MY GF HAS TOTALLY LOST HER LIBIDO

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

hi my gf has totally lost her libido. it's been four almost five months now, and started right before she finished uni. i can understand that, with the stress of exams and whatnot. but shouldn't it be back by now? dear god! no fucking, no sucking. and all i can think about it boning her hot bod. please ilx, help me to find my gf's lost sex drive -- before i start humping the couch or something.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:50 (twenty years ago)

TRY FOREPLAY.

― I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:51 (twenty years ago)

MAYBE YOU HAVE A REALLY SMALL COCK, LOSER

― ESTEBAN BUTTEZ!!!!!, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

Have you tried rape?

― kidnapping and blackmail (dymaxia), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

Start humping the couch, maybe you'll find it under there. That's where I usually find things I lose.

Seriously, have you tried talking to her?

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:54 (twenty years ago)

dump her, she's got mental problems, unleess you're an ugly sort.

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:58 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't want foreplay, she doesn't want sex period right now. my cock used to do the trick quite nicely, thank you. i'm holding off on rape for a while longer. seriously, i've tried talking to her, and when push comes to shove she "just doesn't know" why she doesn't want to do it. normally she's not mental, and i'm quite into her, which is why i don't want to give her the boot.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:10 (twenty years ago)

Maybe she's stopped having sex with you because she's fucking someone else instead.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

is she on meds or something? heroin?

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

maybe she's into muff now.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:13 (twenty years ago)

she's not fucking anyone else, i'm not saying it because i'm cocky, just because i know. & no meds at all.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

WHY NOT POST EVERYTHING IN ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME?

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

when push comes to shove

Well, obviously it doesn't right now.

i'm not saying it because i'm cocky,

Well, you might be, but then you're kinda useless.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:17 (twenty years ago)

nathalie, please play nicely.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:18 (twenty years ago)

After you're done with the melodramatics and the run to internet strangers for advice, go to her and say "Lack of sex may end this relationship. Are you okay with that?" Put the ball in her court.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

Is she depressed?

― paulhw (paulhw), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:21 (twenty years ago)

get one big cock

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:21 (twenty years ago)

go to her and say "Lack of sex may end this relationship. Are you okay with that?"

wise words, nicely put.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

If she doesn't have any particular stresses or medical issues which have reduced her desire for sex, then unfortunately I'd have to say that the reason she's not doing it any more is that she's not into you any more. Maybe you get along just fine as friends, but she doesn't fancy you sexually. It happens.

Don't you think you should break up with her, and find yourself someone with whom you are more sexually compatible? It's not really fair on either of you to carry on like this because without sex, you're not having a relationship any more, you're having a friendship.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

Your name is "you're wanting", and you can't play the man's game, you can't close them, and then tell your wife your troubles. 'Cause only one thing counts in this world: get them to sign on the line which is dotted.

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

she was depressed/stressed in may, but now she's graduated and we've gone on a nice and long and restorative summer holiday and she has a nice job offer that she's excited about and everything. everything should be hunky dory at this point.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

normally she's not mental, and i'm quite into her, which is why i don't want to give her the boot.

Who said romance is dead?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

aye, that tickled me, too.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:26 (twenty years ago)

we had great sex until this point, and lots of it. she liked it, she complemented my moves. we'd do it pretty much every day, with blowjobs in between. to go from fun to none is, not fun.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:27 (twenty years ago)

Maybe she was just doing sexual things earlier in the relationship to get your attention, but she really doesn't enjoy them. Now she feels like your relationship has reached a point where she doesn't have to "perform" any more...?

I would start off the conversation on a sensitive note by saying you're worried she's not attracted to you any more. If you open up, maybe she will too.

(Oh god, double entendre there)

― Kittens Licking Cakes (coco), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

If this is true then I'm afriad that CJ is tragically OTM.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

I would start off the conversation on a sensitive note by saying you're worried she's not attracted to you any more

Judging by this thread, can you blame the girl?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

wait until your married, there is no such thing as a libido.

― Lupton Pitman (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Put the ball in her court.

Or at least try putting it in her _____.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

"we'd do it pretty much every day, with blowjobs in between."

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

we've had this conversation, and she says that she is attracted to me, but that she just doesn't feel like doing it. and she says that she doesn't want to do it with anyone. just no desire.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

HEY, DESIRE COMES AND GOES. WAIT TIL IT COMES BACK, IF YOU'VE GOT THE PATIENCE AND SHE'S WORTH IT.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

er, oops.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

Is she on the pill?

