I Just Bought A Copy of 'Nuts'

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

it was pretty embarrassing.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:12 (twenty years ago)

I bought Loaded once. I feel your shame.

― chap who would dare to tell uninteresting celeb spotting stories (chap), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

why did you buy it?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:16 (twenty years ago)

g/f's art project.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

I mean the advert alone which includes johnny vaughans annoying 'lads-mag' voice over makes me want to rip the whole fucking world to pieces.

xpost, oh right.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:18 (twenty years ago)

Sure.

― chap who would dare to tell uninteresting celeb spotting stories (chap), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:22 (twenty years ago)

haha, i almost told the vendor: 'IT'S OKAY REALLY I WON'T BE WANKING OVER THIS'

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:23 (twenty years ago)

'almost' = somewhat nonstandard usage there.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

Is it Sophie Howard tit-a-tit with Michelle Marsh?

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

it's sophie on her lonesome.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:39 (twenty years ago)

You're having a wank for you girlfriend's art project?

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

Now that's true love.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:46 (twenty years ago)

true self-love

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

The line "Nuts about women?" annoys me more than anything else on t.v just now. Yes, even more than the Phones 4 U ads.

― Rumpie, Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:53 (twenty years ago)

Do you think it would be possible to make a genuinely entertaining non-misogynous, non-chauvinist, non-xenophobic, non-embarassingly condescending men's magazine?

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

yes

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:55 (twenty years ago)

the editor of nuts is a fairly intelligent guy.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:56 (twenty years ago)

I bought Loaded once. I feel your shame.

MY DAD bought me Loaded. I wonder if really had any idea what kind of magazine it was and who the target audience was. He also used to buy me FHM or whatever it's called.

― Nathalie, the Queen of Frock 'n' Fall (stevie nixed), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

girlfriend's art project?

ha, she wants to pose topless. It's her way of telling you to send the saucy snaps into Nuts ;-)

Next week she will be asking for Zoo weekly. Soon she will be asking for Razzle and Escort.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

I wondered if he's wanked to his product.

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

The Razzle pyramid!

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:57 (twenty years ago)

Nuts
http://nuts.co.uk/

"Bedroom Babes"

"Topless for the first Time"

...you can even buy it Sainsburys.

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

we are going to send the project to nuts. she already got zoo weekly.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

Did you mean this "Nuts"?

ihttp://www.bjsmusic.com/nuts_dvdcover_lg01.jpg

― Alfred Soto (Alfred Soto), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

No !

― DJ Martian (djmartian), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:00 (twenty years ago)

Do you think it would be possible to make a genuinely entertaining non-misogynous, non-chauvinist, non-xenophobic, non-embarassingly condescending men's magazine?

No, unless you mean a magazine about men's health (that isn't Men's Health) or a general lifestyle mag that appealed to women just as much. I mean the whole concept of 'men's magazine' is sold on a certain premise - crap stereotype of man as into women, cars, sport, proper music (i.e not that queer rubbish with computers). So take that away and it's no longer a 'men's mag' or rather it would be pointless to market it as that.

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

dese nuts

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:01 (twenty years ago)

http://nuts.co.uk/boards/

― Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

It's nice to see that your girlfriend expects help on a Thursday.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:03 (twenty years ago)

all the quotations in the article are 'leading'. it's not much more misogynistic than grazia.

haha PJ!

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

http://www.sundancemusicfestival.com/sdmf2005/images/sisu/beatnuts.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:05 (twenty years ago)

one of the oddest things about it is the captions on the photos -- they're really 'offputting', seen? kind of snarky.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

I had a flick through a workmate's copy of Maxim the other day and to be honest I thought it was a bit better than the average men's mag. It wasn't the best thing ever but it definitely had it's tongue placed firmly in cheek when it started going on about the men/women divide etc. One article's sub-header even read something like "...because it's easier to figure women out if you stereotype them" which kinda made me laugh.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:07 (twenty years ago)

like, one of them had a girl taking down her pants in the bathroom, and the caption read something like 'out of the way, love, i need the loo'. i mean wtf?

g/f also got GQ for the project, and it was more pitiable, in a way, because it needed to dress the whole thing up with spurious 'lifestyle' stuff and articles.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)

Esquire in the meantime tries to go the opposite direction and lands right on it's arse - not intelligent enough to merit reading, nor funny or raey enough to stop me falling asleep.

