find the oldest relative there, and tell them "you'll be next". This will discourage any further interest in yr own sex life.

― Jetlag Willy (noodle vague), Friday, 10 June 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

I take it you've done this. (Or alternately, have had it said to you.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 10 June 2005 01:01 (twenty years ago)

My aging relatives were all lovely. I've just provided this advice to friends.

― Jetlag Willy (noodle vague), Friday, 10 June 2005 01:06 (twenty years ago)

my mom isn't exactly like this--actually she's careful not to be like this. but occasionally she's mentioned female friends and suggested that i should be dating them. sometimes she's suggested this while i was dating other people.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

Young people do this to, when I hit the town w. ex-bandmates. They assume we are bf.gf

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 10 June 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

I guess I should’ve written, dad, to let you know that I was coming home
I’ve been gone so many years, I didn’t realize you had a phone
I saw your cattle coming in, boy they’re looking mighty fat and slick
I saw fred at the service station, told me that his wife is awful sick

You heard my record on the radio, oh, well it’s just another song
But I’ve got a hit recorded and it’ll be out on the market ’fore too long
I got this ring in mexico, no, it didn’t cost me quite a bunch
When you’re in the business that I’m in, the people call it puttin’ up a front

I know I’ve lost a little weight, I guess I am looking kind of pale
If you didn’t know me better, dad, you’d think that I’d just gotten out of jail
No, we don’t ever call them beer joints, night clubs are the places that I work
You meet a lot of people there, but no, there ain’t much chance of gettin’ hurt

I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there with you all when momma passed away
I was on the road and when they came and told me it was just too late
I drove by the grave to see her, boy, that really is a pretty stone
I’m glad that fred and jan are here, it’s better than you being here alone

Well I knew you’s gonna ask me who the lady is that’s sleeping in the car
That’s just a girl who works for me and, man, she plays a pretty mean guitar
We worked in san antone last night, she didn’t even have the time to dress
She drove me down from nashville and to tell the truth I guess she needs the rest

Well, dad, I gotta go, we got a dance to work in cartersville tonight
Let me take your number down, I’ll call you, and I promise you I’ll write
Now you be good and don’t be chasin’ all those pretty women that you know
And by the way if you see barbara walker tell her that I said hello.

-- Tom T. Hall, "Homecoming"

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

you should hear the way he sings it, you can practically hear his dad's raised eyebrow

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

my grandma invariably asks me if i have any 'special friends' when i see her and then looks all crestfallen when i say i haven't. it makes me feel mean.

― gem (trisk), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:17 (twenty years ago)

Make one up Gem :P

― You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (papa november), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

yeah i have considered that only she'd tell the entire population of WA within half an hour and then explanations could get overly-complicated

― gem (trisk), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:19 (twenty years ago)

Ah, okay. Well that sucks.

― You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun / Kate (papa november), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:20 (twenty years ago)

I like 'when are you going to have another baby? You're not getting any younger, you know...'

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:22 (twenty years ago)

my sisters hate most my relatives because of this. they don't bug me much. cause i'm the baby i guess.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:29 (twenty years ago)

bonus points if they use the term "lady friend."

Oh shit, I have years worth of bonus points, if anybody needs some.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

It's definitely not just old people. Me and H, who's one of my closest friends, are constantly bickering with each other, so people don't just assume we're a couple, but an old couple, one that does nothing but fights anymore.

The worst it gets is when even your friend's boyfriends think there's something between you. This happened more than once with my best friend when were younger; it didn't help that she kept mixing up her boyfriends' names with mine.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:37 (twenty years ago)

one of the saddest things about the future is that there will be no one around to say "lady friend"

― oops (Oops), Friday, 10 June 2005 05:38 (twenty years ago)

i like going thru ikea with a boy and a girl, and getting the whos fucking who look

― anthony easton (anthony), Friday, 10 June 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

English people: double bonus points if a grandparent asks if you are "courting".

― Jetlag Willy (noodle vague), Friday, 10 June 2005 08:11 (twenty years ago)

Yesterday, my friend's wife called to invite me to a a surprise birthday party they were throwing him. The receptionist was like "OMG a girl is calling Nick!" and somehow that knowledge made it's way back to my little nook of the office, where, before our conversation was done, six women had managed to crowd around, all like "omg you've got a date!?! what's her name!?! etc etc?!?!". For fuck's sake, women, get off my nutsack.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 June 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

They weren't all necessarily old though, just nosy.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 June 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

Sigh. There's only one person I really get this with.

