I... love my bidet!

i used to live in a place w/ a bidet - i never did try it

Why would this be illegitimate? Apart from washing one's feet and one's ass, leg shaving and washing panties seem to be the most frequent uses I have seen for bidets. I love a nice clean bum, FWIW.

http://www.detnews.com/pix/2005/02/03/feat/fe03-happydays2-0205n_02-03-2005_PQ43OJF.jpg

Alas, no. My first encounter with a bidet was in Brussels in the summer of '84. I was staying in the staid little home in the suburb of Woluwe-St. Pierre of some friends of my grandfather in their upstairs guest room. I had come home from a day of adolescent tourism (I believe I drank beer in the Grande Place and ogled the pulchritude which is the teenage female form) and after dinner retired upstairs to discretely smoke some weed and engage in some comparative literature, namely that of reading the same Asterix and Obelix in Latin and Dutch to see if I could figure out the plot. All of a sudden my bowels, delicate entrails of American manufacture unused to the vicissitudes of Belgian beer and fries, made it known that they would need to be voided forthwith. A cursory glance at the bathroom upon my arrival had led me to believe it contained all the usual amenities associated with such a procedure. In a curious and unexpected bit of bathroom design, it actually contained only a small shower, a sink and a bidet. The urgency of my bowels left me no other alternative but to deposit a large, steaming shit in the porcelain embrace of the bidet too large and too dense to contemplate rinsing down the drain.

So, I made my way downstairs past the den where my hosts were watching TV and went into the kitchen. The hostess, partly out of hospitality and partly to protect the sanctity of her spotless kitchen asked if she could get me anything and I called out loudly (too loudly) that I was just geting a glass of water and started rummaging around for some plastic bags which I quickly and thankfully found right next to the garbage and stuffed into my pockets just as she came in. She pointed out the cupboard where the glasses were and watched me as I sheepishly drank my glass of water.

At that point my eart sank since I knew it would be impossible to smuggle my turd downstairs that night without arousing her suspicion so I went upstairs, bagged my shit, washed my hands, closed the door and went to bed. The next morning she came to wake me and tell me they were off to work and suggested that I take the bike from the garden and take the tram out to ride through the woods all the while pretending she didn't notice the funk which I smelled emanating from the bathroom. Later I snuck my shame downstairs to the toilet, rinsed out the bag and put it inside the second one and wriggled into the middle of the garbage. Then I took the bike and went to the woods where I drank beer at a monastery with a lake full of swans under the summer sunlight dappled by the canopy of spreading leaves and relaxed. Also, I don't like Cointreau.

i feel very strongly about this being one of the finest paragraphs ever coaxed from the english language.

"If you substitute Cognac for Cointreau, plovers eggs for quail eggs, and Charles Trenet or Bobbi Lapointe for Piaf, and find me a bidet, I'll give it a test drive." How's that?

-- Kenan Hebert (mondria...), April 23rd, 2003 2:54 PM. (later)
Sounds expensive.

-- Michael Dieter (mdiete...), April 23rd, 2003 2:56 PM. (later)

Better. Still, points deducted for handing in the assignment late.

Singular! It was all M's fault!

Mea culpa.

Same thing happened to me except I even worse because I didn't realize my mistake until my aunt told me what was up and not to do it again. Presumably after cleaning it up herself! How embarassing!

I was only eight so I guess I get a free pass, but what IS wiyh separating the toilet from the rest of the bathroom!??

do you think it's really wise to give your baby a bath in a bidet?

http://www.westernsnowconference.org/2003/Images/1BidetOfBeer.JPG

Woha, I am so happy tfor this thread revival. If only to see the place Sint Pieters Woluwe be mentioned by M.

Monsieur White's long post upthread is classsic... him :) I love it.

And I would totally have a bidet just to stash beers in it at a party.

...OK maybe I wouldn't.

Miguelito's story is a joy to behold.

Also apropos of nothing I must say I find "pulchritude" such an odd word. It doesn't sound complimentary at all even though it is. It sounds rotten!