― dog latin (dog latin), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:11 (twenty years ago)

i almost wrote for 'hotdog', once, when it had girls on the cover.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)

i thought this was about this:

http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/80/95/28m.jpg

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:14 (twenty years ago)

that piece in the guardian about men's mags the other day was one of the most depressing things i've ever read about journalism.

― Pete W (peterw), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:20 (twenty years ago)

i think that was what i posted. it is quite amazing, the circulation figs, when as i say they're not much cop. don't these wankers have the internets?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:21 (twenty years ago)

but in a way this is more depressing. nuts and zoo are unpretentious at least. i don't see that GQ or esquire or arena are any different in the way they look at women.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:27 (twenty years ago)

was reading gq/esquire at the hairdressers yesterday (forget which) and totally agree - it's the same shit, just shot like a pirelli calendar with captions by tony parsons.

― Pete W (peterw), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:39 (twenty years ago)

"...crap stereotype of man as into women, cars, sport, proper music (i.e not that queer rubbish with computers..."

if only stevem it was that bad.

it's worse:

(from The Observer January)
__________________________________________________

The Nuts attitude is, if anything, a deliberate absence of attitude. It steers clear of opinion or any thing that might be divisive: music, say. A lot of Soutar's research was done at the extremes of the market; they wanted something, in a bland Blairite spirit, that could appeal both to 16-year- old goths and 38-year-old teachers.
____________________________________________________

so no music gets covered to any great extent (unless they've changed it in light of th' arctic monkeys!)

http://observer.guardian.co.uk/review/story/0,6903,1396265,00.html

(full Nuts piece)

x-post.
fck Nuts i say frankly.

― piscesboy, Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:40 (twenty years ago)

in a way the project is about this kind of thing -- the class aspect of tit size, etc. the higher class of tit model doesn't have the grotesque knockers of your zoo weekly regulars. etc.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:41 (twenty years ago)

the lighting/decor thing is another area. the copy of GQ she got had women all dressed as builders -- it was exactly like the video for that porny pop-house track of a couple years back, only 'arty'.

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

The line "Nuts about women?" annoys me more than anything else on t.v just now. Yes, even more than the Phones 4 U ads.

There is *nothing* wrong with the Phones 4 U adverts.

― Teh HoBB (the pirate king), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:42 (twenty years ago)

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:43 (twenty years ago)

Haha "real girl of the week"

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:45 (twenty years ago)

haha i thought you meant this:

http://www.screenselect.co.uk/images/products/7/20487-large.jpg

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 10 November 2005 15:58 (twenty years ago)

(Theorry's girlfriend otm about class/ tits (and prob even hair colour!))

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Thursday, 10 November 2005 17:38 (twenty years ago)

That observer feature is pretty depressing. This: "Each of the dummy magazines was tested and modified, tested and modified until, after a dozen rounds of focus groups, they distilled exactly the mix of things that grown men in Britain most desired." I'm a grown man, and "Nuts" outlook on life is 180 degrees away from what I most desire. It makes me want to start pasting up the SCUM manifesto everywhere, actually.

Why on earth did you actually pay money for this, Henry? Couldn't you have travelled upstairs on the bus 'till you found a diuscarded copy or something?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Friday, 11 November 2005 11:06 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 67 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I would ask if you had no shame, Dom...but that's a terribly redundant question. Oh well.

― wordy rappaport (EstieButtez1), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

I buy Bizarre.

There, I've said it.

I've actually wondered for quite a while why I still do, it's more through habit than anything else.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

You buy it for the insightful articles on Aristasia, hypnofetishism, and Myspace murder.

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:16 (nineteen years ago)

Bizarre is atrocious. Uh, my gf bought it a couple of times.

FHM is probably 50% ads but surely the reason it is way ahead of it's 'rivals' is nothing to do with scantily-clad actresses and more to do with it's range of subjects covered (however slight) and probably better writing overall. It can't be a middlebrow > lowbrow thing unless FHM is much older than GQ or Maxim (at least i think these two are also middlebrow).

