F*ck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

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The Onion, Feb. 18, 2004:
Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades

Reality, Sept 14, 2005:

WHAT NEXT? WHERE WILL IT END?

(thanks to lurker Colin for the tip)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:31 (twenty years ago)

ack!
http://money.cnn.com/2005/09/14/news/fortune500/gillette/index.htm

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:32 (twenty years ago)

HAHAHAHA. Oh, lordy.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:38 (twenty years ago)

spencer started another thread!!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:39 (twenty years ago)

I would buy the Mach 14.

http://img.snl.jt.org//arc/epskit/00-05-06-3.jpg

― internet comedy novice (Matt Chesnut), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:43 (twenty years ago)

Gillette unveils lubricated neck massager

― amon (eman), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

the TurkeySlapper

― jimmy glass (electricsound), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:45 (twenty years ago)

"Energerizer"?

― disco violence (disco violence), Thursday, 15 September 2005 00:48 (twenty years ago)

they didn't just call the five blades:

blades on the handle --> blade on the back of the cartridge
blades so thin they're invisible --> blades 30% closer together
two lubricating strips --> two lubricating strips

(and it does say "Energerizer", WTF)

― I think I may need a bathroom break? (wetmink2), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:00 (twenty years ago)

I only switched from one to two in the past few years, and I find that I'm not getting as close a shave.

― Rockist_Scientist (RSLaRue), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:01 (twenty years ago)

what is this first word in the title

― dr gary busey (dr g), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:04 (twenty years ago)

and will it keep spencer from running for mayor

― dr gary busey (dr g), Thursday, 15 September 2005 01:04 (twenty years ago)

a safety switch that shuts the razor down after eight minutes of continuous operation.

Safety?

― ~~~~ DODONGO DISLIKES SMOKE ~~~~ (ex machina), Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:33 (twenty years ago)

DON'T BE A PUSSY

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Thursday, 15 September 2005 02:40 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was going to be about drugs. Is that what was intended?

― youn, Thursday, 15 September 2005 03:14 (twenty years ago)

I need to find the transcript of that Late Show skit about the shaver with 23 blades, some of which distract the hair while the next one sneaks up on it and the one after that attacks it ninja style, etc.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 15 September 2005 05:06 (twenty years ago)

Spencer's selective asterisking is amusing

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 15 September 2005 05:12 (twenty years ago)

I just switched from a two-blade to the MachIII and I completely hate it and want my money back.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Thursday, 15 September 2005 05:13 (twenty years ago)

hahahahahaha!

― N_RQ (Enrique), Thursday, 15 September 2005 07:28 (twenty years ago)

i have a beard this week! haha!

― g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 15 September 2005 07:31 (twenty years ago)

it's already one of my top ten onion pieces.

'I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A.'

― N_RQ (Enrique), Thursday, 15 September 2005 07:44 (twenty years ago)

""The Schick launch has nothing to do with this, it's like comparing a Ferrari to a Volkswagen as far as we're concerned," Chairman, President and Chief Executive James Kilts, told Reuters."

Haha that quote makes it.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Thursday, 15 September 2005 16:23 (twenty years ago)

And just so we're all clear here, this thing has SIX blades.

That one on the back does resolve the major MachIII issues, which were enough to keep me in the Sensor line. But is it just me, or does this thing look a little... de trop? Think I'll stick with ye olde Sensor3 for now...

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 15 September 2005 18:57 (twenty years ago)

is it just me or do the mach3 blades last over a month?

― älänbänänä (alanbanana), Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:33 (twenty years ago)

Wasn't there another epic ILE thread about this? Was it a general shaving thread?

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 15 September 2005 19:35 (twenty years ago)

Whoa! Did I post a near identical thread to this, like, an hour ago (which, apparently/thankfully, got deleted)? damn..

― poortheatre (poortheatre), Thursday, 15 September 2005 23:11 (twenty years ago)

"Your neck is going to be so friggin' soft, someone's gonna walk up and tie a goddamn Cub Scout kerchief under it."

― Paunchy Stratego (kenan), Thursday, 15 September 2005 23:22 (twenty years ago)

i'm still on two blades.

― N_RQ, Friday, 16 September 2005 10:39 (twenty years ago)

i still have a (ginger) beard.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 16 September 2005 10:39 (twenty years ago)

do you have ginger hair? i have this weird thing where my beard is half-red, even though my hair is brown.

― N_RQ, Friday, 16 September 2005 10:42 (twenty years ago)

I think every brown-haird person in Britain has that, NRQ.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 16 September 2005 11:26 (twenty years ago)

is it just me or do the mach3 blades last over a month?

mine last about 2-3 weeks, but i have pure uncut testosterone surging through my face, obv.

anyone try the razor with the battery in the handle? i mean, WTF??

― foxy boxer (stevie), Friday, 16 September 2005 11:36 (twenty years ago)

nay, i have brown hair. my beard is immortalised forever on the what the fuck you lookin like thread, for the curious.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 16 September 2005 11:37 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was going to be about bingeing on coke.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 16 September 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

haha, pwned. RUB MY BEARD, YA MUTHA.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 16 September 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

No, that's the Kate Moss thread.

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Friday, 16 September 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

That Onion piece is amazing.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 16 September 2005 13:56 (twenty years ago)

three years pass...

fifth anniversary today.

Hey, if I'm the only one who'll take risks, I'm sure as hell happy to hog all the glory when the five-blade razor becomes the shaving tool for the U.S. of "this is how we shave now" A

― groovy groovy jazzy funky pounce bounce dance (special guest stars mark bronson), Wednesday, 18 February 2009 12:46 (sixteen years ago)

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