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What would be your MO for haunting and acts of spookery?

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I'd like to be one of those ghosts that gets into people's photographs. But I wouldn't just hover there looking cross, I'd put my ghostly arms around them in family portraits. Or give the thumbs up from the east windows of the manor.

― rainy, Thursday, 27 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i would be the ghost of lost dreams ...i would haunt abandoned stages

― mike hanle y, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd haunt peopl who leave their loves for foreign lands.

― Mr Noodles, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i'd be the kitchen ghost that replaced all the bacon with tofu and swapped the Oxo for veggie Oxo. when people got their steaks and sausages out to cook i would make mooing and baaing noises. occasionally i would go on hunts and unseat the riders from their horses, and lure the hounds away from the fox trail. whooooooo!!

― katie, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would wander dark corridors in the dead of night, creaking the odd floorboard as I go. I might do the odd bit of sitting on the end of the bed. If I was bored I would do a bit of Poltergoost trickery, muckin' about with the ornaments, turning lights on that are off; off that are on, maybe I might even lurk in the TV, moaning quietly.

― DavidM, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Eraserhead type behavior. I would just walk on the walls and stink up the place with Nurse With Wound type banter.

― helenfordsdale, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I get almost all my ideas these days from old episodes of The Professionals. So, I'd wire up someone's house with tiny speakers and whisper "Suuuuuussssannnnnnn" into a radio mic across the street.

― Michael Jones, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would be a poultrygeist, ie a destructive phantom chicken.

― DG, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Katie, when you're dead you will receive an insight into all the wisdom of the world and realise that it's popsitively a good thing to slaughter cows and pigs and sheep and eat them. Probably.

― Mark C, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i will haunt markC and stomp on him with my phantom vegan boots!

― katie, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ps MarkC - "popsitively"!?! that's almost as good as "humpaint"! :)

― katie, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

About those ghosts who appear in photos - I saw this photograph of two blokes sitting on a bench against a wall, looking at the camera and smiling. It was normal apart from the fact that there were two hands coming out of the wall, touching up the waist of one of the men.

― Chris Lyons, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Oh, that was me. Sorry.

― N., Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

this would be the cause for all those dastoor-related resolutions.

― Samantha, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It was only a little feel.

― N., Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the hideous ectoplasmic shenanigans of nick and rainy

― mark s, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

AH... THE DAYS OF HUMAN HEAD SNOT

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The most disturbing thing about the second photo is that one of the faces in it appears to be that of the man who played Ricky in Eastenders.

― Chris Lyons, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

And the one at the top is Richard Branson.

― Chris Lyons, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd be an erotic ghost ... seducing those I manifest for, in turn causing them to confront their morbid fascination with the thin cord that separates life and death, engendering self-realization in those who seek the deathly aspects in life, and other such delicious things.

― Dare, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

if i were sapphire and steel, i would tinker with time to fuck with peoples heads.

― di, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Placing inanimate ghastly pale-green skinned googly eyed little boys and girls in dark rooms that unexpecting residents will soon turn the light on in.

― Honda, Friday, 28 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Di, I think you're in my watch. Of late it seems to run slower than the clock at work. (Note: *work*-clock.)

― helenfordsdale, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I will be the ghost of good intentions. I will whisper in people's ears.

― james, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would turn up at someone's house, with 2 friends, in one of these

I just exist. It seems to annoy some.

― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

wot norman means = this surely

http://ourworld.compuserve.com/ homepages/trevorcolebrook/bridge.jpg which of course would have been v.expensively restored to as new condition, & fitted w/unissued govt. number plates. We would wear new-looking clothes, but of an old style. We would wear white panstich with red lippy. We would make vague threats to our victim, and then drive off. Several days later we would drive past our victim and give them THE EYE.

JEAH!@#~ THEY WOULD PH33L TH4 PH34R!!!#@~

― mark s, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Christ. I wonder what I screwed up this time. Thanx0rz mark....

― Norman Phay, Saturday, 29 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one year passes...
I think I'd just go around tickling people. So, yeah, same as my invisible man fantasy.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 27 July 2003 11:34 (twenty-three years ago)

''Eraserhead type behavior. I would just walk on the walls and stink up the place with Nurse With Wound type banter.''

yes, I think this is reasonable behaviour.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 27 July 2003 11:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I would stare through windows, pale, wide-eyed.

I would leave copperplate scrawlings on the wallpaper.

I would wear clothes of the Victorian era.

I would pick a nursery rhyme and moan it slightly off-key.

I would lurch across the room like Sadako or Samara in the Ring films.

I have thought about this a lot.

― Mike Stuchbery, Sunday, 27 July 2003 11:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I would tour the country giving talks about the afterlife at Women's Institute meetings. I would become famous.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 27 July 2003 11:49 (twenty-three years ago)

I would seek revenge for the pettiest of crimes against me and I'd be careful to tailor each punishment to the individual's worst fears.

― Lara (Lara), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:09 (twenty-three years ago)

i would just do petty assholish things like slam doors, leave the cap on the toothpaste off, and set off smoke detectors. though i do that already, you don't need to be a ghost.

― Tad (llamasfur), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:12 (twenty-three years ago)

Great thread.

I would give women phantom orgasms early in the morning.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Well you get *extra* powers in the after-life to compensate for what you couldn't do while living, right?

― Lara (Lara), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd highlight passages in the Bible which seem alternately ominous and esoteric in the context of having-been-highlighted-by-a-ghost.

