Should "sexually forthright" people be allowed to be bosses?

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Boy that's a euphemism, I'm trying to be generous. My boss is aggressively sexual and I'm utterly repulsed. I'm trying to be evenhanded and chastise myself--let's face it I'm downright WASPy in my attitudes toward sex--but is this itself over-rationalizing? Should I indulge my emotional response more? Is ILX's reaction as prudish as mine?

― subject, Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

how are they "aggressively sexual"?

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

i mean does he walk around with a giant boner in his pants all day?

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:46 (twenty years ago)

I'm uncomfortable even saying! That's how prudish I am!

― subject, Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

he humps the copy machine, doesn't he? DOESN'T he?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

if they are acting inappopriately, you can take it to HR. I know this is easier said than done though

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

also, the answer to your question is:

"Sure, but not mine."

― kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:50 (twenty years ago)

who says it's necessarily a dude?

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:52 (twenty years ago)

I did because I am a sexist!

same thing goes though, if your boss is walking around with her tits in your face, you can complain. in theory.

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 19 June 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

b/c when dudes do it, it's classified as "bonerz in yer face", but when chicks do it, it's classified as "workplace perk".

i mean, DUH, i thought'd we covered this already.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

Yes, but what if you're a gay man and your face is being mashed into your female boss' tits?

― Ian Riese-Moraine eats nation-states for breakfast! (Eastern Mantra), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

dude, man, like, that is so sexist, bro.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

tell her that there's a "motorboat fee" of like $10 or the equiv each time...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

think of david brent and enjoy it

― sunny successor (standing in the light of my own musical power) (katharine), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:28 (twenty years ago)

Have you any friends in the IT department who could surreptitiously check what websites your boss has been looking at on his/her work computer during office hours? Chances are that a "sexually forthright" person might be looking at pr0n, and might get into trouble for that.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

Also: do you have access to your boss's computer, to load some nasty pr0n on there first?

― C J (C J), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

the answer to the question is: if theyre cute, yes.

― sunny successor (standing in the light of my own musical power) (katharine), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

take it to HR

But is there anything worse than being branded as this kind of troublemaker? It can only come off as a whiny, thin-skinned, superiority-complex...Do you know any good people who complain about this stuff.

My boss is very tight w/ IT.

― subject, Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

It entirely depends what you mean, and that's far from clear. You could mean speaking openly about sexual things, and you could mean sexual harassment - and the line between those can be pretty tricky to draw, at times. Can you say to your boss, quietly, "I'm really uncomfortable with..." whatever it is? That seems the right thing to try before making any complaints. Are other people bothered, if other people are encountering it too?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 19 June 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

i'm afraid without any sexxxy elaboration, i'm of no help.

― hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 19 June 2005 18:01 (twenty years ago)

Depends on how cute he is.

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 19 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

I thought everyone in IT looked at porn at work.

― Bob Amal (bobnope), Sunday, 19 June 2005 18:58 (twenty years ago)

Sexual harassment is both a real issue and totally bullshit. What the hell does "sexually forthright" mean? If you're such a prude that you can't even REPEAT what he says, then I'm inclined to think that you're just a prude and should get over it.

― giboyeux (skowly), Sunday, 19 June 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

Face it, if 'subject' can't even mention what this boss is doing that is "sexually forthright" because it inspires such discomfort, even when 'subject' is logged in anonymously on an internet message board, then what are the chances that 'subject' is going to go bitch to HR or approach IT? Slim at best.

Further, if we don't know enough to determine whether the boss is engaging in a bit of mild flirtation or whether it is genuinely over-the-top verbal fantasy rape, then what are the chances ILx can give 'subject' any reasonable advice? Slim at best.

I do know that the sexual harrassment sensitivity training I was compelled to attend along with every other person in my company said the standard for determining sexual harrassment as being totally subjective with the harrassed person - IOW, if it made you uncomfortable, it met the standard. So, according to this broad standard, this is a case of harrassment. QED.

What to do about it is much trickier.

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 19 June 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Everytime I come to post on ILE I find Aimless has posted exactly what I would have said, only far more eloquently and with better use of paragraphs and punctuation than me, this is why alot of my posts are crappy puns.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Sunday, 19 June 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

A woman I worked with was sexually harrassed by one of the "nice guy, wouldnt harm anyone" types, the last person you'd expect, at one of my old jobs (this was after I'd left). Although the company took it seriously and I believe he was sacked as a result, because he was the nice guy and she wasnt mega popular, she was so horribly rounded on (no one believed her, etc) that she ended up having to resign from the stress.

I do belive serious harrassment ("sleep with me or yr fired" stuff, groping, lecherousness etc) is actionable and should be spoken out about, but one has to be careful - one woman's revolting sexism is another Calum's bit of fun, if you know what I mean.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 19 June 2005 21:36 (twenty years ago)

OTM.

― giboyeux (skowly), Sunday, 19 June 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

OTM 2nd. Sexual harassment is behavior intended to intimidate or dominate. Cracking a lewd joke might be best done between people who 'get' that humor, but it is NOT sexual harassment. Sexual harassment cases should be about not respecting people's boundaries. As far as lewdness goes, it depends upon the office culture.

― Bob Amal (bobnope), Sunday, 19 June 2005 23:46 (twenty years ago)

Indeed. Having said that though, people should at least be able to go to someone who, say, likes dirty jokes or pron on their pc or a FHM boobs pic on their wall, and say "please cut it out, it really makes me feel uncomfortable". Not raise it officially.

Obviously if the person then said "haha youre joking right" and made the persons life hell by hounding them about it, then its a problem. And I've seen that happen, too. God I've worked with some fuckwits.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 19 June 2005 23:49 (twenty years ago)

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