NO OFFENSE

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"no offense" -- least sincere preface ever. boooo.
-- The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (handy_manda@yahoo.com), September 12th, 2005 10:16 AM. (The Milkmaid) (later)

Worthy of its own thread.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

i don't mean to be rude, but

― N_RQ, Monday, 12 September 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

With the greatest respect

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

I'm not trying to be mean but...

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

I mean, I have a lot of black friends

― cozen (Cozen), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

I'm not prejudiced but...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

Don't take this the wrong way

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

i know what you're saying, but..

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

Not for anything but

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

It's not that I want to be mean, but...

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

Just for fun,

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

With the greatest respect

I like "with all due respect" better. You say it, then you say something that shows no respect at all, thus communicating how much respect you think is due.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

I don't want to sound like a jerk, but...(I'm going to say something that makes me sound like a big fat fucking jerk)

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

I'm sure you mean the best, but...

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

If you want my opinion...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

I'm not being funny but

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

Nothing personal, but...

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:29 (twenty years ago)

I like "with all due respect" better. You say it, then you say something that shows no respect at all, thus communicating how much respect you think is due

With all due respect, stick it up your arse.

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

;) *J*O*K*I*N*G*!!!

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:30 (twenty years ago)

Nothing personal, but...

Nothing personal, but I think I know why you have trouble getting dates.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

That's an internet classic version of this, actually. Launch the least witty most obnoxious stream of personal invective you can manage and when called on it say "you can't take a joke"

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:32 (twenty years ago)

NO OFFENSE?
NONE TAKEN!

― elmo (allocryptic), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

Now, of course I support women's rights and all, but...

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

I'm only telling you this for your own good...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:34 (twenty years ago)

Far be it from me to point the finger...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:35 (twenty years ago)

Not being funny but....

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:36 (twenty years ago)

I know it's probably not my place, but...

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:37 (twenty years ago)

Not for anything but...

Down here in "the South" they say "not for NOTHING...", which is actually pretty hilarious.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

ELMO YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO SAY YET! YOU CAN'T CHOOSE NOT TO TAKE OFFENCE BEFORE YOU KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO BE SAID.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

just sayin'

― N_RQ, Monday, 12 September 2005 14:40 (twenty years ago)

With the best will in the world,

― Flyboy (Flyboy), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

I know it's none of my business but...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

I'm not calling you fat, but

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:47 (twenty years ago)

Now don't get all uppity like all the rest of you gays...

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:48 (twenty years ago)

You know what your problem is?

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:49 (twenty years ago)

if you don't mind me being blunt..

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:52 (twenty years ago)

if you don't mind me being james blount...

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

I'm not being fanny butt

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 12 September 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

a lot of south africans will say 'no offence' after saying very offensive and obnixous things [this is related to my eviction tale on another thread]

a friend i went to school would always preface a particularly offensive comment with the phrase "i'm not being bad or nuffink", as in, "I'm not being bad or nuffunk, but your mum's an ugly whore", or "i'm not being bad or nuffink, but you smell of shit". every now and again, my oldest friend and i will indulge in a game of "i ain't being bad or nuffink", for old times' sake.

― foxy boxer (stevie), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

I know it's not fashionable to say this, but...

― Flyboy (Flyboy), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

while your credentials are certainly impressive, ...

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

Kenan, you know I love you, but...

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

I get that a lot.

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry, you must get this a lot, but...

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:17 (twenty years ago)

I'm not going to say "I told you so", but

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:34 (twenty years ago)

I didn't want to have to say this in front of everyone, but...

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

I'm not a rockist, but

― Ian Riese-Moraine: Let this bastard out, and you'll get whiplash! (Eastern Mantr, Monday, 12 September 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

This is strictly off the record, but...

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

In some parts of Lancashire they say "I'm not saying anything, but..."

Almost as if you're trying make the other person believe that when you were calling them a wanker, you weren't actually speaking AT ALL.

― Zoe Espera (Espera), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

Not for nothin' but....

Not to make you jealous or anything...

― jeff norman, Monday, 12 September 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

I'm not going to say "I told you so," but... [next words out of mouth are always "I told you so."]

