In America, even the gays and the hipsters are crap!

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... in which young master Momus discovers that New York is too bland and its inhabitants too fat and boring:

http://www.livejournal.com/users/imomus/117896.html

NYC resident, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:17 (twenty years ago)

Darth Gavin = "Your journey towards the VICE side is now complete."

Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

http://www.gregsgrooves.com/imagesm-r/nazareth_no.jpg

mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

As for the hipsters, well, I sat by the door of Beacon's Closet reading the free hipster community papers and watching the clientele, and it seemed like only the Japanese were really trying.

Priceless.

Zizek's rugger bugger brother, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

"The white beer was crude and lacked the cloudy, hoppy taste of German white beer"

German weissbier has no hop flavour at all.

mjfan, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

Many wore vast T shirts over portly rotund bellies.

Followed a couple of lines later by:

It's all tied up with convenience, with comfort, with puritan body horror or proactive Nietzschean body alteration (work out hard at the gym, your body is just a machine!)...

Ah, if only all people could be as slim as Momus without ever having visited a gym!

Flyboy (Flyboy), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

no, hoppy as in "happening, against the grain, like a hipster but IN A GOOD WAy"

mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

yeah, flyboy's excerpt says it all really. the irony here is that momus is basically indulging in the exact behaviour that offending americans get nailed for when travelling abroad, the arrogant foot-stomping that comes with having to make adjustments.

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

It's interesting he mentions the streets, and, I think, the sidewalks. I remember a co-worker coming back from somewhere or other in Europe and talking about how much more carefully the streets were constructed where she had visited, exactly the sort of thing he's talking about. I think he's right about a lot of this. I didn't read down to the hipster part yet.

RS (Catalino) LaRue (RSLaRue), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:51 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i liked that too. but some of the ideas put forth in this essay are just as ignorant as those that compile the very worst stereotype of an american traveling abroad. the bits about the food tasting the same are ridiculous ("the food forgot what it was supposed to do" is maddeningly aristocratic, even for momus) and the crack about all american food being essentially mexican-made is problematic for all sorts of reasons, one of the major ones being that its untrue. i can't argue with the complaints about american television lacking texture, but that's hardly a new sentiment; (is this the first time momus has been beaten to the punch by bruce springsteen? possibly.)

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:54 (twenty years ago)

There are some nice blocks in NYC, but it's true that architecturally broad swathes of it are thrown together haphazardly with little thought to creating an overall gestalt - I guess that's the American way - build fast, no central planning, new buildings spring up overnight and get torn down just as fast. It's also true that we Americans tend to skimp on the appearance of our public infrastructure - utilitarian and functional is all we ask for - but then we've never had a monarchy that could spend lavishly without having to worry about justifying to the voters where their tax money was going.

o. nate (onate), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

the sound lab door slammed
akiko's dress waved
like a vision she vogued along the verandah
as the delicate post-modern buccaneer gamelan automaton chorus mimed

mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

and the crack about all american food being essentially mexican-made is problematic for all sorts of reasons, one of the major ones being that its untrue.

It's exaggerated, but it gets at a reality. At least in urban areas, kitchens are very heavily staffed by Mexicans. There's nothing to prevent Mexicans from learning how to prepare a cuisine that's unfamiliar to them, but it doesn't always work that way. I guess the comments could be read as racist, but I'm not sure that's entirely fair. Overtly, anyway, he makes an economic point.

I've been to some food trucks staffed by, say, Pakistanis who are selling cheese steaks and such, but don't really know what how they are meant to turn out. Of course, I'm not sure what Momus would think of chees steaks. I'm backing to not eating them most of the time, thanks to the extra weight I've put on in recent years.

RS (Catalino) LaRue (RSLaRue), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

At least in urban areas, kitchens are very heavily staffed by Mexicans.

Jesus fucking Christ.

NOT ALL LATIN PEOPLE ARE MEXICAN. Every kitchen I've worked in has been staffed by, yes, predominantly Central American dudes but as many of them came from Ecuador or El Salvador or Guatemala as they did from Mexico. Maybe I'm being pedantic, but whatever. Does anyone ever substitute "French" for "German" or "Spanish?" Of course not.

giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

ding ding ding

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

what the hell has the crazy frog got to do with anything?

stelf)xxx, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

ok, so

1) NYC = America
2) American pluralism = Manhattan AND Williamsburg, straight folks AND gay folks
3) Williamsburg = gay people, hipsters, that's it
4) Momus has a very good innate sense of where to go to find the best in a major metropolitan area, or at least a very good tourbook
5) all Latin American or South American people are Mexicans
6) Mr. Softee = the highest expression of American food culture
7) lower middle class and poor people deserve to be made fun of for their failure to devote themselves to a leisure class arts and crafts aesthetic
8) gay people are like THIS
9) Japanese hipsters are saintlike, even when allied with ugly Americans

(xpost)

gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:17 (twenty years ago)

it's mentioned the next line of "born to momus"!!

mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

Momus should never, never visit Boston.

