How can you tell if someone is just creepy or actually a pedophile?

(there was also a kid that went to my high school that was a complete dork. maybe I can't speak, since I was too. anyways, long story short, he was 16 and having sex with his 12 year old neighbor, and photographing it. kid brought the film to Wal-Mart. yeah, we wasn't bright. upon returning to high school, he was forever nicknamed "Kiddy Porn". I've since seen him on both myspace and whenever I check the CT List of Sexual Predators for people I went to high school with and the occasional attractive MILF type that slept with a 14 year old (which I check once every few months).

Yeah, pretty much. I mean, shit, I'm posting here, right?

>'we wasn't bright'<

I've been up since 5 this morning. I'm allowed a typo here and there.

xpost

Men can't even get jobs at daycares now, its so bad.

He came very close to being fired, his rep being destroyed etc etc but the girls then owned up they hated him so thought it'd be "funny" to accuse him of something shitty. Til they saw how serious such accusations can be.

I think I remember hearing that someone I graduated from high school with was busted for either kiddie porn or child molestation. He was creepy like that. So, maybe my radar for that kind of thing is good. Dunno.

Unlike Scott, I wouldn't have trouble leaving our kids at a daycare center that hired men.

I'll share some stuff anyway.

As a kid growing up in Massachusetts I have more memories from advancing pedos than young schoolgirls (up until 13 anyway). These are the two I believe were most likely pedophiles or something of the sort.

1. The flaming neighbor with orange hair who was constantly looking for young boys to walk his poodle when he was away being an airline steward and visiting his boyfriend in Amsterdam (I wish I were making this up). He would exclusively ask the neighborhood boys if they wanted a job walking his dog. I remember he approached me for the job when I was alone but my mom saw us and immediately wanted to know what was going on. He didn't talk to me again. My friend actually did it for him (all of us had been approached) and he recalled naked men all over his bedroom walls. I didn't ask him if anything happened though. I'm not as clear about him actually doing anything as I am of number two...

2. This one man had no family or kids of his own and was known almost exclusively as someone who hung out at schools and youth sports programs around the town, introducing himself to the young boys. I had never seen him talk to an adult before and he was always making friends with the young schoolboys. I remember when I met him he was ambiguous about who he was and what he was doing talking to me. I asked my friend about this man years after grade school and after a mutual smirking about him he said he still hangs out at the school today. It was his unhealthy obsession with the young boys coupled with the fact he often approached them like he knew them (when he obviously didn't) and also didn't bother to really remember names that is what makes it so odd. He would also put on a sort of naivè persona on in front of everybody but a couple of times I remember him making some snide remarks that suggested a bitterness and wit he had never shown before. I asked my father about him on the phone recently and he said the town gossips called him the "town pedo" and warned him a long time ago.

http://img78.imageshack.us/img78/4264/logo3ag.jpg

I find that weird. I know a dude who works at a day care center, and I really wouldn't have thought many people would have that attitude. Even if I didn't already know him, I would assume he just happened to be good with kids and in need of a job.

Yeah, really. "So your friends on the internet said to keep me away from the kids? Kinda creepy..."

http://www.sitcomsonline.com/photos/daybyday-1988.jpg

Donald Trump=creep
typical Steve Buscemi persona=creepy

it's more irrational than weird. But i'm kind of irrational about my kids. i just trust women more when it comes to kids. i agree that there is a hysteria about child-abuse, but there is a reason why women are allowed to be left alone with children in certain child-care situations and men aren't. i feel bad for male kindergarten teachers who are afraid to hug or touch their students, i do, and it can obviously be taken too far. but i still wouldn't like the idea of some guy i don't know changing my child's diaper all day long. sorry. i don't even know the women who changed his diaper all day long that well, but i never worried about it. i would worry too much.call me crazy and alarmist and insensitive if you want. maybe if they were older i wouldn't care as much. my mother worked at a Y for years and one of her helpers was a really cool guy. they looked after older kids though. if i knew that it was someone like him i wouldn't have a problem. but how would i know that? and he was really really gay, so that's not my problem. extra-gay even.

I am even leery of putting too much of myself here on the ILX board. It’s difficult to get the creep factor without human interaction; so much as I luv y’all, I prefer to remain cautious instead of sorry. This should go double for anyone who has kids and is getting the creeps from someone associating with them – no matter who. Reminder that molestations happen even within families sadly. Good idea to keep someone to supervise everyone as you said using “for everyone’s protection”. Well done.

