Invent an art movie on this thread

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Shot 1. A Tear trickles down a mime's cheek.
Shot 2. A doll's head floats in soup.
Shot 3. Batman is spanking a lady criminal.

your turn

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Monday, 11 July 2005 06:28 (twenty years ago)

shot 1 duration: 2 frames
shot 2 duration: 6 minutes
shot 3 duration: 4 seconds

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 11 July 2005 06:31 (twenty years ago)

That fifth frame is soooo self-indulgent.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 11 July 2005 07:02 (twenty years ago)

Shot 1 - A manatee
Cut to Shot 2 - A ceiling fan
Shot 3 (black and white) - A bent knee
Shot 4 (color again) - an empty chair
Shot 5 (Black and white) - A bent elbow
Shot 6 (color again) - A great white shark
Fade to black

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 11 July 2005 07:06 (twenty years ago)

Shot 1 - Blackness
Shot 2 - Light
Shot 3 - Dark
Shot 4 - Slow motion monochrome shot of a tree branch waving in a breeze.

Fin.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 11 July 2005 09:18 (twenty years ago)

Shot one: blank mirror on wall
Shot two: (in black and white) womans face close up
Shot three: Mirror shattering
shot four: Tears in red running down the womans face of which is in black and white
Shot five: mirror piecing itself back together again, red glass everything else is in black and white.
Shot six: woman holding mirror everything but them is in colour....

― battlingspacemonkey (battlingspacemonkey), Monday, 11 July 2005 09:50 (twenty years ago)

Every single word in Finnegans Wake is represented pictorally, one word per frame, in order.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 11 July 2005 09:54 (twenty years ago)

four hours of footage in a Russian swamp, a man (off camera) screaming for the duration

― rainy (rainy), Monday, 11 July 2005 10:16 (twenty years ago)

Ethan Padgett, lounging in an Eero Saarinen "Womb Chair," recites the names of all the fish he knows for twenty minutes. Soundtrack: Groove Armada.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 11 July 2005 10:22 (twenty years ago)

An old man sits on a public toilet, pants around ankles, cackling madly. camera recedes outside door to a queue of children waiting

Camera focuses on each individual child as they don a groucho marx mask. Old man's laughter can be heard offscreen throughout.

― Seuss, Monday, 11 July 2005 10:49 (twenty years ago)

A skinny, scruffy and balding Italian with long straggly hair and an unkempt beard squats awkwardly, naked and blindfolded, clutching a doll's head in a bleached white room full of tricycles.

Cut to a giant revolving penguin-statue made of compressed spam.

fin.

music by Goblin.

― mzui (mzui), Monday, 11 July 2005 10:50 (twenty years ago)

a naked cowboy wanders around his ranch, riding his horse, walks on a fence hoding a gun to his head, and takes a piss into one of his boots.

and eats pudding.

― latebloomer: the Clonus Horror (latebloomer), Monday, 11 July 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

A bored married couple is surprised to learn that they are both assassins hired by competing agencies to kill the same target.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Monday, 11 July 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

Are we talking about an art movie as in an avant film school project or an "arty" movie that you see at the Angelika.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 11 July 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

Question mark.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 11 July 2005 13:56 (twenty years ago)

Are art movies actually like this? Or is this some bizarre '80's film school stereotype that never actually existed?

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 July 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

I guess "Un Chien Andalou" and those Warhol movies might be kind of like this, from what I've read about them, but this whole concept sounds suspicious to me. I think it's a red herring!

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

There surely are. This thread doesn't specifically address their artistic value but satirizes their tenets from the "male gaze" of a hyper-narrative context.

