Completely without context, post the funniest thing you've ever said

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"Well... depth perception?"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 10 October 2005 10:34 (twenty years ago)

"It's when you're nice to people no matter what's wrong with them."

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 10 October 2005 10:40 (twenty years ago)

"extra."

― glasgow coma score (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 10 October 2005 10:41 (twenty years ago)

'A one-night stand'.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:39 (twenty years ago)

"shit sandwich."

― cutty (mcutt), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:39 (twenty years ago)

"ear-rings and things"

― jimmy glass (electricsound), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:40 (twenty years ago)

"Brian Blessed... no oxygen"

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:43 (twenty years ago)

"They shouldn't have been having sex with camels in the first place, sir!"

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:44 (twenty years ago)

"I'm glad that you said that, because I'm in love with a small Mexican man." (as adapted from MST3K)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:46 (twenty years ago)

"Brian Blessed... no oxygen"
-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), October 10th, 2005.

context! context!

― piscesboy, Monday, 10 October 2005 11:48 (twenty years ago)

"If you think that's shiny, you should see the dog's!"

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:49 (twenty years ago)

"Good Morning and FUCK YOU! I'm the curtains!"

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:49 (twenty years ago)

"I guess they put a pickle in it"

― sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Monday, 10 October 2005 11:59 (twenty years ago)

"Now, THERES your melting pot!"

― sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:00 (twenty years ago)

piscesboy, I wish I could, but look at the thread title! I'm hamstrung!

(also it would totally not be funny to anyone else :))

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

"Exocet dogpile"

― Gatinha (rwillmsen), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:13 (twenty years ago)

Full Metal Blowjob, starring Gobzilla?

― Suckling robot at a warrior rave (alix), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

"suck my dick leech"

― minna (minna), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:31 (twenty years ago)

"Ted Edgar, Allen's Po".

― Frogm@n Henry, Monday, 10 October 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

"so, is he having a leaving drink then?"

(believe me, context of this one is my proudest teh funnie)

― mark grout (mark grout), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:46 (twenty years ago)

"darren can burn in fucking hell."

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

"Ah, the ultimate irony." I got a round of applause.

― chap who would dare to kill all the threads (chap), Monday, 10 October 2005 12:56 (twenty years ago)

"Cornpone."

― William Paper Scissors (Rock Hardy), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:19 (twenty years ago)

"And he's here tonight!"

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:20 (twenty years ago)

"Can you lend me a tenner until we find a cash machine?"

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:21 (twenty years ago)

"They shouldn't have been having sex with camels in the first place, sir!"

haha you said this to a teacher or a military superior?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)

worst thread ever

― _, Monday, 10 October 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

"We are remembering a nice egg!" (in Polish)

When I was learning Polish a few years ago, this was one of the "handy" phrases.

― JTS, Monday, 10 October 2005 15:22 (twenty years ago)

"It smells like someone's pissed in there"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

My answer was straight and honest, but people around seemed to think it was funny:

"I was twenty years old when I learnt that a pony isn't the child of a horse."

"It isn't?!"

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

http://www.daveglardon.com/standup/Dave3.jpg

― gear (gear), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:28 (twenty years ago)

http://www.hypothetic.org/danmintz.com/video_clips.jpg

― gear (gear), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

http://www.henryholden.com/images/Comedy1a.jpg

― gear (gear), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

He's provocative because he's crippled? That's nothing, in Finland we have a blind dwarf stand-up comedian who was a city council candidate for the Green party.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

I think you just created a new entry for this thread, Tuomas.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

Man, I love 70s comedians' suits.

― chap who would dare to kill all the threads (chap), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:48 (twenty years ago)

"Falling masonry"

― mei (mei), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:50 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I'm not sure why I mentioned his party, the Green party seems to be the only one with disabled candidates anyway (without making a fuss about it).

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:51 (twenty years ago)

"Hair on fire."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

"So I cuffed the guy, and then I shot him in the back!"

― gear (gear), Monday, 10 October 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)

"Well, everyone is."

― Douglas (Douglas), Monday, 10 October 2005 16:28 (twenty years ago)

"I bet it's really warm in that dog."

― Mendoza Lineman (Carey), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

"So don't fuck them then"

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:04 (twenty years ago)

"oops."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

I never say anything funny.

― sgs (sgs), Monday, 10 October 2005 17:11 (twenty years ago)

"I don't know if there are any drugs in these, but I'm going to eat them just in case."

― darin (darin), Monday, 10 October 2005 18:48 (twenty years ago)

The few times I can remember people struggling to contain their laughter as a result of something I did weren't exactly one-liners. Although I suppose you could insert the lyrics of Carolyn Dawn Johnson's "Complicated."

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 10 October 2005 18:52 (twenty years ago)

"Did she eat it?"

― Je4nn3 ƒur¥ (Je4nne Fury), Monday, 10 October 2005 18:53 (twenty years ago)

"that's funny, you don't look like one"

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 10 October 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

"It was....warm"

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 10 October 2005 19:24 (twenty years ago)

"dy/dfruit?"

― joseph (joseph), Monday, 10 October 2005 21:53 (twenty years ago)

"My hand's sticky ALL of the time."

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Monday, 10 October 2005 23:37 (twenty years ago)

"I'll Harris your Teeter."

― pullapartgirl (pullapartgirl), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 00:01 (twenty years ago)

"Get Married. Settle down. Be happy."

― jim wentworth (wench), Tuesday, 11 October 2005 00:13 (twenty years ago)

"I didn't think he was ready for this jelly."

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 13 October 2005 09:00 (twenty years ago)

"I bet it's really warm in that dog."

my favourite

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Thursday, 13 October 2005 09:01 (twenty years ago)

"Only when I'm using my tongue"

― Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 13 October 2005 09:03 (twenty years ago)

chicken dampsack
or
franks furry hand

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 13 October 2005 09:09 (twenty years ago)

typed not said but:

"I've not heard of those bands Tom"

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Thursday, 13 October 2005 09:51 (twenty years ago)

"Hello Mrs. Ciona. We're just eating cookies and juice here."

― Bryan (Bryan), Thursday, 13 October 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

"We need a plan!"

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 13 October 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

"Sometimes the stars make me go, like, dude"

― superultramega (superultramarinated), Thursday, 13 October 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

*announcery voice* "Ladies and gentlemen. Please rise for the gay national anthem."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 13 October 2005 15:38 (twenty years ago)

also, i have it on good authority (by writing it on the internet just now) that neil hamburger currently performs in the actual suit worn by famous "provocative" comedian henry holden! although neil had to let out the waist a bit.

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Thursday, 13 October 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

choco-teats

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 13 October 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

"he can wear it when he's dying in the hospital!"

― foxy boxer (stevie), Thursday, 13 October 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

actually, i sort of want to give that context...

― foxy boxer (stevie), Thursday, 13 October 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

"I hate people like that."

"I stuck the long pointy thing in the little hole and jiggled it around for awhile but nothing happened."

― xero (xero), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

(the latter spoken with zero irony or self-awareness)

― xero (xero), Thursday, 13 October 2005 19:25 (twenty years ago)

"Spider, you should feel lucky you got splooged"

― Brett Skinner, Friday, 21 October 2005 07:36 (twenty years ago)

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