Weird Fat Kid Smells part i: Bologna

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In grade school, I sat next to a fat kid named Leon one school field trip. His body has the odor of bologna. (I am reminded of this slighty right now by my beer, sweat and cigarettes stench.) I was pretty nice to him mostly up through like 4th grade even though the smell inspired.... contempt in me for him. I felt bad for him because he was 1) the son of recent Polish immigrants, 2) forced to wear long underwear for most of the school year.

I did bully him a little and I remembered not wanting to punch him too much in the body so I stuck to his hammy, cherubic face, lest my hands become soiled with the bologna smell.

Poor Leon and his unpronounceable last name!

(Yes, I was a bully in grade school -- You try being singled out as being a brainiac Protestant in a school full of hateful, future drug rehab Papists! [I always felt the worst for the one Muslim girl and the completely idiotic questions that everyone asked her -- especially when teachers asked them in front of the whole class!!! Fortunately she had good parents and was prepared for all this.])

PS - I don't smell like balogna.

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

what is 'bologna'?

― loggedout, Monday, 25 July 2005 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm not even sure. thinking of the smell makes me gag.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.google.be/images?q=tbn:c8o31FJcw2AJ:http://www.salumi-italiani.it/ivsi/stampa/immagini/primipiani/zip/Mortadella%2520Bologna%2520IGP.jpg

― nathalie's body's designed for two (stevie nixed), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't eat Bologna to this day. Also, LUNCHABLES WTF

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

To be fair to Leon, bologna is actually made from the same stuff as body odor is.

― geyser muffler and a quarter (Dave225), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

is it like a big sausage that's cut into big, thin slices for sandwiches, etc?

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Do Britishes not have bologna? I thought y'allz invented sammiches?

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i would marry anyone who smells of bolognese sauce

― fe zaffe (fezaffe), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, don't you have this in various sorts where you live? We have chicken sausage, turkey sausage, liver sausage,... all sliced to put between slices of bread. Apparently the chicken sausage is partially made of tofu. Probably that's why I like it so much!

― nathalie's body's designed for two (stevie nixed), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Bologna sausage is an American version of the Italian mortadella (a finely hashed/ground pork sausage with lard pieces). The American version can alternatively be made out of chicken, turkey, beef or pork. It is commonly called bologna and often pronounced and/or spelled baloney (or boloney).

This food is usually served in round uniform slices pre-cut in a package or sliced by the butcher. It is popularly produced and sold by Oscar Mayer, which had a famous ad campaign in the 1970s with a well-known jingle ("My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R..."). There are many other manufacturers as well, including local butcher shops and grocery meat counters.

Bologna sausage is typically served in a sandwich, often for lunch; hence, it is perhaps the most common "lunch meat" in the U.S. However, bologna may also be served fried or wrapped around mashed potatoes and baked as a version of "pigs in blankets."

Bologna sausage is commonly believed to be created from lowly scraps of meat cuts. It is assumed that this food, therefore, is the origin of the slang word baloney, which means nonsense (similar to "hogwash") and is often used as an expletive.

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Even when I was a child, years before I ever even looked at a joint, I smelled like weed. Thus elementary/middle school nicknames: Nicky Fumes (which later became just "Fumes"), Stinkweed.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't like sausages

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Poor Leon and his unpronounceable last name!

Maybe he will assasinate a president one day.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

This shit makes "normal" snausages seem posh.

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

who even thought this stuff was safe for consumption? it has the texture of soft rubber and tastes like assholes

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

It's liquified meat products/seasonings poured into sausage casing that solidifies as it cools.

Jon, I suppose it's a good-karma thing that you admit that you were a bully. When I was young and being bullied, I wished every day that the bullies would fall under a bus. What you may or may not realize is that you still are a bully. (And I still wish you and your kind would fall under a bus.)

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

bologna >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> PIMENTO LOAF

(Dude, have you not noticed that the people he's bullying are also bullies?)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

(To be fair to my grade school self, I took a LOT of shit from people. I renounced violance completely (EXCEPT FOR HAIR PULLING AND ASS SLAPPING) when I was 14 and have been a much nicer and happier person since.)

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Truckdrivin' Buddha, you are a different kind of bully

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I bet it's because I hate fun.

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

you are a different kind of bully

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:23 (twenty-one years ago)

(Dude, have you not noticed that the people he's bullying are also bullies?)
http://www.cardhaus.com/images/108078.jpg

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

hang on, who's he bullying now?

― N_RQ, Monday, 25 July 2005 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Bologna sausage is commonly believed to be created from lowly scraps of meat cuts.

Don't they also include grinded (?) bones? I seem to recall so. I've seen the process on telly and it's ghastly.

― nathalie's body's designed for two (stevie nixed), Monday, 25 July 2005 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

bologna is very hard to digest. those stomachaches are because your body doesn't know wtf to do with it. that should be a warning sign right there.

― not gettin' hassled, not gettin' hustled (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think bologna is widely available here. the closest thing, looks-wise, is liver sausage.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Britishes have enough bad food as it is.

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

liver sausage is all right, actually. it's basically pate in tube form.

