To The Person In My Office Who Decanted Their Colostomy Bag Into The Coffee Dispenser:

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I hate you.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

Pics?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:11 (nineteen years ago)

Reaction shots?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

Starbucks?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:17 (nineteen years ago)

Ah damn it, David, that was my joke. :-)

― nathalie's pocket revolution (stevie nixed), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:18 (nineteen years ago)

metaphor, i hope?

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

Man who put urine in co-workers' coffee sentenced
By Krystyna Slivinski
Special to the Tribune
Published September 1, 2005, 11:12 AM CDT

A Skokie man convicted of putting urine and other chemicals into his co-workers' coffee after he became upset with a supervisor has been sentenced to three years in prison.

The sentence was handed down today as part of a plea agreement Kemarat Vathananand, 51, of the 7900 block of East Prairie Road, previously reached with prosecutors.

Vathananand pleaded guilty Aug. 17 to one count of unlawful tampering with food. In return for his guilty plea, the Cook County State's Attorney's office dropped an attempted murder charge that could have resulted in a prison term of up to 30 years.

The defendant said nothing during today's hearing before Judge John Scotillo at the Rolling Meadows branch of Cook County Circuit Court.

Vathananand, who had been free on bond, was taken into custody after the hearing to begin serving his sentence.

He was arrested and charged Oct. 29 after a police video camera recorded him adding something to the coffee at his place of employment, Castle Metal Finishing in Schiller Park. No one at the company became seriously ill, prosecutors said.

The incidents began in the summer of 2004, when some of the man's co-workers noticed an unusual or bitter taste in the coffee, prosecutors said.

On Oct. 18, an employee discovered a white substance in the water reservoir of the coffee maker. Employees called Schiller Park police, and the next day, detectives installed a hidden camera in the ceiling above the coffee maker.

The camera subsequently caught Vathananand twice putting something in the coffee, prosecutors said. Police confronted the man, and he admitted he was upset with a company official for ordering him to drink out of a certain water fountain.

Vathananand told police that when he first started putting things in the coffee, he did not notice anyone becoming sick, so he started putting in larger quantities on a more frequent basis, prosecutors said.

Besides using urine, the man was accused of also doping the coffee with lead acetate, a hazardous chemical used at the metal finishing plant, and sodium dimethyldithiocarbamate, a toxic chemical sometimes used in wastewater treatment.

― my name is john. i reside in chicago. (frankE), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

Allegedly it's Dunkin' Donuts. I've never before tasted DD coffee that was so... nutty.

I want to get some more coffee but now I'm afraid.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

turtle nut

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

Peeing in food happens more often than we think. In restaurants that is. My parents once saw this at their local pub. They never ordered spaghetti again. heh.

― nathalie's pocket revolution (stevie nixed), Monday, 12 September 2005 13:59 (nineteen years ago)

Kermit Vathananand

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

Colostomy bag decanting into a coffee maker? Dude, how can you get mad at that? THAT'S ART!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

Someone once told me a popular snack in Iceland is shark meat pickled in human piss. Can someone confirm/deny that?

― B-Vitamins ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

mmmmm bjorks vagina.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

Art doesn't taste very nice.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:02 (nineteen years ago)

Someone once told me a popular snack in Iceland is shark meat pickled in human piss. Can someone confirm/deny that?

Do you mean lutefisk (fish pickled in lye)?

And then a place in China was busted for selling donkey meat marinated in tiger urine (and for marketing the dish as tiger meat).

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Nope, I mean PISS. Google confirmed it:

Fresh shark from the northern waters apparently contains a lot of ammonia, and is not good for a long term diet. The original icelandic recipe for shark involves chopping the shark flesh into lumps, digging a hole in some sandy/well aerated soil, put the shark in the hole and piss on the lot. The urine supposedly acted as some sort of putrification enhancer. Cover and leave for a couple of months until it goes putrid, then dig it up and leave it to air dry for a couple more months. Then you cut off the hard and brown external skin and eat the white inner meat.

The modern process uses containers above ground instead of burial, and no urine, but it's the same thing otherwise.

― Hurlin' ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

rotten shark is considered a delicacy in iceland, but i don't think urine enters into it.

(xpost)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

No, urine usually leaves a body.

Sorry, crap joke.

― nathalie's pocket revolution (stevie nixed), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

Golden showers of snacks?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

Hahaha, 'crap' joke.

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:17 (nineteen years ago)

Is anyone else feeling nauseous, like, for reals?

