could a carbonated beverage be used as a douche?

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I think the bubbles might feel...refreshing. But only if it doesn't hurt. I'm a little scared to try. Obviously, anything with sugar should be avoided because of bacteria, but there should be no other reason against doing this, am I right?

― Logged Out Lassie, Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:45 (twenty years ago)

http://images.netgrocer.com/jpegs/7397010221.jpg http://images.netgrocer.com/jpegs/7397010221.jpg http://images.netgrocer.com/jpegs/7397010221.jpg

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:48 (twenty years ago)

celery vagina

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:49 (twenty years ago)

I once read in an outdated health textbook (it was one of those fake Q&A sections in the back of the book) that the idea that you can use coca-cola douche as a sort of "morning after" remedy for a pregnancy scare is a complete urban legend.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:56 (twenty years ago)

ask the Fugs

A man who identified himself as a vice president of the Coca Cola company came to a show at the Astor Place Playhouse and approached me indignantly afterward, threatening to sue over one of our more randy tunes, "Coca Cola Douche."
I begged him, "Please, please sue us!" - Ed Sanders

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

http://img312.imageshack.us/img312/556/hockeyjesus7bq4po9gj9mk.jpg

― feminazi (feminazi), Saturday, 8 October 2005 21:58 (twenty years ago)

I suppose if you used a plain soda water it might not be harmful one way or the other. Most sodas are pretty acidic, due to both the carbonic acid (side-effect of carbonation) and to phosphoric acid which is added to some beverage syrups to lower the pH even more (to give it a "bite" on the tongue, I guess). pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5, sodas with both carbonic & phosphoric acid are in the 1-3 range. So if you stick with plain carbonated water you're probably getting a pH in the safe range.

But yeah, NO SUGAR.

― Laurel, Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:01 (twenty years ago)

I think back in the pre-birth control pill 60s the "coca-cola douche" was rumored to be contraceptive....

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:04 (twenty years ago)

I'm tired of all this demonization of sugar. Why not sugar? What would happen? I say go for the coca cola. And if you absolutely can't conquer your sucraphobia, use diet.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:15 (twenty years ago)

Exactly,what did sugar ever do to you!?

― feminazi (feminazi), Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:17 (twenty years ago)

I sincerely hope both of you are kidding. Er, you ARE, aren't you?

― Laurel, Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:21 (twenty years ago)

There's only one way to find out.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:24 (twenty years ago)

I knew of someone who swore by pop rocks as a sex aid.

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 8 October 2005 22:54 (twenty years ago)

Carbonated douche? You want a belching pussy? Go for it then. Qweef away.

Sugar in the cooter will most likely give you a yeast infection.

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Saturday, 8 October 2005 23:03 (twenty years ago)

awesome post Je4nn3 ƒur¥

― Lingbertt, Saturday, 8 October 2005 23:37 (twenty years ago)

I think just about any liquid CAN be used as a douche. The question is why anyone would ever want to...

"Whenever I get that not-so-fresh feeling, I reach for...Heinz 57! And it's also a great marinade for pork cutlets!"

― John Justen (johnjusten), Sunday, 9 October 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

yeah, it's a great way to "deglaze" the youknowwhat

― glasgow coma score (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 9 October 2005 00:16 (twenty years ago)

Sugar+yeast=hot cross buns!!!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 01:59 (twenty years ago)

But seriously—if sugar brought on yeast wouldn't lollipops give you oral thrush?

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 02:08 (twenty years ago)

― glasgow coma score (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 9 October 2005 02:32 (twenty years ago)

"Sugar in the cooter will most likely give you a yeast infection."

unless you're using "sugar" euphemistically ;-)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 9 October 2005 02:50 (twenty years ago)

There's that word again! Cooter. Jesus H.! I'll be trying that out on the missus next time there's a big event in that area.

― jim wentworth (wench), Sunday, 9 October 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

http://www.dudeitsdana.com/cooter.jpg

― glasgow coma score (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 9 October 2005 04:13 (twenty years ago)

look at those two cooters!

