Defend the Indefensible: Theme Restaurants

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PF Changs doesn't really count as a theme restaurant anymore than, say, Olive Garden does.

I do remember that there's a chain of steakhouses/BBQ joints in Texas that had rustic theming and big wooden slides, which meant I thought they were fucking awesome when I was a kid, but I don't think that counts.

OH! OF COURSE. CASA BONITA. CLASSIC.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 27 June 2001 03:17 (twenty-four years ago)

four years pass...

Ok, I guess if I had kids I could tolerate Hard Rock Cafe or even Planet Hollywood, but The Rainforest Cafe has got to be the most retarded thing I've ever seen.

When you enter the plastic thick of the plastic jungle, you're greeted by a Rockefeller Center-style golden Atlas-holding-the-world-while-for-some-reason-also-kneeling-in-a-fountain, emblazoned with the motto "Rescue the Rainforest." Typically American, the restaurant shows total ignorance of the thing it tries to save. The "animal life" consists of animatronic apes, elephants, parrots, and large butterflies, who do a kind of silly dance every few minutes when thunder sounds. Another thing that happens every few minutes is that a waiter half-heartedly shouts "Volcano!" and marches out of the kitchen with a giant chocolate-and-ice-cream mound. Meanwhile, there's never a moment in any of this that you learn ANYTHING about the rainforest, not even, like, what you have to rescue it from, or why it needs to be rescued at all.

What's even more depressing is that people come to places like Niagara Falls (where I was this weekend, very briefly, thank God), or even New York City and then waste their time on these places. So go ahead, call me a snob.

-- Hurting (Hurtingchie...), July 18th, 2005.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 03:34 (twenty years ago)

when i was 13-16, i had a hard rock cafe hat on which i would affice various signature pins from the varios locations.

fortunately, when i was 18, i stopped wearing the hat.

tho by that time, it was festooned with all the MST3K cloisonne pins that'd come out(this was in 1994, remember).

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

Chuck. E. Cheese.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 18 July 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

You got me there.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:00 (twenty years ago)

SHOW-biz PIZ-za
where a kid can be a kid!

(and vomit in the ball crawl)

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

Chuck E Cheese and Showbiz were the same company, without the mouse.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

Where is Showbiz?

― Jimmy Mod Is Sick of Being The Best At Everything (ModJ), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

really? I thought they were two different entities, but Chuck E bought Showbiz out sometime in the late 80s

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:55 (twenty years ago)

holy christ. Chuck E Cheese was started by Nolan Bushnell, brains behind Pong(& atari?):

http://rock_afire.tripod.com/info/history/index.html

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 04:58 (twenty years ago)

wait Chuck E Cheese didn't have the huge gorilla as a frontman for the band, but Showbiz did, right?
anyway what's the theme of these?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 18 July 2005 05:02 (twenty years ago)

pizza and video games?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 05:13 (twenty years ago)

fun

― chi a, Monday, 18 July 2005 05:14 (twenty years ago)

the rainforest cafe smells so nasty

― chi a, Monday, 18 July 2005 05:15 (twenty years ago)

I was kind of sad when the pro-wrestling restaurant closed on Times Square. Not that I ever went there, but I was entertained that it existed. Now it's going to be another Hard Rock.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Monday, 18 July 2005 06:12 (twenty years ago)

ah yes. the late, lamented WWF NY. Home of $30 Triple H shirts and entrees that weren't too far off that.

i went there once, for a CMJ party for Sony Japan, for one of the Japan Not For Sale comps. I got a free stocking cap. I also got to meet Lenny Kaye for the 2nd time, who was there since he had produced one of the bands on that comp.

was there ever a themed restaurant that ISN'T designed for mooks & mouthbreathers?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 06:21 (twenty years ago)

maybe some upscape dinner theater...

