HORRIBLE MIME followed by HORRIBLE DOG >:(

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ok i went on a nice pcnic on parliament hill w.ilxor and non-ilxor friends, and we had sandiches and everything

i. when i wz walkin to hampstead station to meet up in the first place a PERSON all dressed in SILVER pretending to be a STATUE leaned over and touched me and made a noise! I WAS VERY FRIGHTENED!!! i think i may have shouted "oh fuck!! piss off!" at her - or else at the studenty lookin girl shakin a bucket and offering me leaflets

LOOK I WAS MENACED BY A CLOWN IN THE FIRST-EVER SAFEWAYS IN THE UK WHEN I WAS FIVE!!

ii. when we sat down for our picnic under some nice trees on a hillside, several dogs came nosin round as you'd expect, but were easily turned away and then their owners came and apologised

THEN A GIANT RED BULLYMONSTER OF A DOG CAME CHARGIN UP and knocked me over and took not ONE but ALL THREE of our tupperware sandwich boxes, one after another

its owner was about ten minutes away - she wz obv mortified but having too much trouble controllin the dog to apologise properly

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

i kind of tht it wz funny at the time i- it wz fast and chaotic and ridiculous - but now i am back home i am also CROSS

(interestin observation abt self: i appear to find it hard to get angry in company)

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

we had to throw lots of sandwiches away >:|

if i wz dictator of the universe that dog's pocket money wd be stopped for a WEEK

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:13 (twenty years ago)

clowns are creepy

― tehresa (tehresa), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

it's a cliche now but it wasn't in 1965 among the shropshire under-ten set

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

Acrobats are really creepy.

Sorry to hear your idyllic day was dogruined - did you not think at the time, "This is practically a scene from Keeping Up Appearances! That Roy Clarke knows his shit!"

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:24 (twenty years ago)

Mark S I will be infiltrating your dreams again tonight, this time with a big dog on a leash.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:28 (twenty years ago)

it wasn't ruined really - bits of the day were really nice, and the whole thing was funny in a way

it wz only when i wz throwin away all the nice sandwiches back home just now i got really cross

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:28 (twenty years ago)

This time however I will bring not pain but love, in the form of new sandwiches.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

an overtly aggressive ibis walked up and STOLE my sandwich from out of my hand once!

― there are twelve people in the world the rest are haitch (haitch), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

maybe i wz bein punished for my amusement at zoo-food-theft shenanigans in day's gone by!! it always happened to other kids - i ate my lunch on the bus so thieving monkeys could go hungry - and how i larfed

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 16:42 (twenty years ago)

Dogs without leashes in public: DUD.

New "Oh, but he just wants to play! He likes you!" Answers

― sleep (sleep), Saturday, 2 July 2005 17:18 (twenty years ago)

haha when an earlier v.little and cute dog had nosed about a bit, T said "Aw! He just wants a tongue sandwich!"

― mark s (mark s), Saturday, 2 July 2005 17:22 (twenty years ago)

trauma aside, best. thread. ever.

― yuengling participle (rotten03), Saturday, 2 July 2005 17:37 (twenty years ago)

Mime artists should be out in the stocks.

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 2 July 2005 17:57 (twenty years ago)

sorry to hear abt the hound harshing yr buzz mark - sometime in the early 90s? i went to see Lol Coxhill and Billy Jenkins playing free, for free, in a forgoten london park somewhere (ok we did smoke some brockley cloud in the green sunshine, so details are quite hazy) - best free jazz picnic ever - no fuckin' mutts that i recall, and the always welcome sight of young kiddies frugging to the tunes

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Saturday, 2 July 2005 18:35 (twenty years ago)

haha it wd have been better if the dog just ate the sandwiches, you wdnt have felt as mad abt it later! my grandfather loved telling me the story of when he used to deliver spuds to the zoo (among other places) and one time he ws parked in his truck and turned just in time to see a long trunk weaving in thru the open passenger window to steal the egg sandwich in a brown paper bag from the front seat

― minna (minna), Sunday, 3 July 2005 06:36 (twenty years ago)

My little dog is very ashamed of that bad robber dog who took your sandwiches. He says please accept his apologies but what was the filling? He says if it was chicken we might need to cut the robber dog some slack. I told him about the dangers of saying 'sorry but...'
He interrupted my lecture and said I would never understand about chicken.

