men in their mid-late 20s who have only slept with one partner - C or D?

please give explicit details

unless you are Martin Skidmore.

oh, just ASK her if she'll do anal.

But apart from that, I can't comment. There's a part of me that wishes I'd slept with a lot less people in my life. But since the first partner wasn't really up to me, well, it kind of puts a different slant on it.

unhappy. trust me.

No, I'd rather they kept it *in* their system and didn't have any doubts in the first place.

you just want to spray your semen over as much of the Earth as possible. why dont you just go have a nice wank in the woods every day for a week? make sure to ejaculate into as many bushes as you can.

I mean, I think that probably a committed relationship that you know you can count on emotionally is far more important than a wide sexual experience. But then, I would say that, because I've had the latter but not the former.

ilm in being in mid-late 20s shockah!

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SUMMARY: ILM is a ho.

i've been with my partner since our teens. she was the first person i ever slept with, she'll probably be the last. in my mid-20s i went throug angst over whether i 'should have done more', but it passed. i've been lucky, too, sometimes we've had lots of sex, sometimes not so much, but it's always been good and our comfort zones about trying new stuff are similar. if i did now find myself single and had sex with anyone else it would be awkward and i'd probably be really bad at it, because im so used to her likes and responses. im really glad ive had an extra five or ten years with her rather than an extra five or ten partners.

(xpost)

and why not?

I don't think you should be so quick to dismiss this option.

and why not?

Because ILM isn't a skeezer.

idiot

Personally I've started to think that maybe that modern people in cities have maybe embraced shopping-for-love with a little too much of a passion; in some places (hello NYC) you can get all the way to middle age kinda dating and sleeping around and never quite finding anything perfect. We have some kind of sense that we're allowed to arrange life exactly the way we want it, that we should express our tastes in everything, that we should self-actualize in all these ways -- and maybe sometimes it misses the point. Marrying your high-school sweetheart and living in the same town all your life: this has to do with a whole different worldview, one where the point isn't arranging some life that's outwardly self-actualized, but just forging working relationships with the world right around you. And it's maybe more sensible and emotionally satisfying than anything else.

I dunno, though, it's all happy mediums like usual. There has to be a way to experience a larger bit of the world and then, well, stop obsessing about experiencing it -- a way of seeing what's there and then just picking a part of it that seems good, and enjoying that part, making that part work, without wondering about what you hadn't gotten to yet. You go to Baskin-Robbins, you taste two or three flavors, and then you enjoy the one you buy, without regret; you don't hang around tasting every single one, and passing on things you like because there might be something better.

I think nabisco is right about it being about happy mediums but I also think it's about age. Being a teenager/early 20's is largely about experimentation. Still doing it at the age of 50 is probably to miss out on another, important aspect of life.

However, if someone has only been in one relationship and they find themselves with a lot of doubts about it, that may be a sign that things are less than perfect in other areas, and perhaps it would be a good idea to break up.

I don't think that sleeping around is necessarily the answer. Sex is not the only important part of a relationship, and there may be lots of things that would be different (and better) in another relationship.

and yes, applicable does exist

This is perhaps the most depressing thing I have ever read in my entire life.

You do realize that, whatever your current arrangement, many of you will spend most of the rest of your lives in monogamous relationships? Are you under the impression that the memory of your wild twenties will sustain you into your dotage?

Do you also realise that for some of us, that monogamous relationship may never actually materialise? And that our wild 20s/dirty 30s will give way to bitterness and isolation?

Gah, I'm going to go and shoot myself now.

Do you also realise that for some of us, that monogamous relationship may never actually materialise? And that our wild 20s/dirty 30s will give way to bitterness and isolation?

Regret is fungible and anything can produce it. In fact, I suspect that everything produces it.

ive yet to enter my dirty 30s but as someone whos been in a mere one monogamous relationship for all his 20s til a year or so ago, i do feel a bit under-experienced as i was with the same girl for almost 10 years and she is/was the only one i have slept with. since we split up, ive remembered why i hardly dated anyone before her - because im quite crap at asking women out or seizing perfectly good opportunities to do so. i am basically like that film with steve martin where he keeps losing that woman he meets' phone number again and again. its almost tragic (there are only so many times you can mentally do the 'doh' slap on the forehead) but i do worry i might totally pass up the chance to live out my 'wild 20s' (or worse yet, my 'dirty 30s').

max r?

it is nearly an anagram

Yeah, I imagine that if I'm ever single and in my 30s, I'll be terrible at getting women. Can't rely on the old fallback of going to a club, getting trashed, and pulling. Or can you? Hope so.

Can't rely on the old fallback of going to a club, getting trashed, and pulling. Or can you? Hope so.

depends if you relied on it before or not.

http://venusianarts.com/sl/oi/Page1.aspx

[you're welcome ;-)]

i was going to type 'thanks but im not that bad with women' but then i remembered that today a girl in a supermarket told me she was convinced i was an actor from a film she saw and whether or not this was a hint to ask her out or not, i just made polite conversation than said goodbye.

i thought "dirty 30s" meant something else.

these men are probably either happy or unhappy

-- RJG (RJG), Tuesday, October 11, 2005 3:57 PM

i have a couple of mates who've had the same girlfriend since they were 17 or whatever, they actually seem really happy.

