DETECTIVE AGENCY

Yes. I'll get you mugshots of the likely felines, er, felons.

I'm speechless before your monumental powers of deduction. Check the Clipper, too, since we were there recently and some non-frat boy indie-dudes were playing very aggressively with a butterfly-knife-style bottle opener. They, too, may have taken umbrage with the pitiful plastic bottle opener dangling from M4xie's keys.

On a completely unrelated note, M. White is clearly the person who was harassing Dan Perry yesterday.

Ok, so, we found one of the missing PBR bottles. I ran the screw top under a laser as I spinned it, just like a primitive record. Then I cleaned up the audio file and came out with this: "FFFFFFFFUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKASLDJFKLSAJKLSJADFKL!!!" I hope that helps.

Really? Shit. I think I know EXACTLY who that would be...

I am resuming the post abandoned by Nick A. I'm a bonded private investigator. I am here to solve the cases that the greasy pigeon-toed gumshoes won't shake a stick at.

Bring me your missing persons, your cheating spouses - and I will get to the bottom of this.

Don't let my status as the first caveman detective scare you off - I have a 75% solve rate!

But first, I begin with one mystery...who killed Nick A?

all these years, we THOUGHT it was M. White....but....

I've never been so sure. I think he may have been a patsy. a mark. I think there was someone else in that office! and I think White took the fall. so ....where does the trail lead us? I start first at...NICK A'S OFFICE!

It hasn't been disturbed since that night. Nick A's ex-spouse has continued to pay rent at the property, to preserve his office the way it was. Blood spatter has permanently stained the rugs, but the walls have been repainted.

No use dusting for prints - although I do have access to the crime databases, unfortunately, this crime scene has since been contaminated by many visitors. it's been 14 years. but maybe, just maybe, I can turn up a clue, a piece of ev-

....what's this?

tucked underneath the carpet? how was this missed?

it's a matchbook. from the Cuckoo Clock Supper Club. wow.

Oh my. I just flipped it open. On the inside, is written the following statement:

"NO SB
7:30 PM
ALONE
BASEMENT"

but...what does this mean?

SB...could it mean...."suggest ban"? That's preposterous. According to available records, SB didn't show up until 2008 or 2009.

WAIT!

The first mention of the "suggest ban" occurred in the summer of 2008...by Keith. who explained he had already coded it TWO YEARS AGO. That means he would have coded the Suggest Ban feature in...2006!

Perhaps while Nick was investigating the case, he learned of a plot by the coders and moderators to install a SUGGEST BAN system - and had joined a secret society to destroy it from within. and perhaps, sensing the threat to the SB system, one of the perpetrators got wise...took Nick out, and framed M. White, thus...ENDING THE SOCIETY?!

I will begin by going to the Cuckoo Clock Supper Club

Well fuck, it's a Spoleto now. But the owner has indicated that the infamous basement still exists, but has gone utilized, since they are now just a chain pasta restaurant.

He is taking me downstairs. He says the previous owner sold the place to him in....2007.

so I'm walking downstairs now. my, it's dark down here....hey, would you mind giving me a little li....(turns)

who are you? where did the owner go? why do you have that shovel? oh no. think about what you're doing, sir.

think about...(CLANG)

............................