please help me sort out my tragic love life

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I met this guy through friends a few years ago and immediately hit it off, largely due to our shared taste for out-there music. At the end of the night he asked for my email address and we began an email correspondence and met up regularly at gigs but circumstances kept it platonic (although there was distinct sexual tension). Due to a variety of reasons we lost touch. I never stopped having feelings for him and spotted him at a gig last week but wimped out of approaching him, largely because i was concerned he might not remember me after such a long time. Our paths are likely to cross again in the next couple of weeks. What would you do in my position?

― logged out rides again, Friday, 7 October 2005 09:35 (twenty years ago)

why not just email him again? it wouldn't hurt. do current circumstances mean that it would still be platonic (from your perspective)?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

I don't have his email addy anymore.

― logged out rides again, Friday, 7 October 2005 09:40 (twenty years ago)

exactly. and then at the gig email the band to play a cover of "boom boom boom", a song that you both love, and propose to him. it'll be like a film ending.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:40 (twenty years ago)

email the band beforehand to get them to play at the next gig, i mean

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:41 (twenty years ago)

she said "out-there music" not Outhere music!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:43 (twenty years ago)

Just say hello, and see what happens.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:44 (twenty years ago)

Can't you google around the internet until you track him down? Do you have friends-of-friends who might have contact details for him?

Failing that (which is prob a bit stalkerish anyway), next time you see him, go over and say hello!

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:44 (twenty years ago)

Can we turn this into a thread about Ally Cook?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)

does he like the outhere brothers?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:45 (twenty years ago)

Do not go for the google stalker option, just say hello next time you see him!

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

i think saying hello is a much better strategy than hunting down an email address that he never sent you

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

I like google stalking people though.

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

haha xpost!!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:46 (twenty years ago)

i mean, by all means hunt for it. but don't use it cos it'll give it away!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:47 (twenty years ago)

if you find his AIM handle though, then OMG im him as if you're a stranger. and THEN omg when you meet you'll be all like, HEY IT'S YOU! and then fuck all night long

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:48 (twenty years ago)

moral: when your chance comes, don't hang on to boring boyfriend!

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:48 (twenty years ago)

that's genius.

xpost.
though that's genius too.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:50 (twenty years ago)

I googled his work email but wouldn't dream of using it, i don't want to come across as a scary stalker woman. The thing that made me crazy was i never knew where i stood with him. My head says that i should forget about him and move on but seeing him again opened up all the old wounds and made me realise i still want him!

― logged out rides again, Friday, 7 October 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

"What would you do in my position?"

Wimp out and kick myself at a later date.

So,

Just say hello and if he's 'funny' then it's just life, but you never know.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

Then go and say hello. Or you'll hate yourself.

xpost

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:52 (twenty years ago)

I should have been in Weezer.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:53 (twenty years ago)

just hang out in his work's lobby a little -- simple.

― N_RQ, Friday, 7 October 2005 09:53 (twenty years ago)

Send flowers to his workplace, and turn up at going-home-time with a huge bunch of helium balloons for him.

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:57 (twenty years ago)

What would you do in my position?

Easy. Leave it alone because it all sounds like too much hassle and bother. Wait until some easier prey comes along.

(HINT: I have been single for decades)

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:58 (twenty years ago)

Keep in mind that he might be attached now. :-(

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:59 (twenty years ago)

Why can't people say 'hello' to each other without lots of stomach-churning angst?

The world won't end if he can't remember you, or tells you to fuck off.

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:59 (twenty years ago)

You don't know, it might.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

Oh you know where he works!!?? that's easy then. apply for a job there innit??? and then it's like HEY IT'S YOU!! and then it's totally photocopier sex time!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

well said CJ, nothing ventured, nothing gained, carpe diem etc.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:02 (twenty years ago)

That's how Nazi Germany started.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:03 (twenty years ago)

"YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME DO YOU?"
(Hot Chocolate)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:03 (twenty years ago)

Ken, you can send memos via email. Attach your bum in a JPEG file.

