What do people think of a scene from a comedy script I've got in the works?

that's funny

-----

EXT DAY: Outside the house.

Opening shot, JIMMY and PAUL are about to enter the house that he is to live in. You can just make out his new flatmate, GREGG’s face pressed firmly against the outside window.

INT DAY: Front room of the house.

- PAUL and JIMMY enter the small living room. A typical student-style house that looks like it hasn’t been refurbished since the late sixties. Not truly ugly but could do with a lick of paint.

PAUL: -and this is the living room where you’ll be—

- GREGG bounds up to them eagerly. Reminiscent of an oversized toddler with Osh-Kosh dungarees and cherubic blonde locks, GREGG speaks in a squeaky high pitched voice

GREGG: Paul!

PAUL: Ah well hello there Graham!

GREGG: It’s Gregg

PAUL: Sorry, Gregg. Gregg, I’d like you to meet your new—

GREGG: Oh Paul, it’s been so long since you last stopped by. We have missed you so. Is this our new flatmate?

PAUL: Yes, yes indeed it is. Jimmy, I would like you to meet Jeremiah.

GREGG: Gregg.

- JIMMY extends his hand and they shake briefly. Pulling away, JIMMY realises he has a smear of jam on his hand. He wipes it on his trouser leg.

GREGG: (in a particularly high pitched voice) Paul, do you notice anything mmmm, different about me?

PAUL: Hmm… let me see… Is that a new hat?

GREGG: That’s my hair.

PAUL: Okay, okay, new dungarees?

GREGG: No.

PAUL: New shoes?

GREGG: No.
PAUL: You’ve had one of those… ha-hangovers?

JIMMY: Makeovers

GREGG: No!

MARTIN: (Piping up from a corner of the room, he has been sitting eyes glued to a video game all this time. Martin is scruffy, red-faced and speaks with a thick Ulster accent)
Oh for God’s sake it’s his voice! (he carries on with his game)

GREGG: That’s right, it’s my voice! I got it changed!

PAUL: Well it’s a good deal better now. You sounded positively frightening when you first moved in.

MARTIN: I’ll say. He sounded like a rhino trying to bellow his way out of a concrete mixer.

PAUL: Ah Jimmy, this is Martin.

JIMMY: Nice to meet you, I’m Jimmy.

MARTIN: (sarcastically, without looking up) It’s a pleasure.

PAUL: (to JIMMY) Best to leave him alone when he gets like this. Hot Toddy anybody?

EVERYONE: Uh, no thanks.

PAUL: Right well then I’ll leave you to it then. If you have any problems then give us a bell.

JIMMY: Right thanks. Oh one more thi—

(but PAUL is gone)

GREGG: He is always doing that. Would you like a sweet?

JIMMY: As long as it’s not Nutty Putty.

GREGG: (producing a packet of sweets) No. They’re strawberry flumps.

- GREGG pulls a sweet out the packet and attempts to feed the sweet to him with his sticky babyish hands. Jimmy backs off and reaches for a sweet out the packet.

JIMMY: Hmm… got any coffee drops?

GREGG: Upstairs. Wanna see my collection?

JIMMY: Later… I’ve got something I need to do first. (He looks longingly at his cafetiere, just about the only possession he brought with him). Where’s the kettle Gregg?

I can see this as a strange Spaced-type show more than LoG, mostly. And when I said you need jokes, I didn't necessarily mean the characters cracking one-liners, I just meant something to make anyone laugh, even to make anyone aware that they are watching a comedy. Here we have some promising odd characters, but it is still dangerously short of amusing aspects, for me.

INT. A SCHOOL HALLWAY, BUT FANCIER THAT MOST

We see our protagonist, HANK SPINOZA, putting away books in his locker, which is quite fancy. He is approached by good friend, KILLER PLATOON, who was named by a military industrial complex dude because his parents sold his naming rights. Maybe a later episode will shed light on this bizarre and humorous situation.

HANK: Sup Killer.

KILLER: HI DERE. So have you been eyeing Fashion Girl lately?

HANK: Not any more than usual, why?

KILLER: Dude, something happened to her over the summer.

HANK: Did she grow breasts?

KILLER: Even better. She got rich.

HANK: Ah, that modeling career is finally starting to take off for her?

KILLER: No, she landed a role in a Lifetime movie about anorexia.

HANK: I didn't know she could act.

KILLER: She can't. She was the boom mic.

HANK: Oh.

KILLER: Anyway, so now I guess would be the best time to recall past memories when you and her were good friends, yes? So she will give us money for Rock Concerts!

HANK: I don't know, that was a long time ago.