― pete d, Monday, 18 July 2005 07:08 (twenty years ago)

A friend has a great idea for an Irish Potato Famine theme restaurant. The starters will be all based on wizened potatos, but then you get on a little boat which brings you across a moat to a US style burger joint, to symbolise the emigration and new life that resulted from the famine.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Monday, 18 July 2005 08:51 (twenty years ago)

i interviewed nikki sixx at the wwf restaurant once upon a time. so, for that, it's classic.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 09:13 (twenty years ago)

brilliant, dv. brilliant
it's amazing what you can do with potatoes...

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 18 July 2005 10:52 (twenty years ago)

i interviewed nikki sixx at the wwf restaurant once upon a time.

haha, i saw motorhead when they played the wwe arena ("the world" innit) in times square. what a fucking weird space that is. i'm sure it's profitable but it looks like bankruptcy waiting to happen.

― jody heatherton (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 18 July 2005 10:56 (twenty years ago)

I dont know if it's a big chain, but the Texas Roadhouse has a couple restaurants in the boston area and it's a lot of fun. it's a cross between a peanut bar, steak and BBQ house, and the waitresses do line dances every half hour.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:02 (twenty years ago)

oh, jesus. that sounds like the lone star steakhouse, where i was served what may be the most disgusting cocktail of all time: the pecos peach frozen margarita. it was like drinking a scented candle.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

I think there might be a distinction to be made between just "theme restaurants" and restaurants that border on amusement park rides. But it's a blurred line.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:16 (twenty years ago)

the TR food and drink is actually quite good as well, unlike youre bizzare "lone star steakhouse."

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

lone star steakhouse is a chain that specializes in peanuts thrown everywhere and staff forced to linedance (and goad patrons into participating) at half-hourly intervals, so forgive me if i got it confused with the texas roadhouse.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:22 (twenty years ago)

For our office Christmas do last year we went to the Medieval Banquet. It was the worst food I have ever paid for (OK ever paid more than a fiver for) AND they made me wear a pinafore and mobcab at one point. "You look like the Big Bad Wolf" I was told.

― Tom (Groke), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

It was actually both heartening and sad to see Rainforest Cafe kind of empty. I guess I was angry by how thoroughly ruined the Falls has become by all this tourist crap, but it's also kind of depressing to watch a family of gorillas perform for nobody.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

i saw a Kenny Rogers themed restaurant once when i was in Singapore. didn't go in though.

(i should have gone in, obviously.)

(if only just to see what condition the nutrition was in)

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

kenny rogers roasters. i think they've all gone bankrupt in the states.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

dick clark had american bandstand diners, but i'm not sure if those are still going.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm not funny this morning. sorry lauren.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

aww. poor kenny

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

he never counted the money when the food was at the table

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:48 (twenty years ago)

was there ever a themed restaurant that ISN'T designed for mooks & mouthbreathers?

I suppose that S&M restaurant in New York (I don't remember the name) was in its way reaching out to this demographic.

On some level, I suspect that certain high-concept restaurants (e.g., a restaurant I heard of whose dining room is almost completely dark, so diners can heighten their senses of smell, taste, and touch) are sort of theme restaurants for foodies. The Washington City Paper did a wicked April Fool's Day satire of this trend: a restaurant with a megapriced "sniffing menu" (i.e., 8 or 9 "courses" of just the scents of various foods).

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

pf chang's and napa valley grill are two chains i can think of which brand themselves as upscale.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

also, WCW had their own thing in Las Vegas, but that closed down long before the company finally went kaput.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 12:58 (twenty years ago)

NASCAR Cafes have a miniature racecourse on the ceiling with little cars than zoom around it every so often.

― mjfan, Monday, 18 July 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

OTM

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 13:26 (twenty years ago)

I've always wanted to go to one of those dealies where they serve you medievil food and meade and dudes be jousting and shit while you eat. Whatever those are.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 18 July 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

oh god medieval times. medieval food = roast chicken and soda.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 18 July 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

My embarrassingly encyclopaedic z-list celebrity knowledge bank reminds me that, after Paulclarke was evicted from Big Brother 2, he took Helen's mother to the Rainforest Cafe at Piccadilly Circus on a charm offensive whilst her shit-thick crimping daughter was still honking on about liking blinking to the Endemol cameras. They had champagne and Old Ma Helen was most impressed.