Maybe not.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:04 (twenty years ago)

That's how Nazi Germany started

With flowers, balloons, and photocopier sex?

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

Actually, yes.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

this is a fairly common situation, and i recommend cutting all ties because he'll probably still be sending mixed messages, if he's anything like me.

― N_RQ, Friday, 7 October 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

what's your email addy nathalie?

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:06 (twenty years ago)

No wonder the Hitler Youth Movement was so popular with the teenagers.

― C J (C J), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:06 (twenty years ago)

[haha maybe he IS me and logged out tracked me down to ilx... zoinks]

― N_RQ, Friday, 7 October 2005 10:06 (twenty years ago)

give her some sex, NRQ. have a heart

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:07 (twenty years ago)

"what's your email addy nathalie?"

BumsRSexee@gmail.com

Please send BIG ASS (hehehe) jpegs.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:09 (twenty years ago)

LOOK IN YOUR HEART! LOOK IN YOUR HEART!
(xpost)

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:10 (twenty years ago)

haha i've just sent you this one
http://xafarica.weblog.com.pt/arquivo/burro-sifoes.gif

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:11 (twenty years ago)

"Donkeys in the air, every where I look around.."

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:12 (twenty years ago)

It's not always "once a dangler, always a dangler" (I hope - I mean, maybe sometimes Noyfriends can grow up and learn to act decently towards women.) so I'd say just say hello to him, or at least nod in a friendly way towards him when you see him at a gig.

OK, though I often get the fear and go blank and (un)intentionally blank people at gigs who I haven;'t seen in ages unless they approach me frist.

How long has it been since you saw him last?

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:26 (twenty years ago)

Might he be a pointy nosed, ginger drone rock boy? Just asking. I'm noticing a conspicuous absence ;)

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:26 (twenty years ago)

Nirlfriends often don't grow up and act decently towards men either.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:28 (twenty years ago)

I should be so lucky! My lovelife isn't this complicated. (And are you blind? I just posted above!)

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:29 (twenty years ago)

x-post, this is true, but I don't have any amusing cod-krautrock epics called Nirlfriend.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:30 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, that actually was posted as I was posting, I didn't get a warning. Or you knew it was coming. Hmmmm.

― Kv_nol (Kv_nol), Friday, 7 October 2005 10:31 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 25 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I've made contact with a couple of other chaps working on the principle that the best way to get over someone is to get under another.

Heh - speaking as a man - that doesn't usually work, I agree. I don't want casual encounters when I'm into someone, even if its hopeless - actually I've realised I don't want casual encounters at all. Hey, I didn't suggest you should practice shagging other people, just that you could maybe try asking out some other people.

― angle of d... (tingo), Friday, 7 October 2005 16:29 (twenty years ago)

yeah, just talk to him. the anxiety over this isn't really worth it, and will likely disappear when you do talk to him. plus maybe he has a girlfriend now anyway.

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 7 October 2005 16:30 (twenty years ago)

i would email him at work, and not wait for the random chance of seeing him again (in another 4 years?) i would even admit my embarassment at not saying hello at the show and for approaching him through work email.

if it were me, i would not let the opportunity pass. because the most compelling factor in all of my relationships, friends or lovers, is our bond through music. when i find others that seem to jive with my out there musical tastes, i covet them as much as they'll allow me.

rise up, sister.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Friday, 7 October 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

i covet them as much as they'll allow me

Is there something heartbroken about that remark?