***FLESHBACK***

We are in THE PAST. THE PAST is hazy. FASHION GIRL is not named FASHION GIRL, if you can believe it! Her name is Valencia (because her daddy is Dutch, so dutch=orange, yayyayay!) So HANK and VALENCIA are at a summer camp a several years ago before the ravages of puberty made them both weirdos (so, they're like 11). They are at a distance from the HAPPY CAMPERS who are around a CAMP FIRE

HANK: This sucks.

VALENCIA: I agree, let's be pals.

They smile.

***BACK TO THE PRESEEEENT***

HANK: After that, she went off and got into Fashion and she pretended like I never existed.

KILLER: Aw, don't cry, buddy!

HANK: (obviously not emoting) I wasn't--

KILLER: It's all right, don't let THE PAST suppress your outpouring of emotion.

HANK: Dude, I'm fine it's just--

KILLER: (stern-faced) Look. We're gonna get that bitch, so help me FUCKING GOD. And we'll show her the real meaning of KILLER -- AR AR AR AR AR AR AR!

HANK looks scared (his friend is barking for no reason!)

KILLER: Or maybe you can just rekindle the friendship and get some cash, please!

HANK: Dude, I dunno.

KILLER: Okay, so I'll just beat the shit out of her and steal her Prada bag and sell it to someone in the inner city, huh, how about that?

HANK: I don't like it when you've been drinking.

Insert FASHION GIRL who wears FANCY CLOTHES AND MAKEUP and has NO ASS.

KILLER: There she is, now's your chance!

HANK is shoved forcefully in HER direction.

HANK: Uh, hey Valencia!

***MANY GASPS***

FASHION GIRL stops dead in her tracks, as does everyone else in the scene. She looks scorned and is bleeding out of her eyeballs. Or maybe that's mascara running from the sweat cos it's awfully hot outside, hoo lawdy.

FASHION GIRL: (like one of those creepy robot alien things from AI, except not as benevolent!) I do not think you understand the gravity of your error in identity. I am the embodiment of fashion. I make fashion in the lavatory, I liquify fashion and drink fashion and I eat fashion on a bed of baby spinach and iceberg lettuce because I must make fashion for the lavatory later that day.

HANK: Valencia, I think you're taking this a bit--

FASHION GIRL: Silence, peon. (To someone off camera) Remove the waste.

SHADOWY FIGURE emerges from THE SHADOWS and removes HANK and KILLER (for some reason!) to a new, completely dark locale. From behind the darkness, there is FASHION GIRL.

FASHION GIRL: Hank, I thought my inexplicably bitchy distance from you was enough, but I'm not going to be friends with you, EVER.

KILLER: Oh, he doesn't want to be friends with you--

HANK: Now, wait, Killer--

FASHION GIRL: You...you don't want to be MY friend? But everyone wants to be my friend! There is a two-year waiting list to be my friend! I throw the best parties, have all the best connections--

SHADOWY FIGURE: Gives the best head, too.

FASHION GIRL: Why wouldn't you want to be my friend, Hank?

KILLER: Look, since you're totally loaded, we thought we could mooch off you and maybe get tickets to Rock Concerts! For fun times!

FASHION GIRL: Hank! How could you?

HANK: That isn't true!

FASHION GIRL: Take them back to the surface, Felicio!

SHADOWY FIGURE: (emerges from the darkness to reveal an average dude with average hair, complexion and sperm count.) Oh, thanks, now they know I'm your henchman.

FASHION GIRL: I'll have you demoted to office clerk if you give me lip again.

SHADOWY FIGURE, NOW FELICIO WTF: I'm--

FASHION GIRL: Come again?

FELICIO: I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

FASHION GIRL: Bitch, what fucking Disneyworld ride do you think this is? It's sure as shit not Magic Mountain, it's the fucking Tower of Terror!

FELICIO: (weeping)

FASHION GIRL: Now get the fuck out of here and take these nobodies with you.

FELICIO: (sobbing and cowering) Yes'm.

TO BE CONTINUED......................

INT DAY: The hall outside JIMMY’s flat. The camera pans across to the flat opposite and goes through the keyhole of the flat next door.

HENRI is peeking through a hole in the wall into JIMMY’s flat. KRON, the goblin is preparing a disgusting meal.

HENRI: Zut alors! Zey ave a new flatmate!

KRON: Bit o’cat liver go nicely in dat.

HENRI: Kron! Look at zis!

KRON: Not now. Mmm this is gonna be disgUSTIN’! Hmmmm… (takes a big sniff of whatever it is he’s prepared) Mmmmm! Smelly! Oh yeh!

HENRI: C’est deguellasse!

KRON: Shaddap you! You’re not the one wot ‘as to eat this. Hmmm… what else can I put in ere?

