the ile train

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who is who, and amke it like on the orient express.

― anthony, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am Hercule Poirot. Miss Darcy to thread!

― Will, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i am the siberian yeti-mummy in the box in the boxcar who boils everyone's braneZoR wiv my wickle red eyes

― mark s, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oddly enuff poirot overlooks me with his foolish belgian ratiocinations

― mark s, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yr an odd, uh, duck sinker.

― jess, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm the suave dashing young man who comes to the aid of the damsal in distress.

― james, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Can I be the posh fellow who has to exclaim "You don't mean...!" when the prime suspect is named?

― DG, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If it's like The Cassandra Crossing, can I be the mad one that gets gunned down when he tries to escape?

― Graham, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I sit in the dining car and exclaim, 'Oh!' a lot.

― Maria, Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

yes - you're the wild-eyed communist grad student who everyone suspects, because you are mad, so the trigger-happy (right-wing) rookie cop drops you with a bullet as you run for the handle of the far door. yet you live... and are sweetly tended to by ravishing and plain-hearted

― , Thursday, 20 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm the guy pretending to be asleep so that the person in the next seat doesnt try to talk to me.

― duane, Friday, 21 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm sitting next to Duane, drinking whiskey and shouting at his closed eyelids.

― rainy, Friday, 21 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm just trying to eat my crepes in peace while alternately watching the countryside or reading a book.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 21 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

too bad Ned, you drew attention to yourself with your fandangled book- readin' and now I've noticed your crepes. With a perfunctory remark about the 'searing, golden beauty of the plains at this time of year', I lurch over to your table, eat your crepes and spill whiskey on your trousers.

― rainy, Friday, 21 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would normally complain, but you eat crepes with such grace I can but bow my head in acknowledgement. The spilled whisky is a problem, though. I shall cure it by ordering some for myself.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 21 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Poirots stylist perhaps? chief moustache wax manufacturer :)

― Menelaus Darcy, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I will be involved in a fist fight with the baddies on top of the train!

― james, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would normally complain, but you eat crepes with such grace I can but bow my head in acknowledgement

Hands off, Raggett!

― Graham, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Seeing as this is fantasy, I'm going to be the insane guy who smells like a toilet who sits next to you and makes you intimately aware of his intense halitosis for the entire trip. (In real life, I smell more like a tannery, yet still the women dig me.)

― Dan Perry, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hands off, Raggett!

*AHEM*, I believe *I* was talking to the young woman, you rapscallion.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That "young woman" just happens to be my interweb sweetheart. Any more smooth talking from you and I challenge you to a duel.

(Rainy, darling, ignore that strange man. He has certain "issues" that are best left ...unspoken... when in mixed company. I wouldn't want to sully your innocent ears with talk of such ...groteque... abnormalness, suffice to say you should keep your distance. Perhaps it would be best if you never thought or spoke of him again)

― Graham, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why are you talking to yourself in the mirror, Graham?

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 22 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you killed my braincells you bastards!

― Menelaus Darcy, Sunday, 23 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

can i drive please? i've always wanted to drive a train you know. i take it for maximum authenticity we are being pulled a great snorting iron horse? a brittania, or perhaps a pacific a4? now i know they didn't actually pull the orient express but this is fantasy...

in fact if this is fantasy, why the fuck am i on the footplate, i should be making sweet sweet lovin somewhere in the first class compartments.

― another james, Sunday, 23 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I am Rainy's plain gimlet-eyed companion who smiles nicely at her and offers her tea but is secretly boiling with rage because when she came to us as a fresh-faced ingenue who was to teach the children French and Box Camera Photography she caught the eye of my former war hero moustachioed philandering husband and he, the fool, has thrown everything to the wind.

Now he is clomping around somewhere uncivilised with the Foreign Legion, I'll never see forty-five again and Miss Rainy, who droppeth gently from heaven, is wearing a fetching hat and eating sweets and remains completely oblivious to the chaos she hath wrought.

Therefore she must pay.

*Maggie Smith voice*

"It's a special tea, almond-flavoured. Won't you have a little cup, my dear? With a sugar biscuit perhaps?"

― Nancy Drew, Monday, 24 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Almond flavoured you say? How lovely! And a sugar biscuit? Tres delightful! Merci, mon petite chou!"

***

It is discovered in my will that I bequeath my Box Cameras and hat collection to the darling children and that my devotion to the Lady of the House was the sole comfort and balm to my otherwise tragic and friendless life.

― rainy, Tuesday, 25 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If James won't drive then I will, The duchess of Hamilton in full streamled LMS Claret regalia.

Has anyone suggested that DG be the fat controller ;-) (sorry couldn't resist)

― Ed, Tuesday, 25 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who will be ringo starr (or am I reading the wrong books)

― Ed, Tuesday, 25 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*hand over horrified mouth*

Oops! If I knew you cared I would never have poisoned you.

Au revoir, petite Rainy. I'll bring you a daisy a day.

There's no hard feelings, I hope. I've got my fingers crossed hoping there is such a thing as reincarnation, so you'll have another turn.

Meanwhile, it's the gallows for me.

"Miss Drew regrets she's unable to lunch today."

― Nancy Drew, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*wickle red eyes glow*
*all branes boil heh*
*trane hurtles towards siberian cliff edge*

― yeti-mummy s, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

True to my word Rainy, if you can hear me from the afterlife, I spent the day digging your memorial, and the plainting begins tommorow.

― Graham, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd like 'wake me up before you go-go' played at my funeral please.

― rainy, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one year passes...

worth reviving especially seeing as real railway companies don't seem to want to hire me. Indulge my fantasies, let me be your test engineer.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 11 September 2003 06:24 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm a really useful engine

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

i like how 'the ILE train' could be a euphemism for 'biggest slut'

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll be the brakeman flagging down the double E

― Alex K (Alex K), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm the truck, laughing at all the trains on their fixed routes, mocking their inflexibility.

― chris (chris), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

we shall leave you behind with our french engineered world record speed

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

while I potter away in my rural idyll, safe in the knowledge that the nimbies will never let you within a hundred miles of them.

― chris (chris), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

With my centralist government my railway lines will run anywhere I damned well please.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

go go Benito!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I was thing maybe more along the lines of Georges Pompidou or Francois Mitterand.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Sure, Josef

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 11 September 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

so let me get this right, your trains are going to run to every door in the land?

Come the revolution, you'll be the first against the wall Comrade.

― chris (chris), Thursday, 11 September 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

No, revolution, population run over by speeding trains.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 11 September 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay! Stupid population.

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Thursday, 11 September 2003 14:04 (twenty-two years ago)

"this train is being taken out of service due to the wrong kind of proletariat on the line"

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 11 September 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Not again!

― Angry Commuter (robster), Thursday, 11 September 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

eight years pass...

Stuck on a Eurostar into London. Already 2 and a half hours late. Still in Kent. A drunk woman has got them to break out the emergency biscuits.

― mmmm, Thursday, 31 May 2012 21:31 (thirteen years ago)

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