Extremely Long Term Relationships That Show No Sign of Ending in Marriage/ Engagement Classic or Dud?

As far as what she is doing with him, unless you're in that particular relationship, you'll probably never know.

Whatever your feelings about the matter, he's the one that she's going home to, he's the one she's shagging. Not you. Sorry.

WTF?

;)

A couple of my wife's friends tried to talk her out of marrying me, for vague PSEUDOfeminist reasons, but they now admit that they were foolishly just talkin shit.

Actually, no. It's the fault of society. (Yeah, that old argument.) Married men go farther in their careers (assumedly because being married creates an impression of responsibility and forthrightness), while married women hit that glass ceiling a lot faster (because once they're married all they're going to do is sit around and squeeze out babies, anyway).

I have v. good friends who've been together more than 25 yrs w/o benefit of marriage and are now grandparents.

That's what they all say.

Actually, no. It's the fault of society. (Yeah, that old argument.) Married men go farther in their careers (assumedly because being married creates an impression of responsibility and forthrightness), while married women hit that glass ceiling a lot faster (because once they're married all they're going to do is sit around and squeeze out babies, anyway).

Indeed so. Women also have to give up work (partially) because they need to clean/take care of the household. I know people who do not employ young women because they know there's a big risk they'll pop out babies (which is very costly for the employer - I know from experience).

However, as Ned and others have said, each to their own. As long as both parties are happy in the relationship, that's all that matters. If someone wants a ring or a ceremony more than the relationship, that seems wrong. If both want to formalise it, go for it. But, erm, that would be neither classic nor dud, as far as answers go. So, once again, ignore me.

That's better.

I do believe in marriage, and I would actually like to do it at some point. But as finding a partner seems more and more remote, hence why I want to marry myself. Why should partnered people have all the fun?

I want to have a big party and wear a silly dress and have people give me toasters and dance about under a marquee and all that. No, wait, no I don't, I want to elope. So maybe I will run off to Gretna Green with myself!

i love cook too! he's mine!

http://www.petercook.net/pictures/portrait.jpg

unless there's some crazy mythical psychological damage that it does to the ladies.

But if you read it as a warning, a reminder of the danger, rather than a prediction, then I think you can do fine.

Religious beliefs, to me, are really the only key to marriage being "important" in this view.

Its like: my mother has once or twice raised the concern that were I to have kids, well I'd "have to get married" wouldnt I? I asked her: why? And I didnt get a satisfactory reply.

Marriage to me is about acknowledging a moral and legal responsibility to not just them but any family produced as well. Just seems like women (and men) have better rights to claim support/access etc. in the event of a breakup if they acknowledge the legal ties involved in child-rearing.

This may vary according to your society/government, but I just think that if you're going to go to the bother of having children, you really should be prepared to think eventualities. Good or bad.

this is perhaps still true to an extent but i don't know whether reinforcing the idea changes things. I do like to think that (perhaps not anywhere near at the moment, but) we're moving towards equality in roles etc. i mean apart from the squeezing babies out part which is physcically impossible for a bloke to do (i'd totally do it otherwise) is there any real "roles" for a wife that really is never filled by men, and vice versa?

i for one would love to fill a "house husband" role and look after the household, while my wife goes off to a fulfilling career and earn the keeps. she'll come home and i'd have made dinner and make her bath and then let her have sex with me. etc. (to take the "traditional" stereotypical role of a wife)

Unfortunately it does make a big difference in the view of immigration officials :(

Ken, would you like to get married?

No, seriously, during the brief and fleeting moment that Joe and I were actually talking about marriage, that was the model that I proposed. Which he actually seemed quite keen on. Except for the minor problem that he was a total cunt and couldn't actually give me any space (room) of my own in exchange for all this.

wait but isn't defacto partners just a different name for marriage then (but without the religious context)? so the potential to "change a relationship" is just the same?

It's still the case that very few men are the MAIN housekeeper/childcarer, and still worryingly common to hear men say that they 'help' their wives in the house. Despite all the changes in society, all of us have a tendency (unconscious) to go back to the models of our childhood when starting our own domestic arrangements. The current generation of new-marrieds/livingtogethers probably still have a traditional model of labour division in their parents to look to.

However, I totally believe you can escape this through awareness and communication. Just that it doesn't happen naturally very often.

I know someone who had been with their partner for years, they had two kids together and had no intention of getting married. Then one of their kids broke her arm, and Pete couldn't sign the parental consent form, because although he was the father, they weren't married. They looked into it a bit more, and if anything had happened to Gemma, the legal guardianship of the kids would have automatically gone to her parents rather than him. They got married within two months.

I desperately want to get married before I have children for all sorts of reasons, not least because of a conversation I had the other.

Person: But surely you'll need to get married before you have children as you don't want your child to be a bastard.
Me: !

I seriously thought that nobody actually thought like this anymore.

I agree, and I think it's important to emphasise the word relationship - it doesn't matter whether you're married or not, if the bloke is good at clearing up after himself before marriage he's not suddenly going to change into a slob if they get married.

if you're gay and decide to "marry" an opposite-sex friend for the benefits, you and your partner can still raise your child in a good home.

heh heh heh, or so they say.

There are plenty of us on ile who have got married without doing any of the above....

But I would much rather be the breadwinner than the wife!

otm... if i ever get married i have no interest in that kind of ceremony. (also, by the time i do get married, all my tradition-queen yenta relatives will be dead.)

is this true? i don't think they have actually done this yet: if you split an LTR, there's no legalrecourse for splitting up possessions etc.

i've been in a relationship for nearly 6 years.

Ken, you and I could both be the St.Chus!!!

perhaps inside a wrestling ring, and some dude will interrupt the wedding and try and steal my bride's love, but then i'd chokeslam him through a table, the crowd cheers, and then we get married and live happily ever after.

i am sad that i'm no longer able to have my wedding at portland, oregon's 24-hour church of elvis.

cool!

xpost oh no! what if you get to do the choke slam?

oh man i really want a chokeslam wedding

As for chokeslams, we already have a kinky perversions thread...

Wait, really? Maybe the law is like that in Aus. I've always assumed it was, I mean an example being if you draw dole, and you have a defacto partner, they count his/her earnings twards you etc.

I must confess I'm talking out my arse here though, I just assumed defactos in Aus were basically, if one wants to declare oneself as such, pretty like married couple, legally. I'd have to research it to confirm this though. And consdering it is Friday night and I'm on the piss, I'm not going to!

haha but it so isn't a sport! (it's now offically an "entertainment"!!! they even changed the name to WWE!)

anyway i'm derailing from the marriage discussions.

Think of it as homoerotic rock ballet.

we can fight for our custody rights in a ladder match! (i can't see how the kid thing would happen between two guys, and in two weeks, but still)

YYYYEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!1

If I can just think of it as slash happening at my wedding, then I'll be happy.

(But not Slash. Especially not playing guitar solos on top of cliffs at our wedding. Because we all know that ends in disaster!)

I want everything tidy - and, boy, do I freak out if it isn't - but i just don't like to clean myself. I do like to put everything away. I'm very anal. But cleaning? I just find it a waste of time. :-(( I'm spoiled, I know.

I'm not sure I want a househusband after all if tidying means wanton destruction of my careful scientifics experiments.

("She's tidied up... and I can't FIIIIIIND anything! All my tubes and wires, and careful notes, and antiquated notions...")