HENRI: What is it zat you are eating exactement?

KRON: It’s me own recipe, wot I ’ave adapted from me own Grandmother.

HENRI: She taught it to you as an infant?

KRON: Nah, don’t be so fackin’ stupid. I adapted it from bits of ‘er. Look, ere’s a bit of ‘er elbow.

HENRI: (holding his nose) You are not serious?

KRON: Oh you bet. Lovely woman my Nan. She made a good friend, an’ a hearty meal. Now, wot ‘ave we got in ‘ere then?

- KRON opens the fridge door and pulls out a rank, green ovalur shape

KRON: An egg!

HENRI: Two eggs?

KRON: No jus’ one.

HENRI: What are you going to do wiz zem?

KRON: Well, I was thinkin’ o’ basting it on to me ol’ dear’s scalp, an’ then puttin’ it in a sandwich.

HENRI: What, both of zem?

KRON: No, jus’ one.

HENRI: What are you going to do with the other one then?

You don't necessarily need to know the answers to these questions, yet, but you will definitely need to know before you are through, because there are considerations of cost, setting and technical limitations for each of these.

As for the whole script, will the comedy derive from farcical elements, or will it rely more on keenly observed details of character? Are you aiming for a series of gags? How will it pace out and if it is a slow-paced humor, how will you keep interest up between the funny bits?

My problem with reading the small fragment you posted is that is appears to be aiming at a slower, broader effect and a fairly low-keyed humor. There's not a lot of humor developed in so short a scene and not much to critique. You've got Paul acting dotty for a short time - well and good - and Jimmy acting, well...

Jimmy is problematic. Why in the name of all that's holy does he just spill his guts to the first stranger who says howdy to him? Then a few lines later he is acting somewhat mistrustful and reserved? Is this due to extreme immaturity and hysteria? Does this set up some later humor, or did you just not know how to transition Paul into the scene?

If you want to end up with a good, strong script based on characters and plot (as opposed to a series of sharp, funny gags that paper over your characters' inconsistencies with farce), then you need to examine each turn in the plot to see if you've established a believable basis for it in your characters. The basis can be far less well-developed and less nuanced than in a drama, but you have to offer at least a scrap of motivation and consistancy. Not knowing what Jimmy has said and done before this, it's hard to know what he's doing here.

If you think you are writing farce or sketch humor, go back and make it about 200% funnier and weirder. Watch the Marx brothers or Abbott and Costello.

On further thought, the best thing would be to just go ahead and write as much as you can of this script, for as long as it holds your interest. Don't worry about finishing it. Don't worry about the details. Just write a bunch of scenes as funny as you can make them. Scriptwriting is a very technical craft, but you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear and what's more important at this stage in your writing is having ideas and learning to develop them into scenes.

Write a lot. Just have at it.

Bit of background, the entire script will reference a lot of popular 80s movies like Big, TeenWolf and Gremlins and stuff.

I don't want to tell you not to go through w/ your idea. But I write/perform sketch comedy and also see quite a bit of it. I also work writing screenplay coverage, a lot of which are broad comedies. I've seen TONS of stuff in this vein and not only there a lot of it, but it's generally TERRIBLE. Unless these sorts of references are useful, I would suggest avoiding them. Writing jokes around references--esp. 80s refs--rarely works.

-- J.D. (aubade8...) (webmail), August 27th, 2005.

That's why you don't show anyone! Until you've worked on it awhile, anyway. And certainly don't post it to an internet message board, gah...

(ps. Hi Colin!!)

Some good came of it, huh

nooo

Crusha reference gives it a charmingly autobiographical slant

poor dog latin, is all this the result of his 'i might return' message on the IRE facebook group?

Yes, that and Dom being so "welcoming" of course.

It's Thread Bump Thriday nath! Week 1 was Calum, Week 2 is Doug Latino, Week 3 is scheduled as Lord Custos, but we need to check that one with our lawyers. Contempt of court and all that.

poor dog latin, is all this the result of his 'i might return' message on the IRE facebook group?

-- Just got offed, Friday, July 13, 2007 10:54 AM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

link?

Link? It's on the ILE Wall on Facebook. Just have a look.

Ah okay, maybe I'm being a bit paranoid as I did ask DL back to ILE. Hmm.

http://cambridge.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2382779449

follow that link he's posted and you'll find some top-quality grammar trolling A++ i would marry etc

Joking aside, he really was a dozy cunt.

the cards are on the table...i'll fold

Through Myspace stalking I figured out dog latin is a FOF or possibly FOFOF. It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to cover it in stain remover and Crusha

I HAVE A HERNIA

what have you lifted?