― j0e (j0e), Monday, 18 July 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

I always thought going to the WWF (well, WWE) restaurant in New York would be fun. But I'm 90% sure it'll make me feel gross as soon as I'm inside. Still going.

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

aw i wish i can go to the WWF wrestaurant. omg are the food menus all named after WWF things?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:15 (twenty years ago)

A couple of slightly doofy guys I know went to the ESPN restaurant and described it to me. Besides the fact that for the prices they paid for grill food, they probably could have had a fantastic meal, it sounded to me like the basic "theme"-ness of the restaurant consisted of having lots of tv screens everywhere.

― Hurting (Hurting), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

hehe, and there's another WWF restaurant, in london!

WWF-UK: deep restaurant opening

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

ive been to the espn restaurant and the rainforest cafe...shit food, too much money.

they have the big show sweaty anus martini.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

also - last night I went to the Garlic and Shots restaurant in Soho. I ate tonnes of Garlic, and drank lots of shots (with garlic in them). It did not disappoint!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:19 (twenty years ago)

one day we will know, ken, one day.
they are probably less exciting than we hope, e.g.,
smackdown burger with cheese! the people's grilled chicken breast with caesar salad!
whereas I would love:
cage-match grilled cheese on white with extra nails and 2x4s on fire!
I am all old(ish)-school wwf though, plus some late-90s-2003. Maybe they have a nostalgia section?

― rrrobyn (rrrobyn), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:24 (twenty years ago)

OMG
RICKY THE DRAGON CLAMBOAT

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

my family went to a medieval theme restaurant once when i was ittle. my daddy yelled 'more beer, wench!' to the waitress. we were horrified

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

they gave us free food at the nikki sixx thing - greasy wings, greasy mini spring rolls, greasy crap on a stick.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 18 July 2005 15:56 (twenty years ago)

Is Mars 2112 in NYC still open? Never understood how it stayed in business at all. Nothing appealing about it, even for kids.

― cdwill, Monday, 18 July 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

omg are the food menus all named after WWF things?

IIRC, yup. Standard bar-food, only more expensive. How much do you want to pay for an order of Chicken Fingers named after Classy Freddie Blassie?

hee hee. I wonder foods were named after the Hardy Boys. Does "the Whiney Bitch Salad (w/ balsamic vinagrette & carrots)" sound appetizing?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 16:22 (twenty years ago)

I like Blueberry Hill in STL. It's one of those "stuff on the walls" places, but enjoyable and low-key - sort of Hard Rock Cafe without the glitz and with better food.

Does PF Chang's count as a theme restaurant? I went there for my birthday and found it surprisingly good.

― mike a, Monday, 18 July 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

also, what are we using the difference between "theme restaurants" and "suburban chain restaurants" ?

i.e. between "Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag" and...shit, what was the other one? "Planet Springfield"? "Planet Hype"?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 18 July 2005 17:14 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

Is Mars 2112 in NYC still open? Never understood how it stayed in business at all. Nothing appealing about it, even for kids.

it is a block away from where i work. maybe i will go check out if it's still open on monday.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Sunday, 23 October 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

the place on Bway w/a robot promo man in front? think it's closed.

humoring yr kids is the only defense for eating at theme restaurants

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Sunday, 23 October 2005 10:57 (twenty years ago)

nobody seems interested in my holocaust-themed restaraunt for some reason:-/ i mean, how can you beat history plus delicious food? and after my rape of nanking restaurant was such a hit. pfft. i don't get the restaurant biz.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

seriously though, if CBGB really wants to save itself, it needs to turn into a theme restaurant. CBGB's Punk Rock Cafe, the Ultimate Underground Dining Experience. Gimme Gimme Ramones Burgers!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

"hey, pizza!"

― katrina vanden roffle (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

There's a Mao's Diner in Islington and there used to be one (maybe still there) in Edinburgh. I think that's a bit fucked up. You don't see a Hitler Cafe or a Stalin's Bar anywhere, but for some reason Mao is the cuddly face of totalitarianism.

