The Worst Two Thousand Video Games EVER

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2000: Pick Up the Mic
1999: Superman on the N64

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

I'd rather this be closer to #1:

http://www.gamespot.com/pc/driving/bigrigsotrr/review.html

BIG RIGS. OMG.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

1998: A Boy and His Blob
1997: Night Trap

― Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 04:47 (twenty years ago)

-Every movie license title ever(with very few exceptions)
-every shitty Wal-mart shovelware title ever (Deer Hunter, et al)

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 04:50 (twenty years ago)

It should be noted I found that big rigs link by googling "worst game ever trucks". Heh.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 04:51 (twenty years ago)

I kinda liked a boy and his blob. I move it be stricken.

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:04 (twenty years ago)

-pretentious chingchong shit like Xenosaga and the Metal Gear Solid series
-all WW2 games
-State of Emergency

― LOCKER ROOM TOWEL FIGHT: THE BLINDING OF LARRY DRISCOLL (Adrian Langston), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:06 (twenty years ago)

I anticipated the shit out of A Boy and His Blob for NES, and it totally sucked. Way to take an incredibly creative and versatile game concept and someone how make it frustrating and boring. This could have been a totally classic puzzle game, but instead it failed to deliver on almost any of its promise.

― Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:14 (twenty years ago)

They're releasing a new version for DS in November, I think. It would be great if they did it right this time.

― Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:16 (twenty years ago)

-all WW2 games

BOOOOO

Call of Duty & Metal Slug were GREAT

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:47 (twenty years ago)

1991. Final Fantasy 8. (Oh good, another 5 hour cut scene. Oh good, another random battle. Oh good, the most pointlessly convoluted fighting system of all time. Where's the friggin' game?)

― Anti-Pope Consortium (noodle vague), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:49 (twenty years ago)

1990. Parappa The Rapper.

― C0L1N B... (C0L1N B...), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:51 (twenty years ago)

"chingchong"?

xpost I liked FF8! The magic-based stats system was way cool!

― Leeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:51 (twenty years ago)

I know it's an idiosyncratic choice, Leeeeeee. It represents the point when I lost all patience with the whole series.

― Anti-Pope Consortium (noodle vague), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 05:54 (twenty years ago)

Any stupid cartoon style game.
Especially that fat fuck of a cunt Mario.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 07:15 (twenty years ago)

Wayne's World on the SNES. Woeful.

― Bumchowser (Bumchowser), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 07:36 (twenty years ago)

Johnny Bazookatone

― Ludo (Ludo), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

1994 : Rise of the Robots

this made every other game seem like the second coming of christ, dreadful doesn't even cover it...

― idle hands got me nowhere (idle hands), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 08:26 (twenty years ago)

1993: Woolfenstein
1992: Doom
1991: Quake
1990: Doom 2
1989: Halo
1988: Every other fucking first-person shooter
1987: Tomb Raider

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 08:31 (twenty years ago)

1986. XARDION!

OMG!!

― Leeeeeeee (Leee), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

Every other fucking first-person shooter

bullshit. examples: No One Lives Forever(1 & 2)

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

Sim City/the Sims
Civillisation
All American Football/baseball games
All EA/EA Sports games

xpost goldeneye obv!

― coral/coral/coral, Tuesday, 2 August 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

1988: Every other fucking first-person shooter

I'm not in love with FPS games either, but at least pick undeniably bad ones, not some of the best. Quake was not the worst ever of anything. Also, Duke Nukem 3D? Half Life? Battlefield 1942? These are fun games!

― Laura H. (laurah), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 18:24 (twenty years ago)

1984, or maybe 1985: the great space race

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 18:28 (twenty years ago)

1983. Nethack

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 22:59 (twenty years ago)

1982. Omikron: the Nomad Soul
1981. To Kill A Bowie

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

-Every movie license title ever(with very few exceptions)

HUDSON HAWK!

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

Sim City/the Sims !?!?!