NOT A LOT

This sitcom is currently airing on BBC3.

with the crusha ad?

haha

I HAVE A HERNIA TOO!

I have a bulge like a squashy golf ball in my abdomen. Ugh.

sequels!

Go see your doctor, dude, I am tomorrow. Not yrs, obv.

Dude, I'm off to hospital next week to get sliced by the surgeon (then three weeks off work recuperating - oh boohoo). Have had it for about three months. Once I got used to the basic discomfort, it never really gave me any serious grief, but I'm really looking forward to getting it sorted now so I can get back to running and stuff again. Good luck with your doctor, and hope it's not giving you too much aggro.

Is this all still part of the script ?

ILX-com

What if your style is dull and overwritten? what then?

-- Mr. Que (Mr.Que), Tuesday, October 3, 2006 9:51 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

in that scenario, my friend, you endeavour to perambulate to whatever edifice in your immediate vicinity distributes social welfare

-- Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, October 3, 2006 10:26 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

Ronan you are a god

INT day: Motor station military tableware. The Jimmy list sits alone in a military tableware's table. It pours out in exterior, and the military tableware is bleak. Spatial coffee cup and nearby him cigarette abutment reject table. He sobs with him in his hand's head. Paulo, a unkindness, but the quite aging bus driver a little from behind in his shoulder is close and gently laying aside.

Paulo: Ooh! Oh oh dear I! Oh dear well what is possibly a question?

Jimmy: (muttered that) my my father dismisses my house. I have drunk the complete many coffee. And now I am too old cannot stay with him in the same place, and I-I has there is no place to go.

Paulo: Is the fearful news well. Fearful, fearful news!

Jimmy: He said me too old not to be able to live with him, and I should exit and obtain the work and other place housing.

Paulo: The good people favored in saying very many matters I the days supposition. I meant that it is truly quite chaotic. They said that “you are good” and “how are you?” And “how is the family?” And “you are very fearfully attractive, has weight which you lose?” And “why is thanks, I have joined gymnastics in February, it has” and “you spoke with Elsie? I have not received her incoming letter soon”.

With Jimmy: (interrupt) I am cold… Where am I at to be possible to obtain the coffee?

Paulo: Was they also says that. They said that “I am cold, it ices up in here”, and “is you the boiler which blinks?” And “is, I thought that it needs to bleed, but I lost radiator's key” and -

Jimmy: Invites?

Paulo: The regret, you want the coffee? I am afraid the machine am broken, and my anything has not provided except the fragrant hot liquor…

(Jimmy looks like grieves)

Paulo: Oh, but looked that you are certainly hungry! (starting rifling through his many jacket pocket) we examines here, perhaps I have something to cheer your aha! No, has not been does not have the good deed, we have another look… Hmmm…Has bitten the string…Some cotton velvets…Toy soldiers…My key…This matter…Some organization…Bottle cap…Screamed mouse…Any this is…. That…This… ooh and pen…Doctor's appointment card ......, Here we go these…! You can have this! (has pause)

Paulo: (read probably from packet) it told Nutty… Oil slush… (Paulo looked that satisfies he looks not affected)

Jimmy Paulo: It has done outside sheep's placenta… (another clumsy pause)

Paulo: Attempts it! It is the great material!

Jimmy: My father has not told me to accept from stranger's sweet snack.

Paulo: Perhaps gushes out is real, but looks at me. I am not what is strange I? (very long pause)

Paulo: Hm? Good fine, then not it. I will preserve it later. Though you may in the luck. My boarder has vanished, does not use the trace, and I have the freedom room. Has not been vacating its spot, therefore you can stay in there, discovers your bearing until you. The world may be this kind of chaotic place! Here, I let you in mine bus general travel by vehicle. Comes and me.

Six Posters In Search of a Thread

Pinteresque!

one egg is un oeuf

EXT day: Outside house. The opening fire, Jimmy and Paulo will enter the house he to live. You can be the human who he new gathers set of apartments, the GREGG face are pressed firmly oppose the exterior window.

INT day: Before house, room. - Paulo and Jimmy enter the small living room. Looks like an alike typical student style house not to regrind from the late 60s the light. Not really ugly, but can do with the paint licks.

Paulo: - and this will be you will be living room -

GREGG will upspring earnestly by them decided. Causes the human to remember has Bai who the Osh-Kosh thick blue cloth work clothes and the cherub resemble Fu the golden hair lock, a GREGG oversized child speaks by scream high level sound

GREGG: Paulo!

Paulo: There good your good Graham!

GREGG: It is Gregg

Paulo: Regret, Gregg. Gregg, I hoped that you meet your new

GREGG: Oh Paulo, it was you that for long passed by finally. We so think of you. This we new gather set of apartments human?

