This is like a Comedy Script. Is it not poo?

PLOPS: im sooooo deprssed,i did a plops this mornign but nobody was there to make it go soggsy

SOGGSY: hello mate

PLOPS: ...

SOGGSY: i said HELLO MATE

PLOPS looks up,startkled

PLOPS: soggsyy,is...is/...is.. it you.....??
PLOPS: is it really you????????

SOGGSY: yes

PLOPS: oh soggsy ive been waiting for you all morning but you didnt come when i wnt for a plops and it couldnt flush down

SOGGSY: no problems mate,well go down and have a look

PLOPS bends over,and open his cheeks for all mankind to see

SOGGSY: yep i see what weve got here,weve got a closed bum slot,never going to get soggsy plops out of that one

PLOPS: well waht can i do,i am scared that my plops might go up through my stomach and come out of my mouth

SOGGSY: no worries,take this phone number and ring the phone number

PLOPS: ok,who do i ask for

SOGGSY: dont wory they know who you are,they are waited for you a while now

PLOPS: how did they know my plops wasnt coming out soggsy and it might come out thorugh my mouth

SOGGSY: they know

faids out,poos and wees in backgrouns

SLOPPY BUM: I GOT POOS ON MY FINGERINOS MUCHACHASS ME GOT NO WAY OFF DOOING THE WONK WHOO GONNA WIGGLEY MY WONK IFF ME WIGGLEY WONT WONKER I GO BONKEEEEERSSSSSSS MEE FRIENDS

WIGGELY WONK: PUT THE POO ON YER WIGGLEY IT WONK MORE AND BETTER AND MORE POOOEY POOEY WONKS DO A POOEY WONK HAHA DO ON

fadee out fade itt fade it then plops walks in

BIG CHEERIN GOINN ON FROM OUTSIDE THE BUMM LIKE EVERYONESS LOOKIN INTO THE BUM

WIGGELY WONK DOES CUM ON THEM AND YOU AND PLOPPSY CUMS AND ITS A BIT LIEK POO AND THEN WONK WONKS AND GOOSEY HONKS WHERES THE CUM GONE HE SAID

GOOSE: WHERE THE CUMMY GONE (HONK)

WIGGLEY WONK : I DO CUMMY ON YER I DO CUMMY FROM ME WONK ON YER I GOT A WONK ON

WIGGLEY WONK AND ALL KINDS OF PEOPLE FROM INDIA AND FROM OUTER MOGOLIA DO WEES ON A GOOSE AND SOME CUM IS IN THE WEE

WIGGLY WONK: HOW DO YOU WANT TO PAAYYY

GOOOSE: PUT IT ON MY BILL

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

ALL THE MONGOLIANSS RUB THERE WILLIES TOGETHER AND CUM COMES OUT AND THE GOOSE CLAPS AND PLOPS SHOOT OUT HIS EYES AND WROTE THE NAMEE OF JESUS ON THE SIDE OF A BUM AND CUM CUMS OUT THE BUM BUT JUST A BITT AND ALL OF MANKIND LOVES IT LOTS I LIKE IT .the indians went aaaages agooo

Man with hat and scarf walk into a bar. A big fat woman with scars all over her tit's comes bumbling in after him
she is Jane
he is Geoff

JANE: Oi what are you doin to my head you fuckin mean bastard. I'll have you. you left me on't bed covered in your cum. aAnd i hadn't even done a cum meself, like. I had to rub me fanny on the dog cos i aint got no arms like (Jane waves stumps about.)

Geoff:I wish you'd shut your big fuckin burp-hole cos all this 'I've not done a cum stuff is startin to PISS ME OFF right proper. I mean first you come to my work and all't lads see you weebling around tring to pull yer kecks up moaning about me sexual idiosincracies and that. I mean FUCK OFF lass can't you see ive got a fuckin drink to drink.

Geoff orders a pint of Rum.

Jane: I tell you what laddio. I met be a fuckin moose with scabby flaps and all that but there's no reason for all this tomato ketchup.

Jane lifts up her skirt and 14 bottles of Tommy K drop out.

Geoff: Oh lass! Oh no now come on, calm down you know its for the best now. Its all for the good of the household innit.

puts a consoling arm around jane

Jane : what you on about? I got bottles of condiment and all't shit up me fuckin mingey hole like. you bloomin stupid witch.

