C/D: Cheap plastic green army men

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Classic toys of childhood. Do any army men ever survive the male adolescent descent into pyromania around the age of, what, 12? 13?

Also, funny how half the army guys were riflemen who always had bayonet permanently bent.

my fave army guys: the minesweeper, and the bazooka guy.

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:36 (twenty years ago)

The bazooka guys were the best, because they had lower centres of gravity (since they're kneeling) and didn't fall over in the wind. As much.

I like the grenadiers though too.

Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:40 (twenty years ago)

The prone ones were great for dead soldiers

Peter Densmore (pbnmyj), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

no no the guy waving the pistol! I'd follow him to hell and back.

laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

The crawling guys were great, they could sustain much greater impact velocity without being ruined permanently.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

I am amazed at how clearly I can still remember the moment I discovered exactly how slingshotable these fuckers were.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:43 (twenty years ago)

Classic. We used to set them up in the back yard and throw what we called "dirt bombs" at them, which were chunks of soil hard enough to be thrown like a rock that would explode if they hit something. I miss dirt bombs. Must've been a southwest Saskatchewan thing as the dirt here won't clump in quite the same way.

Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

Classic! As an obsessive compulsive youngster I used to collect tiny versions of these, and have hundreds of them lined up all over my room. I'd have an army on the shelves fighting one on the desk below, and troops lined up around the skirting boards, and if one man was blown by a breeze and fell down, I'd move him to the casualty area. The army with the most men standing at the end of a given time was the winner.

I'm so thankful Nintendo came along and took care of this sort of behaviour.

melton mowbray (adr), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://kumite.com/rsnbrgr/rampage/disney/starwar6.jpg

Old School (sexyDancer), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

Do any army men ever survive the male adolescent descent into pyromania around the age of, what, 12? 13?

I never got into that, but then again I'm afraid of lighting fires. I also never had any green army men -- my only exposure to them was the obligatory box of toys in kindergarten.

Ian Riese-Moraine: Let this bastard out, and you'll get whiplash! (Eastern Mantr, Friday, 9 September 2005 17:45 (twenty years ago)

There was this series of GI Joes I took apart and put back together with mismatched arms/torsos/legs, who I decided was going to be a master race of overseers who commanded the rank-and-file brigades of these little buggers. It was amazing how well their arms and legs fit into the Joe-Cobra hybrid JOBRA's kung fu grips.

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

http://www.thunderbirdatlatl.com/ohcany/screens/army_men/army_men6.jpg

andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:51 (twenty years ago)

Did you ever get dark blue and purple ones? They were the Germans, the pistol guy was like the German general.

jel -- (jel), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:54 (twenty years ago)

http://www.thortrains.net/armymen/bagtroop.html

jel -- (jel), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:55 (twenty years ago)

I always felt sorry for the ones who got chewed up by my dog.

This really takes me back, my friend from up the road would come over and we'd play "army" in my front garden. It'd mainly involve setting up all the troops and then, I er, can't remember, we only seemed to spend ages setting things up.

http://www.thortrains.net/armymen/newpic04/mar54x2.html

Woah! Check out the guy getting shot!

jel -- (jel), Friday, 9 September 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

Oh yeah jel, there were grey ones too, I think they were, uh, Hungarian?

nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 9 September 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)

Must've been a southwest Saskatchewan thing as the dirt here won't clump in quite the same way.

michigan thing, too. thus the name of the detroit band, "the Dirtbombs"

also, what were those little boxes of super-realistic army guys, the ones that you'd find in hobby shops? they have boxes for NVA regulars, various Wellington/Napoleanic forces, U.S. WWII Paratroopers, 1960's-era U.S. Navy Seals, etc

and each of them was only about an inch tall, a better scale for when you wanna lay out an entire battlefield on only your mom's folding card table.

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 9 September 2005 18:11 (twenty years ago)

but as i mentioned in the thread-starting post, for many of us, the discovery of one toy tended to lead to the destruction of the previous one.

For example, the discovery of fireworks. "Look out! The Ewok Village is on fire!"

Or! New BBGun vs various action figures("lookout, Captain Power! There goes your head!")

all facets of life in the middle-class american suburbs.

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 9 September 2005 18:15 (twenty years ago)

I had none of these but I still managed to decimate my friends troops when my team of scientists developed the Hose Flood. We had no idea what type of terrible brave new world we were unleashing.

oops (Oops), Friday, 9 September 2005 18:37 (twenty years ago)

I always thought their scale was too big. I ordered the teeny tiny army tanks/ships/planes etc from the back of a comic book and had MASSIVE BATTLES.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 9 September 2005 19:14 (twenty years ago)

These are now choking hazards I'm sure.

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 9 September 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

According to 50 Cent's auto-bio, they were a big inspiration to him -- so CLASSIC.

pappawheelie II, Friday, 9 September 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

My son is almost 8. Is now the time, or has it already passed and my kid's the only one who hasn't beeen playing with green army men since he was two minutes old?

Also, I think they are dud as no one ever let me play with them (the reasoning being that they were BOY'S TOYS and I had the obvious misfortune to be a girl), but I bet if I'd been allowed to play, too, I'd think they were classic.

Bastard boys.

luna (luna.c), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:09 (twenty years ago)

no one's stopping you now, though!

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:10 (twenty years ago)

Ha ha - I have little green army men placed stregically around my flat as a sort of decoration. i just took some pics of them last night (the g/f wanted to see them).

Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:14 (twenty years ago)

Yeah but the thrill left me as soon as I got boobs.

luna (luna.c), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

you could play with the soldiers on your boobs, pretending it's a hill or a fort or whatnot and have them set their flag up on it.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

that might freak your kid out, though.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:29 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://home.att.net/~1.elliott/comicwargamesTankTrapTaskForceAd.jpg

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:48 (twenty years ago)

yes, luna, now's the right time.

also, teach him to shoot at them with rubber bands.

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:51 (twenty years ago)

oooo, spencer, "a 'CHESS' game"! in quotes so you KNOW it's extra-special!

kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:52 (twenty years ago)

I totally ordered from that ad!

Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 9 September 2005 23:59 (twenty years ago)

My germans were grey. They seemed better tailored so I always rooted for them.

When home sick from school, I'd ask my mother to buy me a large bag of plain m&ms. I can remember pouring them all on the bed and sorting them. Brown were the Germans. (The most plentiful) Tan were Italians. The allies were; yellow - Americans (almost as many as brown); red - Brits; green - French. A handful would get tossed into battle at a time. Death was represented by eating them without looking at colors. Brown usually won out. Weird kid, I'll admit.

jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 10 September 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40202000/jpg/_40202571_saatchi_hell_pic.jpg

army men used to their full potential

Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Saturday, 10 September 2005 01:09 (twenty years ago)

Wow, this thread title took me WAY back. I was the one rebel girl who's local friends in my hood were all boys and we had such fun digging a small trench in the dirt and running a hose thru it and pretending we were playing war. It was a time when there wasn't a war happening. I now feel ashamed.

Wiggy (Wiggy), Saturday, 10 September 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

Is now the time, or has it already passed and my kid's the only one who hasn't beeen playing with green army men since he was two minutes old?

I only played with them when forced to by this one friend of mine. I found it really boring. He was deep into GI Joe, which I didn't see the allure of, either. Though he did have the huge fighter jet with the wings that pulled back and working landing gear. That was pretty radical.

oops (Oops), Saturday, 10 September 2005 06:33 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i was more of a transformers kid! though little army men are always fun to feed to dinosaurs.

latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 10 September 2005 06:46 (twenty years ago)

me too. my 12 yo cousin's estimation of me went up when I showed him my Omega Supreme.

oops (Oops), Saturday, 10 September 2005 06:57 (twenty years ago)

They were great, and all, but I really loved the Britains soldiers (y'know, with those metal bases). They were great.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 10 September 2005 07:04 (twenty years ago)

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a59/gregkitten/galwwii4.jpg

g-kit (g-kit), Saturday, 10 September 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a59/gregkitten/sky115a.jpg

g-kit (g-kit), Saturday, 10 September 2005 08:08 (twenty years ago)

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a59/gregkitten/jigwwii5.jpg

army men used to their full potential (pt 2, 3 & 4)

g-kit (g-kit), Saturday, 10 September 2005 08:12 (twenty years ago)

I used to have loads of these when I was a kid. the best ones were the tiny little airfix world war one ones. there was a pair of guys from the british army carrying a roll of barbed wire between them and a little machine gun emplacement you had to put together. The ww1 germans had a liittle mortar IIRC. The napoleonic ones were great as well. The prussian army was stylish. There was also ancient britons and imperial roman legionnaires. I had loads, hundreds of the things. No idea where they've all gone.

Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 10 September 2005 11:02 (twenty years ago)

http://www.magazynsztuki.home.pl/archiwum/nr_26/rosenthal/Untitled-8.gif

hold tight the private caller (mwah), Saturday, 10 September 2005 16:33 (twenty years ago)

http://www.realtokyo.co.jp/english/shikakenin/image/kubota09_02.jpg

hold tight the private caller (mwah), Saturday, 10 September 2005 16:34 (twenty years ago)

that exhibition ws good fun, yeah

hold tight the private caller (mwah), Saturday, 10 September 2005 16:35 (twenty years ago)

My sister has one with "Bring Me Home" sharpied on the bottom of its base

Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Saturday, 10 September 2005 18:53 (twenty years ago)

You guys ever read Stephen King's Battleground?

JKex (JKex), Saturday, 10 September 2005 19:17 (twenty years ago)

I also had 2 C-130 airplanes that the army men could be "transported" in... they were gorgeous...

with regard to scale, if i remember correctly the vehicles, even my C-130s, that accompanied the green plastic men were always a bit small.

Peter Densmore (pbnmyj), Saturday, 10 September 2005 21:46 (twenty years ago)

oh, and did anyone ever play that computer game "Army Men"? woo... that was some fun for a couple months

Peter Densmore (pbnmyj), Saturday, 10 September 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

i wz enough of a dork to come up with some simple wargame rules for these things. unremitting classic.

geoff (gcannon), Saturday, 10 September 2005 23:28 (twenty years ago)

nine months pass...
http://www.thortrains.net/armymen/plaarmy1.html

Battle Tactics for Plastic Soldiers

from this overloading site

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 13:06 (nineteen years ago)

My brother and my nephew developed their own RPG style boardgame using army men and the Battle Masters vinyl mat.It was quite inventive.

Just as in normal army men play, the greatest joy was in setting up the theatre of battle (second only to arguing about the rules).

Fluffy Bear (Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows), Friday, 23 June 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

ah, here we are:

http://www.mouthswideopen.org/armymen.shtml

Adding little tags attached to an army man with a yellow ribbon, saying "BRING ME HOME", and putting the army men in various places around town

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.mouthswideopen.org/amenimages/sized/bankershallcalgary.jpg

you can email me if you wish to challenge the truth (nickalicious), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

how strange - i just saw a little girl walking in the supermarket carrying a huge bag of these. i wanted to ask her where she bought them but that would have been weird.

jed_ (jed), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:13 (nineteen years ago)

ick. this is what I found when dinking around the Oriental Trading Company site.

whereas this is some sorta Wonder Showzen thing. "Delicious militarism!"

holy shit

http://image.orientaltrading.com/otcimg/70_3279.jpg?resize(250x250)
HUMVEE PIÑATA!

http://image.orientaltrading.com/otcimg/70_3150.jpg?resize(250x250) http://image.orientaltrading.com/otcimg/70_3173.jpg?resize(250x250)
http://image.orientaltrading.com/otcimg/70_29201.jpg?resize(250x250)

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:24 (nineteen years ago)

Did anybody ever manage to keep the paratrooper ones' parachutes from turning into a tangled mess? Tips?

you can email me if you wish to challenge the truth (nickalicious), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

i think if you did the roll-up & rubber-band thing when not using them, they lasted a little longer.

OH MAN, now i'm remembering the parachute and foam-board hangglider GI Joe guys

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

ahah. OMG, so many memories. I also used to spend hours lying in my room setting thousands of these guys for huge...static mental battles !
my favorites were the WWII german vs US or napoleonic wars armies.
I wonder where they all are too.
i also had tanks, planes, trucks, halftracks...
sweet.

AleXTC (AleXTC), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

speaking of which, do you think modern small soldiers have women in their ranks ?

AleXTC (AleXTC), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

never really got round to painting them.

Roughage Crew (Enrique), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

one of my guys fired a bren gun from the hip. madness.

Roughage Crew (Enrique), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

I'm trying to remember the one particular brand we always bought. there was a company that did 1/72th scale plastic guys for any segment of any army out there

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:37 (nineteen years ago)

i think matchbox did some.

Roughage Crew (Enrique), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

Oh wow:

http://joes.propadeutic.com/index.html

yeah, Falcon Gliders. That's what they were called.

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:48 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.mfhughes.com/pictures/matchboxeigtharmy.jpg

i'd forgotten about the bagpipes.

Roughage Crew (Enrique), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:50 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, painting them never was an option. i was (am) too lazy and each time i tried to paint a vehicule, it ended up awfully.

AleXTC (AleXTC), Friday, 23 June 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

painting anything less than metal seemed pointless.

half the fun of these guys are their disposability to landmine, magnifying glass, the deadly hairspray/lighter flamethrower platoons, etc

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 23 June 2006 15:09 (nineteen years ago)

I have dug up several green army men while gardening around my house, which was my husband's boyhood home. He always says "I remember that guy!" I dug up a green plastic Indian, too.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 24 June 2006 02:39 (nineteen years ago)

My brothers made soldiers by pouring molten lead into molds. I did it too. I forget what we heated the lead in. The coffee pot? That explains what happened to all of us.

Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 24 June 2006 02:44 (nineteen years ago)

He always says "I remember that guy!"