Paulo: Yes, is indeed it is. Jimmy, I hoped that you meet with Ye Limi.

GREGG: Gregg.

- Jimmy stretches out his hand, and their simple seismic motion. Leaves, Jimmy realized that he has the jam stain in his hand. He wipes it in his pants leg.

GREGG: (by special high level sound) Paulo, you whether to pay attention to any mmmm, differently about me?

Paulo: Hmm…Let me look… Whether that is a new hat?

GREGG: That is my hair.

Paulo: Good, good, new thick blue cloth work clothes?

GREGG: .

Paulo: New shoe?

GREGG: .

Paulo: You have in the middle of a these's… ha hangover?

Jimmy: Revises

GREGG: Otherwise!

Martin: (transports with the pipeline from the room corner, he sits the eye to possess by the agglutination to a computer game this time. Martin is ragged, blushes, and the heavy Ulster voice speech) oh the God it is his sound! (he continues his competition)

GREGG: That is good, it is my sound! I obtained it to change!

Paulo: Very good it now is good many. When you first moved, you listened to get up panic-stricken definitely.

Martin: I will say. He sounds the rhinoceros which tries to roar his concrete mixer's export.

Paulo: Jimmy, this is Martin.

Jimmy: Saw that you are very happy, I am Jimmy.

Martin: (satire place, does not have search) it is a pleasure.

Paulo: (to Jimmy) best does not pay attention to him, when he looks like obtains like this. The fragrant hot liquor has the human?

Everybody: Uh, does not need, to thank.

Paulo: The right well I then will leave behind you to give it. Then if you arrange any question to give us the bell.

Jimmy: Right thanks. Oh other thi-

(, but Paulo goes to)

GREGG: He is always making that. You want the sweet snack?

Jimmy: So long as it is not the nut oil slush.

GREGG: (production sweet snack packet). They are the strawberry suffer a relapse.

- GREGG draws out the sweet snack packet, and attempts to feed the sweet snack to use the hand which to him his sticky child resembles. Jimmy for sweet snack withdrawal, and provides the aid packet.

Jimmy: Hmm…Obtained all coffee whereabouts?

GREGG: In building. The wish looks at my collection?

Jimmy: Later… I have the matter which I need first to do. (he longed for that is gazing at his cafetiere, brings about him with him) the only property. In where is canteen Gregg?

Screamed mouse

MC with the coup de grace

They are the strawberry suffer a relapse

my head hurts

Not really ugly, but can do with the paint licks

rof

INT night: Living room. Is evening when there is in a house. Eats the chip, " The auntie " who me is rash; Sees a justice end and Martin in the sofa stretches at the outside. The supreme beauty the stairs, is empty the coffee gets off on underwater where sleeps.

Supreme beauty: Martin I

Martin: Ssshhh!

Supreme beauty: (Half whispering), sensibility be sensibility is. You think what?

Martin: Advertisement.

Supreme beauty: Right I ce_e… Do you listen Gregg from where which sees?

Martin: He will split and probably his sweety collection or silence he is rearranging.

Supreme beauty: Oh-oh!, about it was audible,… Does he collect the sweet thing with realness?

Martin: You in order to disturb all evening me the lye doing or are you are doing in order to leave in order to be me the lye?

Supreme beauty: Positively positively, now just document difference maintain this Thursday of you, tries to think was?

Martin: olh The cow, Gregg it thinks thinks the thing first. It is from there in his toy side.

(The supreme beauty the room sees in different end. There is a toy of some name children whom comes to sprinkle in the ground which he does not pay attention before)

supreme beauty: We is here,… Come from the jam which puts on, one profile covers! where I will read it even is not a possibility.

Martin: It will be Gregg where does like this.

Supreme beauty: I will be how and in order to get a work in case there is not a possibility which i will see the going out one profile goes?

Martin: One? Hah!

Supreme beauty: Don't you work?

Martin: Me with this which does it…

Supreme beauty: With this it?

Martin: It with me will know respects you will find out. To me to leave now is satisfied ALO

- the new advertisement is come to the screen and us the voice which ripens in the ear is audible.

Martin's voice: Do you until now the sense which and becomes fatigued lazily in compliance with you get the work which happens?

Supreme beauty: Martin… But it is your voice! where

- We see the television screen. Martin is added in white background. He walks with the camera and Ulster he continues from the drawl which him is severe.

In television Martin: Respects the remainder of work that place stays, the sense happens in compliance with you with it. In that sense place which is an inconvenience

supreme beauty: It the party new is! where

Martin: (Makes be seen in the eye and) Ummm… Is who is a different person,… He sees like me only.