― 2 american 4 u (blueski), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:26 (nineteen years ago)

buy this instead, it's my favorite book!:

http://i.biblio.com/b/048m/82266048-0-m.jpg

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

GQ just gets my back up in a way few other things on this planet can. I buy it solely to be aggrevated.

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:29 (nineteen years ago)

and for the ladies in their smalls.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

The ladies are all fucking clothed in it, unless they're SPICY LATINAS in which case they're allowed to wear nothing.

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

i like women in clothes.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

but don't buy gq, it's for wankers.

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

FETISH!

― teh_kit returns! (g-kit), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

In this month's GQ: Sean Rowley's guide to the "Guilty Pleasures" that are sure to get your woman hot under the collar when you spin them on your ironic CD player in your ironic house.

Sean Rowley really needs to choke to death on a dog's cock.

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

and for the ladies in their smalls.

It's fairly easy to gis "shelf bra" or "thong" or suchlike, I would have thought.

Im suppose lots of, er, "nuts"/"zoo" magazine's target audience doesn't have internet access.

The article henry was "researching" (haha) is still online, and v good, I think.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:36 (nineteen years ago)

Should I feel inadequate as a "man" that these magazines have nothing to offer me? Maybe I should buy a bunch of "gadgets" that can save me up to 4 seconds a day in shoelace tying time. But I'm sure I wouldn't be able to "bank" that time, as I'd undoubtably be too busy whacking off.
Guess I'll stick to gaming, D&D and the interwebs ;_;

― teh_kit returns! (g-kit), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

The article henry was "researching" (haha) is still online, and v good, I think.

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), November 9th, 2006.

uh? my g/f was doin a art project. if it's online you know before me!

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

The reason Nuts and Zoo still exist in paper form is because you can't read the Internet with your mates on the back seat of the bus on the way to school. Nor can you flash the filthiest pictures to the unsuspecting elderly couple in the car behind you.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

the voice of experience?

― pscott (elwisty), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

they must have SOME readers over 16 tho?

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

uh? my g/f was doin a art project. if it's online you know before me!

-- benrique (miltonpinski@N

Haha, oops, perhaps I'd better gain one comprehension skillz, I'd somehow got the impression that you buying "nuts" was for a guardian article. 2/10 ;_;

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:55 (nineteen years ago)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ant_Simulation_Video_Games

― dommy p is alright WHICH IS A LOT MORE THAN I CAN SAY ABOUT A LOT OF PEOPLE (Dom, Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:56 (nineteen years ago)

Haha, oops, perhaps I'd better gain one comprehension skillz, I'd somehow got the impression that you buying "nuts" was for a guardian article. 2/10 ;_;

-- Pashmina (vietgrov...), November 9th, 2006.

who d'you think i am, dom passantino?

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

i mean ronan
i mean the lex
i mean southall

― benrique (Enrique), Thursday, 9 November 2006 14:59 (nineteen years ago)

Sim Ant was no Sim Farm.

― wordy rappaport (EstieButtez1), Thursday, 9 November 2006 15:00 (nineteen years ago)

why 2 brake brane bnrq?

xpost Sim Ant was great!

― teh_kit returns! (g-kit), Thursday, 9 November 2006 15:01 (nineteen years ago)

they must have SOME readers over 16 tho?

My work colleagues. Mental age of 14.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Thursday, 9 November 2006 15:35 (nineteen years ago)

Bizarre - 65,9598

This thread has shamed me into not buying it again.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 9 November 2006 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

i think the mag was ever really targeted at "us" though

― secondhandnews (secondhandnews), Thursday, 9 November 2006 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

not the future of digital publishing.

how the fuck i found myself signed up for this shit, i don't know. (well, actually, no; i think it has a lot to do with subscribing to "viz", which is still occasionally funny). anyway: this is "monkey", the electronic men's mag. and no, you've no idea how bad that really is until you click on the link.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 November 2006 00:37 (nineteen years ago)

(nb: i'm assuming that i have some kind of unique and unwanted subscriber reference embedded in that URL, therefore we're not giving the fuckers loads of free hits on this issue. and even if we are: well, they'll get a crushing disappointment next week, eh? the cocks.)

