STEALTH

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this movie takes the fucking PRIZE.

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

i knew this was the movie of the summer when the intelligent plane started downloading mp3s!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

and not just SOME mp3s, but, according to the indie computer geek guy in the movie, "ALL the music on the web!"

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

he would then play terrible rock songs as he attacked MISSION TARGETS!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:04 (twenty years ago)

did the stealth pilots go bonkers over the junior boys?

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:06 (twenty years ago)

AWESOME!

just like IRON EAGLE!

kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:06 (twenty years ago)

why is jamie foxx in this again? was this shot in 2002 or something?

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:06 (twenty years ago)

file it under bad career decisions and contractual obligations for jamie foxx!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:07 (twenty years ago)

oh man, you won't believe this movie. can i tell you a spoiler?

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:07 (twenty years ago)

do it!
do it!

kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

***SPOILER***

so after josh lucas hunts down the intelligent plane that has been on a rampage, the evil smart plane somehow gets on fire and josh lucas puts it out by detonating a bomb under the water (after saying something like, "you gave me your word, intelligent plane. i'm giving you mine." then they become FRIENDS!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

then they team up against the REAL bad guys! (north koreans)

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:11 (twenty years ago)

wtf

Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:11 (twenty years ago)

did evil smart plane do a little bank or wing-tilt to show thanks

Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:12 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.freedomfocus.org/dr_strangelove_sm.jpg

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

http://www.indelibleinc.com/kubrick/films/strangelove/images/title.jpg

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

dozens of north koreans die in this movie for the crime of trying to defend their country against a bunch of american planes that come barelling in outta nowhere

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

also there's this totally sick terrorist revenge fantasy at the beginning where 3 "top terrorist leaders" are killed by collapsing the tower they're in!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

this movie could really double as an al-qaeda recruitment video!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

haha, double-switch on the villain. Nice move.

Is the scene where Jaime Foxx gives a speech about bowing down before women "but sometimes they ought to bow down before me" as creepy as it looks in the trailer? Is there any justification for the scene with Jessica Biel frolicking under a waterfall?

milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

LOLLERZ

TAKE THAT, DAMN TERRISTS

kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

there's a really creepy scene where jamie foxx picks up this thai woman who doesn't speak english by roughly grabbing her shoulder

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:17 (twenty years ago)

Dialogue: "That lightning strike rewired it somehow! It’s become self-aware!!!"

Laura H. (laurah), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:20 (twenty years ago)

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/columbia_pictures/stealth/jamie_foxx/stealth2.jpg

hee hee. looks like Wing Commander

kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:20 (twenty years ago)

sam shepard's role here is such a cruel parody of his role in the right stuff

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

Yeah they play that waterfall scene twice if I remember correctly, with no attempt to connect it to anything.

Laura H. (laurah), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:21 (twenty years ago)

i love those deep-focus shots where you see what's IN the cockpit and what's OUTSIDE of the cockpit, like in the sky. that's fucking cinema. NB i am not kidding.

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

(l-r: intelligent plane, josh lucas)

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

did i mention that the plane's name is EDDIE?

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:27 (twenty years ago)

actually it's EDI, which stands for something totally phallic... what was it...

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:28 (twenty years ago)

haha oh yeah EXTREME DEEP INVADER!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:29 (twenty years ago)

they also refer to it as UCAV!! two acronyms for one character!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

holy fuck
this has phd film study thesis written all over it
(its like a non camp starship troopers)

anthony easton (anthony), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

How many "extreme deep invader" jokes do we hear from the cast?

milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

"stealth gaze"

Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:32 (twenty years ago)

incidentally the new bad news bears movie isn't as good as bad santa and it's kind of bizarrely inept in some ways (weird for richard linklater) but a lot of it is really fucking FUNNY!!

s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:34 (twenty years ago)

"this has phd film study thesis written all over it "

oh fuck me

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

OH MY FUCKING FUCKING GOD

I JUST READ THE SPOILER AND I THINK I WET MYSELF

Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:45 (twenty years ago)

AWESOME!

just like IRON EAGLE!

OTM

sleep (sleep), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:45 (twenty years ago)

A
are you a top or a bottom?
do you want to do it at my place or yours
do you like to snuggle after orgasm ?

do you have any fetishes that i should know about?

anthony easton (anthony), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:54 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/6304460244.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg
CHAAPPYYYYYY

sleep (sleep), Friday, 22 July 2005 04:54 (twenty years ago)

"wow, someone could write a whole thesis making snide comments and producing elaborately fantastical interpretations about the uninentional or symptomatic meanings in this unloved genre film!"

Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Friday, 22 July 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

MANDEE LETS GO ON A DAET 2 SEE THIS

OLD SPICE® CHEMTRAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ex machina), Friday, 22 July 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

I liked Armageddons and Independs Daze.

OLD SPICE® CHEMTRAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ex machina), Friday, 22 July 2005 06:19 (twenty years ago)

i think i was making a joke along those lines--on the people who would write it

anthony easton (anthony), Friday, 22 July 2005 06:26 (twenty years ago)

ironign

OLD SPICE® CHEMTRAILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (ex machina), Friday, 22 July 2005 06:27 (twenty years ago)

Hahahha oh my god I have to see this.

Andrew (enneff), Friday, 22 July 2005 06:42 (twenty years ago)

I was on vacation, and the people taking care of my dogs allowed the young'un to run away. Fucking fuck them. So: that explains all.

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:44 (eighteen years ago)

awwww man, that's horrible.

kingfish, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, they're pretty much on my death list. Then they complained about me saying I would not pay the $100 I payed them. I was like, "Uh, you let my dog run away and probably get stolen by some people who will train him to cage fight & lock him up in a 5'x5' backyard. So...no."

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:50 (eighteen years ago)

STEALTH Y'ALL!

STEALTH!

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:50 (eighteen years ago)

WHAT THE FUCK

Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:50 (eighteen years ago)

Then they complained about me saying I would not pay the $100 I payed them

This should read "that I SAID I would pay them." Gluh.

***

STEALTH!

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:51 (eighteen years ago)

I was on vacation, and the people taking care of my dogs allowed the young'un to run away. Fucking fuck them. So: that explains all.

-- Abbott, Sunday, July 8, 2007 12:44 AM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

that's awful:-(

latebloomer, Sunday, 8 July 2007 00:56 (eighteen years ago)

I am v. depressed at this tale. :-/

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:01 (eighteen years ago)

Man, I ruined the Stealth thread.

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:02 (eighteen years ago)

if you had an intelligent stealth plane you could totally ask it to divebomb the puppy non-sitters like garage or carport or something and it probably would be all into that. the only question would be: what song would you want played during this stealth operation??

rrrobyn, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:14 (eighteen years ago)

it has all the mp3s on the net remember

rrrobyn, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:15 (eighteen years ago)

pre-2005

rrrobyn, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:15 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, but it only seemed to know how to play one of them!

I guess the obvious answer is "Born to Be Wild," which is what the movie would've used 30 years ago.

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:16 (eighteen years ago)

And also it would come to kill ME if I got behind on my guinea pig cage cleaning, which they also did a terrible job of.

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:17 (eighteen years ago)

they just let puppy run away?? so awful :( :( hugs
xpost

rrrobyn, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:18 (eighteen years ago)

i wanna punch these ppl in the face

river wolf, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:36 (eighteen years ago)

stealthily

river wolf, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:37 (eighteen years ago)

i wld have it play welcome to the jungle beginning with a clip of bruce willis in die hard 1 saying yippie kai ai mutherfucker and then i wld have it punch these ppl in the face with stealth face punching devices that yelled 'wtf is wrong with you??!'

rrrobyn, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:45 (eighteen years ago)

This is the worst thread ever now, and I blame myself for asking.

Oilyrags, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:50 (eighteen years ago)

Do not BLAME, I had not to share.

Welcome to the Jungle is good.The Wolf theme from "Peter and the Wolf" might be good because of the dread...the DREAD!

Abbott, Sunday, 8 July 2007 01:53 (eighteen years ago)

Dudes, the Thailand sequence can be explained thusly:

1) Admire Jessica Biel's ass

2) Watch Josh Lucas fall in love with said ass

3) Putting that love up as the emotional motivation behind the second half of the movie.

Thus, it is Jessica Biel's ass which drives this movie.

B.L.A.M., Monday, 9 July 2007 15:16 (eighteen years ago)

the cinematography in that wretched Texas Chainsaw remake was seemingly blocked entirely around her tits and ass

latebloomer, Monday, 9 July 2007 15:47 (eighteen years ago)

um, that's all that i remember about that piece of shit anyway

latebloomer, Monday, 9 July 2007 15:49 (eighteen years ago)

I have not seen the remake yet...worth renting for such views of Ms. Biel's posterior, or what?