― angle of d... (tingo), Friday, 7 October 2005 23:01 (twenty years ago)

If it's Edinburgh, you should start fapping as everyone indie in Edinburgh is no more than degrees of separation to ILX. Simple.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 October 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

(that would be "two degrees of separation")

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 October 2005 16:55 (twenty years ago)

Ailsa OTM.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Saturday, 8 October 2005 17:10 (twenty years ago)

i might be in edinburgh later.. i can big you up if you like

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 9 October 2005 11:14 (twenty years ago)

i'll go up to your dude and be like omg i totally fancy her yeah, and then he'd totally want you

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 9 October 2005 11:14 (twenty years ago)

I think you should walk up to him and say "Hey! You never sent me your new email. Was that some kind of a message? FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!" Then throw your drink in his face.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

Just say hello, and see what happens.
-- Matt (Mat...), October 7th, 2005. (later)
Next time you see him, say "hi" and see what happens.

-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), October 7th, 2005. (later)

TWO ILXORS CAN'T BE WRONG
Though the "hello" vs "hi" debate could rage for weeks, seeing what happens is clearly U&K.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 10 October 2005 06:18 (twenty years ago)

next time you see him, go over and say hello!
-- C J (CJ_The_Unrul...), October 7th, 2005. (C J)

The "hello"s are winning, 2:1

― C J (C J), Monday, 10 October 2005 07:11 (twenty years ago)

ah, but no seeing what happens

come on you hellos!

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 10 October 2005 09:23 (twenty years ago)

Okay, okay. SAY HELLO! Then throw your drink in his face.
Failing to send people your new email is such a squirrely way of cutting things off.
Do you want me to come over there and help you out? Lemme talk to this guy.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 10 October 2005 16:16 (twenty years ago)

The gig where our paths are likely to cross is tonight but as i've just returned to work after a bout of flu and am getting sent home again cos i'm still feeling dreadful, the chances of seeing him tonight are zero (unless he happens to turn up in my doctor's waiting room.

― logged out rides again, Monday, 17 October 2005 06:22 (twenty years ago)

:-( THat's crap. But be positive, you'll have more chances of meeting again, no?

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Monday, 17 October 2005 07:19 (twenty years ago)

I met this guy through friends a few years ago

Are you still in touch with any of those friends? Maybe one of them could pass a message on to him, that you had hoped to come to the gig tonight but that you are poorly, and get friend to swap email addresses on your behalf.

― C J (C J), Monday, 17 October 2005 10:25 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

I'm probably going to see him again on Wednesday. Advice on how not to fuck up this time would be appreciated.

― logged out rides again, Monday, 21 November 2005 11:54 (twenty years ago)

Dunno, but I wish you good luck. :-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Monday, 21 November 2005 12:11 (twenty years ago)

Thanks, just bought my ticket so i'm committed to going.

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 21 November 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

Should that have been logged out?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 21 November 2005 13:57 (twenty years ago)

Oh shit, blown my cover, bah.

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 21 November 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

The gig's tonight, wish me luck cos i'm gonna need it.

― leigh (leigh), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 14:48 (twenty years ago)

luck!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 15:37 (twenty years ago)

tell all tomorrow!

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 23 November 2005 15:59 (twenty years ago)

Well? What happened?

― The Damp Is Rising (kate), Thursday, 24 November 2005 08:52 (twenty years ago)

Well, i didn't speak to him, but not without good reason. He wasn't there!

Was a pity cos i was looking good (even if i do say so myself) and feeling pretty confident. The jazz combo were ace though.

― leigh (leigh), Thursday, 24 November 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)

We'll be returning to "Please Help Me Sort Out My Tragic Love Life" in just a moment. But first, ladies, if I were to ask each one of you to name aloud right now your favorite soup, and if I could hear your replys I'm almost certain the soup that would top them all would be Campbell's Tomato Soup. The reason, of course, is the magic, matchless flavor of tomato soup as Campbell's make it; a flavor that speaks to every appetite. Watch a hungry man enjoy to the last drop the racy flavor of this smooth blend of luscious tomatoes, delicate seasonings and fine table culture. Set a fragrant plateful of Campbell's Tomato Soup before a tired appetite and see its lively tang take hold of that appetite from the very first sip! And the way a child and a spoon and a bright, glowing bowl of Campbell's Tomato Soup make friends is a delight to mothers. Indeed, because everybody, from the youngest to the oldest in the family enjoys this soup so much, I'm tempted to call tomato, of all soups, the soup of the seven ages. It's always a happy choice for the main dish at lunch or supper, a welcome beginning for the day's main meal. That's why Campbell's Tomato Soup is the steady favorite with most families, the soup served often and enjoyed always. Have it again soon, won't you? Perhaps tomorrow! And now back to our featured presentation, "Please Help Me Sort Out My Tragic Love Life".

― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 24 November 2005 09:43 (twenty years ago)

Ca vous etonne, mais c'est comme ca

― Baaderonixx weaves a daisy chain for... SATAN!! (baaderonixx), Thursday, 24 November 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

Another jazz happening tomorrow, another opportunity to make an arse of myself...

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 20 March 2006 10:29 (twenty years ago)

who be the combo on this occasion?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 20 March 2006 10:44 (twenty years ago)

ketil bjornstad

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:06 (twenty years ago)

ah a touch of the old ecm ambience innit. you might get a more tonsurally-blessed audience this time.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:15 (twenty years ago)

Hopefully this time if i see the object of my desires i won't hide behind a pillar.

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 20 March 2006 11:25 (twenty years ago)

Go to more clubs without pillars!

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 20 March 2006 12:07 (twenty years ago)

This thread is 9 Songs without teh sexxing.

― JimD (JimD), Monday, 20 March 2006 13:05 (twenty years ago)

Hopefully this time if i see the object of my desires i won't hide behind a pillar.

is the pillar a euphemism here? ;-)

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Monday, 20 March 2006 13:11 (twenty years ago)

Incidentally, if anyone wants to try sorting out *my* tragic love live - well, I say "sort out", I mean, "tell me how to get one"...

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Monday, 20 March 2006 13:13 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you need to go to some freaky free jazz happenings. The audience isn't all Fairisle sweaters and sea cap'n's beards, you know. Well, maybe 1% of them aren't.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 08:47 (twenty years ago)

something like this happened to me once. i was sitting in my apartment and this russian fellow was on my couch. friend of mine came in and told him, "i need to do your makeup now". the guy took off his sweater to reveal what appeared to be a mime shirt. you know, once of those clingy striped numbers. anyway, we all started laughing, and he started laughing too. but then he stopped, realizing that we weren't laughing with him, we were laughing at him. we accused him of being a mime and he kept insisting, "no, no, this is a russian sailor shirt!" and we kept laughing and cracking wise like, "hey fella, how do you russian sailors communicate if you're not supposed to speak?" anyway, he seemed mildly offended. in retrospect, maybe laughing at him like that wasn't the best idea; he was extremely skilled in martial arts and had a really short temper. i'm surprised he didn't beat us into a bloody fucking pulp. good times.

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 08:53 (twenty years ago)

oh, wrong thread

― gear (gear), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 08:53 (twenty years ago)

I have a collection of russian sailor shirts and fairisle sweaters, what should I do?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 09:05 (twenty years ago)

I understand Resonance FM are looking for some new presenters.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 09:41 (twenty years ago)

gear can you point me to the thread that was SUPPOSED to go on because it sounds awesome

― nervous (cochere), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 10:26 (twenty years ago)

Lucky you didn't tell him what he was sitting on, gear.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 10:43 (twenty years ago)

I'll report back tomorrow on how i get on.

― leigh (leigh), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 12:17 (twenty years ago)

do we get another Momus backed word from our sponsor for the cliffhanger?

― patita (patita), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 21:07 (twenty years ago)

jeez, i'm going to be really self-conscious if i ever hang out w/gear! maybe i will just dress conservatively.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 21 March 2006 21:24 (twenty years ago)

He wasn't there, gig was interesting.

― leigh (leigh), Wednesday, 22 March 2006 09:32 (twenty years ago)

Phil Niblock tonight, another chance to completely fail to pull...

― leigh (leigh), Monday, 27 March 2006 08:01 (twenty years ago)

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