what are good social skills?

Double dipping is gross. No, really.

You mean like the ability to do really long kegstands?

nothing drives me more crazy than when a person doesn't pitch in to conversation. i know a girl who i really like, but i have this problem with her. sometimes she just sits there, it's like i'm working my ass off, and she is deadpan. i'm like ... really? nothin'? gets me CRAZY.

nothing drives me more crazy than subliminal pressure to pitch in to conversation! i have a lot of mental dead ends, i'm slow, sorry if a few minutes of silence makes you uncomfortable.

if anything i do the opposite of pressure people when it comes to social interaction -- i end up pressuring myself. i just think it's really considerate for both parties to take part in filling the silence. in a lot of social situations a few minutes of silence is uncomfortable.

turn-taking in conversation is a learned skill -- not everyone has learned it to the same degree

^^^

i have trouble talking on the phone for this reason -- without visual cues, i can't see when it's my turn, so i can't ever tell when i should be talking or if the other person is still going or what

but i am a noted motormouth/blabberwocky :(

if anything i do the opposite of pressure people when it comes to social interaction -- i end up pressuring myself. i just think it's really considerate for both parties to take part in filling the silence. in a lot of social situations a few minutes of silence is uncomfortable.

YES THIS. If you're sitting on a porch looking at a sunset or both have a magazine or w/e then of course there's no problem, but facing each other across a cafe table in a social situation, what is one meant to DO with silences?? Stare over your companion's shoulder? Stir your coffee 100x? If you could smoke in establishments, this would be taken care of but now there's nothing to do with your hands anymore.

also http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversation_analysis

i have started to learn to pace myself when it comes to talking with the girl in question. if she does not offer much, i try and just let the moment lie as opposed to rushing in with a fix. it's tough.

i don't really approach this topic prescriptively, aside from trying to fix my own problems with normal conversation, but it's interesting to note the differences in people's pragmatic/sociolinguistic competence in their native language vs L2 (or other learned language) (ie approach it more descriptively)

what is one meant to DO with silences??

drink

otm

also, option of making an comment about a person or object in the surrounding area

ask a question

i'm definitely a question-asker, sometimes to a fault. frikkin sally jesse over here

but yeah, i think about social skills a lot at my workplace, esp. the question of turn taking. everyone here tends to talk as much as possible, nonstop. if you transcribe what they say at meetings, it would contain no periods. and i guess the reason is that anytime anyone pauses for even half a second, someone else interjects and then it's impossible to speak again for at least half an hour (unless you in turn interrupt them). it's a terrible example of game theory where everyone drifts toward the worst case solution in their own self-interest.

everyone here tends to talk as much as possible

lol we sit in cubicles next to each other and communicate largely via im

ZS you have just described my workplace
it's painful sometimes

i think i want conversations to go smoothly, but when they turn from generic pleasantries to something that requires a bit of engagement and the person i'm talking to is someone i just... don't want to engage with, then, you know. silence in that situation does make me extremely uncomfortable and i'll do just about anything to physically remove myself, with no excuse even. makes it worse that i'm usually the cause of the silence! lately i've been trying to engage with/relate to a wider variety of people so i can get better at this, because it causes me a lot of anxiety and makes parties/meeting new people painful and exhausting instead of refreshing and fun.

the kind of silence i love is the kind of silence Laurel is talking about, where it's mutually comfortable -- either you've both talked enough that you can't think of anything else to talk about, or there is something else to engage with, or you're just ok being quiet for a few minutes. i've known a few people who can't deal with natural lulls like that and it is SO GRATING.

silence always means something when you're *with* someone and it can be really uncomfortable when one party doesn't know what it means, or one party knows what it means but they want to keep it under wraps?

i am a question asker, to the point that i've been told it seems like i'm interrogating... sorry, i'm JUST CURIOUS!!

usually, though, people are totally game to blab about themselves