If I were the devil...

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I would gain control of the most powerful nation in the world;

I would delude their minds into thinking that they had come from man's effort, instead of God's blessings;

I would promote an attitude of loving things and using people, instead of the other way around;

I would dupe entire states into relying on gambling for their state revenue;

I would convince people that character is not an issue when it comes to leadership;

I would make it legal and "cool" to take the life of unborn babies;

I would make it socially acceptable to take one's own life, and invent machines to make it convenient;

I would cheapen human life as much as possible so that the life of animals are valued more than human beings;

I would allow young women to be killed by starvation, and anyone who protests be called a zealot;

I would take God out of the schools, where even the mention of His name was grounds for a lawsuit;

I would come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I would get sports heroes to advertise them;

I would get control of the media, so that every night I could pollute the mind of every family member for my agenda;

I would attack the family, the backbone of any nation.

I would endorse sodomy and lower the birth-rate of good, strong Americans;

I would make divorce acceptable and easy, even fashionable. If the family crumbles, so does the nation;

I would compel people to express their most depraved fantasies on canvas and movie screens, and I would call it art;

I would convince the world that people are born homosexuals, and that their lifestyles should be accepted and marveled;

I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct;

I would create an immoral Internet and populate it with the most depraved filth to come from Hell itself;

I would persuade people that the church is irrelevant and out of date, and the Bible is for the naive;

I would dull the minds of Christians, and make them believe that prayer is not important, and that faithfulness and obedience are optional;

I guess I would leave things pretty much the way they are.

Tom Dunlap, Friday, 21 October 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

i would have sweared this was an estaban buttez thread

strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

I've got a soul, you know, if you want it - we should talk.

Zack Richardson (teenagequiet), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

Well thanks for taking responsibility for the fucked-up state of affairs, Tom.

when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

i do like the idea that every time i commit an act of sodomy i am making someone impotent

strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:30 (twenty years ago)

"honey...what's wrong?"
"someone's having ass sex"

strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:31 (twenty years ago)

I would come up with drugs that sedate the mind and target the young, and I would get sports heroes to advertise them;


http://www.gatorade.it/gatorade/images/timeline_10.jpg

Zack Richardson (teenagequiet), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:33 (twenty years ago)

I would convince the people that right and wrong are determined by a few who call themselves authorities and refer to their agenda as politically correct;

Hahaha. You fool! Right and wrong are determined by the agenda of a single individual who might not even exist!

monkeybutler, Friday, 21 October 2005 13:37 (twenty years ago)

I've got a soul, you know, if you want it - we should talk.

Make him show you the fiddle of gold first.

accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

If I were God:

I would make it illegal for you to eat rabbits and lobsters.

I would make women property again.

I would let the devil do all kinds of rude shit to America, number one, woo.

I would let people kill 'em all, and then I would NOT sort them out.

I would speak to people through guys named Tom on the internet and through Hallmark cards and Family Circus.

I would tell you to read one Bible.

when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

If I were the Devil:

I wouldn't really give a toss about the USA; I'd want to be working on somewhere like India or China that have a sizeable proportion of the population.

Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 21 October 2005 13:54 (twenty years ago)

So are you this guy, then?

http://www.historycooperative.org/journals/eh/10.1/images/gallery_fig01a.jpg

Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Friday, 21 October 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

Good god, Woodsy Owl was creepier than I remember.

"Give a hoot
Don't pollute
Never be a dirty bird..."

Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 October 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

The Devil's wrong! We should FORCE people to remain unhappily married, FOR THE KIDS' SAKE.

andy --, Friday, 21 October 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

I would make it legal and "cool" to take the life of unborn babies

lol, Friday, 21 October 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

"cool." Y'know... not in so many words...

Jimmy Mod wants you to tighten the strings on your corset (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Friday, 21 October 2005 15:23 (twenty years ago)

What the fuck? Fundie spam?

Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 21 October 2005 15:30 (twenty years ago)

aww. be nice to china.

sunny successor (he hates my guts, we had a fight) (katharine), Friday, 21 October 2005 15:32 (twenty years ago)

Hey! We're totally getting abortions this weekend!

Awesim!!!!

the pr00de abides (pr00de), Friday, 21 October 2005 15:54 (twenty years ago)

I'd sit by the fire listening to Slayer all day.

jel -- (jel), Friday, 21 October 2005 15:57 (twenty years ago)


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