But then again, if you go to Ikea with someone, you might as well be MARRIED. It's one of those things.

― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Friday, 10 June 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

My grandmother has never really ever got her head around me living with boys. "Well don't you mind them seeing you in the morning?"

I have the faux-boyfriend thing too. The worst recently was going to two different gigs, the first with a good male friend (straight black hair) and the second with my boyfriend (curly dark blonde hair). I saw the same PR person at both. When my boyfriend was at the bar she asked rather nervously "has he changed his hair?" When I explained she looked very relived and confessed she thought I was two-timing.

― Anna (Anna), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

Well, were you? (Kidding!)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

Daniel! Please!

― Anna (Anna), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

My grandmother has never really ever got her head around me living with boys. "Well don't you mind them seeing you in the morning?"

Ah, there's that too! Sometimes, when I tell someone I live with three girls, they can be like "Uh huh?", like they think I have my own personal harem here or something...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:53 (twenty years ago)

Old people be presumin'

― Die Emanzipation von Baaderonixx (redukt) (Fabfunk), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah, whenever I've lived with a girl, my parents have seriously done the air quotes around "friend" or "roommate" in conversation.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

For my birthday, my friend Megan gave me a little book filled with 26 things she liked about me. It was really very sweet. I told my mom about it, mentioned a couple of examples, and she was like, "Well, you know she wants you." I was like, "Mom, she's engaged!" She was like, "Are they happy together?"

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

in paris for a few months, i didn't have my own phone and occasionally a friend would call me at work. if my boss got the phone, he would hand it to me and say, "t____'s calling!" in this sing-songy voice that made me uncomfortable. i think he was honestly confused though. later he said something like "it's good that you've made a special friend here in paris." er. ugh. he was sort of awesome though, i think he was deliberately trying to make me uncomfortable in a silly sort of way.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

oh yes, in addition to the sing-songy voice he would raise his eyebrows suggestively.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

i just contradicted myself. i don't know if he was confused or if he was winding me up or both. probably both.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

Did he elbow you, whistle, and make the "sexual intercourse" finger gesture too?

― n/a (Nick A.), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

mais oui

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

what's sad is that half of the time people presume i'm "with" someone, i actually would like to be sleeping with them.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah, whenever I've lived with a girl, my parents have seriously done the air quotes around "friend" or "roommate" in conversation.

When I lived with a female friend with just the two of us, we were officially common-law man and husband. So stated the law. With my previous flatmate we dodged the issue by sending the authorities a piece of paper, signed by two witnesses, that stated we weren't shagging each other or anything. But with the second flatmate we couldn't be bothered, because our new status didn't affect us in any concrete way, except that her tax note also stated the "income of your spouse, Tuomas 4lh0".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

to be fair my friend was super-hot, and i would get the "who was that incredibly good-looking girl you were having lunch with?" question all the time.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:07 (twenty years ago)

my sister and i were browsing through blockbuster a few years ago, a young couple were browsing right next to us.. the girl said, "Ooh Girl Fight" (the film) and the dude said, "EW, THAT'S A DYKE MOVIE" - then eyed me and my sister and said, "Not like there's anything wrong with dykes..."

my parents assume any male friends of mine must be gay.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

So two girls hanging out together are dykes? Must make a note.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

what's sad is that half of the time people presume i'm "with" someone, i actually would like to be sleeping with them.

haha OTM

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

I stepped in on a physical fight between (presumably) a bf/gf, my mum was also present. After she got interviewed by the police, they interviewed me and said "And you are... Mr Gilchrist?". I was like "I'm A Mr Gilchrist but not the one you're implying!".

― Craig Gilchrist (Craig Gilchrist), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

just wait until the next family funeral you attend, find the oldest relative there, and tell them "you'll be next". This will discourage any further interest in yr own sex life.
HAHAHHAHA!

the comments from grandparents are fairly harmless. A couple of aunts and older female cousins have made the same irritating "oh, perhaps you'll be next" accompanied by a forced smile during a rash of recent family weddings (much to the chagrin of my date). I'm a swingin' bachelor fer chrissakes! Don't drag me into your vortex of marital malaise.

― Will(iam), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)

jesus, even I get this.