Geoff : shut up now...

Jane : fuckin witch!!

Geoff : HEY!

Jane : WITCH!!

Geoff : icnay on the witchsnay...

Jane : did everyone in this pub know our Geoff were a proper black witch wit' spells and potions and all that carry on. Aye! It's true. It bloody does my nut in.

Geoff : My witchcraft is nothing to do with this pup. Dont pretend you don't like it when i do a spell and turn your legs into helicopters.

Jane : I used to like all that shit but no more. Come on everyone lets burn this motherfucker and make him ash before he frogs you all up and fuckin shags a goat to watch a widscreen tv what is showing mission impossible 2. Oh did you see that film it were right funny how that pig went to the city oh no thats wrong i get mixed up oh no where did geoff go?

Geoff is on a broomstick throwing poo from his bum at everyone in the pub and saying 'You are all a bunch of nobheads' at them and getting a bit of a semi on.

everyone has a big shocked face

then it is the averts for a bit cos you not got enough stain remover and crusha

its called father mother ...thats his name

Father mother is a big priest with elephat trunk liek arms that shoot out peanuts hes always shootin them out....

but this time he has got a bowl of jelyl in one elephant hand and some ice cream in the otherr

FATHER MOTHER: OOOOH ME WOBBLY JELLY OOOH JESUS CHRIST ME LOVER , ( turns to camera) i proper liek it when me wife makes me jelly and icecream but shes a bit silllyy she doesnt make them together she makes them apart like adam and eve she sayss LIKE ADAM AND BLINKIN EVE NOW I GOT TO FUSE THE TWOO WITHOUT GETTING THESE PEANUTS IN THE JELLY AND ICECREAM JESUS ...

father mother shoots a peanut out of one of his trunks and it goes PPPOP and hits the camera ..father mother does a wink at the camera

FATHER MOTHER:ARRRRGHHH AHAHA ARRRRRRRGHH HAHA

he throws the jelly away
and starts rubbing the icecream on his willy

FATHER MOTHER: fuuuckkk ittt ARGGGGGH AHAHA ARRRRRGH AHAHA ill stuff it in a minge in a minuteee

a woman walks in like a nun but more proper than a nun shes called MOTHER FATHER SHE WALKS LIKE SHES ROWING A BOAT AND STROKING A GIRAFFE AT THE SAME TIME AND HER FAVOURITE IS RAMBO

MOTHER FATHER: MINGEE YOU SAYYY MINGE YOU SAYYY YOU CAN FOGET BOUT MINGE WHILST WE ARE IN GODS HOUSE AND JELLY ONT FLOOR SEE WHAT OUR LITTLE LAD DIDD HE CUMMED ALL OVEER THE STATION OF THE CROSS WHERE YOU CAN SEE A BIT OF MARYS NIP

FATHER MOTHER shoots a peanut and by all accounts in it goes prper up mother fathers minge she starts to rub her soft bossom and thenfoam starts to appear and the priest is dead now and then a elepant is heard

thats as far as ive got then god said no so i said ok

MOTHER FATHER : Right now that's it i've had enough, why are you dead father mother? I was just getting started on my soft bosom and all this foam makeS it like manumission at the end of the night wake up and have a dance with me.

FATHER MOTHER does not respond on account of him being dead as fuck like

MOTHER FATHER: Well fuck ya then you boring bastard. yer a fridge thats what you are. shoot a peanut in me fanny get me all hotted up and can't even have a dance with me without being dead. fridged cunt. It's reet i'll just have a bit of a bop with this elephant what is over there.

We see a bit of an elephant shape through the smoke from the rave what has started cos of all the foam and now there is a sqirrel on the decks playing born slippy and waving a glowstick. THE ELEPHANT PARPS!

MOTHER FATHER : Hey elephant i hope that was your trunk then. I hope that wasn't your bum what made that terrible trumpety trump. No it's okay if it were a pump we all do 'em from time to time don't we?

ELEPHANT doesn't respond on account of him being a proper elephant

MOTHER FATHER : Come on i love this song lets have a slow dance. Hold me. Okay I'll just hold you and you can sway about it'll be reet romantic as fuck. Aw this is well nice innit. Can i have a look at your dick?

