Help me try and save something that I've broken.

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So last night I was in a foul mood, for various reasons. I went to my gf's place, as she was cooking dinner. We hadn't seen each other for the previous day, so were both looking forward to spending the evening together. Unfortuntely, in my mood, I arrived only to start ranting about things that were completely irrational. This pretty much pissed said gf off somewhat--later on she told me that she was angry more because I was not listening to her because of my ranting, rather than the ranting itself.

Needless to say, I pretty much ruined dinner.

Later on, she seemed to cheer up a bit, but I couldn't shake off my bad mood, and try as I might, I was still being short with everyone.

We go to bed. We sit on the bed for a short while, me still in a bad mood. All of a sudden she seems to become slightly upset, but won't tell me what's wrong, but does say, "I think you better go home". At this point I realise that I've gone too far, and have successfully fucked up the evening beyond any kind of repair. She tells me that she just wants to be alone, and that we'll speak tomorrow.

I go home, go to bed, and have a terrible night's sleep. I fend off the desire to call her or send a message, thinking this will probably only make things worse.

I get into work this morning, still feeling terrible for what I've done, and await an email or something from her. This still hasn't come, and I'm not really feeling too good about the entire situation.

I don't know whether I should send her an email, call her, or what, but I have this horrendous feeling in my stomach and I'm climbing up the walls not knowing what's going on.

The situation is complicated slightly more by a few factors, but I'll introduce them if they become important.

If I don't see her tonight, I won't really be able to see her again until Sunday, and I really want to see her, if anything just to get this sorted, even though I know she probably needs some time...

What do I do?

― t 1 s s p! has vaguely g00gleproofed their login (the impossible shortest specia, Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

Call her up and apologize for being a douche. Easy peasy.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

Exactly what Dan said.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

Problem is, I have apologised for being a douche repeatedly, and she said that she forgives me. However, what I haven't apologised for is whatever provoked the last part, and the reason for that is that I can't quite understand what it is that I've done, other than just be a bit of a drag, but it didn't seem like that was what was bothering her.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 12:57 (twenty years ago)

Yes! Own everything! Forward her this thread!
Good luck.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:01 (twenty years ago)

Well, the thing is that you apologized but, going by the way you told the story, you continued acting like a big stroppy douche, making said apology seem less than sincere. So you have to apologize again and (this is the important bit) NOT ACT LIKE A DOUCHE AFTERWARDS.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:02 (twenty years ago)

(ps: "douche" *giggle*)

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:04 (twenty years ago)

Argh I hate you Perry, but only because you're right.

Only problem now is that I'm not sure how best to open the conversation. I'm terrible at this stuff.

Calling her is pretty much out of the question at this point though, as she'll be back at her desk and won't be able to talk, but emailing seems a little insincere (even though a email is typed and ready... I just can't bring myself to hit send).

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:07 (twenty years ago)

HIT SEND, DAMMIT. Ask her when you can call her; that way it doesn't look like you're avoiding talking to her.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:09 (twenty years ago)

"The last part" when she told you to go home probably just means that she'd had enough of you and your bad mood.

The Bloke gets like this sometimes. I recognise that he has a stressful job and can be in a shitty mood when he comes home, so I try and be as supportive as I can be (by listening to him grumble, offering hugs/cold beer etc) but it's not always easy to handle (esp if I've had a tough day myself). We've been together for yonks though, so we know each other's moods so well that we just kinda roll with it now (tomorrow is another day and all that).

If you've had to apologise repeatedly for being a douche, then maybe you ought to try and stop being such a douche so often. Being in a relationship doesn't automatically mean that you're entitled to use your partner as an emotional dumping ground - sometimes it's easy to take them for granted in that regard. Everyone needs to feel respected and cared for, and that means not just you but your girlfriend too.

Just call her, and say you're sorry. Maybe she has troubles or worries of her own and she didn't get a chance to talk to you about it last night because of your bad mood. Try asking her what was bothering her (apart from you being a prat).

Good luck!

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:10 (twenty years ago)

If you've had to apologise repeatedly for being a douche, then maybe you ought to try and stop being such a douche so often.