― The Lex (The Lex), Friday, 10 June 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

my mum thought i was gay for ages, even though i have dated girls heavily for the last 12 years. she can't get over that i might have platonic female friends...

― stevie (stevie), Friday, 10 June 2005 15:18 (twenty years ago)

xxxxxxxxpost
triple bonus points for "gentleman caller."

― matlewis, Friday, 10 June 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

My grandfather has alzheimer's and lived with my parents for a while and became convinced that my parents' dog was his. I visited them with a then-girlfriend. We took the dog out for a walk while my grandfather watched disapprovingly from the window and asked my father "what are the newlyweds doing out there with my dog?"

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Friday, 10 June 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I agree, that's definitely one of those annoying old people things. I had a granny that did that, like I'm not supposed to be friends with any girls at all, of course having girls as friends means you're gay anyway.

― bob n0pe (bobnope), Friday, 10 June 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

to generalize even further, it doesn't even matter if it's the opposite sex or not in Seattle. if you're seen hanging out with someone alone more than once by the same people in two different instances, you're "dating", same or opposite sex.

― donut e-goon (donut), Friday, 10 June 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

I think my mom thinks I'm gay too, because I've introduced her to several female friends of mine but never to a girlfriend. For a while she kept asking, "Are you dating her?", when she met friends of mine, but at some point I guess she just gave up hope.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Saturday, 11 June 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

This is just an etiquette question....do you think it is at all appropriate for senior employees to ask recent (and younger) hires if they are 'seeing anyone' and if so, who they are seeing?

― bob n0pe (bobnope), Saturday, 11 June 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

I woould like to be a gentleman caller, or suitor. I would like to leave my card on a silver tray. I would like to propose in a long speech in the drawing room, with Kitty, Elizabeth and their mother Mrs Benton (Mr Benton being in London on business) making a big show of inspecting the joint of lamb in the kitchen.

― moley, Saturday, 11 June 2005 22:52 (twenty years ago)

if mr benton is in london on business, when did you get his permission?

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 12 June 2005 01:42 (twenty years ago)

that's why it's a drawing-room comedy, you see.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

My father has referred to every guy I've ever dated as my "special" friend. This includes 2+ year relationships. He has even asked me if I was in a relationship with someone by questioning whether that particular guy was "special." I suppose it will be thus until I marry.

― Laura H. (laurah), Sunday, 12 June 2005 05:59 (twenty years ago)

i think it's cute.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

Maybe it's because it's coming from me and I've deflected enough of these inquiries to last anyone's lifetime, but I always assumed that our grandparents know more than we think they know and that when they ask this question, they're not really trying to be cute or habitual but are very literally (albeit passively-agressively) trying to get you to answer for your sexual orientation or unwillingness to get married at the same age that their generation were expected to get married (early 20s at the latest). Equinox Flower to thread.

In my case, I think my grandparents are pretty damned aware that none of my relationships with lady friends are going to flower into something else, but don't want to actually hear the confirmation.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:35 (twenty years ago)

the comments from grandparents are fairly harmless.

Yes. It's the proximity of these comments to other comments on the topic of how churches who accept homosexuals aren't "real churches" that concerns me and sort of takes the innocence out of the questions.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:37 (twenty years ago)

i don't think they're trying to be cute, but i find it cute.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

What do you expect their grandparents used to ask them that they considered "cute" but utterly antiquated?

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

i don't know and am not honestly all that curious to find out.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

everyone i met (neighbors, bartenders, etc) all assumed that one of my roommates, who was like 6'5" 340 pounds was my boyfriend. and me being 5'9" 130'ish - kinda an odd assumption to make. he was straight too. and then people would assume that my asian girl roommate with mohawk was my girlfriend, but probably because we're both asian.

― phil-two (phil-two), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

If the theory that each generation swings the pendulum the opposite direction of their parents' generation holds any water, we're a lot closer to our grandparents than we think. I suspect our obsession with speculating on the gayness/straightness of everyone but celebrities in particular might be some strange variation on the "lady friend?" bit.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

my grandparents are dead.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

One of mine is too, but that strangely hasn't alleviated any social pressure. If anything, it's ratcheted it up for the remaining three.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

Luckily, I have some 12 cousins to share the burden with, even if I am the second-oldest.

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v371/ephender/marriageintertitle.jpg

― L'Histoire d'Eric H. (Eric H.), Sunday, 12 June 2005 16:51 (twenty years ago)

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