Ways you don't want to die #33829: Accidentally ass fucked to death and plastered all over the news

Et al.

"But because investigators found chickens, goats and sheep on the property, they are looking into whether animal cruelty — which is a crime — was committed by having sex with these smaller, weaker animals, he said."

The horse was asking for it, but it was rape with the goat?

"RIP"

* Sexual contact with animals is legal (or at least not expressly outlawed) in these U.S. states:

Alaska
Arizona
Colorado
Connecticut
Florida
Hawaii
Kentucky
Louisiana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
Ohio
South Dakota
Texas
Vermont
Washington (bill is being introduced 2005)
West Virginia
Wyoming

* Sexual contact with animals is a confirmed misdemeanor in these states:

California (Penal Code Section 286.5 Misdemeanor)
Minnesota (Minn. Stat. @609.294, (1993) Either fine of not more than $3,000 or sentence of not more than 1 year.)
New York (NY CLS Penal @130.20 (1994) Class A misdemeanor)
Utah ("Bestiality" 76-9-301.8 Class B Misdemeanor)

* Sexual contact with animals is a confirmed felony in these states:

Delaware (11 Del. C. @777 (1993) Class D Criminal felony)
Georgia (O.C.G.A. @16-6-6 (1994) 1-5 yr. jail sentence)
Idaho (Idaho Code @18-6605 (1994) "length of imprisonment in excess of 5 years is in discretion of court.")
Iowa (aggrivated misdemenor)
Kansas (K.S.A. @2103506 (1993) Aggravated crime, sodomy, security level 2 felony)
Maine (17-A M.R.S. @ 251 (1994) Class C Crime; 3-5 yrs)
Maryland (Unnatural/Perverted Sexual Acts Article 27, Section 553. Up to $1,000 fine, max of 10 years prison)
Massachusetts (Mass. Ann. Laws ch. 272 @34 (1994) Jail sentence of not more than 20 years)
Michigan (MCL @750.185 (1992) Jail sentence not more than 15 years)
Mississippi (Miss. Code. Ann., @97-29-59 Sentence of not more than 10 years)
Montana (Mont. Code. Ann., @45-5-505 (1994) 10 year sentence and/or $50,000 fine)
North Carolina (N.C. Gen. Stat. @14-177 (1994) Class I felony. 3-10 yrs)
Oklahoma (21 Okl. St. @886 (1994) "imprisonment not to exceed 10 years")
Rhode Island (R.I. Gen. Laws @11-10-1 (1993) 7-20 years)
South Carolina (S.C. Code Ann. @16-15-120 (1993) 5 yrs jail and/or fine of at least $500)
Virginia (Va. Code. Ann. @18.2-361 (1994) Class 6 Felony)
Washington D.C. (DC Code @22-3502 (1994) ("Sexual Psychopath" chapter) Fine not more than $1000 and/or sentence of not more than 10 yrs)

* Sexual contact with animals is illegal in these states but the exact penalty varies or is unconfirmed:

Alabama (Code of Ala. @13A-6-63 (1994) "sodomy in 1st degree" criminal offense)
Arkansas (Ark. Stat. Ann. @13A-6-63 (1994) "sodomy in 1st degree" criminal offense)
Illinois (720 ILCS 5/12-12 (1994) Crime)
Indiana (Burn Ind. Code. Ann. @35-42-4-2 (1994))
North Dakota (N.D. Cent. Code @12.1-20-03, 12.1-20-07, 12.1-20-12 (1993) Various penalties, & can be considered either "gross sexual imposition", "sexual assault" or "deviate sexual act")
Oregon
Pennsylvania (18 Pa. C. S. @3101, 3123 and 3124 (1994))
Tennessee (Tenn. Code. Ann. @39-13-501 (1994))
Wisconsin (Wis. State. @944.17 (1993))

...

* In Australia, laws are determined at the state level, with all but the Australian Capital Territory and Jervis Bay Territory explicitly outlawing it.

* In Germany, sex with animals is not specifically outlawed (but trading pornography showing it is, cf. §184a StGB). In West Germany, the law making it a crime (§175b StGB, which also outlawed homosexual acts) was removed in 1969. East Germany before reunification had no law against zoosexuality; zoosexual pornography, however, was very restricted. Certain barriers are set by the Animal Protection Law (Tierschutzgesetz).

* In the United Kingdom, it is illegal, with section 69 of the Sexual Offences Act 2003 reducing the sentence to a maximum of 2 years imprisonment, for human penile penetration of or by an animal.

* Zoosexual acts are illegal in Canada (section 160 forbidding "bestiality", note that the term is not defined further, so it is not quite clear what it might cover)

* In some countries laws existed against single males living with female animals, for example an old Peruvian law prohibited single males from having a female alpaca (llama).

* In the Netherlands in 2004, newspapers reported concern by a legislator that a man caught having sex in a neighbor's barn with a horse not belonging to him could not be prosecuted because no law was broken. There was no visible injury to the horse.

...

So, the moral here is: know where you can be a sheepfux0r and where you can't be a sheepfux0r.

What they don't mention is that the bill is actually aiming to criminalize renegade animals that rape human beings.

Ha, imagine being shown that! OI! STOP FUCKING MY HORSE!

mebbe that's why...

http://lbn.threat.tv/mrhands.mpg

"In fact, the No. 1 horse sex story may have been "the most widely read material this paper has published in its 109-year history. I don't know whether to ignore this alarming factoid or to embrace it." He added: "Or, maybe, some of us are not giving readers enough of what you really want."

How many horse sex stories did the paper cover last year, altogether, then?