Oh I didn't mean it like that, mostly we get on really well, I meant that I apologised repeatedly for ruining that evening, if you see what I mean.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

Sometimes the bad mood feeds on itself, and the apologies just become more crabbiness. "I'm sorry I said such-and-such, but it was because you did such-and-such."
Maybe you went over to her house overtired and hungry. Sometimes the particulars that set you off aren't the point. If you have a high metabolism maybe you should have a little snack before socializing to take the edge off.
I'm speculating here, but this is the way I am. I think the problem is OUT THERE, but it's really IN HERE. And it's a simple thing like blood sugar, rather than a global thing like life-phase misery.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:15 (twenty years ago)

TS: "prat" vs "douche"

― The Ghost of Whose Comedy Reigns Supreme? (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

Ha, the irony of that is that this week has been my super-healthy drive. I have been eating well and cycling everywhere. And it has pretty much fucked me so far.

xpost

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

Yeah you just have to say sorry again, and in the simplest way possible. By which I mean don't add any qualifiers, explanations, ifs, buts or potentially passive-aggressive excuses. Don't accidentally fall into moaning about the stuff you were in a bad mood about in the first place!

Saying you were flat wrong can work wonders. Call her or email but don't be clingy or needy of her forgiveness. Leave her some space to move towards you.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

I just got back from a vacation where we climbed a different Green Mountain peak trail every day, five strenuous hikes in a row. The last couple of hikes this wave of despair would swamp me as soon as the trail started to climb, and I would feel like crying. It would take a while for the endorphins to kick in—then it was great. But I felt like I ran up an immense "rest debt." You can't just add exercise without making other alterations. You need to eat and sleep more. Otherwise you'll be a basket case.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

Okay, time to overcomplicate. I have an email all ready and set to go. I state that I'm not sure what she thinks of me, but that not hearing anything is the worst thing, and then apologise unconditionally for being stupid and selfish, finally saying that she means a lot to me and that I hope I can do something to make things better.

*However*, it has happened sometimes in the past that the email server at work has gone on the blink and refused to deliver emails to me until a long time after they were sent, and it does seem to be pretty flaky today. Hence I am unsure as to whether she has sent me mail already, and I have just not got it, in which case should I carry on waiting to see what comes through? I imagine that she is in a meeting right now anyway...

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

All these responses are helping me to feel better, too. Thanks everyone.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

I would take out the first part as there's no need in starting out on a "mee mee mee MEEEEEE" note when you are trying to apologize for your own bad behavior.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:40 (twenty years ago)

Is there really no way you can phone her at work, even briefly? If not I would leave it until you can call her at home, rather than trust to email vagaries.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

Start the email by saying 'not sure if you've got this already but our server's on the blink so I'll send it again to be sure'. That will cover both why you haven't sent anything earlier and why you're ignoring her earlier email (should it exist)?

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

Don't say the thing about being unsure what she feels about you. Just say sorry

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

I don't think you should include the bit about you "not knowing what she thinks of you". That's a bit whiny and needy.

Don't email her. Call her. If she's at work and unable to speak to you comfortably, just ring and tell her not to say anything but just to listen to your apology. Tell her that you're genuinely sorry and that you want to get things put right. Tell her you'll call her when she's home tonight so that you can talk properly, but that you didn;t want to leave it that long without saying something first. Cos you wuv her.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

CJ OTM, really.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:43 (twenty years ago)

Archel xpost:
Well it would rely on her hearing her mobile vibrating, and even then she would have to talk quietly and I imagine would not want to talk when her colleagues are in easy earshot--which would probably make me feel even worse, so I don't really want to do this.

Everyone else:
Agreed about the first part of the email, which is why I mentioned what I had written, in some kind of attempt to get you all to vet it first, ha.

I think that my plan of action is not to email, but wait for her to call me. If she hasn't called by this evening then I will call her.

Further complications:
She has a thing on Wednesday nights that I normally accompany her to. So you can see the slight urgency I have.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

Wow I suck – my first thought suggested lying :( I've disappointed myself. Though my thought process was to tell her the server's not working, not to think of a way to cover not having sent an email.

Um anyway - yes, call don't email. CJOTM.

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

"slight urgency I have to talk to her", is what I meant, of course.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

If she doesn't pick up the phone, leave a message!

― beanz (beanz), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

If you call her, you can leave her a voicemail. Really, you need to be proactive about contacting her.

(xpost)

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

It sounds a bit like you're walking on eggshells, which isn't unusual near the start of a relationship (is IS quite early days right?) Be cool! Sometimes one crappy evening is just that: one crappy evening.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:54 (twenty years ago)

Do not, on any account, phone her and read the email down the phone.

― suckling pig at a rave (alix), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:55 (twenty years ago)

You've hit the nail on the head, Archel: this is exactly how I feel. And yes, it is early days, so I am still not comfortably sure I know what she's thinking at the moment, which is the biggest problem--I don't want to do the wrong thing.