― deeeeeep breaths ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:22 (nineteen years ago)

I'm feeling like I want some free coffee that doesn't taste like ass.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:23 (nineteen years ago)

Free your coffee and your ass will follow.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

doping the coffee with lead acetate, a hazardous chemical used at the metal finishing plant, and sodium dimethyldithiocarbamate, a toxic chemical sometimes used in wastewater treatment.

well, there's certainly something to be said for how far people will go to prove a point.

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

rotten shark is considered a delicacy in iceland, but i don't think urine enters into it.

actually I think the rotted shark is cured in urine, mark

it's called hakarl

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

oh x-posts

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

Hakarl sounds like an exotic martial art! Something Brazilian maybe. It could be pretty marketable if you made it easy to learn and added popular dancing music (you walk in and the young, surprisingly hip masters beat you to death and piss on you to R Kelly ironically)

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:08 (nineteen years ago)

i still don't think there's actual urine involved in hakarl! isn't rotten shark bad enough?

http://www.isholf.is/gullis/jo/shark.htm

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:13 (nineteen years ago)

i think maybe there is some confusion because it ultimately smells so ungodly. also, i have vague memories of getting weird looks from the few locals i managed to ask about the urine part.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:15 (nineteen years ago)

did you guys see the bourdain iceland episode where he ate fermented shark?

― s/c (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:17 (nineteen years ago)

are you sure you didn't just press the de-caff button by accident?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

Fresh shark from the northern waters apparently contains a lot of ammonia

Perhaps people smelled the ammonia, and guessed that someone had whizzed on it a while back. (Not an illogical concept. But then eating it?)

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:24 (nineteen years ago)

This is what you get when you tell non-white people what water fountain to use.

― nabisco (nabisco), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:26 (nineteen years ago)

this thread is making me feel slightly ill.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:29 (nineteen years ago)

Only slightly?

― O'so Krispie (Ex Leon), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:30 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.isholf.is/gullis/jo/shark.htm

i like how the recipe starts "take one large shark." ok, will do!

― s/c (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

i like how it says not to try it at home unless you know what the end result is supposed to taste like.

"does this rotten shark taste a little on?"

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:40 (nineteen years ago)

A columnist for IntrepidTravel claims to have eaten pee-shark. Oh, but debunks the myth!

― blech ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

Oops, I forgot to credit Seattle Weekly with debunking the myth.

― jf ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:43 (nineteen years ago)

i don't think i will be returning to this thread. blech!

― ai lien (kold_krush), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:45 (nineteen years ago)

I wonder if Dan finally got scat-free coffee.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

i'd rather have urine than lead acetate.

― AaronK (AaronK), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:53 (nineteen years ago)

ILX: where people click on threads about urine-coffee only to be grossed out by recipes for rotten shark meat.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:04 (nineteen years ago)

are you sure you didn't just press the de-caff button by accident?

There was no decaf button to press! The coffee gets brewed by the Big-Ass Coffee Maker (TM) directly into a coffee dispenser, which is then moved to the side so that we can all get our caffeine fix. The cup I had from the first batch was fine, no problem, decent office coffee. The second batch was OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS FOUL FOUL FOUL DISGUSTINGNESS THAT IS SULLYING MY TENDER PALATE.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

The coffee gets brewed by the Big-Ass Coffee Maker (TM)

I think you just answered your question.

― nickn (nickn), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

You had it wrong, Dan. It's:

Big Ass-Coffee Maker (TM)

― President Busch (dr g), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:45 (nineteen years ago)

since when do you pee from your ass?

― s/c (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:46 (nineteen years ago)

Since I ate the Worst Curry Ever.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:47 (nineteen years ago)

I've never had food reroute my urethra out of my anus. That doesn't sound very fun.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:51 (nineteen years ago)

"smells... funky"

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:03 (nineteen years ago)

hakarl, the brazilian krav maga

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:04 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.seenontv.com/prod-pages/images1/urine-gone-with-lite.jpg

― s/c (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.vapoorizer.com/images/informer_04.jpg

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 22:25 (nineteen years ago)

If that comes in Hazelnut, sign me up.

― President Busch (dr g), Monday, 12 September 2005 22:25 (nineteen years ago)

THE FUCKER DID IT AGAIN.

LEARN HOW TO MAKE COFFEE, TASTEBUDLESS ONE.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 12:42 (nineteen years ago)

Maybe someone swapped it for dandelion root "coffee" or something. That stuff certainly tastes like ass!

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 12:53 (nineteen years ago)

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