That's it. Tonight I'm killing myself. [don't worry about this one actually --mod]

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A couple of you already know that I lost my job a few weeks ago.

I was working on a project that requires hard to get clearance, and I didn't get it. Basically, I was in a mental institution for a while in High School, and somehow they found out about it. It seems like bullshit that such a thing could keep me out, but those are the rules and there is nothing to be done about it.

They probably knew for some time, but they did not tell me until my contract lapsed so that I would complete the whole project.

Now, I have nothing. Nothing at all.

There is simply nothing for me to live for any more; no one here has no idea how much of my life I have spent merely scrambling to get out of a hole. It was hard work but I was slowly catching up to where a normal person should be, but I see now that I am only ultimately falling more and more behind each day. I have been looking for work the last three years as I worked on this, and found nothing, and I know now how futile my search is, and I have hated the jobs I have had anyhow. As for the rest of my life, it has never been anything but a complete wreck and I have no hope for the future.

There is more I want to say to a few of you, but maybe I have said too much already in the past and there is no going back now anyhow.

I have written notes to each of my family and to what few friends I have and left them with mailing instructions.

When I post this I will already be dying in an irrevocable manner.

It is sad that I will probably be missed here more than in real life, which is to say not at all.

I have much more to say but it's pointless.

Paul Banks,

Signing off ($812K)

― Mr Adolph bin Streisand (Mr_Adolph_bin_Streisand), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:20 (twenty years ago)

hello everyone this is spam!

any more will be deleted

― charltonlido (gareth), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:27 (twenty years ago)

fuck. how's it spam though?

― jed_ (jed), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

GOOD LUCK MAN HOPE IT GOES OK

― JAKKC, Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:32 (twenty years ago)

Whatever he's selling, I ain't buying it.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

SPAM

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:35 (twenty years ago)

FFS PEOPLE!

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=%22When+I+post+this+I+will+already+be+dying+in+an+irrevocable+manner%22&sourceid=mozilla-search&start=0&start=0&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official

― charltonlido (gareth), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:36 (twenty years ago)

Maybe people keep rescuing him so he just keeps this in a .doc file!

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

Um, neither of those searches return anything.

I can see what you're getting at though.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:41 (twenty years ago)

you can't fool us so-called "Paul Banks", we know your real name is Adolph bin Streisand

― already disheveled hair projection (wetmink), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, just because your bandmate has herpes is no reason to off yourself.

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

bon voyage, nigga!

― The Original Jimmy Mod (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

why wait until tonight? no time like the present...

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if our way should falter
Along the stony pass

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

― why u break haert all time paul bankz ;( (gear), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:58 (twenty years ago)

Whew. Least it wasn't loggedout. That poor person has had a tough summer.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 19:59 (twenty years ago)

Actually, your name is Eggplant, according to the earlier posts.

I suppose Eggplant is doing himself in over the Lookout Records restructure.

― PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

http://charver.conforums2.com/index.cgi?board=Goth&action=display&num=1116789973

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

I WAS GLAD TO SEE THE BITTER, BASEMENT DJ'S GET ANGRY AT ME BECAUSE I DARED TO ASK FOR SUGGESTIONS.
YES, YOU SUGGESTED ME DOZENS OF SONGS/ALBUMS.

YES, I HEARD MOST OF THEM.

YES, I SINGLED SOME OF THEM OUT. I MADE A SELECTION AND I PLAYLIST. I WON'T POST IT , THO, EVEN WHEN I WANTED TO, BECAUSE I'M TIRED OF HEARING A COUPLE OF FAT SOCKFUCKERS WHINING AND MOANING BECAUSE 'PEOPLE LIKE ME' TOOK THEIR JOBS.

I LIVE IN MEXICO DUDES, I LOVE MUSIC, I MIX BECAUSE I LIKE PEOPLE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME AND DANCE. I RARELY GET PAID, AND MOST OF THE TIMES IT'S JUST THE FREE DRINKS AND THE GOOD TIMES.

I JUST WANTED TO MIX SHOEGAZER SONGS BECAUSE I WAS INVITED TO PLAY SOME SONGS AT AN ART EXHIBIT IN TIJUANA. I DON'T THINK I WILL GET PAID, BUT IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MUSIC.

AND FOR THE RECORD, I OWN 1200 CD'S, OF SEVERAL GENRES, LATIN JAZZ, ROCK EN ESPAÑOL, HOUSE, ETC.

JUST STOP SCREECHING DUDEZ. LOSE THE ATTITUDE, DAMMIT.

TO THE GUY THAT MADE AN APOLOGY, MY PROPS BECAUSE HE WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE A MISTAKE AS I DID.

DO NEVER TEST ILX NERDZ = THEY WILL TRY TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND SERVE YOU THE HATORADE- PROBABLY BECAUSE THEIR JANITOR JOBZ DON'T CUT IT.

MABS,
SIGNING OFF

P.S. YES, I WROTE IT IN ALLCAPS, WHO THE HELL GIVES A FUCK?

-- Mr Adolph bin Streisand (PaulBank...), April 21st, 2005.

― fe zaffe (fezaffe), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 20:58 (twenty years ago)

I'm looking forward to the ladytron album.

― Hari A$hur$t (Toaster), Tuesday, 2 August 2005 22:31 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

http://www.imagedump.com/index.cgi?pick=get&tp=274106

― pud, Wednesday, 5 October 2005 00:32 (twenty years ago)

Pud? Seriously? Now that's someone I haven't thought about for years.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 5 October 2005 00:38 (twenty years ago)

Hi everyone, this is a troll from the FUCKEDCOMPANY.com board.

― MABS, Wednesday, 5 October 2005 01:11 (twenty years ago)

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