Let us consider Chelmsford, please.

noo fakkin ahhn-suhs.

I've been to Colchester to visit my brother on many occasions and it seems alright. And the prevalence of Essex Girls is amazing. I thought they were just a myth until I went to Colchester.

Essex Girls Exist. i am not one though (born in E11 hurrah!). Romford is awful, just awful, though Clacton by the sea conjures up many fond memories of childhood hols for me...

there was a story the other year about there being more fake tan sold in Romford than in any other part of the world. this makes perfect sense to me.

It's full of egg-throwing yobboes from what I hear.

Romford is the sewer of humanity. It's only a ten minute drive from Upminster, but still I avoid it like the proverbial plague. It could teach Soddom and Gomorrah a thing or two, that's for sure. I don't particularly appreciate being kicked to death while I'm queuing for a kebab, thank you very much.

Chelmsford is somewhat genteel, by comparison. Only by comparison, you understand. It's got a great Bengali restaurant though.

what do you mean, essex girls?

Romford. Gawd, that accent. No no no no no (with Grays and the entire population of TOTS2000 in Southend worthy of honourable mentions)

That said, the only Essex girl I've ever been out with gave absolutely phenomenal head...

"But the focus groups ... I couldn't believe it. We were changing policy on the basis of six people observed behind a two-way mirror in a terraced house in bloody Chelmsford." (Mark Radcliffe on his Breakfast Show stint)

Inglesfield to thread! Inglesfield to thread!

Aaaaaar, there be a lot of nonsense talked on this 'ere thread. Romford is just a dull town with a McDonalds and an HMV and a few pubs just like anywhere else. ULTRAVIOLENCE = mythical, I've yet to be beaten up in Romford, no-one laid a finger on me even when I was Manics Fan Make-Up Boy.

How about Basildon? Any town producing Depeche Mode *must* be good. ;-)

I went to Colchester once. It was alright!

Basildon = much the same as Romford.

Thank you Robin. I love rural Essex, particularly the coastal marshes, and the estuaries of the Blackwater and Crouch. (I defy anyone to say that Bradwell-on-Sea with its tiny Saxon church near the sea-wall isn't a stunningly beautiful place, barely believable that it's less than 60 miles from London). As for urban Essex, a lot of the stereotypes do have some basis in truth, unfortunately.

DG, I trust you implictly (you live in Chadwell Heath, I barely know that area) but two words of relevance to Romford: ANDREW ROSINDELL. I know that not all the voters would have known his links to Italian fascists (if I didn't read Private Eye and the leftish broadsheets, I wouldn't have done) and I know that you don't live in the constituency, but it must say *something* that he won such a huge swing in what was otherwise such a dreadful election for the Tories that they couldn't even hold Guildford, for fuck's sake.

I must have gone to three different campsites in Essex with the Scouts, now I come to think of it, and the last one (outside Brentwood) was GRATE because it actually had decent toilets.

Thing is Robin, how many people voted for Rosindell, and how many just voted Conservative? The candidates themselves are a field of study limited to political junkies, I fear.
I like Essex. I'm sorry. No, hang on, I don't need to apologise. It's actually a very nice place, if you know what to avoid. Basic rule = keep away from the Thames, that's where most of the shitty places are, eg Grays, Tilbury etc. I wuv Southend, I don't care if anyone sneers at me, I like its bizarre mix of tacky amusement arcades and austere Victoriana. For 10 months I lived in Frinton-On-Sea, yes, that place that only got its first pub a couple of years ago. If you want to live a rock'n'roll lifestyle you'd best avoid it, but for anyone wanting a peaceful place to retire to it's great. Problem is I was 8 when we moved there and I didn't find it very exciting. I do sometimes miss the old house though, and the dark nights when the sea at the end of the road woz really scary and mysterious and majestic (and filled with hospital waste that had floated up from Clacton).

At a very un rock-n-roll moment in my life (ie between 1977 and 1979 when I was 4-5ish) I lived in Chelmsford. I remember the playground near our house; the inside of the shopping centre in town where we used to go to the supermarket; mistaking a strange bloke for my dad when we first arrived in our street from Germany, my dad having travelled seperately; first discovering peanut butter at some kid's party up the street.

Hooray! I'm off to Dagenham tonight! Exploration of uncharted Essex! Santa hats at the ready!

ah yes, Frinton was lovely when i were a lass. i much preferred it to the hustle and bustle of Clacton. St Osyth's was nice too...

I'm surprised that Mooro, resident of Chelmsford hasn't posted here.

Walton-on-the-Naze was a magical place when I was a wee chap. The pier there had every ride a boy could ask for. I had to be literally *dragged* away every time I went there. A bit like me and pubs now.

Up the Daggers!

I developed a massive crush on someone in Colchester (this is about 8 years ago) so it can't be bad. Also, the tallest and most similar-in- appearance-to-Julia-Roberts girl I've ever kissed was from Loughton. Lovely girl, but the accent, erm...

So will you be going to see the Daggers this evening, Trevor?

My brother's friend plays for the daggers - centre half Ashley Vickers. I think they'll win tonight by the way, sorry.