Or no one has ever seen an avant garde non-narrative film that "worked" for them.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

Jean Luc Godard visits the wartorn site of a UN peacekeeping mission. In his entourage is Mickey Rooney who, recreating his role as Andy Hardy, attempts to entertain the locals by "putting on a show," with mixed results. Also on hand is Jerry Lewis who is there, because of a misunderstanding of the phrase "mission of love," as Buddy Love. Most of the movie consists of the intercutting of various shots of peaceful green scenery accompanied by birds chirping and bugs buzzing, with shots of coloured-smoke explosions, with stock footage of various wars and atrocities, with images of a neat, freshly painted study with a few classy books and paintings in shot, with scenes Jean Luc having an elegant working lunch discussing the political situation with a coolly sexy diplomat lady. In addition to the explosions and the sound of machine-gun fire, the soundtrack abounds with snippets of classical music and the reading of various aphorisms and and poems in French, German and Italian. At various points Martin Lawrence shows up, dressed in a WW II U.S. Army uniform, proffering cigarettes, nylons and chocolates to the local women and children. There are also brief images of still photos of Marguerite Duras and of Jean Gabin, but these go by too quickly for the audience to understand their significance on first viewing.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

FIN

D U

T HRE AD

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

but these go by too quickly for the audience to understand their significance on first viewing

it's a Godard film so it would be "too quickly for AN AMERICAN audience to understand their significance."

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

Yes, but because your noxious films have polluted the international waters of cinema, aren't ALL audiences now ignorant of the true history of cinema?

― k-luc (Ken L), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

Now we're knee deep in art film bumfuckery.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

S'il faut enculer une mouche...

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

Shot: a knife slices open a luscious maraschino cherry in half
Next shot: a cow's eyeball is sliced open in hald in homage to Un Chien Andalou

― Ian Riese-Moraine: that obscure object of desire. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

oops, I meant to have a thread where each person contributes to the SAME art movie.

This is OK though.

Ever seen "Even dwarves started small"?

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:58 (twenty years ago)

The color of infinity inside an empty glass
I'm squinting my eye and turning off
And on and on and off the light
It's for this experimental film
Which nobody knows about
And which I'm still figuring out
What's going to go in my experimental film?
Yeah-- you're all gonna be in this experimental film
And even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's
I already know the ending it's
The part that makes your face implode
I don't know what makes your face implode
But that's the way the movie ends
And in my experimental film
Which nobody knows about
But which I'm still figuring out
Your face implodes at my experimental film
Yeah-- you're all gonna be in this experimental film
And even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's
Even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's
The color of infinity inside an empty glass
It's for this experimental film
Which nobody knows about
And which I'm still figuring out
What's going to go in my experimental film

Yeah-- you're all gonna be in this experimental film
And even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's gonna--
Yeah-- you're gonna be in this experimental film
And even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's
Even though I can't explain it
I already know how great it's

― JimD (JimD), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

Shot: a knife slices open a luscious maraschino cherry in half
Next shot: a cow's eyeball is sliced open in hald in homage to Un Chien Andalou

Third shot: camera pulls back on first shot to reveal the maraschino cherry was nested inside the vagina of a woman reading the Qur'an.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 11 July 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

Plot twist!

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 11 July 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00007MB4P.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 11 July 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I guess "Un Chien Andalou" and those Warhol movies might be kind of like this, from what I've read about them, but this whole concept sounds suspicious to me. I think it's a red herring!

Aw, c'mon, it's not as if "art movies" don't themselves approach self-parody every once in a while or that there are art movies, like The Longest Most Meaningless Movie in the World (which I'm not sure actually exists) which themselves self-consciously revel in the absurdities of the genre's conventions (if it can be even called a genre).

The Warhol thing is exactly right, though. And I'd honestly love to see the Finnegans Wake film.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 11 July 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

Anyway...

Shot: a knife slices open a luscious maraschino cherry in half
Next shot: a cow's eyeball is sliced open in hald in homage to Un Chien Andalou
Third shot: camera pulls back on first shot to reveal the maraschino cherry was nested inside the vagina of a woman reading the Qur'an.

