Loser needs help with girls

I figure, not without some awkwardness, this would just happen naturally.

On the other hand, saying "So, when do we proceed to the 'cuddle' portion of our initiation into the relationship life-cycle model?" would probably not work as well. (I'm obviously not assuming, Martin, that this is your approach :) )

Drink some alcohol. Relax. Chill. But don't - EVER - ask for a cuddle. I'd never ask for a hug during a date. I'd ask my friends, who I know, but on a day? Nah. I'd just shove my tongue in his throat and swap some saliva.

Some of this might not be true.

but maybe that doesn't matter

Too much info?
Girl 1: user who went out with and cheated on like 7 other people I know (I found out later), I liked her a lot but one day she just left a 1-liner on my answering machine from some other guys bed, I walked by her a few more times and gave her the silent treatment.
Girl 2: I don't know what was up with her, she complained about breaking up with someone a few times, I tried to make out on the 3rd date and she said too soon and we stopped talking.
Girl 3: very nice, she wanted to make out on the 2nd date but I went too far on the 3rd and acted needy and was really awkward on the 4th and she said no more but we still talk.
Girl 4: had another boyfriend, told us both about seeing other people, she wanted to hook up on the first date we went out 4 more times, she said I'm too nervous, won't reply to emails but she said hi when i saw her last week
girl 5: messed up about some guy she was seeing for a year, after 2nd date she put a note on her livejournal saying she wanted to cuddle with someone so i asked on the 3rd date and she called me awkward and said no and then i freaked out later.

http://www.shrewfaire.com/Media/Shots/knight_and_lady_400x72.jpg

good - (open arms) "c'mere, you."

and you're not a loser.

GET ONE HOOKER

1. Having "regular friends" has squat to do with being comfortable in dating situations. Nothing. Zero correlation.

2. "I don't want to try therapy because it would be an admission of weakness when what I really want is for someone to spontaneously adore and take care of me." Think about this statement for a second and then get find a competent therapist stat. Family issues then = relationship issues now, count on it.

Call it a crutch if you want to but dude, your leg's broken.

3. Listen to gear.

well terry great words, except, girl 5- I also asked her if she liked surprises and got her address and sent her a couple of pen pal type letters, and after she got them she said she loved getting mail, a couple times. Blah.

hey there mr rogermexico: OK.

Bottom line - dating is volatile, unpredictable, and touches on our deepest and often least acknowledged hopes and fears. It potentially exposes us to judgement and humiliation at the hands of unqualified near-strangers we might not even respect. Navigating that minefield to the point whhere it starts to be just fun, and light, and a great way to meet people, takes practice, repetitions.

And if you're going to be in training, you ought to have a good coach. Every top athlete does, and none of them look at their coaches as a "crutch." Eva is OTM about the guts thing, but you don't even have to look at it as needing help - I could assemble IKEA stuff by hand, but it's a lot easier and more fun with the electric sccrewdriver.

dude, you sure in hell are not alone.

*slaps your ass*

hang in there.

i don't think it's doing him any favors to tell him that he's got "serious problems" unless you know him personally, which you might. in which case by all means carry on.

No. No. No no no no NO NO GOD NO.

Reading peoples posts as veiled, "that was about me!" is the WORST thing you can do. I know a guy who did just that over a good friend of mine, and she'd been totally talking about other guys, and he made a whole situation that wasnt there and she naturally totally freaked out once she realised how serious he'd made it. And then big ugly mess (including a very direct FUCK YOU PAL actual livejournal public message - you get what you give etc etc).

But also, you can't expect every date with every girl to work out. Dating is very hit-miss-miss-miss. Be cool man. Don't expect too much. Let things happen naturally. Take it all in stride like Theo.

you also seem to have this slight sense of entitlement, so whenever the girl doesn't give you the physical affection you crave, you snap at her.

fun, no-pressure, no expectations, let nature take its course, and if something is meant to happen, it will happen. if she's interested in you, you will not have to force the issue.

How can anyone have that approach?

I've made all kinds of errors of judgement, hit dead ends and such - but even with guys I've only gone out on a few dates with before they lost interest (or I did), I more often than not had fun while it lasted. I wouldnt give that up for anything.

Also, hug people! Hug everyone! Hugging is good.

haha wait you mean for some people it's not?

gareth is otm though, seriously - what ended up working for me was actually just becoming really really good friends with someone and just working up to the point where i could be myself around them, then at some point we were somehow going out and from there it is, well, not plain sailing but you are on tracks. Also Socken totally otm about coaches, they *really* help. I would defitely work that line before any therapy-type stuff.

i will be wicked annoyed if you turn out to be a troll or something, now.

It may be that the right angle to take is 'I don't need you, but I really like being with you'. Then the other person feels appreciated without feeling trapped.

Yes indeed, and I'm not bigging up Da Trayce cos she just bigged me up. Or am I? Hmmm. Anyway, she's right.