Another Allnighter (sexyDancer), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

>I've also witnessed a gay pride march on 5th Avenue. Now, I'm inclined to think of gay people and hip people as somehow different from the people around them.<

What I'd loosely call "non-assimilationist" (or hip) gays avoid such marches (parades is what they are), at least after the first few years of coming out. I spent 4 hours at the Film Forum and got out in time to see the sweep-up.

Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)

10) fatness is deserving of scorn
11) fitness is deserving of scorn

mark p (Mark P), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)

how could i have forgotten

10) America is bereft of family farms. No major urban area in America has even one farm market. Few if any chefs are devotees of the market or its ideology/aesthetic. There is no American cult of the local, the fresh, or the simple in cooking/eating. There have never been 'organic' or 'slow' food fads in America. America falls behind the rest of the World in all these respects.

gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

i don't think i've ever been this rude on ilx, for which i apologize, but if you're in nyc and you've got a bit of money and time to spend and you can't eat well then you're a fucking idiot.

lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

i think i might like the new rude lauren even better than the polite one

stelf)xxx, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

Guys, he's deliberately baiting you. Resist!

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

New York City is not home to 47 "greenmarkets" frequented by up to 250,000 customers and relied upon as a matter of course by more than 100 restaurants. Neither is Manhattan home to more than 30 good-to-high quality gourmet/specialty/organic produce stores and supermarkets.

Lauren otm

gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

www.kalustyans.com

no gritty hummus here.

lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:29 (twenty years ago)

I think it's about time to send Martin Sheen upriver to dethrone the Emperor God King Momus.

k/l (Ken L), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:32 (twenty years ago)

I love the smell of arugula in the morning

gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Seriously, let him have his "waah waah, reality doesn't match the perfect fairyland I've created in my head" moment and move on. Everybody does something similar at one point or another; is it fair to crucify Momus just because he turned his into an essay?

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

this is just like americans who come to london, eat in shitty restaurants and then say all british food is apalling, really

stelf)xxx, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

(Hahaha I know I'm being a big smelly hypocrite here)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

"NOT ALL LATIN PEOPLE ARE MEXICAN. Every kitchen I've worked in has been staffed by, yes, predominantly Central American dudes but as many of them came from Ecuador or El Salvador or Guatemala as they did from Mexico"

Mexico is in North America.

scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

(I was going to let that one go!)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)

I couldn't help myself.

scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

it's probably a lesser error in the scheme of things than using "mexican" as a catch-all term for brown-skinned folks.

lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

you go, lauren!

I'm bad and dirty and going to hell (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

I mean about the "fucking idiot" thing!

I'm bad and dirty and going to hell (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

13) (American) cities should be designed by Momus for the aesthetic pleasure of Momus; they should not be organic, capitalist entities in which Americans collectively determine the good life as they see it, via a regulated marketplace. Also, we should euthanize many of their residents, as they are too crowded.

gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:42 (twenty years ago)

is it fair to crucify Momus just because he turned his into an essay?

Yes. The ability to successfully resist the urge to write sermons, screeds, and essays must be encouraged.

M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

I love people who look to be disappointed.

M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

Momus hates the US so I don't know why people are surprised when he writes an essay titled "Why I Hate The US, by Momus (age 7)".

(xpost: haha only we already know that IT DOESN'T WORK ON HIM)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:44 (twenty years ago)

Mexico is in North America.


SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!


lalalalalalalalalallalala

...I still think the point is valid, tho. I run into this all the time. I've heard all kinds of people of all stripe casually use "Mexican" for "someone from south of the border."

giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

Is this the Momus who lives in Germany, whose wonderful, sausage-based cuisine is rightly praised the world over for its delicate subtleties?

Humberto C. Antunes, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:48 (twenty years ago)

...doesn't he live in Nippon?

giboyeux (skowly), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

Is this the Momus who lives in Germany, whose wonderful, sausage-based cuisine is rightly praised the world over for its delicate subtleties?

ow ow ow ow hahahahahahaha ow ow ow ow

The Ghost of Stifling ROFFLEs Hurts (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

I could defend against some of the things Momus says here (esp. about the food -- WTF???) but I don't think New York is all it's cracked up to be either. The argument I always here in its favor is that "you can find anything here." Well, maybe I'd rather live somewhere that's actually a nice place to live instead of a department store where I can find "everything."

Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

Yes, the very country who's major contribution to world cuisine is ramen.

mjfan, Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:51 (twenty years ago)

for richer texture click here

mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

Is this the Momus who lives in Germany, whose wonderful, sausage-based cuisine is rightly praised the world over for its delicate subtleties?

rofl

xxpost

I'm bad and dirty and going to hell (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 28 June 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

MANDEE, you are kind of wrong about GREELEY. Local supermarkets always had nice bakery sections (TODDYS, HELLO) and there were bakeries that always came and went like JUST BAKED AND WILDFLOUR. I guess there wasn't a butcher though. There was also that one bakery where mom used to get homemade KRAUTBURGERS.

gunther heartymeal (keckles), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

p.s not a very convincing argument huh?

gunther heartymeal (keckles), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

Aktually, idly using google, I notice Greeley (now) has a carniceria.

Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

i just remembered the krautburgers actually - but we were talking about INDEPENDENT BAKERIES, not grocery stores, man!

just baked and wildflour dont count, they were bagel shops!

Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 16:49 (twenty years ago)

it's easier to get stuff in cheapo parisian supermarkets that's a couple iotas better than what you find at most american supermarkets. but from my experience poor people in paris eat a lot of processed food, a lot of mcdonald's, a lot of turkish doner sandwiches (yummy, but very bad for you), etc. but yes i would never contest the fact that the french eat better than americans or that it's easier to eat better there.

i think it's rather annoying that momus comes on here to make a funny ("how can a funny not be a funny?" "when it's not funny"). but i guess it's better than him "debating" in his momuslike "shift the grounds of debate with every other post" manner.

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 16:58 (twenty years ago)

What I don't get is why people prefer tasteless soft white "Wonder" style bread to "bakery" style bread. What am I missing?

laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:01 (twenty years ago)

Tea sandwiches

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

to be fair it's a bit hard for Momus to come in after 400 posts and defend himself but he may well be better off just ignoring the thread than making the funny.

jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

Even normal White Bread can't hold a candle to normal wheat bread

THE JAMES DEAN OF THE OLD TESTAMENT (ex machina), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

Aktually, idly using google, I notice Greeley (now) has a carniceria.

Lots of small to mid-size towns now have Mexican grocery stores and other such places. Which pretty much justifies illegal immigration all by itself.

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

Texas brisket w/white bread n pickle chips - BOOOOYAA!

jhoshea (scoopsnoodle), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:13 (twenty years ago)

(PS: The post Momus wrote today is, upon initial skim read, something I agree with.)

The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

who needs a butcher to be in a separate building from a grocery store?

Another Allnighter (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

No-one as long as they're a quality butcher.

M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

Momus...Momus...Momus...Oh! Momus! He's that guy who made that bland, rhythmless music in the 1990's. He knows what's up.

Keep Trying, Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

i'm with momus til the last third on today's missive.

Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

I'm enjoying how the idea of seperate bakeries and butchers and seafood stores is some kind of posho nirvana, instead of what it is here - something old and simple and harking back to man on the land times. In a butchers for eg, the meat is cheaper, better quality, fresher and not sealed in bloody plastic.

The main street shops in my suburb has 2 franchise bakeries (theyre little shopfronts with small onsite bakery things out back, I assumed this was totally common?!), at least 2 or 3 other bakeries (a Russian one which is nice), 2 bagel shops and a jewish cookie shop, probably half a dozen butcher/deli/fishmonger places (some kosher, some not), and a health food store. This is AS WELL as the 2 supermarkets in the street,

You could walk the length of where these shops all are in maybe 10 minutes tops.

Tons of suburbs have similar.

I'm now very pleased I live where I do. I also presume, as an aside, momus has never been to australia? Heh.

Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 30 June 2005 00:53 (twenty years ago)

er, i've tried to be a bit more "discursive," so i've posted a defense of smog to momu's livejournal page: http://www.livejournal.com/users/imomus/111642.html?view=3327770#t3327770

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 30 June 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

nice work, sir.

jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 30 June 2005 03:55 (twenty years ago)

even when i was trying to be sort of vaguely discursive, i was sort of snotty.

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 30 June 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

Howcum you're not the one writing reviews?

Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 30 June 2005 04:00 (twenty years ago)

i live in clinton hill. i do not have a butcher shop. i do not have a cheese shop. i do not have a sushi joint.

tracer there is a sushi joint (albeit owned/staffed by koreans, quel horreur) on your block.

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 03:59 (twenty years ago)

and the deli beneath it sells primarily gourmet foods, mainly asian stuff. sorta skimpy cheese selection tho, yeah.

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

i mean shit, tracer, our neighborhood has a spanish chinese place! or is it a chinese spanish place? either way you're not gonna get that in snobby old paree!

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 04:24 (twenty years ago)

also, i know i'm late to the party, but did momus's good eye miss the corporate sponsorship on those gay pride floats or what?!?

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

stencil i have never been in that place, i have a superstition about restaurants that are on my block. but i can't deny that it holds out a very weird promise of cuisine. "Sapolo" - if you thought for hours, could you have come up with a better name?