I shall heed that wise advice, Alix ;)

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:56 (twenty years ago)

Why on earth are you going to wait for her to call you? You're the one who spoiled the evening.

The longer you leave it, the more miserable she's going to be, and the more stressed and worried you are going to be. Why have two unhappy people, when the whole thing could be cleared up so easily. Life's too short for all this crap. Just call.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 13:58 (twenty years ago)

Seriously! It's just a phone call! All you have to do is say "I'm sorry; I will try harder not to make you miserable just because I'm cranky and please tell me if I start doing it again because you're too awesome to have to endure that type of nonsense. Smooches smooches luv u. *click*"

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:00 (twenty years ago)

Originally I was going to post that she said that she would speak to me today (implying that I should give her space until she wants to call)... but thinking about it I think she actually said "we'll speak tomorrow". So maybe you are right. I will call her when she finishes work.

Maybe I should just turn up outside with some flowers.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

DO THAT

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:07 (twenty years ago)

Remember - you may also be suffering from Stage 2 Drunk's Paranoia, which is making everything seem a lot worse than it really it.

― suckling pig at a rave (alix), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

Flowers is too OTT in this case - you'd be setting a precedent whereby she might expect lavish presents after every tiff.

A genuine "sorry" is all that's necessary here. But sooner rather than later.

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

Worry less about what she is thinking and more about how you feel about her. Every action (calls, emails, flowers, presents, kisses, whatever) should be because you like her, not because you need to gauge HER attitude. You're not psychic, eventually you have to trust that she will TELL you how she feels. If she doesn't, then it starts to edge over into being her problem, not yours.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

I hope you're right xpost

Then perhaps I will call her just as she finishes work (then hopefully she will be able to talk).

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

For heaven's sake, do something big-hearted and conciliatory -- as CJ says, YOU'RE the one who flubbed up. Flowers good! Actual contrition better!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Random flowers are excellent! They make you look super sweet and they throw the other person off their equilibrium, making it easier for you to manipulate them into opening a joint checking account.

...What?

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Every action (calls, emails, flowers, presents, kisses, whatever) should be because you like her

Rest assured, every action is because I like her and miss her and hate myself for what I've done to her.

(That sounds more sinister than it actually is)

Ha, Dan OTM.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

Man, Archel is emotionally smart. I KNEW there were about a hundred reasons I liked her.

Also, I still think flowers would be cool -- who cares if it sets a precedent?? You've already admitted you were in the wrong, nothing wrong with a lavish apology when you know you've been a git. Ideally you won't be repeating this mistake any time soon, anyway!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

Sorry I Threw Your Dinner Out Of The Window And Called You A Stupid Cow (Here's A Pony)!

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps a two-stage plan, involving calling her, then if she still wants to see me, taking flowers as a more tangiable gesture of how sorry I am, would be appropriate?

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

Perfect!

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

That sounds fine but really, stop over-thinking it. Do what you feel is necessary to reflect the depth of your contrition and the most open-hearted, generous impulses she brings out in you under better circumstances (ie when you aren't stressed & pissy). Forge ahead!

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:20 (twenty years ago)

I know I'm overthinking it, but I'm stuck at work and can't concentrate, and the only way to feel better is to seek help from friends, which happens to be you, ILX.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

Flowers - definitely.

"Actual contrition" - perfect.

Articulating a plan, whereby when you're an insufferable bastard in future, you agree to just say some code word and leave instead of having her spend an evening trying to console and feed you only for you to continue being insufferable - U & K

― M. White (Miguelito), Wednesday, 28 September 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 202 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

was that an xpost?

Hahahahaha

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 29 September 2005 08:55 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha ken

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 29 September 2005 08:55 (twenty years ago)

So glad you sorted it out Tissp, although I think she overreacted.

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 29 September 2005 09:05 (twenty years ago)

Yay for Tissp.

― Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Thursday, 29 September 2005 09:14 (twenty years ago)

Yay tissp :)
And remember, your internet friends are sensible and wise and not in any way mentalists. Oh no.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 29 September 2005 09:21 (twenty years ago)

apart from the mental ones

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 29 September 2005 09:29 (twenty years ago)

I have a kitty hat.

― The Ghost of Congrats Dude (Now Don't Do It Again) (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:08 (twenty years ago)

Fuck washing a kitty hat.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:09 (twenty years ago)

Does your unwashed kitty hat smell of tuna?