I don't like those silver statue people. I lump them with jugglers, stilt-walkers and people with 'Magick Happens' stickers on their rear windows.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:23 (twenty years ago)

ok the fillings were these:
box i. tomato and brie
box ii. cheddar and mango chutney
box iii. tongue and mustard

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:27 (twenty years ago)

tongue and mustard

uuuurgh!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:30 (twenty years ago)

box iv. sandwich of all the organs

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:35 (twenty years ago)

Harry now says we don't truly understand how nice cheese is either. And that he has never tried tongue but it sounds intriguing.
He said it is very, very naughty of that dog to go about stealing people's tomatoes and condiments.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:36 (twenty years ago)

i have a new question: why were we LIED TO as children?

in books and cartoons and etc, cats eat MILK and FISH
but in real life, they eat CHEESE and CHOCOLATE

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:40 (twenty years ago)

In books and cartoons all the cheese goes to the mice but in real life they prefer bacon!

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:49 (twenty years ago)

In real life bears may maul people, rather than just steal their picnic hampers.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:51 (twenty years ago)

in real life my friend dill inadvisedly camped w/o a tent in yellowstone and woke up to a bear sniffin around and LAY VERY VERY STILL AS YOU ARE SUPPOSED and in the mornin after it left he discovered it had delicately slit open all his ketchup sachets with its claw and sucked them dry

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:54 (twenty years ago)

and parliament hill used to be all wolves and highwaymen so i guess we got off lightly

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

It would've been more fun if a highwayman had stolen your sandwiches!

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 3 July 2005 07:59 (twenty years ago)

Flies in cartoons don't wipe their shit-stained feet on people's hair.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:00 (twenty years ago)

"stand and deliver!! ew, gross, is this tongue?"

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:01 (twenty years ago)

to be honest i prefer to carry on living the lie as regards fly info

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:02 (twenty years ago)

There aren't any blue dogs who sing country songs!

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:04 (twenty years ago)

http://mag.awn.com/issue9.04/9.04images/cartwright03_huckleberryHound.gif

to be fair it is prob trad-jazz style singin

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:09 (twenty years ago)

anyway we are STRAYING FROM THE POINT!

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:12 (twenty years ago)

Sorry about the flies I am not usually scatological.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:34 (twenty years ago)

I am ashamed of my brief sojourn into the passe world of dirty realism.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:37 (twenty years ago)

And the clunkiness of my phrasing.

― estela (estela), Sunday, 3 July 2005 08:39 (twenty years ago)

OK, my scary clown story:

The first and last time I ever tried to stay over my grandmother's house for more than one night, bout when I was seven or eight, we watched an episode of Fantasy Island where a woman returns to her haunted childhood home to confront her demons. There was a brief scene where a marionette clown comes alive, removes his strings, and starts running towards her. This was so terrifying to me that it left me in a sullen fearful funk for a full two months, and even something like six months later, I had some serious misgivings about going to the circus on a class trip -- to the point where I made a wet-blanket point of NOT WATCHING, preferring instead to keep my eyes glued the Paddington Bear book I bought along. (The parent assigned to watch over my little group of kids: "Michael, if you don't put that book down, I'm going to start smoking," which I did, but not before she got her hit of nicotine.) Even before that phobic moment, clowns were weird and scary to me -- I couldn't really figure out if they were human or some weird hybrid.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:17 (twenty years ago)

In the present day, last time I was there, a bunch of "mimes" were all muscle-ing for touristic attention and money at NYC's Battery Park, including a "living statue" resplendent in silver, a Statue of Liberty, and (oh dear Lord) an Austin Powers.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:22 (twenty years ago)

haha in csi: nyc one of the stories featured the death of a central park living statue*, so i guess our feelings are shared

*spoilers alert: actually it wz more complicated but we had plenty of time to savour the idea

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:25 (twenty years ago)

go back to that park with chocolate sandwiches

― larry bundgee (bundgee), Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:27 (twenty years ago)

i was painted in silver and dressed as a statue of liberty once. it was horrid. i didn't molest anyone tho.