― Jeff Normal, Monday, 12 September 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

now, im not a judgemental person but .....

― sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

and the great southern bitch preface:

bless her/his heart .....

― sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:46 (twenty years ago)

you: "...no offense."
me: "hey, some taken."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Monday, 12 September 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

I'm not gay or nothin', but...

― Closet Case, Monday, 12 September 2005 15:52 (twenty years ago)

not to take anything away from Diabolic, but...

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:05 (twenty years ago)

Diabolik, that should be. mst3k nerd alert.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:07 (twenty years ago)

This may not be the most politically correct thing to say, but...

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

Not necessarily insinuating you're a total fuckface prick, but...

― donut Get Behind Me Carbon Dioxide (donut), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

Tonguing my ass after this may not be that necessary, but you know...

― donut Get Behind Me Carbon Dioxide (donut), Monday, 12 September 2005 16:17 (twenty years ago)

I don't want to sound like a queer or nothin', but...

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

Bless her heart and everything, but...

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 12 September 2005 17:50 (twenty years ago)

I don't want to piss on your chips or anything, but...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 17:58 (twenty years ago)

"Pardon my French, but YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!"

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 12 September 2005 17:59 (twenty years ago)

I keed, I keed!

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 12 September 2005 18:02 (twenty years ago)

But seriously, folks, isn't she a great sport? Give her a big round of applause!

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 12 September 2005 18:05 (twenty years ago)

I totally see where you're coming from, but

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

I hear what you're saying, but

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:51 (twenty years ago)

"That's a great point."

"But."

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:52 (twenty years ago)

You've obviously thought a lot about this.

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

"Whilst, to the untrained ear, there might be some concordance with sense and judgement in what you say, it is all too apparent on closer listening that you are discoursing through a mouthful of shite"

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:54 (twenty years ago)

bless her/his heart .....

oh jesus, what a flashback.. it is always followed either by something very uncomplimentary, i.e. "bless his heart, that man is the most disgusting eater i ever did see, and a real womanizer" or can be used with little children in ways that align closer to what you imagine it ought to mean, i.e. "bless her heart, isn't she just the cutest thing" .. weird that it could be used in such opposite ways

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:56 (twenty years ago)

BLESS HER HEART, but you'd think if the good Lord was gonna short her so much on looks he'd at least give her brains to make up for it.

My favorite part about bless his/her heart is that it is ALWAYS used right after the subject of the comment turns around/walks away.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 12 September 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

Just a bit of fun, let's all be cool.

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:02 (twenty years ago)

I think you're really cool and all

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

I admire your passion...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

I've enjoyed our time together

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:12 (twenty years ago)

And you really have a lot to offer

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Jessie, totally.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

Don't get me wrong. I even have friends who are black...

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

You're a smashing girl, but...

― I Oppose All Rock and Roll (noodle vague), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

Thanks for all your work on this, but

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Monday, 12 September 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

Look, I don't mean to be an asshole, but ...

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

oh, i thought this was going to be an LFC thread

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

I know they're Champions of Europe, but...

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

I don't mean to be rude, but...

― O'so Krispie (Ex Leon), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

I don't mean to rain on you parade or anything...

Wow, this is an interesting thread.

― jim wentworth (wench), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:54 (twenty years ago)

listen, youre a really great guy but......

― sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

No pun intended!

um, none taken.

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

Great job, Brownie, but...

― Stephen X (Stephen X), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 15:02 (twenty years ago)

That's all well and good, but...

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

Great job, Brownie, but...
-- Stephen X (figmentfragmen...), September 13th, 2005 12:02 PM. (later) (link)

HAHA. That will be my new "no offense, but..." FOREVER AND EVER.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Tuesday, 13 September 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

I'm kind of glad I wasn't around for the days of "present company excluded, of course." How diabolically twattish.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 05:27 (twenty years ago)

Or its cousin, "Oh I don't mean YOU!"

― nickn (nickn), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 06:28 (twenty years ago)

"I'm not being bad or nuffunk, but your mum's an ugly whore"

So was he bad or is she? *pokes Stevie* I kid I kid.

― nathalie's pocket revolution (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 14 September 2005 06:41 (twenty years ago)

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