im sick of reading, hearing and thinking about sex - possible remedies?

Three months is the worst. When you start to hit about six months, you will calm down again.

i dont want to have it merely 'calm down' in six months!

i would have thought women can find sex much more easily if and when they feel the need. all they have to do is pick up a guy they like, most guys are pretty easy going in that respect.

Or maybe stop thinking about sex purely as process and women purely as sperm recepticles and you might actually get a girlfriend.

OK, I'm going to get off this thread now.

and maybe that's all it comes down to in the end, beasts of the field etc., but i like to preserve the illusion that there's more to it than that.

i like to think theres more to sex than just sex for its own sake as well, ive only ever had sex with girls ive been in relationships with if im totally honest. i cant help thinking im somewhat alone in this old fashioned approach though and wish i could think like other men seem to and just go out there and find a fuck buddy. how satisfying i would find this though, i have no idea. anyway, im probably going to leave this thread too now.

can this fucking stop already? please?

FWIW, I think the "fuck buddy" thing is a myth. OK, sure, there will be half a dozen people who will stand up on ILX and talk about how they once had one, or their friend had one.

But I think that wanting a "fuck buddy" rather than "a relationship" is a way of trying to insulate oneself from being emotionally involved and/or hurt. Which is pretty much emotionally impossible for most people when you are talking about human beings and sex.

xpost: Jim, I do generally think as a rule men are FAR more driven by, and to, sex than women are, dont you? as a GENERAL rule.

Also, geez Jim, what up?

OTM

i think there is a pressure in our society to be that guy, beyond the simple desire for sex. i remember being shocked when i started as a writer, by the macho attitude of fellow music journalists on junkets to other towns, who were looking to shag away from home and boast about it as soon as they could.

xpost, you wouldn't have thought one sentence would take that long to type eh?

get a typewriter?

i've said it a zillion times, but the only answer is do it the long way, i.e. someone will come into the course of your normal life - at work, while shopping, or whatever - you become friends and build things up gradually if indeed you want things to be built up. you can't force these things to come into being.

I just don't have the patience, effort, stamina, emotional depths of strength to draw on, to kiss that many frogs.

I don't think it's the strangeness of the method of contact, but more the sheer volume of people you have to sift through. While if you date people you just meet through social situations, a lot of that sifting has already been done without your even noticing it.

what's more natural? approaching someone you like the look of in a club/bar, in the hope that you'll be compatible as people too? or doing it the other way round effectively - locking onto people by what their interests are/character seems to be like. granted the web enables people to deceive as about things as people deceive IRL, but that still makes it no worse than the conventional route.

on paper at least, online facilities should be the most logical (i suppose 'logic' may conflict with 'nature' at times) way of doing this, if you're in a rut with your social circle and not in a good position to meet new people regularly.

I just don't have the patience, effort, stamina, emotional depths of strength to draw on, to kiss that many frogs.

people do this without using dating sites anyway, putting the same energy into it in the process. it's not really that different in this respect, to me.

(xpost)

london improv is all blokes.

anyway i'm not keen on other msg boards. they move too slowly for my liking. ilx is the only place where you get some speed.

i read a nice article on BBC site yesterday about the women who started Friends In The City for Londoners. wish i had started something like this myself. perhaps it would be useful for some people, maybe even successful in terms of finding someone, even if the onus is on friendship.

If only there were something with the flippancy and funniness and friendliness (hah) of ILX, but talking about science and maths and history and architecture and linguistics and stuff I'm actually interested in. (I still love music, but it's a poor interest to base a relationship in - well, actually, I'm not even sure if I even love music any more.)

i think i need to relocate my other interests cos music has dwarfed all my other pursuits in the last few years, mainly cos its related to my work. i actually like linguistics too so if i find some sort of version of I love Linguistics, i will let it be known!

That would definitely be a great community/messageboard; the problem would be building it up until it became as active as this one is.

(I don't like the fragmentation that results from having lots of separate boards like I Love Film/Books/Comics/Whatever, partly because it results in less, um, communityness. I'd certainly be up for using a board along the lines of what Kate's just suggested, though)

Because whenever I start threads along those lines, they disappear after a few posts and I get sucked into the relationship threads again.

(and admin the badgers!)

well that's ILM innit