MOTHER FATHER BENDS DOWN AND HAS A SPY OF WHAT IS ON THE UNDERCARRAGE

MOTHER FATHER : FUCK ME!!! thats one son a bitch of a big cockleshell bay that sonny. I can't belive for a minute and excuse me Jesus Christ the lord for saying your name in a way that is vain and wrong but I WANT TO JESUS FUCKING CHRIST SUCK THAT THING UNTILL IT CUMS ON ME HEAD LIKE FOR GODS SAKE FUCK ME!!!!

MOTHER FATHER gets down on all fours and is panting and drooling and looking at the big elephant dick with the eyes of a four year old girl when she sees a bowl of jelly and ice cream what is fused with no peanuts (THIS IS A SUBTLE REFERANCE TO SOMTHING THAT HAPPEND BEFORE)
MOTHER FATHER tries to lick the willie but the Elephant is a christian and has a cross around its neck and does not believe in that kind of behaviour in God's house so it keeps moving and being out of reach of mother father.
Mother father is getting really excited and being denied the cock is pissing her off but also making her gush quam all over the floor and the Elephant starts sliping around and can control where he moves. so Mother Father gets the bell end in her mouth and does a double thumbs up to the camera.

MOTHER FATHER : Result!

Because she opened her mouth the willie fell out and the elephant slid off into some pots and pans

KERRAAASH!!! BOOF! KLANK! ZOINK!

MOTHER FATHER : Oh well I'll see what this squirrel D.J is on. HEY DJ! What you on, dude?

SQUIRREL : im on fuckin pills and coke innit you fuckin slag. Naaaaaah shit bitch i just saw you chasing that elephant around trying suck it's dick. that were well mint. do you wanna let me stick me furry tail in yer arse cranny for a bit of a sexy laugh?

MOTHER FATHER : Nay, i've had enough of all that. HAVE you got any Phats and Smalls cos i proper just want to enjoy myself in a holy way. GODS WAY IS MY WAY. I'M A NUN FOR FUCKS SAKE! enough of this mingey obsession. I decree my life as a holy cocoon of peace and..... HEY GET THE FUCK OFF MY TITS YOU NASTY LITTLE RODENT!

SQUIRREL is having a munch on one of the nuns boobs. while she wern't paying attention he got her top open and stuck his face in there

Mother father starts blushing and has a bit of a smile on and then...

MOTHER FATHER : OW!!! you fuckin' bit me tit you stupid cunt!! get off!

SQUIRREL : I'm sorry it's never happened before, that. I'm so embarrassed i could cry. I might fuckin kill meself cos it's fuckin shit when you do that. I know now. I know not to laugh at the older sqirrel who do it all't time, like. I'm fuckin gutted i tell yer. I'm fuckin devestated.

SQUIRREL sobs like a little one who is extremely upset

MOTHER FATHER : There there we'll sort that out come on dont cry. It'll be reet. Lets give you a orthodontic make-over and sort you out for all your future tit suckin so it's proper reet like.

SQIRREL : Oh no, don't hurt me.

MOTHER FATHER : Its reet, squirrel's teeth don't have nerves. You know, a bit like human hair or nails so they don't feel pain when you trim 'em, like.

MOTHER FATHER wraps up the squirrel like a SQUIRREL BURRITO with a towel and covers his eyes so he doesn't freak out or anything. Then she slides a wooden kebab skewer behind the teeth, on top of the tongue, with the dowel sticking out of the sides of the mouth. She gets out her toe nail clippers and with a sqick snap, lobs of about a 1/4 of an inch of sqirrel tooth. BUT OH NO! IT FUCKING PINGS OFF AT A RIGHT FUCKIN SPEED AND TWATS MOTHER FATHER IN THE EYE! this blinds her in one eye and she gets well pissed off!

MOTHER FATHER : Shit!! i should of wore me glasses! i should of wore me glasses! I should of wore me glasses. I'm such a nob...

