best rebuttal?

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in respone to ally's best come-on. i've been told to piss off a thosan times, but that's not funny, due to it involving my own humiliation. did once tell a girl obviously out to exploit my teen horniness in a queue that she couldn't jump in line but her tits could. she called me a wanker and my face went red.

― matthew james, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I've not even bothered with retorting lately. I've begun to bring back the 'chirping bird' hand gestures and flapping chicken wings while people are insulting me instead. They get very flustered and keep going until they run out of ideas. This sort of thing is best done with a smirk on the face.

― JM, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

my friend jim tells me of the time he was working as an usher for a cinema showing JCSuperstar - a fundie christian stood up and told them they were all going to hell, the manager yelled back that she oughta take her cunt and fold it up over her head and get the fuck out before she joined them.

― Geoff, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Heard in nightclub in deepest Western Canada:
"Hey, wanna dance?"
"With you? No."
"That's alright, I had to get up to go and take a shit anyway"

― tarden, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

ha ha ha ha ha ha!

― Dave M., Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Actual rebuttals I have used, because to my annoyance I am much, much better at saying 'no' than saying 'yes':

To prosletyzing Christians: 'No, sorry. Beelzebub my Master would be really pissed off.'

To VERY unsuitable man: "I'd rather give birth to a litter of puppies. And if I went with you, Dogboy, it might actually happen.' Plus variants on the 'I have socks to iron' theme.

To the newsagent who complains about in-store browsers with the highly original 'this isn't a library, you know': 'I did realise that, you need a doctorate in library science to run one of those.'

See the Bullies thread; I've left a few schoolyard classics there.

― suzy, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Two of my friends, a football player (FP) and a valedictorian-type (VT), were sitting at our lunch table in high school, having a conversation. The VT said something that was incorrect, and the FP corrected him. Then...

FP: "You know, for a smart person, you're pretty stupid!"

VT: "You know, for a stupid person, you're pretty stupid."

― Joe, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Suzy: does this "Dogboy" you speak of live in Arizona? Just curious.

― Otis Wheeler, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Huhurhrurh. No, it happened in London.

― suzy, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I perfer not to confront.

― anthony, Saturday, 14 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Fuck you! Fucking hippie! Get the fuck out my town, goddamn hippie! (at this point, my friends gettin' freaked out, trying to make me chill) I'll kick your ass, you goddamn hippie asshole! Cut your hair! Get a job! Do something with your trustafarian life, goddamn wastrel! (yes, I said wastrel) and et cet.

― Sterling Clover, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Here's one that a gay friend of mine uses against fundamentalist types who say things like 'it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve':

'Well, it's Cain and Abel, not Cain and Mabel...'

― suzy, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Rob "Pardon me , may I have this dance?" SAlly "Pardon me, but would you take your hand off my tit?" Rob "Pardon ME but would you pleases stop NOTICING!?"

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Hey don't you guys mean "rebuff" ? (no I haven't got a dictionary)(good "rebuttal" you could use here - "don't they have fuckin online dictionaries in ausralia?")

― duane zarakov, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Duane you are wrong. Logic-wise, everything so far has contained a secret propositional structure viz:
PROPOSITION A: You and I iz going to fuck good soon.
REBUTTAL: [see above, variously]

This is why to we say to PROPOSITION someone.

― mark s, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

but sure the verb goes like I rebuff someone.

I am never rebuffed, now this could either be because I am dashingly hansom and irresistable or it could be because I never ask

― Ed, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Same here. I don't think I've ever propositioned anyone as such, at least not when I was in a state to remember it.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Me Either.

― the pinefox, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

or, indeed, me

― gareth, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

so duane fucking comes out as a kiwi in oz now - is that what ur saying?

― Geoff, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

no i'm not in australia, it was meant to be a kind of joke. like if i knew someone was from poland & i wanted to insult them & i went, Yeah well why don't you fuck off back to russia. it's just 1 of those formula gags.

― duane, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

if that's not funny to anybody else i'm sorry. it's not *that* funny to me even.

― duane, Sunday, 15 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I don't ever have to use rebuttals, but they sure as hell get used a lot on me. Unfortunately, men are so blindingly unoriginal in such matters, hence the "use other words please" - "Sorry, but I don't think about you that way." Excuse me, you're a BOY aren't you? Boys think THAT WAY about every passing things with tits in the street, I guess what you're saying is you don't think I'm human. Gee, thanks. ::throws self off bridge::

― masonic boom, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I think what they are actually trying to say is "I try not to think about you in that way because it makes me feel ill", or some such similar phrase.

― Pete, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I try to express my utter disgust in fierce looks rather than hurtful words. Sadly this encourages rather than discourages men who like to be dominated.

I am still a little ashamed of one time at college when a very very non eligible bachelor slipped a little note into my pigeon hole inviting me to his room. I ignored it so he came up to me in the lunch hall and asked me out to dinner. I have quite a loud voice (well, a very loud voice) naturally and shouted at him 'With you? No way!!' in shock and horror, then stomped back to where my friends were sitting and said (loudly) 'I cannot believe he thought I would go out with HIM!'.

Hopefully I am less of a bitch now. Oh dear.

― Emma, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

No, Emma, I think you probably served the guy right. Married gallery director with kids propositioned me at Venice Biennale and I was utterly disgusted, not because he fancied me but because of the infidelity issue. I think especially if you stand up in some great big building and say you love one another in front of EVERYONE YOU LIKE you shouldn't really go trying to pick up action in bars while still committed to that person in the eyes of your peers. I think it's massively disrespectful to two women, if not all of them, so snipe away.

― suzy, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

You went to Venice. Which one , i am green.

― anthony, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Just the last Biennale, opened beginning of June. I'd never been to Italy before. It was properly European and fab and decadent and groovy and full of good art.

― suzy, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

i drool. You are my new glamour kitten .

― anthony, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I have lived in Italy for a year and I still haven't been to Venice. That makes me so useless, its about four hours away. I did however end up falling inlove with rome (and someone in Rome) so I ended up going there a lot. we were meant to go to Venice together but it was never meant to be. However if I have to come back in September to finish exams I will cerntainly pay a visit there.

― Ed, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

"and with the direct equivalent of a Tory-BNP-NF coalition government"

Did the above final comment get lost from Suzy's post, possibly?

― Robin Carmody, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

'well, the jerk store called, and they're running out of you!'

― ethan, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oh yeah, well I slept with your wife!

― Mike Hanley, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

"His wife is in a coma."

Man. No one ever gets it when I tell them I slept with their wife.

― Josh, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

remember when elaine does the new yorker cartoon of the pig at the complaint desk saying 'i wish i were taller' and a (oddly mute) kramer silently improving the punchline to be 'my wife is a slut'. seinfeld's reaction: 'now THAT'S a complaint!'

and people say it's not as quotable as the simpsons.

― ethan, Tuesday, 17 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

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