Gee, they must be bad, they sell sooooo terribly ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:04 (twenty years ago)

1980. Stonekeep
1979. Matt Baringer's Detective
1978. all of those shit sokoban clones people make as their first game

#1 should be B*********** 3*****

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:14 (twenty years ago)

Nethack? Nethack? Nethack was wonderful!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:16 (twenty years ago)

there was a Hudson Hawk video game? The movie was bad enough...

― already disheveled hair projection (wetmink), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:18 (twenty years ago)

1977. Atari 2600 Football (American)

― already disheveled hair projection (wetmink), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:19 (twenty years ago)

1979. Matt Baringer's Detective Yes!

1976. Hurdy Gurdy.

Remy, lets sit there playing Zangband all day when I'm in LA.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

The game was infinitely superior to the film, it was like the anti-Ghostbusters

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

Man that game sucked

― Matt (Matt), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

x-post Atari football just looks so hilarious:

http://www.speccy.org/sromero/atari/scrshots/football.gif

― already disheveled hair projection (wetmink), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:23 (twenty years ago)

top 5 things I hate about nethack (in order):

1. hunger & food
2. the "try everything to see what works" idea
3. inventory limits
4. the nerd references (zorkmids etc)
5. that fucking cockatrice

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:23 (twenty years ago)

I think people are listing "bad" in the "well I didnt like it" sense games and that isnt really fair or the point... I wanna see more badly MADE games - games with huge flaws, AI that er... isnt, terrible artwork, plot holes big enough to drive a Big Rig thru (:D) etc.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:24 (twenty years ago)

(well not everyone, some people)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:24 (twenty years ago)

1975. Home Alone (SNES)

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

It's go, G.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 23:35 (twenty years ago)

1974. Super Mario Land
1973. Color a Dinosaur
1972. Cheetahmen II

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

1971. The Longest Journey
1970. Bart vs. the Space Mutants

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 00:40 (twenty years ago)

1993: Woolfenstein
1992: Doom
1991: Quake
1990: Doom 2
1989: Halo
1988: Every other fucking first-person shooter

i love you

― Marco Salvetti (moustache), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 00:41 (twenty years ago)

1969. Lagoon
1968. Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest
1967. Super Pitfall
1966. Hudson's Adventure Island
1965. Treasure Master
1964. Pugsley's Scavenger Hunt

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 00:55 (twenty years ago)

1963. Demons to Diamonds (Atari 2600)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

1962. to 1. = Cosmic Race, Playstation. Every game ever has more redeeming value.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 01:30 (twenty years ago)

1961. Frogger 3D

I liked GamePlayers too

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:20 (twenty years ago)

Casino Simulation games, e.g.

1960. Leisure Suit Larry's Casino

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:23 (twenty years ago)

did anybody even PLAY the latest LSL game? the shitty one they made into a 3d xbox platformer?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:25 (twenty years ago)

Has anyone said ET: The Extra Terrestrial (1959?), Custer's Revenge (1958?) or Bible Adventures (1957?) yet? Because jesus christ.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:28 (twenty years ago)

uh, 1957?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:29 (twenty years ago)

I've actually played Custers Revenge, and at least its possible to succeed, even if success means dodging arrows and raping a indian woman tied to a cactus in the worst 8-bit graphics possible. Terrible? Yes. Worse than Cosmic Race (which is just so bad, its mindbending, but available for $2 US plus shipping from Amazon.co.jp)? No.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 02:45 (twenty years ago)

uh, 1957?

We're going backwards from 2000, remember?

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 03:08 (twenty years ago)

Worse than Cosmic Race (which is just so bad, its mindbending, but available for $2 US plus shipping from Amazon.co.jp)? No.

So maybe it shouldn't be #1, but it should certainly be on the list.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 03:09 (twenty years ago)

oh duh. yeah. i thought you were referring to the year.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 03:28 (twenty years ago)

I was gonna mention the recent LSL as well - isnt it meant to be his nephew or something, and it is really sanitised?

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 03:29 (twenty years ago)

1956. TMNT (NES) This game was great until the underwater level where you have to defuse all the bombs, which was seriously almost impossible. The rest of the game might as well not exist if you can't get there. Maybe most frustrating gaming experience ever.

Did anyone ever win this level?

