Mental Health

Also, Mike HAnle y, genius contribution to ANthony's 'business card' thread :->

so lately a guy i went to school with added me on fb, a guy i kinda knew but didn't know really well, nice guy, super-intelligent, bit of a tearaway as a result. anyway we had a bit of chat about books and stuff, and then he began telling me how he'd been sectioned by his own family (in a sort of sarcastic/angry way) and had suffered from schizophrenia.

he's also been suggesting going for a beer in london and things. is it bad to feel like it'd be silly to hang out with him? i don't feel much moral obligation, i've probably never had a beer with him ever, in school days or since.

on the other hand i feel a slight guilt in that i imagine someone who's had mental probs might find it really hard for anyone to give them the time of day.

on the other other hand, sectioned by his own family, you do worry.

enter the moral maze with me today, ilx.

It's my understanding that schizophrenia and alcohol are a very bad combo.

yeah he had a rep as a big drinker in college, though i didn't really see him at this point, but that might explain some of the trouble.

Feeling sorry for him is a piss poor basis for starting or maintaining a friendship or other amiable relationship. Try not to let the diagnosis have any bearing on your decision on whether to spend time with him. If his company is worthwhile, accept the invitation. You have no other obligation than to be yourself. He'll be himself, too.

feel like there is a general dilemma here about randomly meeting ppl u knew at you at school/university/etc and then trying to talk to them singly when u only ever knew them in the context of a larger friendship group

there were ppl i spent hours and hours with during school lunchtimes etc but hardly ever to spoke to alone

public school orgies

It's hard to talk to someone when they've got their back to you.

Not so much of a dilemma if you try to dive straight past the historic connection into present time. If the other person keeps dragging in the past, let them know that it doesn't really interest you compared to what's going on now. See if they take the hint.

ex boarding school pupils of my acquaintance deny such things exist these days deems :(

best story i heard was some gorblimey toerag schtupping the daughter of senior faculty member in the dorms

You can't be sectioned by your own family.

Schizophrenia is no put-off for me. Sometimes families "section" people off because "it's bad for their job / career / social life". Or at least that happened to one friend of mine, and it was like: "how do I explain my crazy drama queen family member at the office"? Better have them committed so you can explain their "illness".

Whether your mate has schizophrenia or not (people are mis-diagnosed) all of the time shouldn't be a factor. I mean I have friends who have been hospitalized. It's not a fate worse than death, might just mean he's sensitive.

If you don't find him creepy, I'd go for a beer. I mean, it's just one night at a bar. Unless you're not the type to socialize with strangers.

I like meeting up with old school mates. Again, unless the guy gives you the willies.

Oh yeah, I mean, there are a lot of reasons to not even care too much about someone's past diagnoses. I've sought treatment for moderate mental health issues in the past and more than a few friends and loved ones throughout the years have been treated for more serious things, including people who had been "committed by their own families", plus a few guys with schizophrenia. I'm just urging LocalGarda to have caution since the first thing the guy suggested was an alcohol-related activity. The schizophrenics I knew who drank really drank.

That's true, you're not supposed to mix drinking with psychiatric meds, you could end up hospitalized. I know people who do it all the time. As long as they aren't driving.

so the guy I mentioned further upthread, he has sent me a volley of messages in Facebook in recent days.

without being overly cynical or labelling him whatever thing, i feel like he is in a bad way, mentally. he messaged me to tell me his solicitor had sent a file to the irish police, concerning his uncle and mother's attempts to section him.

in the same email he asked me if i knew that a us senator who shares his surname was a relative of his "unless wikipedia has been edited to fuck with my mind."

he added that he wanted to get in touch with me and two other old school friends because as journalists we could record if he got dumped in an asylum.

he left me a few messages asking me to give him my number and saying "i'm in a mess of my own making".

i feel a bit conflicted. i am starting to think he's a bit unstable and that the only advice is to seek help. overall i reckon practically i should just not reply further. i live in another country, there's nothing i can do. to date i've just said i'm unsure how i can help.

what do you all think? it's v odd.

just gonna bump this, cos i figure it's the kind of thread title nobody would click on in the day, and i'm curious what people think. funny moral dilemma.

It sounds like he's not doing well. I don't think you should take on the burden of trying to help him yourself, especially since you've never been close friends. He initially seemed to be reaching out to you as friends with common interests ("a chat about books and stuff"'), but now he's trying to draw you into a much bigger drama about his mental health -- which really isn't any of your business.

Your thought upthread about people who've had mental health issues having trouble getting others to spend time with them is charitable. But it sounds like he wouldn't have much trouble finding friends with common interests, even without cold-calling long-lost schoolmates, if his mental health problems weren't very much ongoing. From what you've written you have every reason to believe that schizophrenia is not a past diagnosis for him.

I had to google "sectioned". Unless medical ethics and the mental health act are completely different in the UK, your family can't have you committed to a psychiatric hospital. They can bring you to medical attention, but the decision to admit and treat the patient would be made by the psychiatrist, and only with the patient's own interests in mind. Family interests and opinions (it's better for your career, how do I explain my crazy relative at the office) would be completely irrelevant. Of course, someone who's been admitted might have reason to say they were the victim of their family's conspiracy, because it allows them to minimize and deflect the problem. Saying that might even be an acceptable way of brushing off the story if it came up in a social setting with strangers, so as not to put them off. But the fact that he has sought you out to rehearse this story (he brought it up, right? -- I take it you'd have had no idea otherwise) shows he lacks insight into whatever was ailing him in the first place, which bodes badly for the chance he'll end up in similarly sectioned circumstances again sometime soon.

Yep, agreed on all counts, I think he believes in Ireland there's still a throw away the key scenario in mental institutions. I doubt that but don't really know.

My compromise is that I had the thought of messaging another schoolmate who would have known him a lot better and grew up in the same area etc.

He still lives in Dublin so I figure he may have actual practical ability to help.

Feels a bit callous not replying, I may go for a final message explaining I can't do anything to help but wishing him well.

It sounds like what he actually needs is a Mental Health Advocate. I don't know if there are organizations for them in Ireland (there certainly are in the UK) but this is an independent person, separate from family or doctors who keeps an eye on ppl in mental health system to make sure they aren't coerced or forgotten.

Sorry for brevity, bus typing on iPhone.

"Mike HAnle y: are you proposing a kind of quantity theory of sanity/happiness (after W Self) in which there's only so much to go round? Or (more likely) pondering that therapy is supposed to make people happier, thereby raising the level of ideal happiness in society, thereby making more people (relatively) unahppy? Good point, except that I don't suppose therapy actually makes that many people much happier.
Also, Mike HAnle y, genius contribution to ANthony's 'business card' thread :->"

I have decided that whether or not you are happy in life is a decision you make. If you decide you are happy then you are.

This is correct: "Your family can't have you committed to a psychiatric hospital. They can bring you to medical attention, but the decision to admit and treat the patient would be made by the psychiatrist, and only with the patient's own interests in mind."

My sense would be to do whatever you have to do to look after *yourself*. That might mean saying you can't help, that might mean passing on your concerns to another (the latter might be a good option if you are going to worry about inaction or carry feelings of "I should have done something.")

Some potentially useful contacts:

http://www.mentalhealthireland.ie/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=240&Itemid=323