Maybe she needs to change to a different type (some of them can affect a girl's mood/libido etc)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:33 (twenty years ago)

we'd do it pretty much every day, with blowjobs in between.

What, you mean you nipped out for a swift bout of cottaging every now and then?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

Have you tried sticking a few fingers in her butt?

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

(not when you're out shopping together, obv)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

... but next time, try not doing it when she's on the phone to her mother

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)

Oops, xpost!!!!

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)

Too slow, Monsieur Dada!

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:37 (twenty years ago)

but that she just doesn't feel like doing it.

I don't feel like going to work in the morning, I don't feel like paying my bills, I don't feel like answering the fucking phone, but I do all these things anyway. Is she under the impression that low libido has spackled her vagina shut? Guess what, some wives and girlfriends with low libido will have sex with their partners anyway, because they like them and want them to be happy. Sounds like your girlfriend is as much a piece of work as you are.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't like anything anal.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

Is she under the impression that low libido has spackled her vagina shut?

How bad are going to feel if this is actually what's happened, RH?

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't like anything anal.

I bet you if you put a diamond bracelet in her ass she will (eventually) totally love that bracelet.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to laugh my fucking head off. (xp)

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

i feel for yr girl

― N_RQ, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

despite being a "piece of work" -- i don't want to have sex with her just so that i can get off. i'd like for her to have some pleasure as well. sex should be fun for both parties, i believe, at least most of the time.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't like anything anal

She's not a regular on ILM then I take it?

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:43 (twenty years ago)

People, Spackled Vagina Syndrome (SVS) is a serious medical condition that affects thousands of women worldwide. Fortunately we're on our way to discovering a cure but we need your help.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

xxpost: you can take it, no.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

Diamond bracelet anal beads? Blimey, they must have posh sex shops in Bahstin, Dan.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:44 (twenty years ago)

Now you know ALL TOO WELL how I roll.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

are there vaginismus issues too? or will she just not let you near her?

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:49 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you rubbed her raw with all that wild sex earlier in the year, she put a band-aid over it, and now it's healed up.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

hard, up are you logged out posting logged out?

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:53 (twenty years ago)

... he's "between blowjobs"

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

Hard Up, I've been there. It's a complete agonizing mindfuck. It's nice that she enjoys being with you and all, but sex is important, too.

― no answers ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

thank you no answers, most of the time it's lovely, i really love her - everything about her, just not this lack of sex. it sux.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

or not, as the case may be.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

nathalie, please play nicely.

I know, I know, usually I wouldn't say such things when someone's in need. But your word choice is rather... blunt. Also, why ask *us*, ask her. Just tell her your needs and also that you're worried about her lack of libido. I mean, what do we know about how she feels?

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

are hard drugs involved?

― Old School (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

I was just the reading the superheated version of this thread earlier today.

A month ago, my girlfriend informed me that she didn't want to be "penetrated" any more

this one's a lot more civilised. although everyone's just telling him to talk to her...which seems counterproductive. god, if someone wants to jabber away on the internet to strangers it surely suggests that he's got no real interest in following such obvious remedies.

― Lumsden, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

no hard drugs. not even any soft drugs for a good long while.

nathalie, you don't know much about how she feels, obv. i'm sorry for being blunt, that's just how i feel at the moment. i've communicated my needs, and she's communicated how she feels about sex-in-general at the moment.

unfortunately, i don't know what i can do to help her regain her lust for getting it on. and i really do want to help, if i can. there's no one i'd rather get it on with than her. really, she's gorgeous and i love her.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

there's no one i'd rather get it on with than her

I hear you, Cyrano

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

i don't feel that i'm jabbering away on the internet, as much as i'm letting off a little steam and hoping for some new ideas. we've already talked about this together, and she just "doesn't know" what's wrong. neither do i.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

aye i know. didn't mean anything bad by it - jabbering/letting off steam are sometimes synonymous. and useful.

― lumsden, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

Has your own personal life changed much during this time? Work, school, other? Is there any reason for her to be seeing you differently or to be respecting/admiring you less? Are you guys spending too much time with each other doing nothing? It's good for you to appear - um - "masterful" in times like this, at the risk of sounding absurd. In arenas outside of sex, I mean. Takes the pressure off.

― Thea (Thea), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

My sympathies, hard up.