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:20 (twenty years ago)

Is this the thread for mending things?

Right! I’ve been sleeping with my housemate (1st mistake), it started as a drunken sexing then after a while she told me she'd like to go out with me. i told her the i didn't want to get serious which she was a little upset about but we carried on with the sexing.

Anyway to cut a long story short, she'd just come out of a 9 year relationship and i didn't want to be a rebound that's why i said no to going out with her, i convinced her that she should have some time on her own and not get into another relationship so soon after leaving another one (2nd mistake) which she has now decided to do.

I told her last night how I felt and she said she thought about what I said and it made sense for her.

So what I’ve basically done is convinced someone i like not to give it a go with me.

Not the best move I know.

Not logged out because I don’t know how.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:25 (twenty years ago)

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:28 (twenty years ago)

You might well be quite fond of her, but you'd still be her rebound guy.

I'd let this one go, if I were you.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:28 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, that is not the kind of help you are looking for. I am useless at advice. (x-post)

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:30 (twenty years ago)

Hang on, I don't get a Madchen option on my ILX page! I want a Madchen option!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 29 September 2005 11:34 (twenty years ago)

Godwin, I am in the sixteenth year of a wonderful marriage to someone who appeared on the horizon when my eight-year relationship with the father of my kids was crumbling. I seized onto him like he was a life-raft. Best move I ever made.
There are NO RULES. The rebound guy could be the RIGHT GUY.
Messenger over some diamonds, NOW.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:07 (twenty years ago)

tissp, glad you got things sorted out, it sounds like she had a freaking out panic attack as well, so perhaps you're well suited?

on the flowers thing: i was going to chime in to say that it's probably best to not get in a habit where you're expected to present a gift every time you mess up. however, once you've sorted things out and everything is ok, bringing flowers one of the next few times you see her to remind her that you like her and that actually you're a nice guy would be a classy touch.

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:15 (twenty years ago)

We are scarily similar. Which sometimes works against us it seems, as well as for us. I have offered to give her a lift home from work today because she doesn't have her bike and has to work late, so maybe I will take her some flowers then.

― tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

It would not be classy if said flowers were arranged as a thong and you were wearing it.

That would be PIMPIN'.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:24 (twenty years ago)

and ITCHY

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

It would smell quite pleasant, though.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

It's nice to have flowers around the house, anyway. Just keep bringing 'em. Then if you're bad again (which you will be, we all are) you can add chocolate.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:38 (twenty years ago)

Oh yes, flowers and chocolate make everything all right again.

Although - better still - is to try and treat your partner with enough love and respect that you don't keep upsetting them in the first place.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

It would not be classy if said flowers were arranged as a thong and you were wearing it.
That would be PIMPIN'.

-- The Ghost of Black Elegance (djperr...), September 29th, 2005 1:24 PM. (Dan Perry) (later) (link)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and ITCHY
-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), September 29th, 2005 1:25 PM. (C J) (later) (link)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It would smell quite pleasant, though.
-- Mädchen (madchen_in_unifor...), September 29th, 2005 1:29 PM. (Madchen) (later) (link)

that's what outkast's gf did.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

Well done, tissp!

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

Oh yes, flowers and chocolate make everything all right again.
Well, taken in sufficient amounts, the resultant acne, diabetes and sneezing will deter any other applicants for the position of significant other. You'll be stuck with each other.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

I think I'd rather have the chocolates, CJ. Or can I get both, even?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 29 September 2005 12:55 (twenty years ago)

I woz typing it in a sarky font :)

I do understand that, occasionally, people might like to say they're sorry for their thoughtlessness/bad behaviour by giving their partner some flowers and/or chocolates, but I'd rather that *my* other half made an effort not to be snotty with me in the first place, rather than have to apologise with gifts afterwards. Maybe that's just me, though.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:03 (twenty years ago)

If I have to give make up gifts, I prefer them not to be flowers actually. I like to buy my gf flowers spontaneously, when I'm feeling especially fond of her or when I think she needs them. Chocolates or jewellry always seem to assuage her ire, though I try not to make that necessary.

CJ = OTM

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:05 (twenty years ago)

The one and only time The Bloke and I had a big shouty argument about something, he apologised by buying me a book I had wanted. Every time I looked at that book after that, it reminded me of the horrible fight we'd had and how physically sick it had made me feel that we'd fallen out. Eventually, I had to get rid of the book - the sentiments attached to it had ruined it for me.