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 2 July 2005 07:34 (twenty years ago)

i haven't had their sushi but the korean stuff isn't bad! also further down is castro's, u really should check that out, tho i think they cook with lard so it hurts my stomach.

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 07:37 (twenty years ago)

i'd say i'd meet you fer bagels at 8 when bergen's opens but i already bought some to take home yesterday/today. fuck sleep.

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 07:38 (twenty years ago)

FIVE HUNNERD AND FIVE MUTHAFUCKIN' POSTS LATER....

kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 2 July 2005 07:39 (twenty years ago)

uh?

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 07:47 (twenty years ago)

JOEL THAT NOISE SPAM EMAIL I GOT FROM YOU HAD EXCELLENT COPY

get to thA CHOPPA / A++++++ SELLER (ex machina), Saturday, 2 July 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

American food is bland because producing it that way is the most profitable tack and our "culture" is determined by corporate exigencies based not on demand but on profit margins. Don't be an idiot and extrapolate that our taste buds are deaf--perhaps the most irresponsible confusion of cause and effect.

Gradually as people taste them there will be a wider demand for more subtle cheeses and the market will comply. Yawn.

THE HIDDEN FOUNDATION, Saturday, 2 July 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

thanks jw!

hstencil (hstencil), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:07 (twenty years ago)

the thing with momus is that he so blatantly wishes he was brian eno but is not nearly as interesting or generous.

hstencil (hstencil), Sunday, 3 July 2005 19:18 (twenty years ago)

he has more hair left

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 3 July 2005 21:39 (twenty years ago)

hstencil actually totally fucking OTM, to the point where we can finally stop discussing Momus once and for all. Wow.

n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 July 2005 05:13 (twenty years ago)

Brian Eno doesn't have a rub voice either.

get to thA CHOPPA / A++++++ SELLER (ex machina), Monday, 4 July 2005 05:44 (twenty years ago)

hstencil actually totally fucking OTM, to the point where we can finally stop discussing Momus once and for all. Wow.

You can indeed. I will imagine you all sitting around hstencil's feet, taking lessons in the true meaning of generosity.

Momus (Momus), Monday, 4 July 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

Happy Independance-From-Momus Day, everybody. Free drinks at my place.

Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Monday, 4 July 2005 12:38 (twenty years ago)

Out of curiosity, I listened to a bit of Momus's new album in a record store the other day. He really needs to get a guest singer or something.

Anthony Gonzales, Monday, 4 July 2005 12:59 (twenty years ago)

I'm sort of new here, so maybe I don't have a clear perpective on things, but what's with the Momus hate? I mean, as far as I know he writes songs and essays. Maybe he's being controversial but why would someone expect generosity form him?

daavid (daavid), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

I expect generosity from everyone

Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

momus wouldn't be out of place in the spectator, or the salisbury review.

N_RQ, Monday, 4 July 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Really? Have they started running articles by left wing Scots who criticize America's swing to the right, the growing polarisation between rich and poor, monopolistic "synergy" capitalism, and lack of respect for diversity?

Momus (Momus), Monday, 4 July 2005 14:13 (twenty years ago)

that paragraph on smog was pretty poor. it doesn't give much impression of your having listened or thought about what you were hearing. the fact that it mentions nick cave twice is perhaps a sign that you were writing about something besides the smog record.

Josh (Josh), Monday, 4 July 2005 20:25 (twenty years ago)

Momus really understands America since he spends so much time there.

You can indeed. I will imagine you all sitting around hstencil's feet, taking lessons in the true meaning of generosity.

He has given me plenty of killer tapas, dude!!

get to thA CHOPPA / A++++++ SELLER (ex machina), Monday, 4 July 2005 20:27 (twenty years ago)

what does momus think of luther vandross?

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 4 July 2005 21:09 (twenty years ago)

did it really take this long for someone to point out that non-pastuerized cheese is, in America, difficult to find because it's basically illegal to sell due to FDA edict?

Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Monday, 4 July 2005 23:36 (twenty years ago)

Well, Momus' neighborhood is taken to stand in for all of America, which I suppose is a literary device. But my neighborhood smells like the sea, not garbage, and I am in America.

I agree with several of the observations about the homogeneity of American food, even when it is "ethnic" food, but you've got to know where to go to get decent food. That's what makes it fun, the search!

As to the disappointment with the gay community--it really is a mistake to expect gay people to be hipsters, or even interesting. They are just as likely to be just as boring as hetereosexual people. It sounds like Momus hasn't found the right crowd to run with, and is frustrated. I can understand that. I hope you find them, M, they are out there.

Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 4 July 2005 23:58 (twenty years ago)

eleven years pass...

mo mus mo probs

i n f i n i t y (∞), Monday, 12 June 2017 16:49 (nine years ago)


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