How Do I Make Bagels?

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I realise this is pathetic, yes.

I have: Bagels, cream cheese, a knife, an oven, a toaster. I really honestly don't know how to combine these things, I guess I heat the bagels for like 3 minutes and then slice them and add cheese? What heat? Where in the oven?

I am technically jewish.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:19 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was going to be about boiling the dough, etc.

I am going to let God sort you out.

― Confounded (Confounded), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Slice first, put each half in the toaster until toasty, remove, add cheese, voila.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:23 (twenty years ago)

Better to heat them in the oven (they stay chewier), but...wtf? Have you ever eaten toast???

― paulhw (paulhw), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

Jay I will try that! Thanks.

x-post slicing them first had never occured to me!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:28 (twenty years ago)

get a grip of yourself, young man! you cut the bagels in half then toast them in a toaster then you add the cheese. geez! but for maximum effect you should have some smoked salmon on there.

shit, aren't you in montreal? you are in the MOTHERLAND OF ALL BAGELS! seriously, montreal bagels rule.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

No way, dude. Slice, spread with butter, heat face down with frying pan. Makes yummy goodness the likes of which ye have never seen.

― Big Loud Mountain Ape (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

hey if they are good bagels don't toast them. toast em when they go stale

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

I FEAR YOU MAY HAVE ALL BEEN SNOOKERED

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:30 (twenty years ago)

actually it is better to toast them for chewiness -the outside toasts quicker, keeping the insides nice. in the oven it will take too long and they will dry out... unless you just want to 'warm' the bagel as opposed to toasting it...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

dip a donut in cement

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:31 (twenty years ago)

don't toast them? madness. toasting (slightly, not burnt to a crisp, natch) makes (montreal style) bagels AWESOME

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

They are toasting! I'M COUNTING ON YOU ILX.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:32 (twenty years ago)

GREG, you cannot tell me you didn't have a bagel the WHOLE MONTH YOU WERE IN NEW YORK. Also, how did you not STARVE TO DEATH at uni?? Man cannot live on brownies alone, you goof.

If you're using a toaster or toaster oven, turn it to somewhere in the "toast" setting and keep an eye on it. Remove sliced bagel at whatever point you like the done-ness and before it turns to charcoal. Now you have a choice: you can slap the crm cheese between the slices & make a sandwich or you can spread each slice separately and eat it as two halves. NYC style is the sandwich, cos you can eat it with one hand. There. You're done. Kind of anti-climactic, all things considered. If you're feeling creative, slice a tomato and add that to the sandwich, or mince scallions and mix them into cream cheese that's been sitting on the counter until it's room temp.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:33 (twenty years ago)

I CALL BULLSHIT

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:34 (twenty years ago)

actually, i'll backtrack a bit and say don't toast them if you have just purchsed them fresh from one of those awesome jewish delis or the 'real bagel' chain stores and they are STILL WARM. in which case just eat them as is.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:35 (twenty years ago)

Try heating some M&Ms in the toaster oven while you're at it.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Nick OTM!

Also, if there's just cream cheese involved, I always eat two open faced bagel-halves rather than the sandwich. It feels like more food.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

I SMELL NO BULLSHIT JUST SOME CRAZY MAN OVERWHELMED BY THE AWESOMENESS THAT IS MONTREAL BAGELS

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

Laurel is amazing.

n/a, I wish it were! I was raised by wolves.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Slice the bagel so it is two O shapes, btw, not 2 U shapes!

― Jaq (Jaq), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:38 (twenty years ago)

Jordan OTM re: open-faced bagels.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

At uni I ate toast, I know where I am with toast! I put like sundried tomato past and pesto and cream cheese and salami and camembert on it in various combinations until I graduated.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:40 (twenty years ago)

haha jaq i was going to suggest that!

yes, open-faced is better. especially if you put the cream cheese on when the toasted bagel is still piping hot - making a sandwich will make all the cheese to squish out the sides if you bite in (note to all: i am assuming greg is dealing with montreal bagels which are much smaller, and WAY denser than 'regular' bagels you get in grocery stores, etc)

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:40 (twenty years ago)

if you have just purchsed them fresh ... and they are STILL WARM

which is what i meant obv. though i'm happy w em cold too. chopped herring plz.

