home alone and frightened in the middle of the night

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As a grown up person, I know I will regret this thread in the morning, but honestly I don't know if my head has ever been this sweaty before. The door leading down to the dark and terrible garage is banging in the wind, making me fear it may be a burglar... or worse!

please help me ILX, soothe my irrational fears!

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

oh god a most awful scratching noise outside also

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

put on some music.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

ok radio on, it is Louis Armstrong Mac the Knife

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)

I secured the door but I also just remembered that in this house (which belongs to a medical professional) there is approximately half of a human skeleton in the towel cupboard. This = absolutely true

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

Take the skeleton out, put it by the door and it will SCARE THE CRAP out of any potential burgalar. It takes a spook to catch a spook!

― MIS Information (kate), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

I recently rented an apartment from a colleague for a couple of months. They had removed every tiny bit of personal belongings from it, except for A SPINE HANGING FROM THE TOWEL RACK what the fuck.

Rainy, tv or radio usually helps me, especially live talk radio where there's actually someone there, feels a bit like having company, you know.

(But I still sometimes sleep with a pair of scissors under the pillow, just in case...)

― Hanna (Hanna), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

a REAL SPINE? like a human spine?

― Slumpman (Slump Man), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

is it the half which can run after you but not grab you, or the half which can grab you but not run after you?

i think you should seize the thigh bones and play soothing MJQ-style xylophone riffs on the ribcage

even if a burglar does arrive he will be mollified

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

hahaha (but what if the skeleton wraps it's one arm around me while I'm carrying it down and whispers the words to Mac the Knife in my sweaty ear?

(x-post) WHY must people leave human remains among towels?

Now the song is Angie by the Rolling Stones

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

The human skeletal remains in my house aren't among the towels. Well, all I have is somebody's little finger-bone, but it definitely isn't in a laundry-related area.

― Tech Support Droid (ForestPines), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

quickly use the bones to build something elegantly ossuous yet immobile

in the morning don't tell yr flatmate and maybe he will spectacularly fail his medical exams as punishment

or get confused during an operation: "where are the scapula-finger joints? the headbone connects to the anklebone!!"

(the reason we have anaesthetics is to allow doctors and nurses to sing this song w.high kicks during ALL OPERATIONS)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

between all of us here at ILX we probably have a whole Army of Darkness!

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

quickly use the bones to build something elegantly ossuous yet immobile

http://www.ebbc.org/central_europe/ossuary_frame3.gif

― Tech Support Droid (ForestPines), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

yikes!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:58 (twenty years ago)

My head is bathed in sweat and yet my feet remain ice-cold

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 12:59 (twenty years ago)

That pic --> eeww!!

I dunno if it was a REAL spine, it sure looked like it, but I guess it probably wasn't. It included the pelvis, btw!

― Hanna (Hanna), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:00 (twenty years ago)

perhaps it was an overly elaborate shower radio

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:02 (twenty years ago)

i usually pull the duvet completely over my head in situations like this, because then the axe-wiedling maniac won't be able to see me (or get at me with his big heavy sharp weapon due to the magical powers of duvet protection).

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

bilibin to the rescue!!

http://www.bpib.com/illustrat/bilibin3.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

she is even wearin rainy-style pearls!!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:13 (twenty years ago)

Years ago when I went orf to Australia to live for a while, I rented a lovely ground-floor apartment all to myself in South Yarra. As I moved in late one Friday afternoon and started unpacking things, I discovered a drawer in the bedroom was filled with ink drawings of great violence, skulls, death, kill, blood, headless corpses, daggers etc etc left by the previous tenant, and I was a bit unnerved by this.

Later that evening, as it was getting dark, a newsflash came on the radio saying some violent and dangerous prisoner had escaped from prison that day, and was not to be approached if seen. I became more unnerved.

And then the noise started in the darkness outside. An unholy racket, like someone clambering onto the tin roof of the shed in the garden, stamping about and shrieking and laughing like some maniac. I have never been so scared in my life. Turned out it was a Tasmanian Devil or some such creature, and not the axe murderer. But still. *wibble*.

― C J (C J), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

i have a rather sharp chef's knife in my room! erm, cuz that's where i keep my kitchen stuff.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

I feel less sweaty now. G'night pals, thanks!

― rainy (rainy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

Ahh teh Kutna Hora ossuary...

― Die Emanzipation von Baaderonixx (redukt) (Fabfunk), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

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