I can't see how a fountain of water can save the environment - and anyway who ios drying the underside? gnome? no - now is that safe and sanitary? to have a wet under caiirage?

from M White to Violet Jax how the worm turns

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/earth-talks-bidets/

enjoying watching quietly as this flower blooms

https://hellotushy.com/

(SFW)

lolling at "Join the Clean Butt Club + Get $5 Off"

Surprised this thread remains idle.

I've heard tell of (American and other non-bidet) people buying bidet attachments, but as a non-bidet user I don't really understand the ... mechanics? So it washes your backside, I understand that. But with ... cold tap water? And then assuming it does a good job at that, how do you dry said backside?

(Don't know who M. White (Miguelito) is/was, but this thread was worth reviving for their gross story alone.)

how do you dry said backside?

With TP, hence the idleness.

So you have to use TP anyway?

Probably much less though?

Designated cloths/rags

butt don't mind cold water

https://external-content.duckduckgo.com/iu/?u=https%3A%2F%2Fc2.staticflickr.com%2F4%2F3106%2F2627814934_739082617a.jpg&f=1&nofb=1

Designated cloths/rags

Designated as in, with your initials or something on it? Then do you just hang your used buttrag by the bidet? Or throw them all in a buttrag bucket to be washed regularly?

i use TP but it lasts much, much longer and to be blunt, a bidet is much more effective than toilet paper alone was.

two bin system. got a lot of wipes out of a couple pyjama pants past their prime.

I have a Japanese toilet with a heated seat, warm water wash, and warm air dryer

I still use a wee bit of TP

I am a terrible human?

I have a friend with a Japanese toilet and her biggest complaint is that the warm air dryer takes too long.

Interesting article, btw!

https://marker.medium.com/what-everyones-getting-wrong-about-the-toilet-paper-shortage-c812e1358fe0

In short, the toilet paper industry is split into two, largely separate markets: commercial and consumer. The pandemic has shifted the lion’s share of demand to the latter. People actually do need to buy significantly more toilet paper during the pandemic — not because they’re making more trips to the bathroom, but because they’re making more of them at home. With some 75% of the U.S. population under stay-at-home orders, Americans are no longer using the restrooms at their workplace, in schools, at restaurants, at hotels, or in airports.

Georgia-Pacific, a leading toilet paper manufacturer based in Atlanta, estimates that the average household will use 40% more toilet paper than usual if all of its members are staying home around the clock. That’s a huge leap in demand for a product whose supply chain is predicated on the assumption that demand is essentially constant. It’s one that won’t fully subside even when people stop hoarding or panic-buying.

pooping at work vs. napping at work

Did anyone on that thread have the foresight and/or creativity to view going to the bathroom at work not only as a way to save money on TP, but recognize it as an essential factor calculated into the production and distribution of toilet paper altogether?

djp had a newish thread about this Why America Is Losing The Toilet Race

i bought a bidet attachment at the start of the pandemic in the midst of the great 2020 TP shortage but my toilet's water tank valve had limescaled shut like a vice, requiring a plumber and a world in which I felt comfortable letting a plumber into my bathroom. About a month ago, we finally had the entire toilet replaced and the bidet attached at the same time. I can definitely avow this as a major quality of life improvement.

Questions answered:

* No electricity necessary.
* The bidet doesn't use water from the toilet tank. It comes from the same pipe that feeds your faucet.
* You may need to get a new toilet seat; I found this $25 Kohler model worked well.
* First few days of first-time use definitely engendered a HEY WHAT'S GOING ON THERE sensation but you adjust super fast.
* Warm water would absolutely be preferable but as an apartment renter whose toilet is not adjacent to the sink and opted for the base model, I can tell you that you get used to cold water even in the middle of the night whilst half asleep.
* Yes, it absolutely does get you fully clean without using toilet paper at all, though you have to give it about 20 to 30 seconds to spray.
* You can dry yourself lightly with toilet paper (which reduces usage by a factor of 3-5 btw) or you can air dry for a minute or two and that generally gets the job done. Added bonus: I am finally finishing reading those old issues of National Geographic.
* The base model has a "nozzle wash" function which you can activate before and after use. It appears to keep the apparatus well cleaned and clear of clogs.
* There's a bit of clean water overspray on the underside of the toilet, but maybe i just need to adjust the angle? That's about the biggest hassle attached to use. Requires a single pane of toilet paper to mop up.
* For those with hangups about potential colonic penetration: I suppose you could, with work, double yourself up to shoot a jet of water up your own ass but given the angle of the nozzle it's not something that's likely to happen on accident.
* I am finding this works very well with a toilet bench/squatty potty.