― Laura H. (laurah), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 03:41 (twenty years ago)

Listing much-loved or highly-regarded video games without explaining why you think they're bad is pointless. Mario, Doom, Civ, the Sims, Nethack: bullshit. Justify yr hate, please.

― Anti-Pope Consortium (noodle vague), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

Did anyone ever win this level?

Yes. God I wish there was the internet so I could find a game genie code to let you do that part easier.

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:36 (twenty years ago)

noodlevague otm.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:37 (twenty years ago)

WHich is why with my vote for BIG RIGS I listed a link, which I highly recommend reading, its the most hilarious game review evar.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:37 (twenty years ago)

Listing nethack is insane even though it is stupidhard.

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:37 (twenty years ago)

Yea, that BigRigs game looked BAD. It would have been cool if it were not lame and had MARKET FORCES simulated.

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:41 (twenty years ago)

1955. Sonic Spinball (hard to control and pretty boring)

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:48 (twenty years ago)

Yes. God I wish there was the internet so I could find a game genie code to let you do that part easier.

Game Genie is not real winning!!

― Laura H. (laurah), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 05:57 (twenty years ago)

Nethack!?

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 06:09 (twenty years ago)

Regarding my choice of first person shooters, I think that if someone can nominate 'Parappa The Rapper' which is awesome, and every single Mario title ever I think I'm well within my rights to nominate the single most overated and bafflingly popular genre ever.

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 08:41 (twenty years ago)

1954. Grange Hill on the spectrum

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 08:49 (twenty years ago)

1953. Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City
1952. Mario Tennis 3D (Virtual Boy edition; any Virtual Boy game ever could apply for inclusion to this list as well, as anyone who's ever tried to play the fucking thing well knows)
1951. Wall Street Kid
1950. Bible Buffet
1949. Sunday Funday/any unlicensed Biblical-themed NES game that you'd play at day camp in 1989
1948. Mario is Missing! (crappy early SNES game parlaying Mario brand/nascent "edutainment" craze)
1947. Skate or Die 2 (NOT up to par)
1946. Super Play Action Football (with revolutionary/confusing 45-degree POV)

― Daniel Cohen (dayan), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 11:54 (twenty years ago)

1945. Shaq-Fu

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Wednesday, 3 August 2005 22:14 (twenty years ago)

I thought Mario Tennis was the best thing for Virtual Boy. Not that it means anything, but still. I liked Sonic Spinball too.

As for my choice of Cosmic Race, it was one video game magazine's zero rating. Abyssmal controls, horrible graphics, insane clipping, ridiculously difficult gameplay, and often non-existant collision detection (want to fly through the ground? and that hill? go ahead!). Nothing ever has been worse.

― Alan Conceicao (Alan Conceicao), Thursday, 4 August 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

My contribution would be Tunnel B1's PC port, which appeared to be very, very broken.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 4 August 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

Did anybody like that side-scrolling Legend of Zelda game for NES? I seem to recall it really pissing me off.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 4 August 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

1941. Doom 3

Bwahaha

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 4 August 2005 13:56 (twenty years ago)

1940-1840 That pack of games you got on cassette for Sinclair Spectrum, called something like "100 Great Games", where you'd load one up, see it was rubbish, then load up the next over and over and over again.

― mei (mei), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

1839. Castle for Atari -- great, I'm a fucking pixel, and I keep bumping into other pixels.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

1838....

http://www.juegomania.org/Bill+Laimbeers+Combat+Basketball/fotos/snes/0/194_t/Foto+Bill+Laimbeers+Combat+Basketball.jpg

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

1837. White Men Can't Jump (the video game.... played at a friends house a few years ago. Awful, awful, awful)

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

1836-836: every game ever on the commode 64, except wizball and alter ego. and the last ninja games.

[removes tongue from cheek]

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

Dude, wtfever, there were some AWESOME Commodore 64 games! Ghostbusters! Crazy Caveman!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 4 August 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

I am absolutely not convinced that any of these games are worse than Demons to Diamonds.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Thursday, 4 August 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

Did anybody like that side-scrolling Legend of Zelda game for NES? I seem to recall it really pissing me off.

