the monkey stole some Altoids

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I bought a monkey with magnetic hands from Walgreen's. After walking a few blocks, I looked down and saw something stuck the the bottom of the bag - a tin of apple Altoids! Monkey's magnetic hand must have brushed against them at checkout and carried them out! So powerful! But wrong!

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

You erased my home movies

― The Sensational Sulk (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

Kill the monkey.

*insert Family Guy still here*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

this went wrong at this point: "I bought a monkey with magnetic hands from Walgreen's"

― kyle (akmonday), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

it's the perfect crime!

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

You should get another magnetic monkey and get it to teach the other monkey how not to steal.

With fire.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

Monkey's magnetic hand must have brushed against them at checkout and carried them out!

i like that you didn't use the word "the" at the beginning of this sentence!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

What are altoids, anyway? Shall I taste them?

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

adam you have made my day.

xpost: they are good! i have never had apple ones though.

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

make the monkey taste them first

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

then take them back to the store and explain.

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

sorta thought about taking them back and trying to explain. or to make the monkey apologize.

xp!

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

the apple ones are gum! sour gum!

Naughty monkey.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

"go on then monkey, what have you got to say for yourself? WELL? WELL?"

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

I am just thankful that asses are not made of metal.

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

or...AM I?

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

This is the exact plot of WW Jacobs THE MONKEY'S PAW

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

Altoids is a better theft than an ass.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

When I was a really really little kid, like three years old, my family lived in Bombay, India, and one day my mom and I were walking through a park or something and these monkeys jumped on her to steal the animal crackers that were in her backpack. It was very traumatizing and I'm still slightly frightened of monkeys (but especially the ones in India that just sit on walls and glare at you).

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

I like monkeys. Like, a LOT.

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

http://www.lasvegasweekly.com/storypix/2000_11_09/monkey.jpg

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

my mum used to have a pet monkey when she lived in Hong Kong. It ruined a tea party and that had to get rid of it.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

In the window of one of those make your-own-pottery places there was a monkey plate. It looked suspiciously like yours. Coincidence? or fiendish plot?

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

is there some way we can see a picture of magnetic monkey?

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.zoo-koeln.de/zoovenir/catalog/images/Wild%20Clingers%2002.JPG

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

He looks like such a nice monkey, too.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 21:01 (twenty years ago)

http://www.maliciousdamage.biz/shop/images/MONKEY.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 23:34 (twenty years ago)

Monkey is a rotter.

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 14 June 2005 23:40 (twenty years ago)

http://www.ffbooks.co.uk/images/c0/c464.jpg

SPANK ME.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: exposing ambitious careerists as charlatans since 1986. (East, Wednesday, 15 June 2005 01:38 (twenty years ago)

One day I was at a grocery store, standind at the rack where they sell pick-yourself candies. I noticed that someone beside me was trying to open the lid of a candy box, but couldn't quite manage to do it. Without thinking further I opened the lid for him. As I walked away from the rack, I looked closer at the person I'd just helped. Only then did I notice that it was a two- or three-year old kid, who, now that the lid was open, was stuffing candies into his mouth with both hands! I quickly blended with the scenery.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 08:16 (twenty years ago)

Pain, pain of a monkey.
Pain, pain of a monkey.

― Come Back Johnny B (Johnney B), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 09:30 (twenty years ago)

Tuomas, I don't get it. Was the kid a monkey with magnetic hands? I guess I don't know what you call a young monkey... "Monkeyling"?

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 10:41 (twenty years ago)

Bape.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 11:49 (twenty years ago)

ADAM AND HARI ARE MY THIRD AND FOURTH FAVORITE BRITONS

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 21:07 (twenty years ago)

This thread is good.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 23:03 (twenty years ago)

Only as good as *truth* can be.

― the D Double signal (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 23:04 (twenty years ago)

tuomas's story is awesome!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 23:14 (twenty years ago)

(not as good as our host's, of course)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 23:15 (twenty years ago)

this is a great thread! I did some serious LOL at this. Of course, I have discovered that there are many good threads about monkey's (real and stuffed)on this site. For instance the smoking monkey from last month. Thanks all for the laughs.

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Wednesday, 15 June 2005 23:49 (twenty years ago)

altoids are kinda gross!

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 16 June 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

At first I thought "Altoids" were some sort of steroids, and i was gonna ask Adam, "Do they sell steroids in grocery stores in the US?". What kind of a name for sweets is that?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:03 (twenty years ago)

i think this is my favourite thread ever

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:13 (twenty years ago)

http://www.westonsinternet.co.uk/images/alt32e.jpg

they're kind of chalky.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:15 (twenty years ago)

'curiously strong'?

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:22 (twenty years ago)

http://www.snopes.com/risque/aphrodis/altoids.htm

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:28 (twenty years ago)

'curiously strong'?

they are "british."

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:29 (twenty years ago)

You can put your weed in there!

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:31 (twenty years ago)

i thought brits were notoriously puny!

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 16 June 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

five years pass...

He still hasn't done penance for this horrid crime

― Tolaca Luke (admrl), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:03 (fifteen years ago)

When I was little (three years old) my family lived in Bombay. One day my mom and I were on a walk; she was carrying me in her arms and she was wearing a backpack with animal crackers in it. A monkey jumped down out of a tree on her and stole the animal crackers. It was frightening, and ever since then I have been very suspicious of monkeys. They are not really very nice animals. And they steal things.

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:08 (fifteen years ago)

Haha, you have told that exact story on another of my special monkey threads

― Tolaca Luke (admrl), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:09 (fifteen years ago)

but it bears repeating, for sure. It's positively biblical in what it can teach us about life

― Tolaca Luke (admrl), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:09 (fifteen years ago)

shit originally that post started with "I don't think I've told this story on ILX before?" but I thought it might invite sarcastic responses such as "I can't imagine why you never told that story before" so I deleted it. Sorry, not many interesting things have happened in my life so far.

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:11 (fifteen years ago)

I've been posting here too long.

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:12 (fifteen years ago)

Tell that story to babby. He/she will appreciate it

― Tolaca Luke (admrl), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:14 (fifteen years ago)

It was on this very thread, guys. Look up.

― emil.y, Monday, 9 August 2010 19:37 (fifteen years ago)

Haha

...d'oh

― Tolaca Luke (admrl), Monday, 9 August 2010 19:37 (fifteen years ago)

this went wrong at this point: "I bought a monkey with magnetic hands from Walgreen's"

― kyle (akmonday), Tuesday, June 14, 2005 8:23 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fuckin hueg lol

― gross rainbow of haerosmith (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Monday, 9 August 2010 20:11 (fifteen years ago)

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