POLICE bust in and shut down the rave and arrest everyone who isn't dead or an elephant.

int:day:jail cell

JESUS : YOU ARE PROPER FUCKER YOU MOTHER FATHER I MEAN THATS NOT ON IS IT WHEN GRANMAS GO TO CHURCH AND IM JESUS AND I DIED THAT DAY AND EVERYONE LOVES ME IM GOOD YOU NOT GOOD YOU GOT THE RIGHT IDEA WITH THE JELLY AND ICECREAM NOT BEING FUSED LIEK TI SAID IN JOHN 1ST AND SECOND OF PAGE 291 IN THAT BOOK " JESUS FOR DUMBOSS" THO SHALT NOT PUT JELLY IN THY MINGEE !! ITS REEET YOU DID A PEANUTT AND FOAMED YOUR BUSTERS UPP
JESUS DONT SAY TIIIIITTTTTTTTTS YOU NUNNY MINGE TRUMP

MOTHER FATHER: oh thats proper ok wait there is a donkey

int:day:jail: THERE IS A DONKEY

JESUS: look there is a donkey

a donkey walks in

DONKEY: EEEEEORRRRR

JESUS: THATS A PROPERR REET DONKEY LOOK AT ITTTT GOT A PROPER RIGHT KNOB ON ITT oh noo he is crying pooor boy pooor boyyy

jesus iss rubbing the donkeys willy and turns it into breadddd and ripss it off and has a munch

FATHER MOTHER starts to dance liek shes a little giraffe and pulls elly out of her minge parts and there is a peanut in itt and she starts to have a cry like

JESUS: I KNOOWWS LEMME SHOVE THISS BREAD DONKEY KNOB IN YER FADGE AND ITLL BE REEETT I GOTTA DO ITT A FEW TIMES THOOO

jesus starts doin it proper loadss and then calls a guard over and the guard slips in some quam thats on the floor
jesus turns him into breadd and starts eating himm then turns the jail into bread and eats the JAIL

A BIG MAN WALKS IN WITH A TRUNKCHEON WAPPIN IT A BIT

BIG MAN: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU GOINNG I WAP YOU PROPER . NO WAIT I WONT IM THE ELEPHANTT

THE BIG MAN IS THE ELEPHANT

ALL: OH NOO WHERE JESUS GONEE

EVERYTHING HAS TURNED TO BREADD PROPER LOAVES OF IT LOOADS OF LOAAVESS

EXT:DAY:NEWSAGENTSS

jesus walks up to a woman at the counterr and points at her and goes hassaa kaZAAAMOO and coca cola starts squirting out from her boobs

jesus: how much for this kite making kit of fun

woman: er er its alot of money from your pocket beard head

JESUS TURNS HER INTO BREADD AND EATS HER

JESUS : well dont worry about that i got loooads a breadd haHAHAHAHAHAHA

JESUS RUNS RAMPAGE TURNING EVERYTHING INTO BREADD AND TURNS A SNICKERS INTO BREAD AND EATS ITT THEN TURNS A DOGGY INTO BREAD AND PUTS SOME HAM ON ITT AND DOES A WHISTLE

JESUS: BREAD IS JUST BEARDD WITH THE LETTERS A BIT DIFFERENT INNIT ITT YOU NEWSAGENTS TROLLOP

fade out and you hear jesus sau amen and someone says the body of christ and then they go yeh thats reet and a big sigh of relief liek someone when they do a big poo

sue is sat reading a book about the pope and shouting

SUE: OOHHH YOU PROPER KNOBHEAD OOOH YOU GOT A NERVE OOOH I DONT LIEK THAT HAT YOU WEAR ITS PROPER DAFT LIKE A NONSENSE VERSION OF A BOBBYS HAT and whattss with all this wrinkly face nonsensee wheres your beardd holy mann wheres you beeeeeard im not into youu IM NOT INTO YOUUU IM INTO JESUS HESS AS HOLEY AS MY MINGEE AND THATS A PROPER BIG HOLE MY MINGE ISS I GOT TEN BABIES OUT OF THERE THIS MORN AND IM GONNA DO ANOTHERRR

SUE STRAINS AND A BABY SHOOTS OUT AND IT FLIESS OUT OF THE WINDOW AND WE HERE A CRASH BANG WHALLOP

THERE IS A KNOCK AT THE DOOR

SUE OPENS THE DOOR AND THERE IS A BIG MONKEY THERE ..PROPER BIG NOT AS BIG AS KING KING BUT ....YOU KNOW NOT A LITTLE FELLA HE HAS GOT A BIG LUMP ON HIS HEADD AND IS HOLDING A BABY

SUE: HELLO

.......... YEHH THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS ANY SUGGESTIONS??