I think you might be right Jonnie, don't be sorry. I'm a little nervous of our chances. Although we have apparently been playing much better and are pretty full of confidence at the moment (risen 14 league places in the space of 13 games, awlright!). Are you basing your thinking the Daggers will win on anything, or is it just a hunch? Fancy coming along?

Ipswich in the next round would be nice, but mainly it's the embarrassment of losing to a non-league team that I'm keen to avoid. We haven't done that for a decade or so now, so I fear our turn may be coming round soon. Ulp.

Back to DG's Essex rule: Dagenham = down by the river (more or less)...good luck Tim!

Ulp (again). Do you mean good luck for the game or good luck in general, going round near the river?

May I just back up DG on the glory and joy that is Sarfend, please?

I'd love to go, Tim. Unfortunately I'm on duty tonight and the criminals of Greater London need me more than Dagenham does.

*Insert unfunny and unjustifiable joke here about cutting out the middleman and going to see the criminals of Greater London in situ at the game*

Shame you can't come. I'm hoping it will be quite a laugh.

Hooray for Tim! Don't worry about Dagenham, like Romford its reputation precedes it. Obviously it isn't the most glamourous of places but I'm sure you won't have any trouble. Unless you go looking for it.

Rest assured, I shan't be looking for trouble, unless Going Equipped with a Santa Hat is looking for trouble down Dagenham way.

I understand it is the intention of our company to sample the delights of a local hostelry before attending the game. We shall, as always, be looking to make friends.

The East End / Essex really are mythic lands to me. I barely know what to expect. More London suburbs and not much else, I suppose.

I don’t really think of myself as an Essex person even though I have lived in Chelmsford for over 10 years. However my Dad spent his childhood in Dagenham, although I suspect there were a few more fields there in the 30’s. My Mum comes from Prittlewell, the posh bit of Southend, near Priory Park where they used to have a real fire engine to play on. Holidays in Southend were tremendous fun as my Nannie & Grandad had a beach hut towards Thorpe Bay. Catching sea creatures with a bucket in the pools on the beach, those green & cream trains that used to run to the end of the pier & the enormous ice cream sundaes at Rossi’s are the strongest memories.

My Auntie still lives there. My other Auntie lives in Loughton, & is quite tall. Mark, you didn’t ...

As to Essex girls, I have the good fortune to work at the true centre of Essex Girl City: at this college my office is located between the Refectory & the Schools of Beauty Therapy & Hairdressing, so my window’s reflection is used for final adjustments of clothing, hair, make up & spots before entering the breaktime battle of the sexes with the Automobile Engineering & Cookery For The Catering Industry students. Most of them are as impossibly pretty as their language and conversation is breathtakingly foul.

I thought Leigh-on-Sea was the posh bit of Southend? The walk from Prittlewell railway station to Southend's ground isn't too pretty.

I like it all though. Southend rules. As does Mooro, and (if the other members of his excellent family I've met are anything to go by) as does Mooro's Mum.

The people who live in Leigh-on-Sea can't stand to be thought of as being from Southend. Its a completely separate town, don't you know.

Blushing,

Mooro

Bless you. Mr. Moore.

Incidentally, if anyone fancies a trip to watch Dagenham - Exeter this evening, I shall be at the Hamilton Hall pub at Liverpool Street until half past six, then we'll be proceeding to Essex. Should be fun (if a trifle chilly).

Posh bit of Southend = Victorian area on the clifftops, or a bit further down the coast at Thorpe Bay.

Maybe posh is a relative term.

Maybe I was using posh as a relative term. I guess I'll call Prittlewell lower middle class, then, or at least the bits of it I remember.

Revive. Is Essex really so bad to be in?

Most of my relatives on my mother's side moved to Essex in the eighties and nineties coz they just couldn't stand London anymore. My Auntie Kathleen, in the wake of the Broadwater Farm riots (admittedly a mile or two down the road) said "Right, that's it, then, I'm off" and the house was on the market, quick as a flash. I've never had a problem with the accent and I've always considered it strange that Kent is not tarred with the same brush as Essex. Why does Margate escape the bile which is slung at Southend and Clacton? They've always struck me as much of a muchness with the vaunted Blackpool being simply their Northern equivalent.

Do you live in Essex? You must have one of these 'orrible accents then. It doesn't smell as bad as London. That's my intial impression anyway.

No, I live in Oxfordshire. I don't consider the Essex accent to be horrible. It's nicer than Geordie or Brummie.

Are the girls slappers then?

There are slappers in every town.

....every town in every county I mean. Not just in Essex.

It's the accents man, the accents...

Still the air is cleaner than London. It's just still too close to London though isn't it? That whole area. When the UK accepts London is the anti-Christ and that the air smells like shit and grime and we evacuate the city then we'll all be better off surely?

This is quite funny, isn't it? In a way, I mean.

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Ipswich in the next round would be nice, but mainly it's the embarrassment of losing to a non-league team that I'm keen to avoid. We haven't done that for a decade or so now, so I fear our turn may be coming round soon. Ulp.

-- Tim (hopkinsti...) (webmail), December 19th, 2001 1:00 AM. (link)
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Chelmsford seemed OK to me. You can see how it probably used to look in the olden days on that main street that sort of forks. I know what I mean. It is topographically unaltered, perhaps.

Also there is a nice pub.

But yes, it is too close to London.