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Fuck Buddy Etiquette

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Because this is a 21st century minefield open to far too many embarassing situations. Could ILX please clear it up, for the kids?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:14 (twenty years ago)

Fuck buddy etiquette - let's fuck!

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:22 (twenty years ago)

don't bootycall when your fuck buddy is on a date

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:23 (twenty years ago)

isnt this an american thing? i swear that ilx is a vortex of american stuff that never touches the uk. i only know one person who knows of myspace, or "hipster", and i dont know anyopne whos heard of livejournal.

― ambrose (ambrose), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:25 (twenty years ago)

don't discuss what you're doing, because that is the moment your fuck buddy status will be revoked.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:26 (twenty years ago)

don't introduce him/her as fuckbuddy, e.g. "Hi I'm Joe and this is my fuck buddy Sara."

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 June 2005 21:28 (twenty years ago)

never suggest more fuck and less buddy, unless you are the girl.

― Aaron A., Monday, 13 June 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

there are a surprising amount of uk ilxors on livejournal, i've discovered!

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:33 (twenty years ago)

um, i met a uk guy on myspace who ended up being a cyberfuckbuddy. dud, i wouldn't do it again.

also, hstencil otm about discussing what you're doing.

― fj, Monday, 13 June 2005 21:36 (twenty years ago)

don't ever ask for money. that's what girlfriends are for.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

There are loads of Brits on livejournal! They're called GOTHS. I am not excluding Goth Ewing from this.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:40 (twenty years ago)

I never really used "hipster" before coming to the US.

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Monday, 13 June 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

i thought goths use DEADJOURNAL

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:11 (twenty years ago)

I can't figure out if my friend I slept with is up for more :(

― DAEREST V1CE MAGAZINE!!!!! (ex machina), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

Tore that shit up, huh?

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

Wore that shit out

― Jimmy Mod Is Great At Getting Us Into Trouble (ModJ), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

Fuck Buddies are just as much a part of British life as American, it's just that they invented the phrase.

Also, hstencil still on the money re: discussing what yr doing. It just ruins it for everybody.

― Taste the Blood of Scrovula (noodle vague), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was a thread about discarding the sacred, ancient and more-often-than-not contradictory rules of buddy etiquette.

To wit: how many degrees of separation must exist between me and a buddy before I can fuck his ex-girlfriend? What about his ex-fuck buddy? If it's a close friend (less degrees), how much time must elapse, if any?

― giboyeux (skowly), Monday, 13 June 2005 23:58 (twenty years ago)

what about phonefuckbuddies?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

if you haven't actually fucked, who cares?

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

i've never had one of these! how educational!!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:32 (twenty years ago)

I want one of these.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

I'M ONLY LIKE, 100 MILES FROM YOU, GIBOYEUX.. HINT HINT

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

i was gonna say, where are the ladies on this thread? it ain't a one-way street, y'know.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:37 (twenty years ago)

i have had many of these.

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:39 (twenty years ago)

it is imperative to disband the agreement if one person and not both wants more than to continue on the stricly sex path... or else trouble and hurt feelings abound and no one gets laid NO ONE.

― scout (scout), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:43 (twenty years ago)

my number is...

― charltonlido (gareth), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:51 (twenty years ago)

Let's see...if I'm in a car going 60mph in your direction and you're in a car going 75mph in my direction, how long until one of us inadvertently starts harboring real feelings and what is the magnitude of our heartbreak and subsequent distrust for the opposite sex?

Please answer in the form of a question.


(ps - I'll meet you behind the tool shed.)

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

you're right, hstencil. no one cares. right.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:08 (twenty years ago)

In classier times, these were called lovers, and I am feeling increasingly Colette-like. Discretion is key. Mutual understanding is key.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:20 (twenty years ago)

mutual misunderstanding is often more key

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:25 (twenty years ago)

Burning hot oils are key.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:25 (twenty years ago)

Restraints are key.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:26 (twenty years ago)

Keys are key. (xpost)

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:26 (twenty years ago)

my number is...

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 01:28 (twenty years ago)

A former gentleman friend called me his lover. And referred to me as such. To his parents. Not sure which rule of etiquette that broke.

Also: don't call them up at 8 am on a day off because you're coked up and bored. Repeatedly. For three days in a row.

― mouse (mouse), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 02:07 (twenty years ago)

How do you tell your fuck buddy you need to quit because you just got into a Real Relationship without hurting their feelings?

― Maria (Maria), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Orbit are you reading Secrets of the Flesh? I'm only asking cos you've brought up Colette a couple times recently, it's a good bio if you haven't read it.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 05:33 (twenty years ago)

How do you tell your fuck buddy you need to quit because you just got into a Real Relationship without hurting their feelings?
-- Maria (silyl_ari...) (webmail), June 14th, 2005 5:31 AM. (link)

You say "I need to quit because I just got into a Real Relationship. Starting tomorrow"

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 06:53 (twenty years ago)

My housemate is my fuck buddy at the moment. She seems cool about the whole situation, as she’s just come out of a 9-year relationship. I’m making the most of it as I know it will come to an end pretty soon as she mentioned she’s getting attached and would like more. She knows I don’t want more, so I think she’ll get frustrated and end it.

It’s great being out with your mates then getting a text saying, “spoon?” as you’re getting your last drink.