― dahlin (dahlin), Sunday, 3 July 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

i am learnin to take it as a compliment to my godlike sandwich-makin skills

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 4 July 2005 08:57 (twenty years ago)

I was very much in attendance at said HORRIBLE DOG! incident and I'm still recovering from the trauma (delayed reaction/shock). And my immediate reaction proved to MS how quickly I can turn into a fascist bleurgh.

Still I suppose if we'd had the free jazz picnic at Brockwell Park or somewhere it would have been similarly done over by FERAL YOUTH KIDS NOWADAYS with a spot of wet happyslapping thrown in (the lido).

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:20 (twenty years ago)

marcello the entire extent of yr "fascism" wz to say "people who can't control their dogs shouldn't be allowed to have them!!" --- i don't think this is an unreasonable instant reaction, we were sat down and it was shoulder-higher and STRONG --- i tried to hold it back and was just dragged along by it!!

and besides you only said that to us afterwards!!: the owner got off very lightly indeed yelling earful-wise, from our entire party

(admittedly she wz abt a mile away by then desperately trying to get her giant speeding BRUTE of a stupid dog back on its poxy lead)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:29 (twenty years ago)

Actually I was paralysed with terror! I thought I might be the next sandwich! T screaming at dullard owner apropos me: "he's got ASPERGER'S!" etc. T certainly heard my subsequent Nazi rant!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:36 (twenty years ago)

omigod RASHOMON! everything happened so quickly, i wasn't really aware of much more than ME and the DOG (and the sandwiches), certainly not who else was saying or doing what

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

Also the HORRIBLE DOG spilt blueberry juice over my socks!

However, since I fortunately happened to be wearing blue socks the damage wasn't very noticeable, as indeed it would have been had he done anything else to my socks or what was inside them...

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 09:55 (twenty years ago)

this is terrible! But I can't help but be thrilled by the excitement of it all.

― rainy (rainy), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:02 (twenty years ago)

as indeed it would have been had he done anything else to my socks or what was inside them...

Please provide reassurance that you were not dining a la RHCP.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:04 (twenty years ago)

it's like an ian mcewan story.

― N_RQ, Monday, 4 July 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

alas, no pictures were took.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:11 (twenty years ago)

The parent assigned to watch over my little group of kids: "Michael, if you don't put that book down, I'm going to start smoking,"

This is possibly one of the more baffling adult to kid threats I've ever heard!

I am also now wanting to see Adam Ant singing:

stand and deliver! Yer money or yer sarnies
Try, the liver,
Or the mustard and the tripe!

OK so it doesnt rhyme, whatevs.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:17 (twenty years ago)

RASHOMON 2: TONGUE SANDWICH FOR FIVE!!

http://www.artlex.com/ArtLex/r/images/Luncheon%20on%20the%20Grass.jpg ------- http://sprott.physics.wisc.edu/pickover/pc/demondog.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:21 (twenty years ago)

Acutely caniphobic as I am, I am so so glad I didn't go to this.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:39 (twenty years ago)

That's me in the pond, btw, washing my socks.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:41 (twenty years ago)

Bow Wow WOOF!

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:46 (twenty years ago)

dog hatin

― estela (estela), Monday, 4 July 2005 10:47 (twenty years ago)

I like dogs. A giant red bullymonster of a dog sounds very nice, except for the off-leash and out of control part. I still don't understand why if your sandwiches were in tupperware you had to throw them away. Could this bullymonster open the boxes?

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Monday, 4 July 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

the boxes, sadly, were already open for facilitating eating of contents. he ran off with the boxes in his jaws.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 4 July 2005 12:21 (twenty years ago)

next time remember to measure the mime's ulna. just in case.

― koogs (koogs), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:08 (twenty years ago)

That sounds like one resourceful dog

― Dadaismus (Dada), Monday, 4 July 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

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