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:26 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd haunt a theme park haunted house.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

s1utsky = gene simmons

― Tad (llamasfur), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:30 (twenty-three years ago)

Well you get *extra* powers in the after-life to compensate for what you couldn't do while living, right?

In the afterlife, your tongue never gets tired.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I would punch people.

― rosemary (rosemary), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:40 (twenty-three years ago)

i'll put "who let the dogs out?" on auto-repeat, and breathe out a big-ass tongue of fire to burn any foo' who tries to turn it off.

― Tad (llamasfur), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:45 (twenty-three years ago)

In the afterlife, your tongue never gets tired.

Have you ever tried tongue exercises? I don't mean that in a 'you mean you haven't??' way. I was wondering if anyone did. I saw it once on Sex Tips For Boys with yoghurt pots.

― N. (nickdastoor), Sunday, 27 July 2003 22:38 (twenty-three years ago)

I had successfully blocked that show from my memory until N. had to mention it. Thanks soooooooo much.

― rosemary (rosemary), Monday, 28 July 2003 03:39 (twenty-three years ago)

Tad's post is exactly what I would do, unfortunately. Except I'd probably pick "Mambo #5".

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 17:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I kinda like Mambo #5.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:05 (twenty-three years ago)

My first response to this question was "sing songs you can't get out of your head to people". Clearly I'd have to get in line.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I would act like Ghost Cathy in Wuthering Heights and torment some poor fool until he went crazy and starved himself to death out on the moors. It would be great fun!

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Rainy when I was in school there was a tenure track position in History open, and the woman who got the job did her dissertation on spirit photographs in the late 19th c. She took a very postructuralist stance, but some of the old-school professors, during her presentation, kept asking her, "But they aren't REAL. Are you saying they're REAL?!"

It was funny.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:16 (twenty-three years ago)

uh huh.

i would be one of those ghosts that hides records desirable only to myself in other sections only i would never think to come across

― Chip Morningstar (bob), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd be constantly amused at being able to walk through walls.

― The Jel -- (jel), Monday, 28 July 2003 18:55 (twenty-three years ago)

I would haunt the girl's locker room. Well, not so much haunt as silently lurk around and watch. Then Nancy Drew would be called in to solve The Mystery of the Ghost in the Girl's Locker Room. She would track me down, then we would make out.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I don't think ghosts can make out.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Nancy Drew is also a fictional character.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

it'd make a good song though.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:28 (twenty-three years ago)

http://images.usatoday.com/life/enter/books/_photos/2002/04-29-drew.jpg

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

foxxy

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:42 (twenty-three years ago)

http://sifymall.speedera.net/landmark.sifymall.com/images/06/067100753x.jpg
http://www.fredflare.com/diary/nancy6/book.jpg
There doesn't really seem to be any consistency in what Nancy looks like.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally, don't worry, I'm sure if I believe hard enough, Whoopi Goldberg can help me make out with Nancy Drew.

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:45 (twenty-three years ago)

So who's going to be the first to Photoshop the L away?

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Consistency is the hobgoblin of overly fussy ghosts.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I would act like Ghost Cathy in Wuthering Heights and torment some poor fool until he went crazy and starved himself to death out on the moors. It
would be great fun!

But I don't live near the moors!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:56 (twenty-three years ago)

Then you're out of luck.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I'll have to catch me a ghost.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 July 2003 19:58 (twenty-three years ago)

Is there, per chance, someone that you might be able to ring up on the telephone who could help you with that, Ned?

(Who you gonna call?)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:01 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.barnaclebusters.org/images/SmlBuster.gif

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:03 (twenty-three years ago)

bustin' makes me feel good

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 28 July 2003 20:03 (twenty-three years ago)

funny

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 01:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Instead of merely trying to scare the occupants of the house, the Bruce-Ghost would opt for irritating the f**k out of them.
I would tell bad jokes, loosen the tops of the salt and pepper shakers, hum loudly while floating through the house, tap my phantom pencil against the table, interrupt conversations with long-winded anecdotes about my corporeal life and borrow things without asking.
That'll learn the living.

― Bruce Urquhart (Bruce Urquhart), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 01:25 (twenty-three years ago)

i'll lift up rainy and di's skirts and goose 'em

― Tad (llamasfur), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 01:34 (twenty-three years ago)

I would act like Ghost Cathy in Wuthering Heights and torment some poor fool until he went crazy and starved himself to death out on the moors. It would be great fun!

I would act like a Ghost Cathy from the comic strip and torment some poor fool by trying on swimsuits and going "ACK!" until he...um...nevermind.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 01:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Wouldn't that mean we'd have to remove your nose?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 14:47 (twenty-three years ago)

And be stuck in the late seventies?

― Larcole (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

...never mind, I watched too much of the Match Game marathon on GSN last night and have decided being stuck in the late seventies would be a fantastic idea.

― Larcole (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:31 (twenty-three years ago)

Only if we get commercial free What's Happening reruns (noble exception is any ad soundtracked "Uh-oh, Sergio!")

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:35 (twenty-three years ago)

have decided being stuck in the late seventies would be a fantastic idea.

Oh, wouldn't it just? Can I be stuck there too or would that ruin it for you?

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:40 (twenty-three years ago)

Even in a time travel situation you would be several thousand miles away so it would be permitted.

― Larcole (Nicole), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:46 (twenty-three years ago)

He could pull a Moz and live in New Jersey for a year at around that time though. Would that be TOO CLOSE?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 July 2003 15:47 (twenty-three years ago)


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