I have no doubt that this would hold true for all of us.

jim wentworth (wench), Saturday, 24 June 2006 02:59 (nineteen years ago)

looking around for miniatures, i found these , which i might get. It should be fun to have an entire panzergruppe on my desk here, vying for control against the allied powers of Mazinga, Felix the Cat, and Windo the Robot.

http://www.minifigs.com/catalog/images/12mm/WW2/GR/12020017.jpg

Or one of these and re-enact scenes from James Garner's epic battle against that no good Sheriff G.D. Spradlin

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 26 June 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

Oh Kingfish, as if my poor credit card hadn't taken enough of a beating this month... You are a bad man!

Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Monday, 26 June 2006 15:16 (nineteen years ago)

these guys are apparently putting out sets of both Russian Federal Troops and Chechen Rebels

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 26 June 2006 15:23 (nineteen years ago)

wow, here are some hardcore types

altho the overuse of smileys is rather comical for a site named "Militaryphotos.net"

Dig this, somebody did a set of military contractors in Iraq:

http://www.millenniumsend.net/downloads/images/Contractors1.jpg

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 26 June 2006 15:58 (nineteen years ago)

According to 50 Cent's auto-bio, they were a big inspiration to him -- so CLASSIC.

!!!!!

Abbott (Abbott), Monday, 26 June 2006 16:19 (nineteen years ago)

x-post

In that contractors picture the guys at the far left and right look like guitar players, and the whole setup looks like a band photo. Cities in flames with rock and roll!!!

nickn (nickn), Monday, 26 June 2006 16:24 (nineteen years ago)

now that Wizards of the Coast are putting out Star Wars Miniatures, it'd be fun to have a panzergruppe take on an Imperial Walker:

http://www.forbiddenplanet.com/images/1173710d.jpg

price is a bit much, tho.

still, with all these miniatures games that are popping up, it's nice to see that at least some folks have finally putting out KOTOR figs:

http://www.wizards.com/global/images/starwars_article_CotFPreview1_pic1_en.jpg http://www.wizards.com/global/images/starwars_article_CotFPreview6_pic1_en.jpg http://www.wizards.com/starwars/images/CotF/Darth_Malak.jpg

kingfish du lac (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 29 June 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

kingfish, I love and hate you in equal measure for these links!

Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 30 June 2006 08:46 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...
three months pass...
MANPILE

jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 23:11 (nineteen years ago)

wow, so awesome!!

rrrobyn, the situation (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 7 November 2006 23:16 (nineteen years ago)

classic...to melt together with magnifying glasses in the sun!

Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 8 November 2006 00:13 (nineteen years ago)

three years pass...

http://www.cracked.com/funny-6421-plastic-army-men/

Some common challenges:
-
-No - he can't die because he was behind this stick.

-Why are you making machine gun noises when he's got a flame-thrower?

-No but wait, my tank got in the way (move tank in the way).

-You can't kill him because he's my captain and you can't kill captains because they're stronger than the others and anyway he's on a secret mission so actually your guy is shooting at nothing because my captain is hiding and he's only pretending to be dead.

-You're stupid.

Some common rebuttals:
-
-No, you're stupid.

Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Monday, 27 September 2010 00:21 (fifteen years ago)

you always knew that the telephone operator was bad ass because although he didn't have a weapon he was phoning in some giant bombers to lay waste to your enemies

tumlbrah (dayo), Monday, 27 September 2010 00:31 (fifteen years ago)

These cheap army men were always much better than the expensive GI Joe action figures, because you could fight large pitched battles, with dozens and dozens of casualties, and it never mattered if a few men got chopped up or buried in the dirt and not found for a few months, until your sappers were excavating in that area with a tablespoon.

Aimless, Monday, 27 September 2010 03:37 (fifteen years ago)

a friend of mine (during the above-mentioned pyromania years) took several hundred green plastic army men and methodically melted them down the kitchen and bathroom drains in his (his parents') house, the molten green plastic mixed in with handfuls of gravel from the yard. when confronted with the consequences of this, he claimed that he didn't know it would cause problems.

i think i've told this story before...

having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Monday, 27 September 2010 03:45 (fifteen years ago)

they make them flat now, the green plastic army men. like they're just a stand with a flat outline of an army man stood upon, the details of his army-man-ness slightly raised, as on a coin. a rip.

having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Monday, 27 September 2010 03:46 (fifteen years ago)

best thing about joes, relative to GPAM, was that the joe plastic would blacken as it burned, then split open as it cooled, generating really gnarly-looking napalm effects.

having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Monday, 27 September 2010 03:47 (fifteen years ago)

still have a scar on my leg from a sizzling blob of burning GPAM. anyone else remember the weird "sssszzzzip!" sound the flaming plastic drops made as they fell through the air?

having taken an actual journalism class (contenderizer), Monday, 27 September 2010 03:48 (fifteen years ago)

Always thought this was a cool idea for a game: http://www.download-free-games.com/war_game_download/army_men_rts.htm

Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Monday, 27 September 2010 05:42 (fifteen years ago)


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