Kicking HMV Online's ass.

have you checked whether they'd been delivered to ************?

I did not know HMV operated from Guernsey.

I ordered something from somewhere the other day, only discover that I should allow 28 days for delivery. This gave me a warm nostalgic glow. From now on I shal pay for everything by postal order.

I encourage other people to reproduce their letters of complaint here.

This is a big VAT scam that the government is trying to shut down. The Channel Islands don't have VAT; and HMCR doesn't bother charging import duty for, say, a single CD. Hence, big companies run their online shopping through their Channel Islands subsidiaries and you get away without paying VAT on the stuff.

(I may be simplifying slightly)

You asked for it! (sent this very morning)

Dear Amaz0n.

I understand that my Amaz0n Marketplace account has been closed because, as the email I received today reads, my "seller
performance has been below our Performance Standards".

As I think you are aware, my account was hacked into about two months ago, and an unauthorised party proceeded to "sell" multiple high-value electronic items using my account. These items did not exist, and naturally I was appalled to discover this subterfuge. It was only thanks to Amaz0n's own security measures that the phisher was prevented from causing any more damage.

However, the knock-on effect of this, is that I have had angry negative feedback from various parties who lost out due to being taken in by the hacker. I called Amaz0n about this issue, and you kindly removed the feedback which referred not to me, but to the scammer who hacked my account. I have only sold one electronic item through Amaz0n Marketplace in my life - that was a mobile phone, and the customer was happy with his purchase.

In addition to the above issues, I have had some trouble with buyers not reading the extremely clear descriptions which I always write, to accompany my items for sale, before buying. They then proceed to leave unrepresentative feedback, without first contacting me to check their story. In 90% of cases, when I have seen the customer's feedback and emailed them about it, they have accepted my explanation completely and either removed or amended their feedback accordingly. I will gladly forward emails from satisfied customers on request.

Under these circumstances, I would very much like the closure of my account to be reconsidered. I am a huge fan of Amaz0n, and of Amaz0n Marketplace - as my buying and selling records will attest - and I always recommend it to friends and family as the best place to buy music, DVDs and other goods. I bought my digital camera through Amazon, and I intend to do the majority of my Christmas shopping with you as well.

I would welcome the opportunity to discuss this matter further - please call me on 0**** 6** 7** at your convenience, or of course reply to this email.

Best wishes

Ch4rlie Iv3ns

fuck xpost to ailsa

X-post - I don't really want anything off them, DR. C, I just want them to know how shit they are. They've already given me a tenner which I used to pay for (most of) the Kate Bush album. I didn't actually NEED any of these things on the day of release.

Not a complaint as such, but still...

Dear Sir/Madam,

This morning I tried to cancel an order and was
directed to your website to complete the process.
However, this has proved impossible. I wish to cancel
the order for Charley Says because I have seen that
volume 2 includes volume 1, thus making it better
value for money for me, and more profitable for you.

I would appreciate it if you could sort this out
without having to go through the rigmarloe of sending
back an unwanted item and ordering again.

Thank you. Here are the order deatils:

It is funny how we all get rather pompous. I should have told them that I actually appeared in a Tufty advert and went on to be in charge of continutiy on a Country Code short, making sure the gate was open or closed as required.

PS: They complied with my request, but I didn't order the other one, so I am the swine in this case.

Oh woe is me, having different taste to the intelligentsia on ILX...

Nick Southall (Friend of Embrace)

"Dear Nick

Thank you for your email.

I am sorry to hear of the recent problems you have experienced with your orders placed via www.hmv.co.uk. As you are no doubt aware we have recently relocated to Guernsey, and regrettably have experienced a number of problems at the new warehouse which have caused serious delays in terms of receiving stock, and shipping stock out to customers. We have taken serious steps to address all of these issues, and are now hopeful that the warehouse will be fully operational by the end of the week, at which time we will be able to offer the level of service that our customers expect. Please rest assured that these are teething issues with the new operation.

In response to the issues raised in your email, please see below:

1) Batman DVD
The DVD was shipped out to you on 26th October 2005. As the item has not arrived with you, then it can now be considered as lost in the postal system. In order to rectify this problem, the following action has been taken:
A refund has been processed to your account, to the value of £17.99, in lieu of the missing goods.
A replacement copy of the DVD will be shipped out to you within the next 48 hours, and your credit card will be recharged. This copy will be sent via Royal Mail Special Delivery, and will require a signature upon receipt. The goods news is that 'Batman Begins' will shortly be an HMV Offer Of The Week, so you will only be charged £12.99 for the replacement DVD.

2) Embrace CD
This item was shipped out to you on 29th October 2005 in time for receipt on the release date. The order would also have been sent by First Class Mail, so I am unsure as to why this has taken Royal Mail so long to deliver to you.

3) Kate Bush 'Aerial' CD
Due to supplier issues we only actually received stock of the CD yesterday, and as a result this item is being shipped out to you within the next 24 hours. Please accept my apologies for this delay.

4) Embrace 'A Glorious Day' DVD
This item is waiting to be booked in at our warehouse and has unfortunately been caught up in a backlog at the warehouse.

5) Pro Evolution Soccer 5
This item was shipped from our system on 2nd November 2005. However, to be honest, the order will not have actually left the warehouse until today, due to a packing backlog. So you should be in receipt of this within the next 2-5 days.

