Hunger Artist

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I used to think this story was 'metaphorical', but it's true! See, I detest food. I hate cooking it because it takes so long that by the time it's done I'm not hungry anymore, and you get icky filth all over your hands, and have to wash plates later, and you're always out of one thing you need, like salt or foil or something. So I tried to solve this problem by buying only microwave dinners, but even those take too long, and I hate taking them out halfway thru to 'stir' them, and I always burn my fingers removing the wrap after, plus I've had all the microwave dinners currently available and I'm sick of them. Also, isn't eating boring? Having to sit there for ten minutes chewing what seems like lumps of paste when you could be doing something else, like smoking.

― dave q, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Plus I'm always spilling shit, maybe I'm getting Alzheimer's

― dave q, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

b-b-b-but curry, dave q!

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

i cannot imagine not eating . on oprah today she said all eating that was not explcitly for nourshiment was unhealthy. well fuck her , i rarely eat for nourishment. i eat cause its an entertaining communal pleasure.

― anthony, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

for me, food is quite often bound up in love. i love cooking and eating and feeding other people, i love the fact that i am nourishing them with tasty things and hell, i'm just a big tree hugging earth mother figure, probably. people who aren't interested in food at all, i mean not even a teensy little bit, i get quite worried by. like those egg-white omelette eating freaks in Hollywood. where is the JOY in that? maybe you shd. try eating with friends dave q, and try to associate food with joyous rather than pointless things? because i think you have to want to nourish and please yourself before you can enjoy your food.

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

yet more proof, anthony, that oprah is EVIL :)

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

My favourite part of Christmas was cooking Christmas Day dinner for my immediate family and grandparents. If you're doing it for someone else then cooking/cleaning/washing up etc. is an act of love. At least that's what my French pal Stephane told his girlfriend, and now they're engaged to be married.

― Trevor, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I cooked Christmas dinner with my Dad because my Mum has a broken arm at the moment. It got a bit fraught at times in the kitchen (due to my insisting that he was doing things WRONG)but it worked out well when we actually sat down to eat it. Few things can match a big table overloaded with food and booze if you ask me.

― Jonnie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Like all other art forms, cooking is extremely subjective. Because of this, I usually insist that all other budding artists leave the studio, ahem, kitchen, to avoid any creative differences.

― Trevor, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Katie - you enjoy cooking and eating other people. What bizarre form of veganism is this? (I suppose no exploitation of animals is involved - this takes me back a bit to my placenta eating question of six months ago).

Oh, and by the way - can you guess what my New Years Resolution is? That's right, its picking apart Katie's posts...

― Pete, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

it's OK if the people *want* to be cooked and served! :)

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Do you think there would be much market in finding suicides who want to be eaten for vegetarians who fancy a bit of long pig? I've always wondered what man bacon would taste like.

― Pete, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

roast road kill!

― Alan Trewartha, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Would human flesh count as white or red meat as I have arbitrarily banned the latter as part of my made up New Year detox?

Man bacon is a very unpleasant phrase Pete. Ick.

― Emma, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

better than man-sausage, though.

― dave k, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

you couldn't be rasher

― Alan Trewartha, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

ewwwwwww! the whole thing is reminding me unpleasantly of that creature in Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy who wants to be eaten at Milliways "I'll just nip off and shoot meself now" *shudder*

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I'm reminded of the domineering mother in Braindead who inadvertently eats her own ear and squirts pus-ridden flesh into the desserts of her houseguests. Yummy.

― Trevor, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

That creature is played by Peter Davidson in the TV version - where indeed he offers himself to be et by Sandra Dickinson his then wife. Playing out some bizarre fantasy I daresay there.

How about Person Pork?

― Pete, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

how about *in ORC voice* maaann-flessshhhhh?

― katie, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Best Peter Jackson segue EVER.

― Trevor, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

I know Dave Q is a bit of a toker - does he never ever get the munchies?

― Andrew L, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

If he's like me he gets the reverse munchies, which is why I lay off the pipe before brekkie.

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Oprah is wrong

― toraneko, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago) link

Food, good cooking, etc. = good. Consume! Worry about death later.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Re toking - my diet now consists entirely of Maryland chocolate chip cookies, ice cream and Zoloft. I never gain an ounce either!

― dave q, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Needing a cigarette is the second and superior hunger. it does kill more than eating though.

― Ronan, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Not true. Approximately 14,000 chickens in the US are slaughtered every minute.

At a conservative estimate, a mere 400,000 US citizens die each year from smoking-related illness. This means only about 0.75 people die each minute from smoking.

Face facts. Eating kills.

― Trevor, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i'm starving.

― Ronan, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I compromised and went for a vegetarian Sri Lankan buffet. *burp*

― Trevor, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I've been toying with the idea of going to McDonalds for the last hour or so. same way i've been toying with the idea of actually starting this essay. i think i'll make it a rant, all my lecturers like my rants, you can't fail.

― Ronan, Friday, 4 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

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