I don’t know about not mentioning it to other people though, she tells her friends I tell mine. People know it’s going on, so why not?

The only thing I’m concerned about is if I bring another girl back, will she flip out and slash my bed or snap my baby (my fender jazz bass) in half?

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 07:20 (twenty years ago)

it is imperative to disband the agreement if one person and not both wants more than to continue on the stricly sex path... or else trouble and hurt feelings abound and no one gets laid NO ONE.

I think this is the only essential rule, others may vary.

Or maybe this too: if you're fuck buddy wants to quit the fuck part, then face it, it is over. Nothing good lasts forever. Don't try to beg him/her for sex anymore, that's no good.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 07:22 (twenty years ago)

And yeah, I've told my friends about these things too, and they've told me. We live in the 00s now, it's not unusual.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 07:24 (twenty years ago)

don't beg for anything, it's wrong.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 07:40 (twenty years ago)

Is it still called a fuck buddy if it's not a buddy, just a fuck?

― Hanna (Hanna), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

It's not that hard to ask a fuckbuddy that you live with how they would feel if you brought another man/woman home, but it may be hard to maintain the fuckbuddiness of everything if this is something they are opposed to, as now you've got the notion in your head - whether right or wrong - that this person has intentions beyond simple fuckbuddyocity.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

don't ever ask for money. that's what girlfriends are for.

hahahahahahahaha

That hurts.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

it will all end in tears

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

How does one aquire one of these?

I've tried asking, but people always assume that I want more than I say I do, because I'm, like, intense, or something. Sigh.

No, wait. I don't want a fuck buddy. I want a cuddle buddy. What I want is for spring/summer to be over so my libido goes away again.

― The Square Root Of Negative Two (kate), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

What I want is whiny self-centered twunts to stop posting to ILX.

― DAEREST V1CE MAGAZINE!!!!! (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

http://wizardishungry.com/hash/2005/6/7/fa091807cf6b7605278e781c5d744856.jpg
http://wizardishungry.com/hash/2005/5/13/2b983480660e5abca2f7222663c642c6.jpg
http://wizardishungry.com/hash/2005/6/7/3fd42b2395f6e539d2d9d2886663cee4.jpg

― DAEREST V1CE MAGAZINE!!!!! (ex machina), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

don't ask for a fuck buddy, dude, just fuck them.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

Different "types" of relationship and how people distinguish them have always confused and bugged me. Like Fuckbuddyocity, "seeing each other", dating, "boyfriend/girlfriend"/going steady whatever are all different but everyone has different arbitrary rules to discern which is which.

A fuckbuddy is someone you have sex with but aren't emotionally dependent on? isn't that how most relationships start anyway?

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

A fuckbuddy is someone you have sex with but aren't emotionally dependent on? isn't that how most relationships start anyway?

depends how hott you are.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:35 (twenty years ago)

Like Fuckbuddyocity, "seeing each other", dating, "boyfriend/girlfriend"/going steady whatever are all different but everyone has different arbitrary rules to discern which is which.

and don't forget everyone's relationship is different.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:36 (twenty years ago)

there usually isn't too much going out with the fuckbuddy

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

I'm confused. In fact, I'm VIBRATING!!!

― kate actually (suzy), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

what if i had lunch with my fuckbuddy tho? or called them ust to say hi? "where's the line" is what i'm asking i guess

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

it depends how open minded you are. some people don't think having lunch together is that much bigger a deal than having sex.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

In fact, I'm VIBRATING!!!

You probably don't need a fuck buddy, then.

― giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

the idea is that you don't assume/want the lunch to lead you to any kind of emotional shit, i think.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

like you call to say "hi" but not to "say hi"

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

Right, back on topic. How often can you call a fuck buddy requesting a meet-up for some sex without seeming needy, clingy or pathetic? I need to know this for, er, a friend of mine. Yes, that'll do.

― edward o (edwardo), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 06:04 (twenty years ago)

Sounds like you've turned a fuck buddy into a 'nuck buddy'.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 07:41 (twenty years ago)

xpost: I think the three-strikes-you're-out rule applies

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

Actually I don't understand the question: do you mean how many times can you call unsuccessfully, or how often you can call successfully?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I'd say if you're fucking your fuckbuddy three or more times a week, you're not fuckbuddies anymore, but actually boy/girlfriends/whatever.

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

Ah, that was a bad question. Perhaps: how long after seeing can you call? Is it bad news to be the one doing all the calling?

― edward o (edwardo), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

what did Vice Magazine say the rules were? 2.5 male calls to every 1 female call?

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

i think what defines fuckbuddy over all the things mentioned is
a. you already know the person prior to fucking in a platonic way
b. you know they are not 'relationship material' and there is no future in it

i don't think frequency matters. and it doesn't count if you haven't made up your mind about them yet (which could qualify as 'dating')

the trickiness lies in finding a common understanding so one party doesn't genuinely feel/hope a relationship is starting without coming out and saying 'i don't really think you're good enough for me.' i have found people partial to the phrase 'just having fun' to try to define lack of future intentions in a non-rejecting way.

― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Thursday, 16 June 2005 02:47 (twenty years ago)

"habeas corpus" ha. "Let us have the body"....

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 16 June 2005 09:50 (twenty years ago)


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