That's one lucky girl :-)

lol. you know what i mean, cheeky.

i have a close male friend who's really embarrassed by the fact he's only slept with two girls and is in his late 20s - i, on the other hand, am embarrassed that i've slept with too many guys. it's not something i'm at all proud of, most of it i regret, and i'm not very comfortable talking about it. he really hates having to confess to a girl his "number", but he's been in a 5yr relationship, so i don't think it's a big deal - and it's quality, not quantity, that counts. i always dread the "so how many guys have you slept with" question from new boyfriends, and have had bad reactions in the past.(i haven't slept with some crazy amount of guys, but i have found i usually have a higher number than the guy i'm dating)

I've never unnderstood why people - and this seems to apply especially to girls - should be ashamed with having slept with more people than the average... Something to do with double standards? Because that's something "good girls" don't do? I mean, if you still like your partner and have good sex with him, what does it matter?

In my experience, the more sexual partners a person has had, the better that person is in bed. I worry that any potential partner of mine who is less than a complete slut is going to be a dud root.

mostly for me that shame comes from two places: the bad/disapproving/disgusted reactions i've had from boyfriends; the reasons why i slept with most of those guys (low selfesteem, lack of self-respect blahblahblah). i'm more okay with it now, thanks to a very supportive guy who doesn't have any judgement on my sexual history, but it's still there. i guess there is a double standard to a certain extent. in my own experience i've encountered the virgin/whore complex quite often: a guy wants to think he's pretty much the only one his girl has slept with, but at the same time he wants her to be sexually experienced enough to be able to please him and pull out loads of dirty tricks and techniques (see the blowjob thread for a nasty comment made to me by an ex about my head skills).

xpost personally, i learnt the most about sex through long term relationships, which is what i keep telling this friend of mine: 5yrs with the same girl has probably taught him more about how to please a woman (even keeping in mind that each woman is different) than a guy who's had 15, 30 or 60 partners but no longterm encounters.

OTM. One night stands teach you absolutely fuck-all.

Okay, that's a bit much. But you learn much more when you get feedback past the next morning.

one night stands tend to be drunken and clumsy. it takes more than one night to learn what your partner likes and how to please them. a fling is more about pleasing yourself than pleasing the other person.

i still see my first girlfriend around town now and again, she seems far more well adjusted, cooler and funnier than most of the girls i've been out with since. if i'd have stuck with her since i was 15, i wouldn't have any regrets at all.

Is that really true though? Maybe it is in your case, but even if I'd met my perfect partner when I was 16 (I didn't, she went on the become a coke addicted lap dancer), I don't think I could've gone through life wondering 'what if?'. I did once stumble across a mathematical analysis of how many partners you should 'sample' to ensure you have a reasonably good chance of finding the optimum partner.

most partners seems better/perfect in retrospect.

And here is that mathematical analysis, xpost to self.

http://plus.maths.org/issue3/marriage/index.html

i must be lucky then, because not a single one of my partners look better in retrospect... or maybe i'm actually really unlucky...

hmmm :/

one thing i will say about having a lot of partners: it definitely allows you to appreciate someone fantastic when you find them. my current beau is the sum total of all things lacking in every guy i've been with, and i value him so much because i know how shit it is out there, and how rare and special he is (but not saying you can't appreciate a good one unless you've been a slut).

i think its the fact i spent so much time with her in an important stage of development or whatever. we're both still on each other's wavelength , like the way you just click with mates you grew up with. i probably am romanticising her memory a bit, but she's still a catch i reckon.

Oh that's soooo very true. For better or for worse, there's something about growing up with a partner that's extremely hard to let go.

whoa @ math explanation link
also
Mathematics of finding a partner and eating out
hehe

I think it's mostly true that you get better in bed if you have more sex partners, but obviously not if they've been just one-night stands, because like someone said you don't usually learn from the post-coital talking in those cases. But in general, if you've been with one person for ten years, then you're probably the best sex partner for her, because you know all her needs and ticks. But different people like different things, so having a variety of sex partners usually makes you more sensitive to the variety of things different people enjoy. When it comes to casual sex, I've found that people with more experience tend to better. Similarly, I think I'm better at, er, pleasuring a casual partner than I was in my early twenties, when I'd had sex with three people, even though I was in a three-year relationship with one of them.

But this is in no way meant to diss people who've had only few but long-term sex partners. Because obviously in the long run sex isn't the most important thing in a relationship, and also, if you're in a happy long-term relationship, then you're most likely the best sex partners for each other for knowing each other so well. On the other hand, if you're the sort of person who has lots of casual sex, then it's best to find other people who've had lots of casual sex too, because that sort of a person is most likely a better bed partner for you. So everybody wins!

^^^ban

fuck em and flee

j/k

Huh?

(x-post)

What's your problem, Dom?

Why do you want to ban three little pyramids?

lol

Seriously though, isn't just posting "ban X" like the laziest form of critique ever? It doesn't say anything at all.

Its ok he's a music writer he's used to it.

OTM. One night stands teach you absolutely fuck-all.

-- en i see kay, Sunday, 7 October 2007

otm. apart from teaching you to have fewer one night stands.

genital warts - C/D?