Kisses, Be safe!
Ms. Paranoia.

wait, there is a creep lobby now! it is true, creepy people have rights too.

yes! i am. and as such, i am a teensy weensy overprotective. So sue me!

I find its the same way with Witches.

Van conversions.

http://www.vannin.com/gallery2/images/99nats%20Darkstar.jpg

Custom-shaped windows and airbrushed murals are also key, esp. if they depict Native American warriors or eagles.

I almost shouted at someone yesterday because he asked me how to spell "dean's". He explained he had made the dean's list at the university he had attended before and he needed to know how it was spelled because he was filling out some financial aid forms. These kids are going to turn me into some shouty, crazy old lady.

And ousted.

Now I'm really going back to work.

"KIDDY FIDDLER!"

Good luck getting a kid to admit that they're stuck in a situation that is sexually (or otherwise) abusive.

I don't have the answers, but it just seems that all this talk of stranger 'pedophiles' is a distraction from the real perps who commit the majority of child abuse - parents and relatives. And that's more damaging since kids have to live with and adapt to those circumstances.

Some rational responses:

* Remembering that you never know who children need protection from, and coming up with systems that, as much as possible, don't put children in compromising positions. This might include making sure no adult is ever alone with a child (or children, although if the adult is alone with a roomful of children it seems unlikely that anything bad could happen).

* Remembering that rumors can spread very easily and can be very damaging (both in terms of an alleged pedophile's reputation and in terms of how well the adults can work together on the project) and coming up with systems that, as much as possible, prevent rumors from being spread. This might include again making sure no adult is ever left alone with a child (so the child can't invent a rumor) but it also means holding people accountable for the things they say (if an adult doesn't want to work with another adult then the adult needs to provide a solid and concrete reason why they feel this way, or else they need to lump it and focus on the work at hand).

* Doing a background check on all the people involved (including those who are not "creepy") to see if any are in fact convicted pedophiles (although this is probably not as effective as the first step in protecting children, unless you assume that most people who are a threat to children have already been caught at least once).

Systems to protect the children from predators and systems to protect the adults from rumors are both good. They should have been part of the planning before anyone was marked out as being "creepy", of course, since your better pedophiles will not come across as creepy. Although if you want to argue that children need protection from creepiness rather than pedophiles then this part of the argument will end up a little different.

Bad and irrational responses would include:

* Thinking that the "creepy" person is the only one children need protection from (again, unless you're protecting them from "creepiness" rather than the thing that creepiness is supposed to imply, or unless you prove a direct correllation between creepiness and danger).

* Trying to evaluate how the "creepy" person would behave in a hypothetical situation based only on circumstantial evidence, and acting on that evalutaion.

* Fetishizing the rumored pedophilia of the "creepy" person, to the point where you cannot think of the person without thinking of their (rumored) pedophilia, and to the point where it interferes with the larger project at hand, and you become a drain on the project.

This last point, however, is exceptionally difficult for people to get past, however, which is why you don't want unfounded rumors to start in the first place. It's great to be reminded that you need to protect the children you're working with; it's terrible to be reminded of this because of that guy who we are going to be working with on the project, and who has, as far as you know, done nothing wrong.

I guess babysitting is out of the picture, then.

Also, some people are just too damn weird about their kids - like if you're in the supermarket and a kid says or does something funny, and you laugh and say something to them....and the parent looks at you as if to say, "get the hell away from my kid."

I don't think instilling paranoia in kids or sheltering them is a good idea, either, but then again, some people thought my parents were too permissive and 'liberal'.

you know, some of us happen to have family members and friends who were abused by people who weren't family members of neighbors, so, um, i don't know, it happens. okay?

i agree about people being too freaky about their kids in public. men never ever say anything about the baby when i'm out and about. many men don't care about babies of course, but there is fear there too. that people will think they are weirdos. of course, women are all over the baby like a cheap suit.

nobosy has said anything like this on this thread. just so you know.

I don't understand

He was typing and feeding a baby at the same time.

A WITCH!

Oh, and one more thing: I am a COMPLETE and utter FREAK. And if it weren't for Maria, you can bet your bottom dollar I would have been the weird old dude living alone in an attic somewhere and shunned by all. I was fully prepared for this to be my future. Things didn't turn out that way, though. which is fine. I'm digging it. It's hard work, the kid thing. I never thought I'd be able to do it.