In television Martin: In order not to be in order for you your colleague you are nearest and most valuable and not to refer undergoes, undergoes.

- Couple which to night is by the bed is quick and burns and this is. The woman happens and disgusted sees in her face at debt with, her nose as for the father is. This cries from the different room and precedes to sound of the baby.

In television Martin: (Continuously) this 1 of you blow, in order to make your this cos where there is not a possibility of only waiting falls and when must get until, you moment works until now and the bus which burns the fact that counts does? (The man burnt in the bus which has his face which comes to tighten in the comfort which faces each other Martin etc. and after that) well I. And your this you about I am speaking in case thinks, knows and (in order to confront camera switch caryopsis Martin goes round it. He puts the trap and he wishes and like big sound from whispering) he continues and the fart which is atrocious he releases, possibly you - comfort to listen are high last after that and side with must listen. (The parcel in compliance with him from his pocket the comfort which creates gets near to be the last when is extreme), but too. I your internal organs (smellin camera fans) and do not want after. The chew Grennie bluff and is different and in order to stop the problem which relates the smell which is not desirable enters everyday in the scratch paper. - Even her husband hugged certainly and with the woman couple which is by the bed which has was different and was quick and burnt.

In television Martin: Offensive odor you where your family comes out your anus consequently guffin place comfort will be able to relax without.

- Advertisement end and we return from the living room. The supreme beauty is applied for an examination, the mouth which is opened in Martin.

Supreme beauty: I I. in television. It he is you tha- Ugh! where How many horrible advertisement!

Martin: Isn't it intelligence? It remarkably, is good and - operates fear selling and buying but. Grennie sales 200% being high and side with went because getting me in the box.

Supreme beauty: You are incorrect and share to seeing on a large scale!

Martin: olh The cow, 2 is grand and in lower part from the road period of life the free chip.

Supreme beauty: 2 is grand? That place ascends but purchases---

Martin: You do not know as how much I will love the chip well. Chip and bean… Me loves the bean! where From time to time, with the chip goes out and I where loves the chip the (thing) will listen like very loved thinks that wears out with the thing. At Christmas in compliance with Pa of 1 hour low price as senile gobshite naming him, a chip which has the Christmas gray expense put on the shoes at the house outside for, so going to Mandy friers, there was. Mmmmm…

Supreme beauty: (Loss slightly, the expenses Christmas which the father of that oneself) you with the family has sadly because of one more I which recover guess.

Martin: Me a thing which will say! Actually, you will make become intoxication in the chip and there is a possibility which you will make get. The (thing) your blood downtown where the chemical product which is in the field calls (self-praise) with releases and puts and me which gets addicted A there is potattium.

Supreme beauty: So, it passes me time well. I at least to attempt and BU sleep and is a cold night do--

Martin: I have and, from Mandy friers which thinks going to the rough bar with the young girl who is big ugly to fight i want and grudge wears out the fact that you safely this, at the time comfort putting in qualitative all from the bed, getting after and in order more the chip to go a little after that the lye. Her but is how much my girl friend she always disguises me who do not know her.

Supreme beauty: Uh - e hyu. You fun it and sees. G' nite.

Martin: `Nite.

- The supreme beauty ascends the light falling stairs and the switch. Martin to put in from darkness falls and releases makes the fart.

Martin: Grennie tablets which are useless -!

Martin: You do not know as how much I will love the chip well. Chip and bean… Me loves the bean! where From time to time, with the chip goes out and I where loves the chip the (thing) will listen like very loved thinks that wears out with the thing. At Christmas in compliance with Pa of 1 hour low price as senile gobshite naming him, a chip which has the Christmas gray expense put on the shoes at the house outside for, so going to Mandy friers, there was. Mmmmm…

AY MAY ZING.

the fart which is atrocious he releases

it's an ilx meme creator!

this 1 of you blow,

INT day: In even Jimmy's beside hall. The camera flat-bottomed pan to puts down in opposite and scrutinizes the even next door the keyhole. HENRI through peeps into Jimmy's flat in a wall hole. KRON, the malicious ghost prepares disgusting meals.

HENRI: Zut alors! Zey ave new gathers set of apartments human!

KRON: Position o' the cat liver comes in exactly in dat.

HENRI: Kron! Looks at zis!

KRON: Not present. Mmm this is disgUSTIN'! Hmmmm… (adopted smells any it is greatly he has prepared) Mmmmm! Has the stink! Oh yeh!

HENRI: C' est deguellasse!

KRON: Shaddap you! You are not this wot `as for eat this. Hmmm…What other could I invest before?

HENRI: What is its you are eating exactement zat?

KRON: It is I has the recipes, wot I 'ave which adapts from me has the grandmother.

