Relationship query

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

What's better, having sex with somebody you don't like particularly (like if they LUV you or something), or having sex with somebody who doesn't like YOU particularly (Say if they're just trying to piss off somebody else, or they're just easy or something)?

― dave q, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I know somebody is going to say "It's best if you hate each other", but what fun is that? Plus, the chance of that happening outside of films is negligable.

― dave q, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

its best if you have sex with people you meet in the library because librarians like to watch.

― mike hanle y, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It depends how they look.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I was hoping this was going to be another question along the lines of 'girls, are you horny' and 'who wants to marry me'?

― charles, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

By the way, judging from the subtleties and conditions attached to your question, I'd say that only people who've slept with quite a few people could answer. Perhaps this explains the limited number of responses? After all, it's not something everyday we're talking about here, is it? I'm starting to feel like I must live under an epic delusion, because I can't think of anybody who I slept with who didn't like me, whereas I can think of people who meet the criteria for the opposite situation quite easily!

But I did write in my diary yesterday, 'she does drink to the extent that she gives herself epileptic fits, to the extent of genuine morning drinking devotion, yet it's still not enough to make me step over the threshhold to actually wanting her. That's even sadder and better - she's a failure - she'll never be more than cute to me. Christ, is there anything more boring than a person you like, a person who doesn't put a foot wrong?' So I respect people who I'm almost attracted to but not quite more than those whose attractiveness is sullied by dirty reality. Respect isn't the right word - I mean, they're given the halo of the noble failure, a sort of aura of saintly patience and sad decline.

― charles, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

lionel blair put us off....

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'd say having sex with someone who doesn't like you, because almost anything is better than guilt.

― Maria, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

guilt makes things more fun...

― Menelaus Darcy, Wednesday, 26 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

well it all entirely depends on if the person is good in bed or not, and it can go either way.

― di, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but theres something fun about mutual dislike rooting.

― di, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Except for the people who like you and don't get to root you.

― N., Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That looks like I'm harbouring some sexual jealousy towards di. I am not. I just meant generally.

― N., Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Mmm MMM. Miss Parker just don't KNOW!"

― Tracer Hand, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tracer, what are you quoting. It sounds intriguing and a Google search added to the mystery.

― N., Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I don't like having sex with people unless they love me. It doesn't really matter how I feel about them.

I used to enjoy sex for the sake of it but then one day, about 10 years ago, I suddenly felt ridiculous having sex with someone with whom there was no mutual loving - it was like we were going through the motions of something that wasn't true, it was a farce. We were just acting.

Has anyone noticed how easy it is to accidently say "I love you" to someone you've slept with even though you don't mean it, even in a one night stand it sometimes seems to slip out.

― toraneko, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes, and it speaks volumes about our yearning for a way out of the loveless void at the heart of modern society.

― N., Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

doesn't that route take you right past the hypersexualised environment, though?

― mark s, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

No, you're confusing it with the No.73 bus.

― N., Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nick, it's from Friday. Chris Tucker's watching Miss Parker water her lawn across the street and that's what he comes up with. It really fits more with your "good in bed" question.

Toraneko. Yes I have noticed that. And your problem is?

― Tracer Hand, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tneko - what I mean is - what's wrong with people saying "i love you"? surely they must "mean it" if they say it by accident?

― Tracer Hand, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"when will he say he loves me?" "when is it okay to tell her i love her?" "did he mean it when he said it?" "i want to tell her i love her! but i dursn't! what will it MEAN?"

GGGGAAAAH it's not like you're getting married, you're just telling someone you love them. i mean, i should fucking hope so.

― Tracer Hand, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

People invest words with such life-or-death meaning! "I love you" - you got to watch it - people will consider it a signing and authentication of a document they've been carrying around for years. "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" - an innocent term for someone you were friends with, used this way as recently as 30 years ago, and then subtly shifting to become first a COVER for actual sexual status with someone, and then as INDICATION of it. people get so bent out of shape over it. "should i call her my girlfriend? should i use that word?" GGGGAAAAH

― Tracer Hand, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hi Tracerhand, How does the girl feel about you? Are you in love with each other or are you friends? Are you roommates? What is the actual situation?

― Gale Deslongchamps, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey Tracer, it's like when you have sex with someone you do not love you touch them in ways and look at them in ways like you really do love them and you make noises and facial expressions as if you were doing a dance of enraptured love and it is all an act and the act gets taken so far that you start saying the lines that go with the act.

I have no more problem with saying "I love you" when I don't mean it than with making love when I don't mean it.

― toraneko, Sunday, 30 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hm. I'm indecisive enough that if I waited until I was sure about anything I'd never do anything at all. You're suggesting there's a kind of clockwork orange effect around sex which I guess I can see. But where do you draw the line between this and Real Love? And, why? Unless "love" is a set of contracts and obligations that one needs a line drawn under. To be signed, I suppose. But I'm not married and don't plan on it soon. Can't I still love someone?

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 31 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You don't have to really be in love, you just have to feel like you are. That's why some one night stands are fan-bloody-tastic!

― toraneko, Monday, 31 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The whole thing would be a lot easier if people weren't quite so parsimonious w/ the word "love." And therefore weren't quite so freaked out when other people use it.

But Dave, I'd say both those situations are worth avoiding. I don't think anybody I've ever talked to has had any ulterior-motive-type sex experiences that were not, on balance, a total physical/emotional ripoff.

― Douglas, Monday, 31 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

For a while, I thought of asking a similar question: in an amorous relationship, would you prefer to be loved more than you love, or vice versa? I didn't think anyone would answer it.

In both cases, I think the latter is preferable.

Dave Q has not answered his own question. I like to think that he was really asking the same thing, but in his own way. (This is because he likes Chopin.)

― Kara Fig, Monday, 31 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.