B.L.A.M., Monday, 9 July 2007 16:39 (eighteen years ago)

no.

latebloomer, Monday, 9 July 2007 16:42 (eighteen years ago)

If you like to see it filmed in gritty gray covered in gorey glop, yes.

Abbott, Monday, 9 July 2007 20:44 (eighteen years ago)

And see her forced on the pavement by Creepy Hillbilly Cop in a scene that lasts way longer than it should've been allowed to. Also if your assitude gazing won't be ruined by scenes of living, armless people suspended from meathooks & crying.

Abbott, Monday, 9 July 2007 20:48 (eighteen years ago)

four months pass...

i should watch this again

Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, 12 November 2007 07:49 (eighteen years ago)

i should download all the mp3s on the internet

max, Monday, 12 November 2007 08:13 (eighteen years ago)

Quotes

"Goodbye, Henry." - EDI.
"Tin Man will prosecute." - EDI
"Where are you...I know you're out there." - Ben
"I will blast your aeroelastic ass right out of the sky!" - Henry
"Starboard canard frozen." - Talon Computer
"Pardon my C-cups." - Kara
"I'm on that ass." - Henry, both in the ship and chasing EDI
"Rolled between the thighs of mulatto women."
"The thesis and the antithesis come together to form the synthesis"
"I gotta go pee-pee"

max, Monday, 12 November 2007 08:20 (eighteen years ago)

"Pardon my C-cups"

max, Monday, 12 November 2007 08:21 (eighteen years ago)

!!!!!!!!!!!:

Originally written and conceived as a live action Star Fox (1993) (VG) film.

max, Monday, 12 November 2007 08:24 (eighteen years ago)

wtf

latebloomer, Monday, 12 November 2007 09:28 (eighteen years ago)

wowowow

haitch, Monday, 12 November 2007 09:52 (eighteen years ago)

This is the Citizen Kane of technology-gone-bad movies.

Noodle Vague, Monday, 12 November 2007 10:22 (eighteen years ago)

I say "I gotta go pee-pee" all the time now. Thx Stealth!

Abbott, Monday, 12 November 2007 20:45 (eighteen years ago)

arggh now i hafta see this again

latebloomer, Monday, 12 November 2007 20:46 (eighteen years ago)

"Where are you...I know you're out there." - Ben

max, Monday, 12 November 2007 20:47 (eighteen years ago)

four months pass...

I actually had high hopes for this about 1/3 in when it looked like it could be a 00s take on the whole Forbin/2001/Strangelove/WarGames COMPUTERS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED CONCEPT

Then it turned out to be EXACTLY that and I was reminded that the 00s are the most reductive and atavistically stupid decade in all living memory

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 April 2008 08:16 (seventeen years ago)

I felt a similar disappointment, but perhaps not as acute.

Spencer Chow, Friday, 11 April 2008 09:02 (seventeen years ago)

I forgot FAIL SAFE in that list

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 April 2008 18:55 (seventeen years ago)

You know what was weird about the Forbin Project to me was how the POTUSA was so much shorter than his top scientist. I'm all "THIS IS BACKWARDS, WHO CASTED THIS SHIT"

I was really hoping Stealth would have the guts to be a modern cult classic, right up to the fuel blimp fire. I will say the visuals are pretty eye-popping. would watch in IMAX 3D

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 April 2008 18:58 (seventeen years ago)

also how does a fuel blimp get rusty? did anybody figure that out?

El Tomboto, Friday, 11 April 2008 18:59 (seventeen years ago)

STEALTH YAAAAA STEALTH

David R., Friday, 11 April 2008 19:15 (seventeen years ago)

I still need to see this

Elvis Telecom, Friday, 11 April 2008 19:27 (seventeen years ago)

this movie has taken up more of our collective popular conscious than it deserves.

Gukbe, Saturday, 12 April 2008 00:27 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.robbscelebs.co.uk/noops744/jessica_biel-stealth-07.jpg

B.L.A.M., Saturday, 12 April 2008 00:57 (seventeen years ago)

That, my friends, is all the argument you need.

B.L.A.M., Saturday, 12 April 2008 00:57 (seventeen years ago)

one year passes...

it's designer, keith orbit

cozwn, Monday, 22 June 2009 11:54 (sixteen years ago)

I just watched Lady in the Water which made me never want to see any film again ever ever, but this thread reminded me that last week I watched Stealth and that cheered me up again.
I liked it when Stealth sucked the fuel out of the mother plane. Also when Stealth downloaded all of the mp3s.

Not the real Village People, Monday, 22 June 2009 21:58 (sixteen years ago)


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