HENRI: She taught it to take the baby for you?

KRON: Nah, not so is stupid fackin. I adapted it from position `not. Looked, position `not elbow.

HENRI: (grasps his nose) you are not serious?

KRON: Oh certain. Lovable woman my south. She has handed over a good friend, an sumptuously one meal. Now, wot `we in then `obtains ave?

- KRON opens the refrigerator gate, and draws out the rank, green egg shape

KRON: Aha! An egg! This will do exactly!

HENRI: Two eggs?

KRON: Does not have jus one. H

ENRI: What wiz zem do you make?

KRON: Then, I am smudge its thinkin o to my ol dear scalp, an then puttin it in the sandwich.

HENRI: What, two zem?

KRON: No, jus one. `you from look like your plug' inside ole scrap aven' which discards; t always? My tol leaves my `em you.

HENRI: No, I keep in zere them, am similar to you requested.

KRON: Good. (his tangled warfare to water trough, and continues to unearth old position rice, pea, carrot and internal organs chop suey which has not recognized from receptacle other).

HENRI: What wiz are you then making ze other? KRON: Hm? HENRI: Ze other eggs?

KRON: Not another egg. As soon as I only obtain leave!

HENRI: Oh…Good…

KRON: Now shaddap! I am centralized tryin… Mm we `ave look in this then… (smells food) to exclaim in surprise yeh! (is being in a stew Mmmm absolutely)! Oh, oh, oooh! Oh dat is dirty! Seasoning Hmm… jus dash o mildew…

HENRI: You knew that what many eggs may be are bad is your cholesterol. Whether is with two ze eggs?

KRON: Now listens to my ya French clown! If I `ear word abou my egg I also do compete outside you. vous Comprendez?

HENRI: But you said that zere is only ze egg

KRON: Has an egg!

HENRI: Good zen what `appened to ze other one?

KRON: I… Grrrr! Looked, their `ave sayin you from that “an egg are not United Nations oeuf” place?

HENRI: Is the well exactement, why zo you insists with two eggs, when an egg will be enough for all people?

KRON: Listens to my lih' ul gall nut sub-close friend. Wha I in mine thumb and the index finger (between him `ave impediment egg, it trickle with green muck) am the only egg. e-i Ein. United Nations huevo. A BLEEDIN egg!

HENRI: (he understood probably concept) two eggs, zat fine is.

KRON: Righ' , I have `advertisement enough o this. C' mere! I am the yer waste horse butcher to become the Spanish omelette!

HENRI: (in terror scream)

- we sees Kron, when he has Henri which close one time sweeps in his hand, his canine clenches jaws. The screen goes to the black and our terror scream and blood's sound opposes kitchen lino.

- the screen shines again revealed that lies is unconscious on floor's HENRI. KRON still stood above him has sweeping in his hand. Has the struggle and from the HENRI pants leg, but does not have blood's watery leaking off symbol. Though has in white kitchen kitchen cabinet's green splat.

KRON: Aw looked that now any you cause me to do! I smash my final egg! You say excrement

HENRI! WHA' Is I goes - oh not to have look `another never to mind.

Me loves the bean!
Me loves the bean!
Me loves the bean!
Me loves the bean!
Me loves the bean!

Supreme beauty!!!

Still fucking loving the storm force Alfred Jarry of Father Mother (and Mother Father).

rice, pea, carrot and internal organs chop suey

Is recorded likely in a multiple period volume old VHS magnetic tape's beginning function. Final picture stably in an old BBC trademark. Suitable music use, and blazer's sound hears.

Blazer: The time assembles now on the television, when the Ro aunt visits. Causes the loathing demonstration sextegenarian the alcoholism from outside - classical comedy - my frivolous aunt!

BBC the trademark vanishes gradually, and we go to my frivolous aunt, the scene comedy is being proud the deceit 70s family which is you waits to serve, good life beginning credit.

INT - Terry's family's day music: Plonkerish expansion loudspeaker or organ music# function: The false applause stretches across the living room the camera flat-bottomed pan. All were the decoration in the model the 1970s style. Massive dirty greens, brown and orange furniture and ornament - many ornaments. Very fragile. The non-secured loan inside and outside fades, superimposes in the shakey garish pink and on the decadent lettering screen. Under their reads like: ***** ACORN PRODUCTIONS Limited company COMPANY PLC the gift I frivolous aunt write by Gillian the HORSEBOTTOM Terry's camera decision. He sits the sofa in among this article large brush-written Chinese character writing living room. Music vanishes gradually, the applause terminal enters Zhu Li who looks like to hate

Zhu Li: Terry, he comes back again!

Terry (still looked at paper): Hmm?

Zhu Li: With monocle's that tiger, he again in garden.