"I love it!"

"So do I."

the goose script made me piss my sides. these are the only decent thing to come out of that other heap of shit thread.

int:day sausage farm

Gethro: Eeh, all these days, there's so many of them in life i just cant think about it without my head exploding.

Gethro's head EXPLODES!

Urma: Gethro, Gethro!! what's happened to your head? there's bloody bits of it all over the shop! are you okay?

Gethro: ya, i'm reet me, Urma.

Urma: You've mnot been thinkiing about all the days in life again have you? bloody nora, you're a right noggin you aren't you?

Gethro: ya, i am

Urma: Fancy thinking about all the days in life. I cant quite fathom it in me head how you can do that when you know what it does to you, you know make you explode like you're a human bloomin volcano. YOU'RE A FUCKING PRICK! YOU'RE A FUCKIN PRICK - that's what you are, you fuckin PRICK!

Urma punches Gethro in the tummy and winds him good and PROPER!

Gethro: OOF!!! 'Ey ey come on woman cant you see that my heads exploded? last thing i need is a blow to the gut from me wife. I tell you, you're a cruel beast of a woman! A CRUEL BEAST! It's not enough for you that me heads exploded, that's not punishment enough for me when i thought of all the days in life. No, you have to go and belt me one in the belly. Proper sock me in the stomach. FUCK ME THAT's A SHITTY THING TO DO. You bitch... can't you see me heads exploded?

Urma: alright no need to go on about it...

Gethro: Its a bloody miracle i'm still alive. me mouth is dangling where it shouldnt dangle and there's bits of brain that have gone missing now. I'm sure i could find em if i looked hard enough but i cant imagine it'll do much good it's not like i can just stick it back in and get back to reet again like in that peter jackson film that wasn't 10 and a half hours long and devoid of all fun and humanism. Nay it wern't shit but it just wer'nt my cup of tea cos i didnt read the book but that doesnt proove that i did see the one with the cartoon men in aw look now i'm talkin shit and i'm sure it's cos me head exploded. It's cause i've not got all me brain in, that's what it is.

Urma : you do seem to have lost your gift for crafting a well balanced monologue...

Gethro : I have. I definatly have, haven't i?

Urma : yeah

Gethro : this is awful, it's a horid horid nightmare i just wan't to wake up. please let me wake up.

Urma : No it's not a dream cos there's a bi-polar chimney audience being swept away in a tornado of 'word-pie' arms

Gethro : did you just say that? or am i hearing thing wrong?

Urma : i just said i've left the oven on.

Gethro : i'm seriously fucking up here, i think i'm going to be dead soon, suck my dick before i die Urma.

Urma lowers her mouth over Gethro's pulsating shaft of manhood and feels the flesh in her mouth being all hot and slippy.

Urma yum yum thats the money innit! thats what you need! right on the ball. Ibet that hits the spot dunnit?

Gethro : sure does...pheeeeew.... what a way to go eh

Urma : aye it's alright for sum

Gethro : SUM....WOT ....DO...A...CUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

Gethro explodes fully and gets bits of dick and other bits on urma's face but she LOOOOOVES IT!

sausages all pop out of the ground and Larry comes in a tractor

Larry : Plenty of pork today eh Urma

Urma: I'll say!!!!!

SOGGSY: whats thiss?

FLOATSTER: ALREEEET BOSS!

SOGGSY: floatster mate!!! i thoght you got flushed down the lavvie with all me cums rags and me bird blobsters fanny rags!!! fookin gret to see ya buddy!

FLOATSTER: well this is what happened you did a cum in the bath and the cum went in the bath plug and went on blobsters fanny rag and wehn she put her fanny rag in betwen her gammon flaps she almost ahd a miny soggsy so i had to pop back up and tell the cum not to go in her fanny

SOGGSY: fookin hell mate glad you done taht cos you know blobster had a bor bor back in the day and i tihnk a pregnantcy might make her proper lose the plot.

