Eloping C/D

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Anyone done it? How did it work out for you?

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 11:55 (twenty years ago)

My girlfriend and I have been saying for awhile now that if we get married we're just going to elope to New Orleans. Take a couple of our best friends and/or siblings and just have a nice weekend. The way I see it:

Pros - we don't have to plan the whole big thing and make a spectacle of ourselves, and more importantly wouldn't have to deal with months of familial opinions (and possible opposition) culminating in getting both pairs of divorced parents + stepparents in the same room together for the first time.

Cons - can't ask for fancy kitchen stuff, but we've been living together for awhile so it's not like we're not getting by. Also, I wonder how upset my parents would be at not getting to be there.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 11:59 (twenty years ago)

You could always have a big party when you get back so that people can buy you presents!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:02 (twenty years ago)

Your parents might not be there...but who are the ones getting married? Not them, it sounds like!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

You could always have a big party when you get back so that people can buy you presents!

Ha, wouldn't that be like having our cake and eating it too? I don't know, I hate wedding etiquette.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

As a compromise between the two - have an impromptu wedding and invite anyone who wants to come. Tell people on Wednesday that you're getting married on Saturday, and you'd like them to be there. If they can't come, so what. Don't have any of your parents stand up in the wedding. Have a party/reception or don't. Keep it simple. Then go to New Orleans.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

If that's what you both want to do, go for it. But check and double check with your gf that she won't feel bad at all about not getting to do the whole fancy dress and cake number. I mean, that stuff seems to be for the bride most of the time anyway, right? It's her day.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

extra super classixor!

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

i wish you all the best

― battlingspacemonkey (battlingspacemonkey), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 12:58 (twenty years ago)

Oh, you're right Sarah, but this is very much her idea. And I'm sure she would get a fancy dress anyway! Cake, I don't know, we might have to do barbeque instead.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

Jordan, wouldn't your parents be mad either way since your mom is super religious and would be mad if you didn't do the whole Jewish wedding thing? So just do what makes you guys happy. I vote New Orleans, and then rent a pontoon boat that says "Just Married" on the back.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

Jordan, my (much more traditionally minded) wife and I managed to get all FOUR sets of divorced parents involved, as well as forcing my anti-semitic grandmother to attend a wedding at Temple Beth-El. It worked out just fine, even though the car broke down on the way to the reception and people were being weird and melodramatic and even though my cousin slept with at least one bridesmaid and maybe two.

That having been said: if she wants to, DO IT. You can always have a "proper" wedding later. Better invite me to the afterparty once you get back home though, dammit.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:13 (twenty years ago)

Eighteen days until my wedding and I kind of wish we had done this. You don't realise the depth of people's beliefs about how weddings 'should' or indeed 'must' de done until you're trying to plan one...

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

We did this--no parents, no friends, no nothin'. Mom cried and carried on about not being there for a while, but eventually she and everyone else got over it with no harm done. A week or two later the immediate families (who had never met) got together for a fancy celebratory dinner and had a lovely time.

Three years later and I am still nothing but greatful that we eloped. So yeah, my experience was great!

― quincie, Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

My dad's brothers (not immediate family) are so conservative that they would probably insist that I get married in their churches in particular (one in rural Virginia and one in Dallas) or I wouldn't be really married in the eyes of God.

So, since nobody would be happy, I think I'd just do whatever I want.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

my folks and inlaws were great about it, thankfully--my parents eloped and hate big to-dos so they weren't a problem, and my mother-in-law-to-be asked what I wanted to do, and I said that I didn't like fuss and attention and it wasn't my goal to leave people out, but I wanted to keep it as much about the marriage as possible (as opposed to the ceremony and fuss). And she said, then elope, it's your day and and you do what you want--it was very nice. His family is catholic and I was a little worried they were going to make a big deal out of getting married in the church, but I think they were just glad I wasn't having babies before I got married like their other kids.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

sleeping with the bridesmaid sounds pretty cool

― charltonlido (gareth), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

That's very true about my mom, Jocelyn, there will be no pleasing her no matter what the situation is.

An after-party doesn't seem like a bad idea, much less pressure and planning than a 'real' wedding reception.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

and, afterwards, the hotel lobby

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

Sorta glad that wasn't an x-post.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

i think i'd quite like the parents etc to be there, but then not really fussed either way.. eloping seems like too much effort if there's all kinds of emotional shit from family to deal with later.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

It's a good thing to do ... my wife and I got married with just two other people present as witnesses (and the registrar who married us was the one who'd signed her birth certificate, wierd or what), then we went and had a great meal, stayed in a great hotel for five days, then told all the parents and family afterwards. None of them seemed to mind very much (but we had been living together for nine years), but we didn't get any presents! It was what we wanted to do, so we did it!

― andyjack (andyjack), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

my dad has offered me a large sum of money to elope instead of having a wedding. it's awfully tempting . . .

― kelsey (kelstarry), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

Does he not like weddings?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/7811686.stm

― Pfunkboy Formerly Known As... (Herman G. Neuname), Monday, 5 January 2009 22:48 (seventeen years ago)

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