Terry fair shrugs Zhu Li for Zhu Li (migration to be far away from Terry's this article): He is eating the cake!

Terry: Oh is?

Zhu Li: Battenburg!

Terry: Regret dear, the look I attempted me to be able all, but he was the tiger! What supposition am I do? And his tea is in any event fearfully good.

- Terry and Zhu Li looked that now the window is going against the fibroin ceremonial hat and a monocle clothing's quite hao Chinese people tiger high sits in the garden table. The tiger wields in their

Zhu Li: Requests him to stop at least dumping his pipe to enter me Indian azalea - possibly you?

Terry: Do not let the dear worry, I will attempt, and chats with him. Destroys him to have his that chair's lawn nearly.

Zhu Li (little gets down calmly): Very good we must remove him by the tonight! I invited in June and Malcolm; Judy and Martin; Julia and Ian and I thought that they the child arrives at - them to be possible in the spare room use, if they obtain tastelessly. I think Briggs's oncoming too, so long as Simon can obtain him “the little question” the reorganization. You invited dear anybody? I need to determine that we have four to take a walk the enough cheese rugby.

Terry: Very good I mentioned it to give Arran recently. He not too possibly misses a good party…

Zhu Li: Arran…That and…?

Terry: … is lame the leg, is. His doctor told him lax or him will walk again.

Zhu Li: How fearful!

Terry: Yes, he is the caper crazy regarding this, I may tell you.

SFX: In top canned laughter.

Zhu Li: Yes, very good invites anyone who you like. So long as you do not let the Ro aunt obtain the wind it.

Terry (looks like guilty): Ummmm, the well I planned that talks with you about tha…

Acoustics: Doorbell ring.

Zhu Li (goes to gate): Is whose possibility? I thought I have written 7:00 on invitation!

Zhu Li opens the gate and is exploding the aunt. She delivers a midair the bottle gin, and everywhere creakies. Canned laughter in turning point.

Aunt: Your good Zhu Li! Your good Terry! Arran told me about the party! He said brings the bottle, therefore I. She adopts drinks to heart's content greatly.

Zhu Li (flurried and tries to leave nearby aunt's wild women's clothing lotus leaf): Oh, makes mistakes…Your good Ro aunt. I am not afraid other people in here.

Aunt: That is good dear, that is good. If you possibly repair my glass of sherries, I will make myself in ho… the oooops English daisy! (in vase's knocking which expensive looked by gate) oh dear I! I was sorry, dear! You must forgive me who you see, I are a little clumsy!

Terry: Why looked that you arrive at the bench, and does not invest you aunt's foot?

Aunt: Do not mind whether I do do dear. (reclines, but sofa, leg and fall in sky regarding her and show off her greatly silly careless mistake's formal clothes, extraordinary expensive family project's travel is taking her flail with land)

Zhu Li (whisper to Terry): Terry! I tell you no longer to invite her the circle!

Terry: We gushed out I to attempt have not been right, but how did you know her

Zhu Li: Do not ask her to leave in the building, that is place all expensive earthenware which retains!

The aunt (is bound from sofa): What is that dear? I am the deaf trivial matters!

- the aunt releases herself from the sofa, but tries to smash the coffee table to and hers leg's piece.

Aunt: Terry dear, I need to use your washroom. In building it? (she raced in the past stair's Terry and Zhu Li. We hear the extraordinary sound)

Zhu Li: Terry! Now makes something about her!

Terry (despairs): Oh my frivolous aunt!

The forced smile sound wave submerges other dialogs and the screening buzz and the switch to another kind of channel.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2008/sep/22/comedy.catherinetate

EXT day: Outside house. The opening fire, Jimmy and Paulo will enter the house he to live. You can be the human who he new gathers set of apartments, the GREGG face are pressed firmly oppose the exterior window.

INT day: Before house, room. - Paulo and Jimmy enter the small living room. Looks like an alike typical student style house not to regrind from the late 60s the light. Not really ugly, but can do with the paint licks.

Paulo: - and this will be you will be living room -

(Paulo steps on a landmine that is curiously placed on the living room floor and explodes, with brain matter landing on the walls)

ROLL CREDITS

Mods, can we actually delete this thread? Not my finest moment by any stretch and it's ancient history now.

(tbh I don't think you came off badly itt at all).

also regardless of the mod's reply, know that Three Word Username is lurking in the shadows, ready to pounce

SQUIRREL : im on fuckin pills and coke innit you fuckin slag. Naaaaaah shit bitch i just saw you chasing that elephant around trying suck it's dick. that were well mint. do you wanna let me stick me furry tail in yer arse cranny for a bit of a sexy laugh?