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

GET THEE ONE SMOKED SALMON K THX BYE

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

When I get home I am gonna start a thread on ILC where I teach myself to cook and everyone reads in shocked amazement as I fail to fry an egg.

x-post: I think they are Montreal bagels! They are from a grocery store where people seemed pretty French.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:41 (twenty years ago)

http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/8910/image0gq.jpg

― spider-man, Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:42 (twenty years ago)

oh def toast them then

― Britain's Obtusest Shepherd (Alan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

i'm sorry but you should totally be ashamed.

this is more shameful than even the most horrible declaration of ignorance or gross sexual admission EVER ever evetr posted to ILX

― Straight Outta the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:43 (twenty years ago)

That was delicious! I will make more.

Adam I bet you were young once!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

How young, 6? 8?

― The Milkmaid (of Human Kindness) (The Milkmaid), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

ZING

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:46 (twenty years ago)

i'm such a bagel junkie that i have to get my montreal bagels bootleg-stylee from a bakery here in toronto, since, according to legend, 'true' montreal bagels are illegal to make everywhere in canada outside of quebec due to some health canada rule about boiling yeast or something, which is part of the process that those wacky montrealer-jewish folks love so much.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

HOW DO I MAKE CEREAL? I HAVE MANY PIECES OF CEREAL IN A BOX AND A GALLON OF MILK, HOW DO I PUT THEM TOGETHER?

Sorry Gravel, but my mind is blown.

(A cooking misadventures thread would be great though, if your pride can take it!)

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:47 (twenty years ago)

I'm still young!

I don't even remember NOT being able to make a bagel!!!!!

anyway - here's a good one.

1. Fresh, WARM bagel - SLICED in two, obv
2. spread GOOD cream cheese
3. Very VERY thin cucumbers sliced on top
4. sprinkle with pepper
6. drown in lemon juice

sounds simple but you won't BELIEVE how amazing it is.

― Straight Outta the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:48 (twenty years ago)

No, seriously. He was raised by wolves. He slept on my sofa for a month and I love G Puzz but I can confirm the wolves thing. I don't know how he managed to find BOTH shoes at the same time and leave the house every morning through 3 years of university. Perhaps he didn't have any morning classes.

On the other hand I will NEVER learn to think far enough ahead at Go.

― Laurel (Laurel), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

That does sound good, Adam.

Is there a sizeable Jewish population in Montreal, besides slocki and the late Saul Bellow?

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:53 (twenty years ago)

Haha Jordan actually I put the milk into cereal first for TWENTY YEARS before someone was, like, "it tastes nicer the other way you know"! This stuff is nowhere near as intuitive as everyone makes out.

x-post Adam I'll do that soon! My mind is bursting with BAGEL POSSIBILITIES now that I know the secret.

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:54 (twenty years ago)

Bagels are clearly one of the greatest creations of humanity. Always two halves, the sandwich style is for heathens!

― Mingus Dew (Mingus Dew), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

Slocki is a sizeable Jewish population unto himself.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 21:03 (twenty years ago)

I belive that Montreal has a VERY strong Jewish tradition. Every (faux and ACTUAL) Jewish deli has a Montreal Wollensky after all.

― Straight Outta the Chinese Quarter (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 21:05 (twenty years ago)

Yes, the two halves approach is more leisurely and civilized. Also, I think you get a better ratio of crm cheese/topping to bagel that way.

My favorite combination is scallion cream cheese (made as above, but I shouldn't have said "mince", just slice them into fine little rounds), sliced tomato, and smoked salmon or lox. Can substitute crisp bacon for the salmon in a pinch but then I'd go with plain cheese. See the "best kind of bagel?" thread for more ideas or go with your toast-honed instincts.

Love,
Auntie Laurel

PS: Did you ever get around to reading any McKillip?

― Laurel, Wednesday, 19 October 2005 23:27 (twenty years ago)

Gravel, I'm going to imagine that you went through all this journey of self-discovery in your cow costume.

― I do feel guilty for getting any perverse amusement out of it (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 23:34 (twenty years ago)

I really need to get a proper toaster oven again.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 23:40 (twenty years ago)

embarrassing kitchen moment

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 20 October 2005 00:34 (twenty years ago)

Also, I prefer bagels untoasted, unless they are not very good or are stale. Very good bagels do not have any use for cream cheese, either: Just eat them. But such bagels are rare in these parts.

Also: Technically Jewish?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 20 October 2005 00:36 (twenty years ago)

He was manufactured by a Jewish robot, duh.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 20 October 2005 00:53 (twenty years ago)

Those wacky golems!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 October 2005 01:11 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was going to be about boiling the dough, etc.

ditto... how DO you make bagels? do they naturally come with the hole in the middle or do you have to punch a hole in it afters?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 20 October 2005 10:05 (twenty years ago)

Dammit, I just had a tuna sandwich and now I'm hungry again.