Fourth shot: three seconds of a mushroom cloud with superimposed fade-in of mandala.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 11 July 2005 16:57 (twenty years ago)

Fifth shot: thirty-three seconds of two third-grade girls playing mancala at a picnic table on a playground

― Ian Riese-Moraine: that obscure object of desire. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 11 July 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

Sixth shot: a flamenco dancer pirouetting in the middle of an abandoned petrochemical refinery
Seventh shot: the car wash at the papermill in Panama City during a landfalling tropical system

― Ian Riese-Moraine: that obscure object of desire. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 11 July 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Eighth shot: a lunar eclipse (the montage of the past seven shots combined with this shot are the director's tribute to the conclusion of L'Eclisse)

― Ian Riese-Moraine: that obscure object of desire. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 11 July 2005 18:23 (twenty years ago)

Ninth shot: a very young European woman is panting alone on her bed, looking at her reflection in the mirror in her headboard. She's wearing nothing except a bra, her hair's disheveled, and after a few moments she pulls the comforter over her buttocks, indicating that she's been sodomized.

― Ian Riese-Moraine: that obscure object of desire. (Eastern Mantra), Monday, 11 July 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Short 5 second bursts of famous movie scenes flash by, each one featuring the addition of Spock half-heartedly masturbating a semi-erect penis whilst leaning on a doorframe.

― On one hand I've got myself to blame (Lynskey), Monday, 11 July 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

A slow circular pan of a very young male child, studiously drawing something with compass and ruler, in an bright white igloo-shaped room.

It is nearing sunset. The flamenco dancer, once again at the petrochemical refinery, coyly flutters her paper fan and eyes the camera. Behind her, several old women in black mourning clothes move from side to side in the visual field, sweeping the weedy premises with brooms.

Slow pan towards Nelson Mandela, back to camera and holding an umbrella, as he stands on a beach.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Monday, 11 July 2005 20:51 (twenty years ago)

in a long, planimetric shot, several young women hold up placards with various situationist slogans written on them. then one by one, through the magic of optical printing, the women's heads are replaced by the placards, and the placards are replaced by the heads. then the text on the placards changes to one-word exclamations ("yes" "no" "urgh" "bleh") while the faces begin reading the full text of a 17-th century manual on woodcarving, in german. then a large carboard cutout of an antique submarine is pushed past the camera in front of the row of women. this is followed by several 6-frame shots showing each of the women flailing their arms as they are engulfed by sea water.

then there are eight seconds of black leader with numerological figures scratched into them.

then a two-minute excerpt from a sex-ed film produced by the us navy in 1942.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 11 July 2005 22:10 (twenty years ago)

Now we're talking.

― k/l (Ken L), Monday, 11 July 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

An old man sits on a public toilet, pants around ankles, cackling madly. camera recedes outside door to a queue of children waiting

i really thought this was cacking madly. yeah

― Frogm@n Henry, Monday, 11 July 2005 23:30 (twenty years ago)

....then a two-minute excerpt from a sex-ed film produced by the us navy in 1942.

A shirtless man in wet swimming trunks orders a milkshake at a McDonald's counter. He leers as he pays with a crumpled, wet dollar bill. He recieves the shake, breathing heavily in anticipation, sips, spits in disgust and hurls it on the floor. A voloptuous woman employee covered in ketchup stains and a torn Mcdonald's uniform mournfully wheels out a mop bucket, and begins sopping up the mess while sobbing. Intercut close-ups of the man's face as he moans and leers in sadistic ecstasy, with shots of the mop being squeezed dry. Suddenly, the man tears the mop from her hands and runs out the door with it.

Cut to an over the shoulder shot of Little Richard applying lipstick in a mirror.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 00:28 (twenty years ago)

An extreme close-up on the lips, which are a glossy pale pink. He smooches the camera, smudging the lens, and a glass eyeball emerges from his mouth, set firmly between the lips.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 00:42 (twenty years ago)

a lot of this stuff sounds sort of mainstream to me.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 03:04 (twenty years ago)

...

― kephm (kephm), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 03:26 (twenty years ago)

Maybe just as a spoke off the Korine-Gallo axis.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 03:29 (twenty years ago)

A masturbating cricket is borne aloft a pillow, carried by a train of cloaked flagellants, chanting the shipping forecast in a falsetto.

― Mike Stuchbery (Mike Stuchbery), Tuesday, 12 July 2005 03:41 (twenty years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.