For anyone with Crohns/Colitis/hemorrhoids, sensitive or fissure-prone excretory bits, or just general pruritius ani, i cannot recommend this enough. Several long-standing issues with itching and abrasion disappeared in the space of two weeks.

There's an argument to be made against Tushy's hyper-millenial, pro-asshole marketing approach, but the bottom line (oy) is they sell a $90 model that works and should be easy enough for almost anyone to install without a plumber. If you have the kind of structural problems that I did, a plumber should be able to fix and plug this in well under an hour and for less than a hundred bucks. I daresay you'll be able to save $150 on toilet paper within one year of installation.

https://hellotushy.com/products/classic-affordable-bidet

NB: I am a male human without female parts and cannot speak to women's experience with a bidet in general or this model in particular... though i would appreciate a woman's POV on this to share with my partner who continues to view the device as a superfluous addition to the bathroom and considers it a potential source of UTIs.

parting shot: https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/blog/bidets-better-than-toilet-paper/

It’s also important to not use a bidet on too high of a water pressure setting. Many bidets—including our top pick—have a setting that is strong enough to penetrate the anus. That’s too much, say the authors of the paper on anorectal pressure. “A high-pressure water jet flow should be avoided as it causes reflex contractions of the anal sphincters and might damage the mucosa and anal sphincter in the long term.” Dr. Swartzberg put it in more plain terms: “This is a horrible idea.”

The base model has a "nozzle wash" function which you can activate before and after use. It appears to keep the apparatus well cleaned and clear of clogs.

I admit my initial thought was "why are you putting the nozzle up your butt"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80y5k35sx3w

I live in a hard water area, would limescale of the butt be a potential issue?

Calcification of the crack so to speak.

I think a scaly nozzle might be more of an issue.

I once during a public housing rewire, rudely interrupted a tenant of the Windhill estate in Bradford whilst he was cleaning his arsehole in the bathroom sink. He taught me an important lesson that day.

bidet water filters are an actual thing and readily available at home depot or via amazon for those concerned about the dreaded scaly nozzle.
i daresay it's worth the investment only if you have a pricy seat and likely overkill for the cheapo stuff

Kumail Nanjiani's Bidet Deflowering

The tushy is over priced - I got a way cheaper one off amazon for like $40. Although it was a tushy ad that made me realize they were much easier to install than I had thought. I bought it for my husband, as he was quite enamored by them after staying in European hotels. I, however, am too scared to use it.

Ulysses, during the one of the first times my husband used the one I just bought, it did indeed hit his colon (the pressure is really high, you have to be careful not to turn the dial more than a tiny bit) and he had cramps for hours afterwards.

I got this one:
https://www.amazon.com/SlimEdge-Attachment-Electric-Install-Internal/dp/B07CGVBZGL?ref_=ast_sto_dp

I don't think the Toto Washlet is getting any cheaper in US dollar terms. Maybe I'll stock them, alongside the whiskey and cigarettes, as a barter item.

This thread makes me wonder: do most of y'all, when confronted with new sinks, turn the water taps on full force and jam your hands under them? What is your approach with an alien bidet? Press buttons and pray to god?

Just get the Luxe Neo 120 or Neo 185, they're half the price of a Tushy and equally good... you aren't paying for the cutesy marketing.

Noted for future!

Tushy was founded by Miki Agrawal who appears to be one of those Girl Bosses who are actually horrible.

not stanning for tushy but i did buy. it works fine and the customer service was good. i do loathe their marketing.

yeah, though woof
http://i.imgur.com/hUgHaOz.png

bidets suck

this is my favorite Queen song