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Thursday, 23 November 2006 00:39 (nineteen years ago)

It looks like Victoria Vannucci has had a bit of a fall - and isn't entirely sure of the best way to get up again.

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Thursday, 23 November 2006 00:49 (nineteen years ago)

http://www.cerosmedia.com/product.php

Ceros is the culmination of Applecart Solutions' pioneering work in digital editions.

Conceived specifically to empower publishers to maximise the value and scope of their content, Ceros provides the tools to fully capitalise on the vast array of cost saving, revenue generating business models made possible by Ceros Digital Editions (CDE's).

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 23 November 2006 09:09 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

Arena
Bauer Media is to suspend Arena, its monthly men’s magazine, after 22 years in circulation. Bauer, who also publish FHM, have said they will look to redeploy Arena’s 12 editorial and advertising staff elsewhere within the group. Arena's suspension will not affect Homme Plus (their fashion-led brand spin-off published twice a year) and it will continue working with its partners on Arena's international editions. The last issue of the magazine (April), will go on sale on 12th March.

― bring back pepe deluxe bitch (The stickman from the hilarious xkcd comics), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:41 (seventeen years ago)

http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/columnists/jimbaumbach/blog/goodbye.gif

― bring back pepe deluxe bitch (The stickman from the hilarious xkcd comics), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:42 (seventeen years ago)

rip

― Jesus Lulz (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:42 (seventeen years ago)

rip dom i mean. already mourned arena elsewhere.

― Jesus Lulz (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:43 (seventeen years ago)

Getting Anthony Noguera in to run Arena and essentially turn it into FHM-lite = not clever.

― Roque Santa Gold (Matt DC), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:46 (seventeen years ago)

Noguera's editing peak was, what, 12 years ago?

― bring back pepe deluxe bitch (The stickman from the hilarious xkcd comics), Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:51 (seventeen years ago)

Thank God Homme Plus is safe.

― Ned Trifle II, Thursday, 5 March 2009 14:54 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.arenamagazine.co.uk/images/covers/mar_09_cover.jpg

Not since Melody Maker's "Into the New Millennium with Melody Maker" final issue, with the "oops we're closing down" insert...

― Mark G, Thursday, 5 March 2009 15:16 (seventeen years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/apr/02/maxim-magazine-closes-uk-print-edition

Another one bites the dust.

― Matt DC, Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:01 (sixteen years ago)

It was Maxim that propeerly kicked off the whole "Mens Magazine" boom.

― Mark G, Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:12 (sixteen years ago)

idk, loaded and rejigged fhm seemed bigger at the time.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:13 (sixteen years ago)

i think it was rejigged fhm that really changed the game. loaded was kind of indie originally.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:14 (sixteen years ago)

but yeah RIP, really gonna miss u maxim.

NOT.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 2 April 2009 11:14 (sixteen years ago)

Arena's 'last' issue makes no mention of being the final issue...

― Mark G, Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:33 (sixteen years ago)

Loaded = Oasis
FHM = Blur
Maxim = Northern Uproar, except with perplexing longevity

― Matt DC, Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:49 (sixteen years ago)

One of the suppliers I pick up electrical parts for in my new job usually has a couple of copies of either "nuts" or "zoo" or wtfe on the counter, and I sometimes flip through one wheile I'm waiting for a box of fused switched spurs or suchlike. Crock of brain-dead tedious shit generally I thought, but I did notice that it seems to have this thing for printing photogs of gross injuries, like "I fell off my motorbike and severed my foot!" (several detailed somewhat nauseating close-ups of foot hanging off ankle w/bone sticking out) and then you turn the page and there's some girl with her tits out, looking rather over-photoshopped as often as not. Kind of seems really fucked up in some way to me. What kind of outlook is it supposed to represent? Kind of radgie/ballard maybe.

― Pashmina, Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:50 (sixteen years ago)

iir that's what fhm was like too

― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:51 (sixteen years ago)

Lads like looking at horribleness as well as tits?

― Sacco, Vanzetti, Passantino... (Tom D.), Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:52 (sixteen years ago)

Kind of radgie/ballard maybe.

loooool

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 2 April 2009 12:52 (sixteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.