FLOATSTER: aye thats alright mate,anyway seen much of plops recently

SOGGSY looks at the floor and begins to turn red.SOGGSY is visally angered

FLOATSTER: wahts happend mate you can tell me,take a seet

SOGGSY takes a seat on the pooey toilet seat and picks at an old cummy wrap

SOGGSY: well what happend was,i hadnt seen him for ages and then i saw him and he said he went for a plops but it couldnt flush down.so i gave him the number of cums poos & wees co and told him to phone it but he didnt phone it.so what happens was he goes round and sees me bird blobster and tris to do a plops in her slippers for old times sake like,but she aint havin none of it.anyway what happens was,she tells him to get lost right as you would if you were in her situation,anyways he loses his rag and does this fookin half cum half wees and half poos plop on the floor-

FLOATSTER:well they dont call the lad plops for nothing

SOGGSY:well this is it floatster,it wasnt a natural plops see because he had been takin senapod.

FLOATSTER is visally shocked

FLOATSER:so your saying plops is a junkie???fookin hell i never saw it coming

SOGGSY:this is it floatster cock,this is it,anyways me bird cucks him out and what happens is im coming home and i see him and i say alreet plops mate hows tricks and he tries to ask me a lend so he can get more senapods so i tells him hes got a problem and he fookin lamps me one right in me poo cushions

FLOATSTER:fookin hell sounds like he's off the rails cock

SOGGSY:aye,its not all bad though,we gonna sort him out cock,gonna get him on tricia and talk about his problem,WELL im glad i caught ya floatster mate cos i need a favour

FLOATSTER:aye cock anything lad

SOGGSY:i want you to come on tricia as a surprise guest i think the shock mite sort his poos out ya know what im sayin?

FLOATSTER:aye cock,consider it donw

SOGGSY and FLOATSTER shake hands and SOGGSY gets a bit of poo in his hands

FADE OUT

TRISHA:hi and welcome to trisha!on todays show we will be disucssing drugs and drugs addicts.our first guest is SOGGSY who has this problem

GOES TO LITTLE SHORT CLIP OF SOGGSY SITTING IN ARMDALE CENTRE.IT IS A GREY RAINY DAY WITH A BIT OF POO DRIPPING DOWN HIS EAR LOBE.

SOGGSY is talking directly to the camera and is visbly nervous of the camera and is obviosly reading from a script

SOGGSY:i think my friend is a drug addict and i want trisha to help him out can i make his poos go well again and he does a lie detector test and his poos come out of his japs eye like old times sake?

GOES BACK TO TRISHA STUDIO

TRISHA:ok lets welcome SOGGSY!

AUDIENCE CLAPS AND IT PLAYS THAT MUSIC AND IT SOUNDS LIKE POO DRIPPED IN RYE FLANGE ON A TUESDAY MORNING WEN YOU SICK OFF SCHOOL AND YOUR POO FLAPS ARE STINGING AND YOUR MUM IS OUT SO YOU HAVE A WANK OVER TRISHA

SOGGSY takes a seat.

TRISHA:hi soggsy

SOGGSY:alreet trish lass hows tricks

TRISHA:now,you have a freind and you suspect this freind has a problem.can you tell us a little about this friend..PLOPS is it?

SOGGSY:yes trisha PLOPS is the proper way to pronounce it..well its like this trish,plops used to be a fun loving lad who would do poos and wees and sometimes cums as if it was the natural thing in the world.i noticed things was up wehn i bumps into him and hes saying he cant make his plops go down..

TRISHA:when you say go down youre talking about the toilet right?

TRISHA LAUGHS AS DOES THE AUDIENCE AND SHE DOES THAT LITTLE SARCASTIC LOOK THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO RAG THE BABE RIGHT THERE AND TEHN AND YOU PROBLY CUM AT THIS POINRT

SOGGSY:yep thats right trish.he was always very prod of the way he could plop it right down but he had been having truble with it.he was visally very depresed.

TRISHA:ok so hes depresd that he cant get his plops down.now tell us about this incident with your girlfriend...BLOBSTER is it?

SOGGSY:yep thats right trish,what happends was,he went round and had a bit of a row with her cos he did this half cum half poo anf half wee plop in her slipper,she wouldnt usual mind like cos shes a nice lass and all but this time it was diffrent,he had been takin senapods

CUTS TO PLOPS SITTING WITH A PRODUCER SHAKING HIS HEAD AND VISALLY SAYIN "NAH LIKE FOOK"

TRISH:right,so then what happened?