I also think The Amazing Adventures of Gravel in the Kitchen thread is U&K.

― robster (robster), Thursday, 20 October 2005 10:23 (twenty years ago)

Getting decent bagels in Manchester is impossible - I tried some from a Jewish deli in Prestwich but they were really hard and didn't taste right. I was just in nyc and staying right near the H&H bagels in Hell's Kitchen - mmmm.

So I'm going to make my own. Found

― elisabeth k, Thursday, 20 October 2005 11:30 (twenty years ago)

Oh flippin eck,, I know I did the html right - what happened?

http://www.jewish-food.org/recipes/brea0001.htm

― elisabeth k, Thursday, 20 October 2005 11:30 (twenty years ago)

1. Fresh, WARM bagel - SLICED in two, obv
2. spread GOOD cream cheese
3. Very VERY thin cucumbers sliced on top
4. sprinkle with pepper
6. drown in lemon juice

Dip it completely in lemon????

hahaha Actually that doesn'tsound SO bad.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Thursday, 20 October 2005 11:38 (twenty years ago)

sesame bagels are my new girlfriend!

― petesmith (plsmith), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:27 (twenty years ago)

this thread just blew my mind, wow!!

I haven't eaten a bagel in approximately 3 years!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

this is the kind of question that makes me want to press the cosmic restart button

― strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:32 (twenty years ago)

ally, are you serious? i havent NOT eaten a bagel in 3 years!

― petesmith (plsmith), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

Bagel = life. (I have one for breakfast most mornings.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

I used to eat cinnamon raisin bagels. A LOT of them. More than ANYONE probably, in the world. Toasted + cream cheese was best but toasted + butter was pretty good too.

Also you should only toast bagels if they aren't dead fresh, whoever said that is right. Cream cheese + scallions + lox or prociutto = DELICIOUS. Not on a cinnamon raisin bagel, though.

xpost I'm totally serious, I haven't eaten a bagel since the summer of '03, that I recall. The people I used to buy bagels from, they moved their little street cart so I boycotted bagels, then they moved back but I quit my job and moved so it seemed silly to go all the way down to 67th St to get a bagel so I said, no. No to bagels.

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

I should probably revise my thinking on this "No to bagels" stance, though. Because I want one!

― Allyzay knows a little German (allyzay), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

yeah, dude. theres a sort-of acceptable place near the apt, although it is full of arlington on weekend mornings.

― petesmith (plsmith), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

Toasting good, fresh bagels is madness. Only toast them if they aren't very good or if they're "fake" bagels, like the kind that you buy at the supermarket (Thomas's bagels and the like).

― o. nate (onate), Friday, 21 October 2005 17:06 (twenty years ago)

-- Allyzay knows a little German

The close proximity of the words "bagel" and "German" are almost grounds for invoking that Emo Phillips joke.

― M. V. (M.V.), Sunday, 23 October 2005 05:49 (twenty years ago)

So for those who are asking: The professionals usually roll the dough out and then wrap it around their hand and press the seam together. A much easier technique is to poke your index fingers through a ball of dough and then, uh, twiddle them to stretch the hole and make the bagel shape.

I've made good "mall" bagels but not proper bagels. You need lye to do that, or something crazy like that to get the crust right. I suppose I should tell the local bagelries this information so THEY could get the crust right, sigh.

My bialies, on the other hand, have come out pretty great.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Sunday, 23 October 2005 06:29 (twenty years ago)

Dear bagel enthusiasts! I just wanted to say that I made a successful batch of bagels this weekend using the recipe I linked to above.

Making the dough was very easy, especially if you have a kitchen aid with a dough hook. I rolled/pinched and they kept their shape beautifully in the molasses water before baking. Result - a chewy crust and dense & soft on the inside. The only problem was getting the sesame seeds to stick - a lot of them came off post-baking. Maybe I'll dip them in egg whites next time.

Oh, and you can get malt extract or proper molassess at Holland & Barrett.

― elisabeth k, Monday, 24 October 2005 11:42 (twenty years ago)

haha this thread is amazing!

― geeta, Monday, 24 October 2005 20:07 (twenty years ago)

Jess OTM.

http://www.pbfcomics.com/temporary/PBF032ADReset.jpg

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 24 October 2005 20:29 (twenty years ago)

Toasting good, fresh bagels is madness.

I made the mistake of asking for a toasted bagel at a serious bagel joint -- Murray's, I think -- and was met with disdainful reproach. "We don't toast our bagels." I apologized and politely asked for it untoasted. It was a fine bagel.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Monday, 24 October 2005 22:02 (twenty years ago)

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