― beanz (beanz), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

Chez Che Cafe would be a hit. Everyone gets a cute beret and a gun-belt when they enter. cuban/asian fusion, of course.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

tucson has che's lounge. (get it?)

― katrina vanden roffle (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

I do get it! a che chain makes perfect sense. he's already a proven t-shirt seller.

― scott seward (scott seward), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)

"Eat At Mao's--Where Every Meal Is A Cultural Revolution!"

http://academic.brooklyn.cuny.edu/history/virtual/portrait/mao1.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

the menues come in little red books!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

the waitstaff are Red Guards!

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:25 (twenty years ago)

serving a different dish than you ordered (cultural reducation)

title of vegetarian section on menu: Let A Thousand Flowers Bloom

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Sunday, 23 October 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

I just got a press release from Mars 2112 about how their new chef is going to turn it into a serious dining destination...IN SPACE!

― Paul Eater (eater), Sunday, 23 October 2005 18:16 (twenty years ago)

"hey, pizza!"

Hahahah.

(Side note -- Lovebug, when are you coming out here again, anyway?)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 October 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

"hey, pizza!"

didnt like dee dee actually have trouble delivering that line?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 October 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, the commentary track on the DVD sez that even though it was his only line he still had trouble delivering it! Amazing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 October 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

(mid February "spring break" aka monsoon season. hope to have more free time this trip...will keep in touch. gotta book flights soon)

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Sunday, 23 October 2005 20:13 (twenty years ago)

Roxor good sir, etc.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 October 2005 20:21 (twenty years ago)

I'm just confused as to how "Alan Conceicao" managed to go back in time 4 years to make that last post.........

― JTS, Sunday, 23 October 2005 23:46 (twenty years ago)

Sarah and I were starving downtown so we went to HARD ROCK CAFE. We ordered vegetable fajitas, and the vegetables that came to put in the fajitas were clearly from the STIR FRY vegetable mix; i.e., they had WATER CHESNUTS in them. WHO PUTS WATER CHESNUTS IN FAJITAS? I think this has been the only time in my life I have complained to a restaurant manager.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 24 October 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

Is this a theme?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:25 (nineteen years ago)

this has been done in nyc too.

― Autonomous University of Zacatecas (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:28 (nineteen years ago)

it's all right if you're the type of person who finds drama-school trust exercises to be consciousness-expanding.

― Autonomous University of Zacatecas (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

I remember when I was about 15 I really wanted to go to a Hard Rock Cafe as all the cool kids had stuff from there. So I begged my dad to take me to one when we were in Chicago and waited about 2 hours under a The Sugercubes poster for food that wasn't very good. (I remember my turkeyburger wasn't done in the middle) We vowed never to go back.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

i can never understand how anybody is surprised to learn that the food at the hard rock cafe is terrible.

― Autonomous University of Zacatecas (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:31 (nineteen years ago)

I was young and naive.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 2 March 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

one of my biggest OMGWTF?!? bummers when i was in europe 10 years ago was looking at all the tourists with hard rock cafe t-shirts -- and who seemingly went to hard rock cafes in whatever european cities they were located in. for example, amsterdam. as i said, OMGWTF?!? -- if you are american, it was ESPECIALLY dumb b/c said american tourists could've just saved all the money that they spent to get to amsterdam (or wherever) and just ate at a hard rock in whatever city they were from. and even if there isn't a hard rock cafe in or near their hometown, then what's the point of going abroad just to go to a stereotypically american place?!?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

I went to the Chicago Hard Rock about 15 years ago out of desperation for an open place to eat and me being extremely hungry and a little lost. I sat by a framed Richard Marxx record. I couldn't figure out why anyone would go out of their way to see something like that.

― Dave will do (dave225.3), Thursday, 2 March 2006 16:06 (nineteen years ago)

what's the point of going abroad just to go to a stereotypically american place?!?

royale with cheese

― Autonomous University of Zacatecas (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 2 March 2006 17:14 (nineteen years ago)

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