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 9 October 2005 04:16 (twenty years ago)

ilx to be coot

― glasgow coma score (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 9 October 2005 04:19 (twenty years ago)

TAP THIS

― the pr00de abides (pr00de), Sunday, 9 October 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

actually there's evidence that high glucose levels in the bloodstream can lead to yeast infections, so it's not just a matter of keeping sugar away from the vaginal tract. high glucose -> yeast growth, and yeast growth increases the glucose level. (this is one of the reasons SUGAR IS THE ENEMY.)
If there's no other purpose I have in life, at least I can stand here as evidence to the contrary. ALL SUGAR, ALL THE TIME. NO YEAST!!!!!!!

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

Okay. Let's settle this in a scientific manner. Two teams: Diet Coke Douchers and Classic Coke Douchers. We'll see who cutivates cooze cheese quickest.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

Wasn't there something in Carnivale with this?

― M. White (Miguelito), Sunday, 9 October 2005 16:18 (twenty years ago)

If there was then I don't understand why the show was so poorly received.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Sunday, 9 October 2005 19:02 (twenty years ago)

F a Carnivale. Thanks M. White for once again pussifying what was theretofore an uncompromisingly gangster thread. Let's talk about clam jam again.

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Sunday, 9 October 2005 21:28 (twenty years ago)

http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/sevenup2/index.html

― rainy (rainy), Sunday, 9 October 2005 22:40 (twenty years ago)

I now have "Pour Some Sugar On Me" stuck in my head.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:34 (twenty years ago)

("You know, soup?")

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

Doris Day Douching puts the UP into 7-up.
For the experiment, maybe we should enlist some Pellegrino douchers as a control group. The aspartame in Diet Coke may cause FALSE YEAST. Spurious crotch-curds.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:38 (twenty years ago)

Spurious crotch-curds.

We'll see who cutivates cooze cheese quickest.

You'll have to excuse me, Beth, but I will have to appropriate these expressions for my personal vocabulary.

Thanks M. White for once again pussifying what was theretofore an uncompromisingly gangster thread.

Dude, shake a can of Fanta and shove it in your sand-infested cooch, k?

― M. White (Miguelito), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:47 (twenty years ago)

http://crazykelvin.virtualave.net/wklythght/june02/group800.jpg

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:50 (twenty years ago)

those are most definitely NOT the Fantanas.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:52 (twenty years ago)

As if the family of Brian Fantana, ANCHORMAN?? I believe they must be.

Veronica Corningstone: My God, what is that smell? Oh!
Brian Fantana: That's the smell of desire my lady.
Veronica Corningstone: God no, it smells like, like a used diaper... filled with... Indian food! Oh, excuse me.
Brian Fantana: You know, desire smells like that to some people

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 10 October 2005 14:11 (twenty years ago)

Dammit M. White have I ever been mean to you? I used the word 'pussifying' and this thread is about nothing but that! I was kidding! Cheeel!

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Monday, 10 October 2005 22:45 (twenty years ago)

pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5

― nabiscothingy, Monday, 10 October 2005 22:49 (twenty years ago)

Sorry, I still can't get over this:

pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5
pH of a normal vagina is about 4.5

― nabiscothingy, Monday, 10 October 2005 22:50 (twenty years ago)

pH of a Radiohead vagina is 10.0

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Monday, 10 October 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

I should really quit that shit actually. I'm supposed to be buying a Pitchfork ad in like two days.

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Monday, 10 October 2005 22:57 (twenty years ago)

ph of the average ilxorette's vagina is about 1.5. A bunch of sugarphobic sourpusses.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

Beth, I'm still not fully understanding why you are so desperate to fill your vagina with soda...? I mean, it's sticky and gross when it gets on your hands, let alone someplace that also generates tons of heat (OMG I almost made a really horrifying EZ Bake Oven joke).

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:41 (twenty years ago)

Could a douche be used as a carbonated beverage?

Beth, keep fighting the good(sugar) fight!

― sugar for my honey, Tuesday, 11 October 2005 01:14 (twenty years ago)

sweets for my sweet, sugar for my hiney

― , Tuesday, 11 October 2005 01:15 (twenty years ago)

Actually, Beth, I forgot to say that I HAVE had a yeast infection in my throat (is that what thrush is?), when I was about 14. It showed up as a horribly sore throat that didn't turn into strep but just got more and more painful. Had to cut out all sugars and milk and things I liked and take this FOOKIN' AWFUL syrupy stuff that tasted like anise (which makes me gag) and swirl it around to coat my throat. Grossest. Illness. Ever.

― Laurel, Tuesday, 11 October 2005 01:20 (twenty years ago)

And Nabisco, yes. It's acidic to kill errant microbes that sneak in. Actually all of our skin would be a little acidic as a first defense against bad stuff except that most of us wash with soap, which is usually alkaline.

Erm, I think. I didn't back any of this up with google research and I can't remember where I learned it in the first place, but it's been floating around my brain for years and years. So don't hold me to it.

― Laurel, Tuesday, 11 October 2005 01:25 (twenty years ago)

I mean, it's sticky and gross

Soda isn't really that sticky and gross when it doesn't have sugar.

― it was a different shark (wetmink2), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 01:30 (twenty years ago)

http://science.kennesaw.edu/~jdirnber/InvertZoo/LecNematomorKinPriLor/Saarlac.jpg

― , Tuesday, 11 October 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

Er, have you not been reading Beth's posts very closely? She seems to want an entire Willy Wonka factory up in there.

― The Ghost of Black Elegance (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

I was kidding! Cheeel!

Sorry. Apparently 'twas I with the sand in my vagina.

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 16:00 (twenty years ago)

Here's a really gross factoid: Vaginas are acid to kill germs, but the acidity would also kill sperm, so seminal fluid is alkaline in order to protect the little guys. When a woman has one consistent partner, her vagina somehow acclimates to his sperm's alkaline signature and reverts back to acidity very quickly. If she has lots of different partners, the vagina can't keep pace and stays in an alkaline state, which results in microbial growth and BAD SMELL.
Stinky ho syndrome.
So perhaps an ACIDIC carbonated beverage is the thing to douche with. Diet Bitter Lemon.
Dan, I never said anything about chocolate here. You must be thinking about the SUPPOSITORY thread.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 23:28 (twenty years ago)

Maybe before people resort to Diet Pepsi Vanilla Lemon in their twat, they should just consider avoiding stinky ho-dom all together! It seems less potentially disasterous.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Wednesday, 12 October 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

Another reason to be careful with sugared douche! You don't want your teeth to fall out!

Vaginas with actual teeth

In rare instances, teeth may be found in a vagina. Dermoid cysts are formed from the outer layers of embryonic skin cells. These cells are able to mature into teeth, bones, or hair, and these cysts are able to form anywhere the skin folds inwards to become another organ, such as in the ear or the vagina. The actual vagina is not able to bite.

http://www.answers.com/topic/vagina-dentata

I think that with enough Kegel exercises, the Vagina Dentata could, in fact, bite.

― Beth Parker (Beth Parker), Wednesday, 12 October 2005 00:55 (twenty years ago)

Visual proof five posts back.

― feminazi (feminazi), Wednesday, 12 October 2005 00:58 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.laurabeamer.com/bottle_caps/caps/large/mello_yello.jpg

― bobby bedelia, Monday, 25 June 2007 02:08 (eighteen years ago)

Locust Bean Gum, in my vagina? It's more likely than you think.

― bobby bedelia, Monday, 25 June 2007 02:10 (eighteen years ago)

a dose of thrush from licking coochie

― wanko ergo sum, Monday, 25 June 2007 02:28 (eighteen years ago)

three years pass...

So that's the answer.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 27 August 2010 21:46 (fifteen years ago)

Good luck getting raises, men! You don't have the confidence that Summer's Eve gives a person.

― sharkless dick stick (Abbbottt), Friday, 27 August 2010 21:51 (fifteen years ago)

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