I would like to reassure you again that these are just temporary issues at the warehouse, and should hopefully be resolved within the next few days.

Once again, please accept my apologies for the level of service you have been experiencing. I have today placed £10 of HMV EVouchers into your online wallet, and these can be used as redemption against your next order.

Regards,

XXXXXXXXXXXX"

18 months later, I get a threatening letter from a debt collection agency. I email them and Rentacell, and after some very confusing exchanges it transpires that they use a company in Cannes to bill European customers, charging them in Euros. Nothing on my credit card statement says anything about Rentacell, mobile phones or Newark airport.

I eventually got a copy of the invoice they claim to have sent me several times (nope, not received) which says I owe them $300 for 'provision' and a whopping amount for calls (can't remember how much, don't have the paperwork here). We were *extremely* careful about the calls we made and received and I'm not at all convinced we owe what they say we do. Rentacell now say it is too late to supply me with an itemised bill and, furthermore, they cannot explain what 'provision' means and why we owe $300 for it.

There is no way in the world I am coughing up for this. If it's too late to give me an itemised bill, it's too late for me to pay. Arseholes.

Greetings from Amaz0n.co.uk,

Thank you for your email.

We have reviewed your account on the basis of the information
provided and regret to inform you that it will not be reopened. It
is our goal to provide our customers with a safe and satisfying
shopping experience, and the feedback you have received from your
buyers does not reflect this standard. It is for this reason that
your account will remain closed.

As per our previous email, your funds are on temporary hold for 90
days from the date of your final sale. Any payment will be disbursed
minus any chargebacks or A-to-Z Guarantee claims received against
your sales.

Section 5.10 of the Particpation Agreement reads "5.10 We reserve
the right to delay initiating the Payment Transaction transfer to a
seller's bank account (or sending paper cheques) pending an
investigation if we, in our sole discretion, believe the buyer or
the seller may have breached this Participation Agreement.
Notwithstanding any other provision of this Participation Agreement,
if we determine, in our sole discretion, that the seller has
breached this Participation Agreement, we may refuse to transfer any
Payment Transactions to the seller and may instead maintain such
amount in a trust account or may return such amount to the buyer. We
will not be liable to the seller if we act in accordance with the
provisions of this Section."

As stated before, please understand that the closure of an account
is a permanent action. Any subsequent accounts that are opened will
be closed as well. Thank you for your understanding with our
decision.

Best regards,

Merchant and Item Quality

So, not only have they closed my seller account, but it almost sounds like if I rock the boat any further, I won't even get the moey owed to me from multiple sales, which is comfortably over £100! what the fuck?

Oh, and the negative feedback I've received? From stupid people who don't read my descriptions before buying, and from people who were conned by ssome fuck who decided to hack into my account and use it to launder money in Africa.

So now what? Grrr!

it felt like a personal triumph against the man

(not really)

Lot of hassle for little reward though.

Well done, Sick Mouthy, truly you are blessed. I read a couple of paragraphs of your sleevenotes but gave up in case the shop forced me to buy it.

This made me laugh more than necessary.

"Good morning Mrs A1d3r. This is Kevin from Homeserve Sergon. I'm calling because I understand you need a temporary solution for living arrangements while the work is being carried out on your kitchen. How can we help?"

1. Bathroom/spare room, not kitchen
2. Have not had a bathroom since 29th August, so have been asking for a temporary solution since then
3. My flat was certified dry yesterday, meaning they can go ahead and put the bathroom back - after 13 weeks of begging showers from poor, put-upon boyfriend and washing my hair at the kitchen sink, they finally offer me temporary accommodation when I (almost) don't need it any more!
4. I am not a Mrs.

HMV Online took between two weeks and several months to deliver each of the items (all described as shipping within 24 hours, all still in print except, unknown to me since it was a recentish reissue, the last item) in my order, decided they couldn't find the last item and cancelled it without asking me (with the lovely wording "though we'd prefer not to have to cancel this from your order"; I'd have cancelled myself except since it was an e-voucher and not REAL i.e. MY money and the others turned up so erratically I was hanging on a while longer), haven't refunded me the e-voucher credit I spent on it, and do not ever reply to emails or answer their "helpline", which is a pain to call as it only operates during office hours anyway.

Do not believe anything they say about delivery times. Presumably NOTHING is actually "in stock" and everything has to be tracked down in warehouses/distributors on the mainland, sent out to Guernsey for tax-dodging reasons, and then sent back to the customer on the mainland.

If you want something that probably isn't stacked hundreds-high in every HMV stockroom in the land, use a decent online shop like Norman Records or somewhere. If you DO want the latest Robbie Williams CD maybe they might actually manage to find one in between bouts of arse-scratching and ignoring the phone and be able to ship it unnecessarily round (places which aren't even) the British Isles over the course of a few weeks, but you'll still have to wait weeks longer than the webpage says you will, so just pick one up in Asda or something.

OK, calmer now.

I thought this was on ILM. Thanks, search engine. Not that it matters anyway. I remember ranting about how long everything was taking to turn up on an ILM thread before they ran off with my money so maybe I'll dig that one up too.

It might be nowt, but HMV Online is, um, offline...

Well Mark G it's coming back