That game ruled!! Especially the HAHAHAHAH when you died!

― I'm Hi, Jared Fogle (ex machina), Thursday, 4 August 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

Ghostbusters

the spectrum version was better.

[remembers]

ok, it wasn't. it sucked.

and yes, sorry, there were a heap of top C64 games. but beneath this 30-year-old exterior beats the heart of an impassioned nine-year-old with a rubber-keyed spectrum and a nascent sense of tribal loyalty.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 4 August 2005 16:08 (twenty years ago)

SPECTRUM MASSIVE 4EVA.

― Anti-Pope Consortium (noodle vague), Thursday, 4 August 2005 16:11 (twenty years ago)

Did anybody like that side-scrolling Legend of Zelda game for NES? I seem to recall it really pissing me off.

http://www.gaming-media.com/_feature/zeldafeature/2/image025.gif

This game got really frustrating towards the end, especially since you only had three lives (which you could lose through falling into stupid side-scrolling pits), and losing them all reset your experience to zero. It wasn't awful, but there are less irritating games to spend your time on.

― Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 4 August 2005 16:44 (twenty years ago)

826. Friday the 13th (NES). Difficult, boring, not scary. Wandering around in that stupid repetitive map, all of it leading up to thrilling confrontations like this:

http://www.polas.latentmedium.com/nes/ft13/jason.jpeg

Although I remember that the instruction book listed one of your enemies as "the severed head of Jason's mother" and I asked my mom what "severed" meant and she wouldn't tell me, so for a long time I thought it was a really bad word.

― Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 4 August 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

does anyone else think that Echo the Dolphin is meditative and calming?

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 4 August 2005 17:20 (twenty years ago)

Well I don't think Phantasmagoria could be included. Anything about a psychotic magician ghost is clearly going to be in the top ten.

― gunther heartymeal (keckles), Thursday, 4 August 2005 17:24 (twenty years ago)

What number are we up to? I second the veto against "all C64 games." That's my childhood you're dissing!

1832.... Raiders of the Lost Ark for the Atari

http://www.theraider.net/information/games/gallery/raiderslostark/raiders_01.gif

WTF is up with this?

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Thursday, 4 August 2005 18:00 (twenty years ago)

BAHAHAHA Phantasmagoria was greatly terrible. It will always hold up as overbloated load that was mid-90's "multimedia". you had all these great features:

-the pretty blonde chick preening in EVERY single mirror you encountered

-her deliberately overacting(and badly at the deliberate part) husband

-the gore-outta-nowhere where her head is sliced in two, which was so hilarious abrupt and out of place from the the game that my roommate & i had to replay the scene 3 or 4 times before we could stop laughing.

-the RAPE scene, FFS. jesus christ, roberta, why the fuck did you put a domestic rape scene in your game?

-the blonde chick went on to do PORN! no more vid-capture games for her!

did anybody play Phantasmagoria II? Or Gabriel Knight II, which used the same engine & vid-cap process?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 4 August 2005 18:21 (twenty years ago)

Gabriel Knight II was the least shitty FMV game I ever played. It integrated the FMV really well, and was pretty involving and spooky. Well done on all counts except for the exaggerated New Orleans accent.

Wasn't Phantasmagoria II completely unrelated, about a crazy computer programmer or something? I don't think Roberta Williams was even involved with it.

― Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 4 August 2005 19:21 (twenty years ago)

it was like "A Puzzle of Skin" or somesuch. I can't remember if Jane Jensen was involved in either of the Ph. games, as well as writing the GK ones.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 4 August 2005 19:26 (twenty years ago)

I just looked it up. Phantasmagoria II was done by Lorelei Shannon, who also brought us the abomination that is Kings Quest VII (the only truly bad KQ, which I nominate for #1831).

― Laura H. (laurah), Thursday, 4 August 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

oh shit, seriously? i heard that roberta williams was all over that. hmm. just the first one, then?

hee hee. KQ6 had Robbie Benson! and talking vegetables!

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 4 August 2005 20:10 (twenty years ago)

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