― lauren (laurenp), Monday, 25 July 2005 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I haven't eaten bologna since I was 4 and I don't plan to again within my lifetime

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 25 July 2005 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

(after my life's over, though, that's when the fun begins!!!)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 25 July 2005 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think bologna is widely available here. the closest thing, looks-wise, is liver sausage.

how does bologna compare to spam?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 25 July 2005 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Spam is INFINITELY PREFERABLE. There are ways to make Spam edible.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Also no one has ever stuck pimentos in Spam and tried to make a sandwich from it.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

the sandwich that i had my mom pack for me every day in grade school was bologna AND salami on white bread. the fact that i was rail thin is all the proof you need to show that biology is a very large factor in one's weight. also, Mom: WTF?

― oops (Oops), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

given that ~~a few american ILX0rs~~ all of the US loathe and despise this stuff so much, WTF is it still made?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Simon, little kids absolutely love(d) it. In fact, it was the only declassé meat product i was allowed to eat. I notate my grade-school sandwich thusly:

White crusty sliced BAKERY bread
thin butter layer
thick layer of French's mustard
two slices Oscar Mayer bologna
thin butter layer
white crusty sliced bakery bread

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

my bologna has a first name... it's O-S-C-A-R...

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Fry the bologna! Fried bologna is the how you say awesome.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Hot dogs are the same stuff as bologna.

― Truckdrivin' Buddha (Rock Hardy), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I love how, in the frying pan, it turns into a little popomatic bubble of meat food product.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 25 July 2005 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah! bologna is kinda like flat hot dogs... brilliant observation rocky

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

[vomits]

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Basically I loved bologna up until puberty, at which point my taste buds woke up and began to scream about the gastronomic Auschwitz I had been inflicting upon them.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that most little kids seem to like bologna, but then they grow out of it. It's like the smurfs.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

you never grow out of the smurfs

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Urgh, blue bologna.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i tried to make green pancakes once, in celebration of st patty's day, using creme de menthe
didn't work so well. but it was tasty

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 25 July 2005 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Question - When a slice of bologna is placed on a car during a hot
summer day, it will eventually dry up. however, when trying to remove
the dried bologna from the car, the paint of the car comes off as well as the bologna, leaving the print of the slice of bologna on the car. What is in the bologna that has the ability to peel paint off from a car?
---------------------------------------------
Answer -- The "active" ingredient in bologna would be animal fat. In general, I would not think that even hot fat, say at 80C. would be a strong enough "solvent" to soften and remove auto paint, which is usually pretty tough. It is designed to withstand tar which is even more aggressive and hotter, but it would depend upon the type of auto paint you are frying your bologna on."

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a little scary. Bologna is vile but I didn't think it could dissolve paint.

― Leon C. (Ex Leon), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Ewwwww.

Dan has a point about bologna-ditching at puberty. I switched to smoked ham.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope that "post-pubescent smoked-ham" isn't some weird sexual euphemism I don't understand. But if it is ...

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Also: Jon's high school ex-girlfriend smelled exactly -- EXACTLY -- like Campbell's Cream of Chicken soup. This didn't bother me most of the time, but when we were on long car rides during hot days it was a little suffocating.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

No, it's just an abandonment of bologna. Also good ham and proper deli corned beef are much nicer, and I started getting into 'interesting' food then.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 25 July 2005 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

the boar's head bologna is good but i think there's more actual beef in that than ground-up eyeballs.

― not gettin' hassled, not gettin' hustled (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:20 (twenty-one years ago)

you never grow out of the smurfs

-- dahlin (dahling00...), July 25th, 2005.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/8184943/site/newsweek/

― latebloomer: You may order a puppet similar to this one (latebloomer), Monday, 25 July 2005 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

OR IN THE CLOSET OF JEREMY'S DORM ROOM.

― Tumililingan (ex machina), Monday, 25 July 2005 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

oooooooooh

― dahlin (dahlin), Monday, 25 July 2005 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

this is true, jon did hump his gf in my closet.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 25 July 2005 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

mortadella is amazing stuff. pistachios!

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 25 July 2005 23:44 (twenty-one years ago)

baloney = the wurst

― maria tessa sciarrino (theoreticalgirl), Tuesday, 26 July 2005 00:37 (twenty-one years ago)

eight months pass...

how does someone who is not fat smell like balogna? it is a more pleasant balogna smell but still...

― Ansible Adams (ex machina), Saturday, 1 April 2006 16:14 (twenty years ago)

i've never met anyone who smelled like bologna. i did know a girl once who always smelled like garlic because her parents were sicilian and they cooked with garlic every night.

i have heard though that if you have a lot of meat in your diet then your erm "natural scent" will be different than that of someone who's vegetarian. isn't there a stereotype among asian people that americans smell like hamburger?

― chillaxing damsel on box art (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 2 April 2006 06:25 (twenty years ago)

five months pass...

http://photos.friendster.com/photos/18/23/1133281/12671567038544l.jpg

― roc u like a § (ex machina), Tuesday, 26 September 2006 18:08 (nineteen years ago)

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