SOGGSY:well me girlfreind chucks him out as you would like in that situation and i bumps into him on me way home from balti house,anyways what happends is he lamps cois i wont lend him money for drugs

TRISH:ok so hes obviusly addicted to something if hes acting violently.how is this making you feel?

SOGGSY sits silent like and looks at floor

TRISH:depressed?angry?like you wnat to just grab him and shake him about a bit?

SOGGSY:yes i guess so trish

TRISH:well this is what happends isnt it,weve had alot of addicts on my show where the friend or girlfreind or mother or father...whoever,it doesnt matter..is feeling very emotional upset by seeing tehre friend in such a state and by the way there freind is acting towards them.

SOGGSY:thats right trish.cos i know hes a good lad and i just want to get him back to the old plops again y'know?

TRISHA:ok well weve herd from SOGGSY WEre gonna take a quick commercial break and then bring out PLOPS

TRISHA MUSIC PLAYS AND ALL THE CROWSD DANCES LIKE CATS DOING LITTLE WIGGLER POOS ON YOUR DUVET LIKE AND IT GOS TO ADVERTS

INT:DAY:TRISHA

TRISHA STOMPS IN WITH POO PROPER SPURTING OUT OF HER FADGE HOLEE AND IT PROPER SLOPS ON PLOPS AND ALL THE MEN RUN FORWARD AND START LICKIN ALL THE POO FROM THE FLOORR GOING

MEN OOOOOHHH OOOOOHHH

TRISHA: SO PLOPPSS WHY IS IT THAT YOUR A PROPER POOEY MESS YOU GOTTA SORT IT OUT DONTCHA

TRISHA LIES ON HER BACK AND THE POO SQUIRTING OUT OF HER FANNY IS LIEK A SPERM WHALES THING FROM CARTOONS PLOPPS STANDS OVER THE FOUNTAIN OF FANNY POO WITH NO PANTS ON AND IT GOES UP HIS BUM AND SHOOOTS RIGHT OUT OF HIS EARSS

CROWD: YAAAAAY

PLOPPSS EYES SHOOT OFF INTO THE SUN AND POO SHOOTS OUT OF HIS EYE SOCKETSS AND THEN HE TAKES OFF AND GOES THROUGH THE ROOF

EXT:DAY TRISHAS GARDEN PATH

A PAPER BOY IS PROPER WALKING UP THE GARDEN PATH AND GOES TO PUT THE PAPER THROUGH THE LETTER BOXX BUT ITS A BIT HARD LIEK

INT:DAY:TRISHAS HOUSE..TRISHA IS STOOD BEHIND THE DOORR WITH NO PANTS ON WITH HER FANNY AGAINST THE LETTER BOX AND THE PAPER IS GOING IN HER FANNY

THE END

fuck my cat and rape my dogs shitty mouth! cant wait for the next part fuck my fat crap twats flaps! what will happen next? shag my crap! do you want to get together because i have some really good ideas for the next part?

CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees
CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees
CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees CAMEL: i did a wees then a poos then a wees then a poos then a wees

CAMEL

JAMES: I PUT ME LEFT BALL IN ME RIGHT BALL OUT IN OUT IN OUT WE SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.....AHH THAT WAS A GOOD'UN THAT COCKIE

COCKIE: TA LOVE

JAMES: IM TELLING YA RIGHT NOW, IVE GOT A FEELING IN ME BALLS LIKE I CANT FOOKIN TELL YA!!!!!!!

COCKIE: TA LOVE

JAMES: IM SCARED OF WHAT MIGHT HAPPEN IN THESE SITUATIONS, WHEN YOU GET A LOVELY FEELIN, SOMEONE COULD COME AND JUST TAKE IT AWAY LIKE THAT. WE ONLY GET ONE GO AT THIS THING CALLED LIFE, AND I AINT FOOKIN STOPPIN FOR NAYB'DY. CIG?