I am also not looking for weirdos in bushes. Most people are fine. I realize that. And as for me feeling uncomfortable with the idea of a dude watching my kid all day, well, maria said she wasn't uncomfortable with it. And if it ever came up we would do what all rational adults do. We would sit down, talk about it, and then we would do what she wanted to do.

Circle Of Dead Children – Zero Comfort Margin (Willowtip – 2005)

Hollywood would like you to believe that creepy kids – whether alive or undead – either recite stupid-ass nursery rhymes all day long, or else spend their time looking up at people and intoning, in a totally unscary whisper, cryptic stuff like: “There are dead people in my diaper…mostly.” This kind of thing always freaks Nicole Kidman out. But how on earth is this creepier than any *actual* grabby, nonsense-spewing, fluid-leaking, bacteria factory of a child? And given the choice, who wouldn’t rather have one of those creepy dead movie kids with their perfect posture and diction at home than the real-life feces machine they’ve already got? Which brings us to Circle Of Dead Children and their new 20 minute mcd. CODC are like the mysterious eye goo dripping down a soggy infant’s face. You aren’t sure if it’s an infection or if it serves a purpose. The same could be said for the band. They are a grindcore band’s grindcore band. Afficionados of the form will find much to delight in. Naysayers will laugh at the funny vocals and the speed with which the music is played. Their loss. This time the experts are right. There is an exhilarating frisson that one gets from their 50 second blasts. These slabs of sound seem to encapsulate eons of time and travel light years thru space. If they ever decided to become a black metal band, they would blow every tom, dick, and knut off the stage. Those short, sharp fusillades of splatterbeatnarcoterror fury extended any further could provide a listener with transcendental levels of cosmic consciousness that would unfold within them unto infinity. But there is something to be said for the economy of a “no wasted motion” ethos and the wisdom to know that imparting your truth a little at a time, so as not to frighten the unenlightened, and to cloak said truth in the garb of the shocking and the ridiculous, may be the smartest move. This is the purest essence of metal and these songs are all about the stuff of life from which we all have sprung. There are also probably some songs about corpse-fucking too, I didn’t read the lyrics.

Oh boy. First of all, the creepy/pedo link is (unfortunately) a false one (unfortunately, because wouldn't it be great if we could just, you know, tell). Pedophiles come from all walks of life and exhibit the whole range of personality traits. You can no more discern a pedophile from a "gut feeling" than you can intuitively recognise someone who leaves the top off the toothpaste every morning. Yeah, there's the "creepiness" thing, but the best we can say is that pedophilia might possibly be one aspect of said creepiness once in a while, although never necessarily so. In other words, it's a next to useless gauge.

The answer? Other than for infants, obv: education. The advice above about establishing rules and boundaries for the adults is essential, but as kids get older, it's important to teach them how to recognise a threat. And I don't mean "Stranger Danger", which distracts and deflects their attention from the very people most likely to abuse them (family, friends, neighbours).

One side issue. Someone upthread (Banana Nutrament, I think) mentions that female sexual perpetrators against kids are rare. I'm not sure of the current figures, but I do suspect that this scenario is massively underreported, just like the sexual abuse of males is (almost certainly) generally underreported. When you think of the access women have to young children, you have to think we've barely acknowledged the tip of a very disturbing iceberg. Anyway, I wouldn't dismiss it as a vanishingly rare occurrence, is all (I don't think that was being said, but it could be interpreted that way from BN's comments, I think).

That is a different scenario, of course. It's a one-on-one situation, so rejecting people you find "creepy" out of hand isn't going to be as much of a problem, although it isn't necessarily going to make your child safer. Other than surveillance cameras or eunuchs, both of which are perhaps unreasonable, I can't think off the top of my head of any way to make that situation safer (other than, of course, educating the child and having open lines of communication and setting them up to have independent judgment and a strong toolkit for getting out of unpleasant situations, although this doesn't work for very young children).

You are right, stevie. I am smarter and much more perceptive than most psychologists. I would have been a great one. It ain't brain surgery. (god, why do i want this thread to keep going. forget i said any of that.)

I think he meant "family members or neighbors"

He was typing and feeding a baby at the same time.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:04 PM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

A WITCH!

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, September 28, 2005 3:15 PM (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink