i sure thought i'd look smart in a pair of clam-digger shorts

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yes i did!! for several years--maybe even FIVE--i entertained this fantasy. i'd look sharp and relaxed at the same time, casual and debonair!!

yesterday i went to simon's and tried on three pairs. they looked terrible!! i was crushed.

tell us about clothing you assumed you'd look great in and then realized you didn't. clothes that exist better in the world of FANTASY!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

the other side of the coin: a few weeks ago i tried on a white blazer at an UNNAMED UPMARKET CLOTHING STORE. it looked amazing but didn't QUITE fit (i've gained about five pounds since quitting smoking) and was... shockingly, $300, which there is NO way i could possibly afford. i was so sad.

it felt like when you make eye contact with a cute person on the street or subway and you imagine the wonderful life you could have had together if things were different. me & the jacket just weren't meant to be.

and yet... and yet!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

and yet?

― dahlin (dahlin), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

I think you went wrong at the "clam-digger shorts" part. It is categorically impossible to look smart, debonair or dashing in those things.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

http://www.slugmag.com/etc/196/coachwhip.jpg

― larry bundgee (bundgee), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

and yet i'll still think of them from time to time and sigh.

dan you may be right. i don't know where my head was with that.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)

I have some clam-diggers! I usually just wear them when I'm doing yardwork or digging up clams though.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

so are they like capris then? cos i don't look good in them either. yet every summer the shops are awash with them, taunting me. it makes me sad

― dahlin (dahlin), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:13 (twenty years ago)

wow. you did up clams and occasionally ride barges. what an exciting life you lead nick! do you live by the sea?

― dahlin (dahlin), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

those pants don't look good on anyone! Super models even look bad. They make everyone look short fat and cut off somehow. They were ugly in the '50s - they were ugly again in the '90s and yet the fashion trend continues. I think it's a joke being foisted upon us the hapless consumers to keep us buying really expensive "designer" wear that's ugly as sin and then they laugh all the way to the bank at our expense. Don't worry - I'm sure there are many other outfits that will make you look fresh, sophisticated yet casual.

― Wiggy (Wiggy), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:14 (twenty years ago)

For me, it's probably band-collar shirts. There's something really, I don't know, priestly or something about them that I find appealling, but they just make my neck look retarded.

haha dahlin, I live in Kentucky! I don't really dig up clams, and that "barge" was actually more like a "pontoon boat" but we were retarded shouty hippies and "BARGE PARTY!" sounds so much more exciting than "PONTOON PARTY!".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

Clam-diggers are only topped by WADERS as far as clothing that can't not look ridiculous goes.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

i quite like the sound of pontoon party actually. alliteration and all that
i used to catch crabs when i was little by smashing up mussels and stringing their carcasses to hooks and dangling them over the dock. those were the days...

― dahlin (dahlin), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

haha ew

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:20 (twenty years ago)

i am now vegetarian

― dahlin (dahlin), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

poontang party

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

i think it was a picture of johnny depp that started this whole thing off for me.

or a punk friend 10 years ago who cut off his workpants

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:06 (twenty years ago)

flared jeans always make my lower body appear oddly shaped.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

ah, I always think this about short/mini skirts, and even have a couple in the closet. But whenever I put them on I look in the mirror and wonder what the hell inspired such a purchase. The weird thing is that I do like my legs and alway wear skirts, though kneeish-length. I'm wondering if maybe short skirts are really just meant for teenagers and cute, short Japanese girls. (and maybe clamdiggers are just for teenagers and chilled-out old people - the best is yet to come, s1ocki!)

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

Is this some other weird thing like "undershirt"?

― Edgware General (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

haha!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 29 June 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

hahaha. Whatever you do, do not do this! F3derline manpris strike again, with Flip-Flop Sock Terrorr! However, no "undershirt" this time.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v352/morganzola/fedbody.jpg

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

FLIP FLOPS WITH SOCKS

WTFEDERLINE?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

oh dear

― dahlin (dahlin), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

I think my favourite part is that he's actually COLOUR-COORDINATED all this.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Give him a break, his little piggly-wigglies were cold.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

I have always wanted to be able to pull off looking sweepingly sexy in a floor length skirt or a maxi coat, but I am so short I just looked swamped. The same goes for that 'oh I just threw on my boyfriend's jacket/ jumper/ t-shirt and now look really cute even though it is slightly too big.' My actual boyfriend is almost a foot taller than me, so no dice there, but my male housemate is only 5'5" and ... still I look like a child playing dress up.

Good news for mini-skirts though. (I include that so rrobyn may think 'aha! I can pull off those two looks.')

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

When I was younger I bought a black wide-brimmed hat so I could be like Ritchie Blackmore, tried it on when I got home and it looked so good that I buried it in my closet and have only thought about it twice since then - once to throw it away years later and twice because of this thread.

― Pangolino 2, Tuesday, 12 July 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

at about aged 16/17 I thought I'd see if I could look cool with a shaved head, it looked ridiculous, plus I had it on my drivers licence for fucking years, awful, I will never ever shave my head again. my friend Paul actually says now "yeah that looked really terrible". and it did. long hair for me forever.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 15:10 (twenty years ago)

You insensitive bastard.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

i look good with a shaved head!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

"But look what it did to my clam-digger!" is my all-time favorite punchline.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 16:07 (twenty years ago)

s1ocki i can imagine you pulling off clamdiggers too!! that's a shame.

related: wearing loose linen slacks in a last-ditch effort to not wear shorts - c/d?

― jones (actual), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 16:32 (twenty years ago)

haha i think "wtfederline" needs to be a new meme

this is pretty much all clothing for me. damn these legs.

― strng hlkngtn, Tuesday, 12 July 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

i found a pair that work!! and they were CHEAP!! and GREY!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 03:12 (twenty years ago)

levi's!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 03:12 (twenty years ago)

so good

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 03:26 (twenty years ago)

(i've gained about five pounds since quitting smoking)

haha/sob sob

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 03:26 (twenty years ago)

omg, I was just talking about this thread earlier tonight! Because I cut a pair old clamdiggers into knee-length shorts!
I am happy for you, s1ocki, and your cheap, grey clamdiggers that work.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Sunday, 7 August 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

the good thing is, they have pockets on the thighs but they are not fugly cargo pockets.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 05:38 (twenty years ago)

Well, at least you're still masculine!

― scout (scout), Sunday, 7 August 2005 06:20 (twenty years ago)

haha fugly cargo pockets!

i still don't understand the need for nasty excessive bulkiness in otherwise decent pants!

― tehRZA gibbons (tehresa), Sunday, 7 August 2005 07:42 (twenty years ago)

maybe kevin's rockin' the thong sock look:

http://www.birkenstockexpress.com/ImageLibrary/Accessories/Socks/Fashion/Thong_Sock/large/1597-1_thong_char%20copy200.jpg

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Sunday, 7 August 2005 07:50 (twenty years ago)

that image is rather disturbing

― tehRZA gibbons (tehresa), Sunday, 7 August 2005 07:52 (twenty years ago)

yeah it took me a while to realise it said 'sock' and not 'sack', i thought it ws like a rhcp thing taken to the next degree

― jeremy jordan (cruisy), Sunday, 7 August 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

I keep thinking that I'd look great if I had a white linen suit. And a panama hat.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 7 August 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)

Those are TABI SOCKS and I have some to go with GETA SHOES; they rock if worn with Japanese fashion items.

― suzy (suzy), Sunday, 7 August 2005 10:21 (twenty years ago)

i bet you would ian....
mmmmm
maybe one day i'll wear a dress again. MAYBE

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 7 August 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

I saw a white linen suit in Penneys (as Primark is called over here for some reason). It was only EUR 60. Sure that's nothing to a man of independent wealth such as myself. Bizarrely, it's only slightly more than the cost of a panama hat from M&S.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 7 August 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

upon reflection these aren't REALLY clam-diggers. but they do go below the knee (just not all the way to the ankle)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 7 August 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

yes hmmm. i was wondering where one buys a panama hat... m&s, obviously. ha!
sadly, it won;t be the season for white linen much longer! you must act now!

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 7 August 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

I will also be going to the Middle East on Friday, so if I were to wear a white linen suit and panama hat then maybe the locals will think I work for an important fruit multinational and ply me with whores and cocaine.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 7 August 2005 20:05 (twenty years ago)

although this would be inconvenient, as I will be in the company of my beloved.

I've finally cracked, and done a google image search for clam-diggers. They're not what I expected.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Sunday, 7 August 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

and rob you senseless.
have fun!

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 7 August 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

I keep thinking that I'd look great if I had a white linen suit. And a panama hat.

If by "great" you mean "like a character out of a Graham Greene novel", then yes you would look great in a white linen suit. But then, almost everyone looks great in a white linen suit. It's the cut that's important. (also looking like you've stepped out of a Graham Greene novel is a good thing, style wise).

I don't think anyone can wear clam diggers unless they are Grace Kelly.

I have always wanted a leather coat. But I am very large, and so I fear that a leather coat would actually make me look like a real cow, so I don't have one.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 8 August 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

I look upon summer-type clothing with a mixture fear and horror. Being a tall slender man one would think I might be able to get away with wearing just about anything, but pipe-cleaner arms and legs mean I feel more than a little inadequate when wearing shorts or short-sleeved stuff. It feeds all my insecurities about being scrawny and unattractive.

The rest of the year I'm a debonair clothes horse, of course.

― Stone Monkey (Stone Monkey), Tuesday, 9 August 2005 10:10 (twenty years ago)

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