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

Did I miss something? What about dude's post warrants dismissing him all the way down the page?

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:54 (twenty years ago)

Stick your head above the parapet, it's likely to get shot off

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

this is ilx – sometimes posts get good replies, and sometimes they don't. you roll with the punches.

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

there's all sorts of reasons this could be happening but it's best to see about what hers really are. get therapy or something with her if you really care about her.

a friend of mine was the girl in a similar scenario, and they eventually worked it out. there was a lot of patience involved, and some therapy, but they're very much in love and seem happy now.

― Juulia (julesbdules), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

i had this happen to me once. it didn't last super long, but about a month. i just had to wait it out, i guess.
have you tried doing small sweet things for her without sex pressure? do you think talking to a professional would help? i think it can only make the issue worse for her if she feels any pressure at all. she may just retreat farther inside herself.
it's a puzzler.

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

Stick your head above the parapet, it's likely to get shot off

I spose.

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

Hey, at least this thread's not as bad as the other one linked
above! (xpost)

Hard, up - I'm afraid I can't offer you any advice, just a bit of empathy as I'm in a similar situation myself. If you want to stay with her, be patient and maybe the situation will change.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

... especially if you're sticking your head above the parapet to yell about how you want to "bone your girlfriend's hot bod" and she's having none of it

― Raymond Douglas Dadaismus (Dada), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Also, yank yourself off around the clock cos you can't get any proper sex with girls!

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:13 (twenty years ago)

wait until your married, there is no such thing as a libido.

There speaks the voice of bitter, bitter experience.

― I'm a Problem for Anthony Blair (noodle vague), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:17 (twenty years ago)

i've spoken of this dilemma to a number of my friends (girls and boys, men and women) and to be honest i think it's just something that happens and the relationship is, at least in it's current state, dead. Sure there can be a death dance for a year or so (even longer in some cases, but a year seems to be the usual). Curiously in three of these instances in my friends' and my relationships the girl has said "it's not that I don't want to have sex with you, i don't want to have sex with anyone" or words to that effect. And then, after the relationship has ended suddenly feels a lot more willing to engage in sex.

I'm not suggesting there that women are in someway lying harpies just trying to exert power of you by withholding sexual congress: rather that that when placed in the context of a loving relationship it's easy enough, after your desire for that person has faded, to assume that your whole sexual identity has as well.

sorry this probably isn't what you want to hear, but I felt it should be said.

― arthur biensur, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

arrgh!

― hard, up, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

Listen - that could just be my friends that that happens to, a conicidence of time and place. fashion, even.

The post-university change can't be underestimated as well. That's a motherfucker for relationships.

― arthur biensur, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:38 (twenty years ago)

I've been through bouts of this & it's usually to do with how I'm feeling in myself. If I'm not feeling particular attractive or sexy or whatever, the last thing I want is to be getting into a sexual situation. It passed though. Get her to be more honest as to why she doesn't want it.

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

are you guys reaching a crossroads now that she's done with school? i know this because it happened to me... my long term college gf and i stopped messing around before the end of her schooling and it pretty much heralded what would be the dissolving of our relationship. i mean, we kinda both knew we weren't gonna be together forever by that point, and i knew she was gonna move out of town after school and i would be still in school. we just really enjoyed eachother's company and habit played into it so we didn't really have a big fight and break up, etc etc.

could there be unspoken/unknown plans for the future on the hinge?

other than that:
- get more exercise together.
- have you tried planning something romantic? spice it up. or even just doing little sweet things from time to time?

i dunno. libidos can swing all over for both men and women. god, as said above... wait til your married... or worse, wait til you have kids...

― msp (mspa), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

why does she need a libido?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 16:17 (twenty years ago)

also..
Put the ball in her court.

LOL

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 16:18 (twenty years ago)

oh haha i see dan perry already spotted that one

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

get a sweet web hookup

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 21 September 2005 19:55 (twenty years ago)

seven years pass...

http://www.easyreadernews.com/wp-content/uploads/fake-quake/mb-quake-2.jpg

― Suggest Banlieue (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 03:16 (thirteen years ago)

Have you tried rape?

― kidnapping and blackmail (dymaxia), Wednesday, 21 September 2005 11:52 (7 years ago)

― Suggest Banlieue (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 03:18 (thirteen years ago)

o_O

― WilliamC, Tuesday, 18 December 2012 03:51 (thirteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.