I sold it on amazon. I haven't told him I've done this (I hope he doesn't find out and get upset).

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:12 (twenty years ago)

This could lead to a vicious cycle, CJ, but it would be good for the publishing trade.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

Well the thing is if you only do things like that just because you're in trouble, well people will see thru that pretty quickly, won't they? But it's something that doesn't usually hurt, if you've fucked up a little bit, and yes everyone's right, people should just do nice things for each other all the time, and not feel like monetary gifts are the answer when they are bad boys and girls. I think the flowers are just kind of a metaphor, I mean go out to dinner (or make her dinner) or go somewhere nice or do something really fun that you planned up, as a suprise, it doesn't have to be an actual physical, tangible gift.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:14 (twenty years ago)

While I was knocked offline, everybody else basically said what I was trying to send.
Okay, seriously folks. People fuck up, and it's silly to think you have to come bearing gifts every time. You try to keep the fuckups to a minimum, but you can't change your basic nature like you're made out of clay. If there's enough compatibility (and you have to look for an acceptable percentage, not a total fit) the relationship can survive these bumps. After all, the other person is going to have their glitches, too.
Women have a tendency to think that their love can change a man. It's our childrearing genes. In reality, you can barely affect a child's character, let alone a full-grown man's. But we keep bumping our head against that wall. It takes lots of time and counsel to let it go.
Love is good, but it doesn't have any transformational power.
What are men's delusions? The myth of a perfectly accepting woman?
Jesus, by the time my stupid dial-up lets me back on line, I'm gonna have it ALL FIGURED OUT. Oh, here we go!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:16 (twenty years ago)

I mean go out to dinner (or make her dinner)

Especially as tissp! messed up the last one. It's only fair.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:18 (twenty years ago)

No one has ever got me flowers. I wouldn't mind. I also think that I should be given gifts simply for existing. It is precisely this attitude that leads to my constant sense of vague disappointment.

― suckling pig at a rave (alix), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:22 (twenty years ago)

i haven't been given flower either

not even flour.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

The problem with flowers is they're really a house gift. It's like buying her a vacuum cleaner in a way (though not as handy for cleaning up). Jewellry, if you know how to buy for her, something like earrings or a necklace, are more personal and seem more appropriate.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

I got flowers once. It went over about as well as getting flowers for someone who gets physically ill at their smell but is trying to hide it can go.

My wife hates that I can't stand the smell of flowers because it means she hardly ever gets them. Heh.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:31 (twenty years ago)

Buy her some nice plastic ones, Dan.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

People cannot change their basic nature but you can make decisions to do X less often, do Y more often, assuming that X and Y aren't basic things that you absolutely love/hate. I am not sure what you are getting at with your post exactly, Beth, is what I am saying! I agree with the whole thing about compatibility/surviving bumps.

Every post I've made to this thread is about my vague sense of disappointment. Let's send each other secret admirer gifts and feel specialer.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

haha, yes, Michael's suggestion to buy her a vacuum cleaner (or an ironing board, better still, as they are cheaper) is the one!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

Buy her some nice plastic ones, Dan.

I thought saline was the safer choice...?

― The Ghost of Dead Man Walking (Dan Perry), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

I think you'll find a steam cleaner is better for getting out hobo blood!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

Bend down on one knee and offer her a salad spinner. Works every time.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

Bend down on one knee and put your nads in a salad spinner.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

My, you do have a lovely imagination CJ. *backs away*

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

Contrition should not be without pain.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

I think you'll find a steam cleaner is better for getting out hobo blood!

Someday, Bissel or whoever, a steam cleaner manufacturer, is going to use this as advertising copy.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

Contrition should not be without pain.

Yes, Your Unruliness. Remind me never to have salad over at your house, though.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

I love this place, you know. Name me one other message board on the whole world wide web where a thread can offer helpful advice to a heartbroken poster, then go on to mention plastic flowers, saline breast implants, salad spinner ball torture, and steam cleaning stabbed hobo blood.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 29 September 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

The bad thing about it now though is over the last month or so I’ve realized that I am actually quite fond of her. We move out of the house in a months time, (the house is going up for sale) after that I doubt I’ll see her at all. I told her last night how I felt and she said she thought about what I said and it made sense for her.
So what I’ve basically done is convinced someone i like not to give it a go with me.

And after everything you said...

But really, what's the situation? You want to MARRY her and have BABIES? You're not going to see her ever ever again?

― Affectian (Affectian), Thursday, 29 September 2005 17:25 (twenty years ago)

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