defend the indefensible: men who piss on toilet seats

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why do they do it? and can they be stopped?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:15 (twenty years ago)

They can be stopped by killing them.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

DIE TOILETS DIE!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

Alex is completely pwning me today.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:23 (twenty years ago)

I was once tempted to punish an offender who blatantly did this with the stall open (standing up, obv.) by grabbing him by the collar and thrusting his face within inches of the toilet seat and screaming "DRINK, FOUL HERETIC, FOR YOUR REPENTANCE! LET THY SUSTENANCE BE THAT BY WHICH YOU HAVE SINNED!" But I didn't.

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)

You've let the side down, Curtis.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:31 (twenty years ago)

He probably wanted you to do that.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 20 June 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

I know, he was practically begging me, esp. after he wiped off on my jeans

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

(okay, maybe that isn't true.)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 20 June 2005 17:39 (twenty years ago)

explain the inexplicable: WOMEN who piss on toilet seats. ok, i understand once the seat is all pissy you don't want to sit on it, but what about the first woman who pisses all over a pristine seat? WTF is your problem? fuck off and go in the men's.

― emsk, Monday, 20 June 2005 22:24 (twenty years ago)

Seriously, how much effort does it take to kick the toilet seat into the "up" position? Do these people have gimpy legs? Maybe they're really drunk and think it's some sort of target shooting challenge.

― mike h. (mike h.), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:13 (twenty years ago)

i pee on the seat to dissuade people from puking on it

― Sara Sherr, Blogger and Stereolab Fan (ex machina), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

You don't like it go outside/at home.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

Oh is this at work? That's different. Find out who they are and get them fired. For pissing on tolietseats.

― A Viking of Some Note (Andrew Thames), Monday, 20 June 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

I often wonder, who are these people who befoul public toilets? There seems to be millions of them, all over the world. I hope they're not my friends. I don't really want to be friends with anyone who'd wipe their menstrual blood on a door handle. It seems avoidable.

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

Well, a guy I used to work with once told me about this woman he knew who liked to make messes in public toilets and also to do things like stuff dirty napkins way down in her water glasses at restaurants, because she claimed she loved thinking of someone having to clean up after her, or the waiter having to pull her soiled napkin out of the glass with his hand. From what I'm told, this is not uncommon.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:52 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure it's not at all uncommon, given some of the sights I've seen. I just hope I don't unwittingly befriend the perps.

― estela the fusspot (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

I don't think you have to worry about that, as you will likely recognize immediately that they are scum.

― kirsten (kirsten), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

It is kinda easy to erm... dribble on the loo seat as a woman, if you think of the logistics of it (or err... not).

The polite thing to do tho is WIPE THE SEAT AFTERWARDS GEEZ.

When I was in high school they had to have a girls only hygiene session day thing, because apparently someone was sticking used, unwrapped up pads to the walls inside cubicles of the loos.

I did not set foot in the toilets at my high school once in the seven years I went there. It was filthy and terrified me.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 01:06 (twenty years ago)

There is no defense for this. But I do wonder why we don't have step-pedal toilet seats yet. How hard can this be to design? I think a lot more guys would raise the seat if you just had to step on a pedal.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 01:34 (twenty years ago)

Trayce has given me a PTSD flashback with that 'used sanitary pad stuck to the wall' story. I'm huddled under a blanket, shaking and crying, with my laptop and a cheap torch clamped in my teeth (because I couldn't afford a powerbook). Horrible high school loolitas.

― estela (estela), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:00 (twenty years ago)

gypsy thats such an amazingly obvious idea, OMG. Why hasn't it been done? SOMEONE INVENT THIS.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:02 (twenty years ago)

I think I've seen a foot-switch flush before. It was one of those things that didn't really register at the time, except in a very vague "huh, that's a good idea" way.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 03:07 (twenty years ago)

Any guy who says he hasn’t pissed on a loo seat is I liar; we’ve all done it.
It happens from time to time, especially when you have one of them seats that won’t stay up.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 08:48 (twenty years ago)

All you have to do is wipe it up after if you splash the rim, easy.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 08:49 (twenty years ago)

i pissed in a fridge once. that takes talent.

― jaygeeneus, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:21 (twenty years ago)

My friend recently told me she was on a National Express coach and she went to the toilet and it was really bumpy so she decided to kind of hover above the toilet seat. This was all well and good until she realised that ALL of the seats were down and she pissed on the top plastic covering bit.

She didnt clean it up either.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)

women do this too. my grandmother sometimes leaves her shit on the toilet seat and on the floor. shes 90, admittedly, but even so...

― titchyschneider (titchyschneider), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)

loolitas!

― g e o f f (gcannon), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 09:28 (twenty years ago)

toilets should all be like they used to be in diamaru before diamaru closed, ie. large circular seat entirely coated in revolving plastic toilet seat cover! you press the button before going, entire cover revolves fwd to reveal virgin unused plastic, use at leisure in knowledge that not even invisible things have befouled it! far superior to manual toilet seat covers that ppl may or may not use and that may shift during the process.

― dj, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 10:08 (twenty years ago)

gypsy thats such an amazingly obvious idea, OMG. Why hasn't it been done?

Those things always break. Especially if you put them in public areas, where people try to break them.

I too remember the revolving loo seat from somewhere. It's aces.

It's all very well and good to complain about ladies weeing on the seat, but what the hell are you meant to do if there's no toilet paper (which there never is, for reasons Nicholson Baker outlines very well in one of his tiny books)? Wipe it with your sleeve?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 11:57 (twenty years ago)

women do this too. my grandmother sometimes leaves her shit on the toilet seat and on the floor. shes 90, admittedly, but even so...

nice!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 12:04 (twenty years ago)

one time in a drunken episode at a party i pissed all over the toilet paper roll in the womens bathroom. they were not pleased.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

trayce surely it is only easy to dribble on seat if you are in hover-position, and is totally unnecessary to adopt hover position if seat is pristine? how do you dribble if you're sitting? aaargh i don't understand! (i suspect i don't want to understand)

― emsk, Tuesday, 21 June 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

I know a girl who in college was fast asleep in her bed, unsuspecting, when her roommate's boyfriend in a drunken fury pissed all over her. Beat THAT!

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

I also know a guy who in a separate incident of drunken fury pissed all over his dog.

When I was about 15 and drunk at a friend's house I couldn't find a) the bathroom b) a lightswitch or c) a door, so I did the only thing I could think of which was piss all over who-knows-what. Thankfully nobody noticed it in the morning.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

The less I think about the miscreant and errant piss streams of yesteryear, the better.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Why is no one defending the men who piss on toilet seats? READ THE THREAD TITLE.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Men who piss on toilet seats: at least they're not taking a dump, pulling it from the bowl, and smearing it all over the walls, effectively shutting down the only boys bathroom on that end of T4tes Cr33k H1gh Sch00l for the rest of the afternoon.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:45 (twenty years ago)

If you just pee in the sink, you'll never get in trouble.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:46 (twenty years ago)

Unless you forgot to do the dishes again, of course.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:47 (twenty years ago)

Peeing in the sink is almost as cool as peeing in trashcans.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

What I'd really like to know is how rogue pubes get up on the back of the toilet bowel. Like, who the hell rubs their crotches on the back of the jax? Unless there's some kind of mad pube alopecia going on but it would have to be affecting a significant amount of the population to explain the crops I've come across.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

Erm, in a manner of speaking.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:54 (twenty years ago)

Except if it's an empty metal trashcan, nicalizioso. That rattling, rain-on-a-tin-roof sound combined with the pleasure of relieving onself makes for a superlative urinary experience, far greater than any mere sink can provide.

xxpost

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:55 (twenty years ago)

crops!!!

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, like a crop of pubes!

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

Back hairs that shed off?

― Mickey (modestmickey), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

I like the way Penelope made her post more troubling through the deft use of misspelling.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

hurr hurr.

by the way, I am so pleased to have found a sincere use for the "urine" category.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 21 June 2005 22:19 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 78 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Nabisco, do people with "hand sanitizer" bug you as much as they bug me?

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

The quick-dry crumble-off kind? That stuff is kind of cool just for its weird state-changing qualities, but yeah, I kind of resent folks who think their hands need to be anti-bacterialized every thirty minutes. Just put them in bubbles, already. All that hand-scrubbing saves them maybe like three sneezes a year, while at the same time breeding new resistant germs, weakening their own immune systems through ridiculous coddling, and making them look like gigantic assholes who think they're too fucking special to live in the same carbon-based world as the rest of us. No, I would not mind seeing these people dogpiled by sweaty indigenous folk from Papua New Guinea; it will be good for them.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:40 (nineteen years ago)

I'd really like to talk to InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection about dynamic hygene solutions, but I guess InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection is done posting on this board.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:42 (nineteen years ago)

Let's not forget that neurotic sanitizing actually screws over your immune system's ability to fight off infection.

― Dan (Yay Germs) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

That draws to the mythic question: TO WASH OR NOT TO WASH (hands after going to the toilet).

Hand sanitizer or soap, that's almost the same, right?
I'm looking forward to read nabisco's answer to this too.

So, imagine Courtney, a guy shaking the hand of another guy who went to the toilet and didn't wash hands.... It happens VERY often! I saw some statistics showing many people actually do not wash hands.... It's better not to know it!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

You don't need to wash afterwards if you can master the ability of not peeing on your own hands. Of course I do wash, though. BEFORE.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:46 (nineteen years ago)

MOUTHS HAVE MORE GERMS THAN PENISES. (URINE IS STERILE)
PEOPLE SHAKE HANDS AFTER LUNCH
GROSS

xpost

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

Now, if only we could master the ability of peeing on other people's hands.

― mummy wrapped in bacon (nickalicious), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

Dan, could you ask Courtney to tell Nabisco to tell AAA 96 that I would like to talk to InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:48 (nineteen years ago)

Great answer, Tracey!!
However, are you sure the guy you are shaking hands with didn't pee on them?? A little drop is enough... to go on your skin.

I think personal hygiene is not the problem on this question. You are right, it's rather the risk of getting a drop on the hands that could be a problem - for others!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:50 (nineteen years ago)

And, Fluffy, you know I now have an identity... But you can call me IATSP or whatever you wish - just add AAA 96 to the name you give...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:52 (nineteen years ago)

A little drop is enough... to go on your skin.

I can't remember which hand lotion it was that used the "A little dab'll do ya!" tagline but I'm never using it again.

― Dan (Smooth Like Urea) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:54 (nineteen years ago)

Brillcream.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.shenet.se/zbilder/recept/harpomada.brylcreem.jpg

I'm pretty sure that translates as "A little drop is enough... to go on your skin."

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET

― and what (ooo), Monday, 5 June 2006 16:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brylcreem

"Cary Grant with pissed-in hair"

― Dan (EW) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:00 (nineteen years ago)

OK listen. You guys wanna sit around pissing on other people's hands and squirting sanitizer on each other, that's your business. But do not--I repeat, do NOT--try to besmirch Cary Grant in your shenanigans.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

BLAH BLAH BLAH I CAN'T HEAR YOU!(xpost)

I sure do wish my friend InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection would rejoin the discussion.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

Cary Grant is the original orange tan slut

― Courtney Gidts (ex machina), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:13 (nineteen years ago)

ho snap

― SQUARECOATS (plsmith), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:14 (nineteen years ago)

Say what you want about his skin tone, Cary Grant was not a man to piss on a toilet seat, I'm certain of it.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:15 (nineteen years ago)

I doubt he was the kind of guy who demanded saran wrap for his "sessions," either. BUT MAYBE THAT'S WHY HE'S DEAD.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:16 (nineteen years ago)

Why would he need saran wrap, or hand sanitizers? He was a man who knew how to piss!

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:32 (nineteen years ago)

1. Wrap hands in Saran Wrap.
2. Apply hand sanitizer to glans.

etc etc

― Dan (Modern Education In A Nutshell) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think Cary Grant was very close with Howard Hughes, though.

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:35 (nineteen years ago)

if you fear germs
upon the seat
or even on
your man-meat
LYSOL DOUCHE

― teeny (teeny), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:37 (nineteen years ago)

1. Wrap hands in Saran Wrap.
2. Apply hand sanitizer to glans.

etc etc

That just sounds painful.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

Painfully addictive, you mean.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.epinions.com/images/opti/2a/93/456020-music-resized200.JPG

― Dan (So Contagious) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:02 (nineteen years ago)

http://musicweb.cz/data/1408/nivea-complicated.jpg

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

Why not just pour alchohol on ductape and ride the pleasure train all the way to urgent care town?

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

No one said peeing was supposed to be fun!

― Dan (Kids Today) Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:06 (nineteen years ago)

HAHAHA! Healthy living:

http://static.flickr.com/76/161061819_e99a60be7f.jpg?v=0

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:09 (nineteen years ago)

because if I knew the previous guy had AIDS or another mess, hey, be sure I'd never sit!!!

science suggests that you are unlikely to catch AIDS from a toilet seat. maybe if both you and the other person had open running sores on your butt cheeks and both sat on the seat shor(rather than pissing on it) shortly after each other, then maybe.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:14 (nineteen years ago)

HIV dies on contact with the air. I think they would actually have to be sitting on the seat together, at the same time.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

I'm sorry. That's not the direction I wanted to take things.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:17 (nineteen years ago)

OK OK, but if the entire stall was coated with steaming pools of fresh blood, you wouldn't kick InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System out of bed for eating crackers.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

HIV dies on contact with the air. I think they would actually have to be sitting on the seat together, at the same time.

suppose they were - and suppose someone had pissed on the toilet seat. Would the amazing antiseptic powers of urine save them?

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

I now have an image of Cary Grant and what-I-imagine-Toilet-Spammer-to-look-like rubbing butt cheeks in a stall ;_;

― Allyzay Rofflesbot (allyzay), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

A gay porn whose time has come.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:24 (nineteen years ago)

Puntastic!

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 18:26 (nineteen years ago)

It's flying deep low again...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:23 (nineteen years ago)

Try flushing twice.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:37 (nineteen years ago)

The toilet drains are still blocked with a lot of non-sense... and excess toilet paper!

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:40 (nineteen years ago)

Astounding.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

Isn't it??

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

I am commissioning a poem.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:01 (nineteen years ago)

And when you think this whole discussion started on June 20th, 2005...

― AAA 96 (interhygiene-toilet-seat), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:07 (nineteen years ago)

Men who piss on toilet seats: secure or thoughtless?

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 5 June 2006 20:35 (nineteen years ago)

For Your Own Good

Against my hallowed flesh, no trace
of carbon-based molecular taint,
no stranger's strange DNA tingling
on my nether cheeks, no creatures
creeping into my caverns,
but rather the powder-dry newness of plastic,
slinking and sheeting the world
like the condom of God,
sliding between the clean and unclean
like veils between the bashful bride and her
rough-mannered bridegroom.
My lace-encased purity is a magnet to the soil,
the muck, the many-legged things.
The legions leap to sully me,
vaulting off the seat,
the rim, the pool within.
get behind me, polluters! Defilers!
Befoulers of water-closets,
breeders of vermin,
and rogue inseminators.
Keep your fetid fluids to yourselves,
lest you desiccate from this wanton
broadcasting of invisible spew.
I shall not be the cause
of your self-mummification.
InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System
Is for your protection, too.

-- Beth Parker (marthasminion...), June 10th, 2006 9:12 AM. (Beth Parker) (link)

Remember, if you or any of your friends work in the hospitality industry, make sure not to mention InterHygiene Automated Toilet Seat Protection System. This poem is a private joy to be held close to the cockles (of your heart or of any other appropriate bits); it is not an advert.

― Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Thursday, 15 June 2006 12:06 (nineteen years ago)

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