COCKIE: TA LOVE

JAMES: AND I TELLA YA ANOTHER THING, IVE BEEN WORKIN THIS SAME JOB FOR NIGH ON 40 YEARS NOW, MAN AND BOY AYE, AND IVE PUT ME DUES IN, HAS HAVE YOU COCKIE

COCKIE: TA LOVE

JAMES: AH I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST STARTED PUTTIN ME HAND IN COWS FANNYS TO PUT THE CUMS IN, THEM WAS THE DAYS. I WAS JUST A LAD BACK THEN, BUT NOW I'M A MAN. AYE, NOW I'M A MAN.... AND YOUR LOOKIN JUST THE SAME COCKIE, JUST THE SAME AS WHEN I FIRST SAW YA

COCKIE: TA LOVE

COCKIE OPENS HER FLAPS AND A POSTCARD COMES OUT AND IT SAYS ANSWERS ON A POSTCARD PLEASE

THE END
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ID LIKE SOME FEEDBACK POSITIVE OR NEGATIVE I DONT MIND LIKE

THE DAY MY BUM WENT POP - by dom

The day my bum went pop was a very strange day indeed. it started out like no other. i woke up in a small boys bum. not just my willie, like i wern't doing owt bad. It were all of me like. completley enveloped. but i was very small all of a sudden and it must a made me go dizzy and fall asleep. I poked my head out of this childs bum. I dont know how i got there but his pants were thin and i could make out that i were in a toy shop. I must of made his bum itch so he scratched it and his giant fingernail ripped right through me stomache and my inards were spilling out everywhere. he thought his bum were bleeding so he started to cry. then my bum went pop cos it couldnt handle all the noise of this huuuuuuuuuuge child makeing a big fuck off din. then i died from all the bleeding. that was the day my bum went pop.

MOTHERFATHER: JESUS IS ON THE CROSS

JESUS: BLOODY ELL IT HURT I TELL THEE IT HURT IN ME BIG PAIN BLOODY POO SLAPS IT AROUND IN A NICE LITTLE DISH AND MAKE IT LIKE ARTHUT

MOTHERFATHER: HES TALKING NONSESNE POOR LAD

JESUE: IT HURT IN ME BUM...OH HERE COMES BLOODY ROMANS AGAIN DOING CUMS IN ME MOUTH ARGH WHY WAS ME A JEW AND COMING ON THIS EARHT FROM ME GODS (DAD) BLOODY JAPS EYE STRAIGHT OUT A BIT LIKE ATHENA COMING FROM ZEUS HEAD SO THEY HIT ME GOD (DAD) IN THE WILLY AND IT CAME OUT BROWN FIRST THEN WHIT COS HE DONT LIKE BLAKCS BLOODY RACIST THEN I CAME OUT OF HIS JAPSEYE.WHY DID THEY FORSAKE ME GOD (DAD)

GOD: BLOODY HELL SON YOURE ONE TO FOOKIN TALK YA CUNT YOU PUT ME THROUGH FOOKIN HELL THAT DAY COMIN OUT ME JAPSEYE LIKE YA DONT EVE N FOOKIN CAR ABOUT THE FACT THAT ME JAPSEYE STARTED BLEEDING AND SHIT

MOTHERFATHER: BUT DOG,THOU HAS SED MANY TIME IN THOU BOOK OF BIBLE STROIES,OF HOW THOU WAS ONEST TAKING A WEE AND NOT ONEST THOU TAKING THOU CUNT OUT OF THOU MOTHER NATURE OF THOU POO ON GIRLS FLANGE
GOD: YES BUT CUT TO THE GOOD BIT

MOTHERFATHER: WELL WHAT HAPPENED WAS, WHEN THOUEST WENT TO THOU STABLE AND MADE THOUSET POOS, YOU MADE A BLACK POO FOR THE AFRICAN AND A WHITE CUM FOR THE WHITE MAN

GOD: WELL WHAT COULD IT MEAN

MOTHERFATHEER: WELL YOU WANTD TO MAKE ALOT OF AFRICANS TO GO IN THE BIG COUNTRY IN THE MIDDLE SO DID A BIG FAT POOEY SLOPS ON FLANGE RYE TO GO WIHT IT

GOD: AND WHAT ABOUT THE WHITE MAN

MOTHERFATHER: WELL THAT WAS MADE LIKE THIS, YOU DID A BIG WANK AND DID A COME BUT IT SPURTED OUT SO IT WENT ALL OVER

JESUS: ARGH BLOODY HELL THE ROMAN KILLED ME YA CUNT

THE END

WHAT DYA THINK OF THAT I THINK ITS A REAL GOODUN GIVE ME FEEDBACK YA CUNTS

10/10

^^